27 and I’ve never dated, don’t have any friends either

[superstorm250]

This sh*t’s been weighing on me more these past few days and I could really use some advice so I thought I’d share here and hope you guys could help and give me some tips. I’ve never dated before, only been on one date my whole life and that was back in 2015 when I was 21, also hooked up with her that night so that was when I got my first kiss and lost my virginity. Then 5 years later in July of last year, I hooked up with another girl, but we only made it to oral so it doesn’t count all the way. I’ve never asked a girl out either (I would explain why, but I don’t want to make this post too long) the first girl came onto me and asked me out, and the second girl was a friend of my friend and we hooked up when she came over to hang out.

I also don’t have any friends and there’s multiple reasons why that happened, but I lost my last friend (the one I mentioned above) last summer when he moved out of state. I was hoping that once I got a new job that I would make some new friends since I used to work alone as an Amazon delivery driver for my last job, but that hasn’t happened at my current job that I got at a grocery store. I briefly considered quitting my job because of this, and I created that poll to see what you guys think, but I probably won’t quit because its a union job with good benefits and this union represents almost every grocery store in my area and also represents a casino and 2 weed dispensaries. So I’m thinking the better option for me would be to eventually transfer to another store or another employer also represented by this union if things don’t get any better. But I don’t think too many girls would date a guy who doesn’t have any friends, in addition to never having had a girlfriend. I think that’s probably gonna turn off a lot of girls and they’ll just get the impression that I’m a social reject and a loser. One last thing that I wanted to add is that I also still live at home with my parents and I feel like that probably makes things worse too.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Yeah I feel you on the friends part. I've only got one or two friends that I hang out with from time to time. I'm a bit of a solitary guy myself but if you really would like to make friends I suggest getting more involve and finding hobbies or passions that makes you socialize with people. Could be pick up game of basketball, martial arts, joining a band, an art group, a fitness class at the gym etc.

I would highly suggest you make friends first man. A great analogy to this would be talking. helping out a homeless person and having a friendly conversation with him or her before spontaneously running into a girl you picked up. Making friends or a friend is important and a prerequisite to success with women. Don't concentrate on women yet, focus on building a healthy social life and social circle and the success with women/woman will be the next step.

And yeah, I'd keep that job. Sounds like it's got good benefits and you should build a great lifestyle around that. Cheers.

 

[sph21]

But I don’t think too many girls would date a guy who doesn’t have any friends, in addition to never having had a girlfriend. I think that’s probably gonna turn off a lot of girls and they’ll just get the impression that I’m a social reject and a loser.

You're assuming too much.

I was jobless but I could get a girlfriend or two.

Your excuses is what stopping you from getting what you want. If you really want to get something, then you must do whatever is needed to achieve that.

Confidence attract women. If you're not proud with what you have, then women will value you less than what you're worth.

As for not having any friend, you can do these:

1. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a classic and it'll give you ideas of what you're supposed to do.
2. Be interested in someone else's interests. How are you gonna be able to make someone interested in you if you've never been interested in him/her? It's a give and take relationship.
3. Find similarity with someone else. It's easier to bond with someone who's like us. Find hobbies or activities which involve a lot of people, better yet with women in them.

When a woman is so attracted to you, she'll set aside her logical thoughts just to be with you.

Dating is not a magical thing. It's just a male and a female spending time together to get to know each other. That's it. You don't have to complicate it by overthinking about it. When a girl ask you a question that you don't want to answer, you can always deflect it or give it a brief answer.

Dating, having friends, having a girlfriend, and everything in life is about mastering skills. If you're not good at something, then you need more skills.

When there is a will, there's a way.

Don't be lazy to solve your problems.

Here's what I do everytime to solve a problem:
* Identify what kind of a problem I'm dealing with
* Can I solve it myself or do I need help from someone else?
* I need to break this big problem to minor ones
* Solve these minor problems one by one in order to solve the big one.

Talking to girls is all about momentum. You must build it by talking to a lot of people. Once you do that, your anxiety will be gone/low.

 

[Romanemp22]

You're assuming too much.

I was jobless but I could get a girlfriend or two.

Your excuses is what stopping you from getting what you want. If you really want to get something, then you must do whatever is needed to achieve that.

Confidence attract women. If you're not proud with what you have, then women will value you less than what you're worth.

As for not having any friend, you can do these:

1. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a classic and it'll give you ideas of what you're supposed to do.
2. Be interested in someone else's interests. How are you gonna be able to make someone interested in you if you've never been interested in him/her? It's a give and take relationship.
3. Find similarity with someone else. It's easier to bond with someone who's like us. Find hobbies or activities which involve a lot of people, better yet with women in them.

When a woman is so attracted to you, she'll set aside her logical thoughts just to be with you.

Dating is not a magical thing. It's just a male and a female spending time together to get to know each other. That's it. You don't have to complicate it by overthinking about it. When a girl ask you a question that you don't want to answer, you can always deflect it or give it a brief answer.

Dating, having friends, having a girlfriend, and everything in life is about mastering skills. If you're not good at something, then you need more skills.

When there is a will, there's a way.

Don't be lazy to solve your problems.

Here's what I do everytime to solve a problem:
* Identify what kind of a problem I'm dealing with
* Can I solve it myself or do I need help from someone else?
* I need to break this big problem to minor ones
* Solve these minor problems one by one in order to solve the big one.

Talking to girls is all about momentum. You must build it by talking to a lot of people. Once you do that, your anxiety will be gone/low.

Great advice OP, stop overthinking and as you work on yourself enjoy the process.

 

[Dash Riprock]

This sh*t’s been weighing on me more these past few days and I could really use some advice so I thought I’d share here and hope you guys could help and give me some tips. I’ve never dated before, only been on one date my whole life and that was back in 2015 when I was 21, also hooked up with her that night so that was when I got my first kiss and lost my virginity. Then 5 years later in July of last year, I hooked up with another girl, but we only made it to oral so it doesn’t count all the way. I’ve never asked a girl out either (I would explain why, but I don’t want to make this post too long) the first girl came onto me and asked me out, and the second girl was a friend of my friend and we hooked up when she came over to hang out.

I also don’t have any friends and there’s multiple reasons why that happened, but I lost my last friend (the one I mentioned above) last summer when he moved out of state. I was hoping that once I got a new job that I would make some new friends since I used to work alone as an Amazon delivery driver for my last job, but that hasn’t happened at my current job that I got at a grocery store. I briefly considered quitting my job because of this, and I created that poll to see what you guys think, but I probably won’t quit because its a union job with good benefits and this union represents almost every grocery store in my area and also represents a casino and 2 weed dispensaries. So I’m thinking the better option for me would be to eventually transfer to another store or another employer also represented by this union if things don’t get any better. But I don’t think too many girls would date a guy who doesn’t have any friends, in addition to never having had a girlfriend. I think that’s probably gonna turn off a lot of girls and they’ll just get the impression that I’m a social reject and a loser. One last thing that I wanted to add is that I also still live at home with my parents and I feel like that probably makes things worse too.

Hey OP,

Thanks for asking for advice. I do feel sorry for Millennials and Gen Z as studies have shown it's hard for them to make friends https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/mi...-friends-friendships-baby-boomers-yougov.html. Not because of their personality, though it may play some role as I'll comment on in a minute, but because both generations have used technology and social media as substitutes for real-life interactions. I think we're all in agreement that IG, FB, or Twitter "likes" and "friends" do not constitute friends in real life.

That said, here are some ideas for you:

Things are tough right now for all things relationships because of COVID-19. But, there may be some groups that are still meeting especially if they’re activity groups like hiking, biking, snowshoeing, running, dogs, etc. I don't know where you live, but in the US MeetUp.com is a great place to meet people with common interests which is the basis for a friendship--commonalities with people who like the same things we do.

Work is not a great place to meet friends. Yes, I've made friends at work over the years, but the whole relationship dynamic is much different. You may find yourself reporting to or supervising a "friend" at work if you or they are promoted. Dating at work is 100% OUT. Stories pop up on SS about guys getting f*ucked over by a girl at work all the time.

Some woman are still open to OLD. Many are cautious though as no one wants COVID-19 no matter their age. You can try setting up an account or two and go for walks, hikes, etc., mainly outdoor activities. Take it from there.

Once things loosen up a bit after the COVID-19 cloud passes, places like gyms, fitness classes, and education classes are GREAT places to make friends as everyone there shares the same interest, which as I mentioned, is the cornerstone of building a friendship. I’ve dated many women and made some of my best friends at gyms. Though that was before 90% of the people working out had earbuds in—another negative about technology affecting interpersonal relationships. Still, give it a shot.

Make a list of all the things you'll do and join to make friends. Keep working on the list. And DO NOT use social media as a substitute for "real" friends. Also, whenever you can, work on your verbal communication and interpersonal skills. Most guys under 40 these days can’t hold a conversation to save their life and are really, really boring because they’ve become so overly reliant on smart phones, social media, and video games. Women want men of action who set goals and accomplish things. Ask any woman and she’ll agree. So start now in setting yourself apart from these tubs of goo.

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted.

~Dash~

 

[Kotaix]

Pretty sure that if you sent this to Aaron Clarey he would be shouting "LAZY!" at the top of his lungs.

Why are you working at dead end jobs like a grocery store or amazon delivery when you're close to 30 and not working at something more lucrative? Are you learning new things every day like coding or a trade of some kind? The best investment you can make is in your ability to command more money for your time, everything else can depreciate.

Stop trying to live and plan for comfort. You're investing in a losing strategy. Unions are probably on their way out. Pensions for the FedEx unions were horribly mismanaged and their funding has been essentially pissed away by useless wall street posers during the last 9 months to the point where they're less than 30% funded. I can see pensions no longer existing within 10 years. Also, unions are corrupt AF and exist to serve their board members more than anyone else.

On the friends/women front, the key thing for you to realize is that you should never apologize for who you are. If you are a good person with sound morals and the capability for honest self-reflection, then that is enough. If people don't want to be your friends or sexual partners, then that's their problem. It's only your problem when you take that personally and blame yourself, which is what you're probably doing in your head 24/7. Trust me when I say I know what that's like.

The worst possible thing that you can do is wallow in the misery of your failings because that will only lead to depression. Take action to improve your life now or stay in misery. No one else can do it for you.

 

[RickTheToad]

When a dude gets to a certain age, many of their friends go do family s hit or concentrate on career to make $$$. Meetup is great to make friends and even meet females. I've personally slept with more than a few females I met on Meetup. Whether you have friends or not is not relative to dating and laying with a female. Dudes who are not in an LTR or married are usually on their own friendwise in their mid 30's and beyond; aside from work friends and family. Work friends are usually not real friends though.

Work on yourself and when the pandemic lifts, hit up Meetup and other social events. Artsy s hit always has a lot of females. Also, yoga classes are filled with hot females. Just remember, the females know dudes are there usually to look for females. Keep chill and slowly work up to any of the one's you are interested in so you catch them off guard. It's good for stress reduction and peace too.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Keep your job and join meetup. Some groups do things like hiking etc...

Even if you don't see anyone interesting or attractive, it'll provide you an opportunity to fine-tune your social skills for when you do.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Women are into something called Social Proofing, which means they use Men to advertise their value to other women. This is why cheating is such a huge issue for a woman, because as a man you have compromised her social value in the eyes of other women, especially her friends.

Women want to change men, as a function of their own value, they want to take an Alcoholic and say "Look everybody, this guy changed for me, he is sober, I must be worth it!"

As you can see, this dynamic is not a straight exchange, it is heavily favored towards the woman. With this being said, strictly from a You, point of view, your situation is not a bad one... You are not in some confound marriage, resources and assets tied up.

Truthfully, your situation is quite good OP, you have not spent your time chasing tail, you have a relationship with your parents, these things are attractive to a woman, just not a woman your age.

 

[metalwater]

not sure if you're into reading. you might find a book titled "Practicing the Power of Now - Echhart Tolle".


two things to do.

1. make improvements in any areas you want to
2. become satisfied with what you have

the most wealthy men I know, are miserable because they focus on what they do not have, the same as the poorest ones do. yes, the items are different, but the sadness is just the same, and for the same reasons. the only difference is the amount of money.

the men that have the most women available often also not satisfied because they want a real relationship and do not know how to do it.

someone in this forum turned me onto that book I mentioned, it is very useful for item #2. if you can do #2, then #1 gets easier.

for #1, suggest to:
- train your body.
- keep looking for more money.
- consider attending church.
- take one class in your off time at the local community college or low-cost university. not online, actually, go to the school.

keep the job until you have a better one. but do see if you can have a better one.

 

[Çharismo]

@superstorm250

Don’t feel too down about your situation... your actually doing pretty good considering the way things are in this world right now. You have a job (might not be there greatest job), have your health, you survived 2020, have time on your hands because you are still young and most of all you have the support of your parents who obviously care for you to be still living with them. (Great way to get ahead financially). I understand that you might be feeling isolated and things are a little tough because of the pandemic but I can assure you that this pandemic is nothing new.

Almost a 100 years ago a very similar pandemic called the Influenza pandemic (nicknamed the Spanish flu) occurred which lasted from 1918 - 1920 and millions of people got infected and died. If you study the history of the world events like this are nothing new. The world has experienced the Black Plague, the Antonine plague, WW1, WW2, the Great Depression, the 2008 financial crisis, terrorist attacks of 9/11 and the list goes on. There will always be casualties but humanity comes out just a little bit better. Just a little bit.

So what you are personally experiencing is also nothing new because it’s part of the human condition and something we all struggle with and many people are struggling with. Another term for what you might be experiencing is called the dark night of the soul or a spiritual crisis which can last from weeks to months to even years and is usually a transitory period in a persons life in which the person is starting to spiritually awaken and become a new person. You can feel bouts of depression, sadness, aches, anxiety, excessive worrying, lethargy and a multitude of symptoms. So my advice to you is to stay put right now and stay patient because you are now officially “growing” into a new person. Your old ways of doing and being are not serving you so you are beginning to change into someone better and maybe become more “enlightened”.

If it makes you feel any better I haven’t approached a woman since this pandemic got serious and frankly I could give two sh!ts about women right now and so should you. You haven’t missed out on anything so focus on YOU and bettering your situation to the best of your abilities. Remember everything takes time and changing is a slow process so you have to stay patient and think ahead before you make any moves.

I highly recommend you read and absorb all the writings on this website until it’s burned into your brain and then go out and apply it. You will be surprised at how much important information you will learn and grow from just by reading. You finding this website and making a post is just the first step to your new life so keep going because “...this too shall pass...”

 

[superstorm250]

Yeah I feel you on the friends part. I've only got one or two friends that I hang out with from time to time. I'm a bit of a solitary guy myself but if you really would like to make friends I suggest getting more involve and finding hobbies or passions that makes you socialize with people. Could be pick up game of basketball, martial arts, joining a band, an art group, a fitness class at the gym etc.

I would highly suggest you make friends first man. A great analogy to this would be talking. helping out a homeless person and having a friendly conversation with him or her before spontaneously running into a girl you picked up. Making friends or a friend is important and a prerequisite to success with women. Don't concentrate on women yet, focus on building a healthy social life and social circle and the success with women/woman will be the next step.

And yeah, I'd keep that job. Sounds like it's got good benefits and you should build a great lifestyle around that. Cheers.

Yeah I agree on it probably being a better idea for me to make friends first, I think it’s probably a lot harder to get a girl when you have no friends and don’t have a social circle. You might be able to find a girl who would still date you regardless, but I bet a lot of them would at least be skeptical since she would be the only social life I have and my first girlfriend at the same time, they might get worried that I’ll become really clingy because of that. I think I need to look for friends outside the workplace like you and others have said.

 

[superstorm250]

You're assuming too much.

I was jobless but I could get a girlfriend or two.

Your excuses is what stopping you from getting what you want. If you really want to get something, then you must do whatever is needed to achieve that.

Confidence attract women. If you're not proud with what you have, then women will value you less than what you're worth.

As for not having any friend, you can do these:

1. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a classic and it'll give you ideas of what you're supposed to do.
2. Be interested in someone else's interests. How are you gonna be able to make someone interested in you if you've never been interested in him/her? It's a give and take relationship.
3. Find similarity with someone else. It's easier to bond with someone who's like us. Find hobbies or activities which involve a lot of people, better yet with women in them.

When a woman is so attracted to you, she'll set aside her logical thoughts just to be with you.

Dating is not a magical thing. It's just a male and a female spending time together to get to know each other. That's it. You don't have to complicate it by overthinking about it. When a girl ask you a question that you don't want to answer, you can always deflect it or give it a brief answer.

Dating, having friends, having a girlfriend, and everything in life is about mastering skills. If you're not good at something, then you need more skills.

When there is a will, there's a way.

Don't be lazy to solve your problems.

Here's what I do everytime to solve a problem:
* Identify what kind of a problem I'm dealing with
* Can I solve it myself or do I need help from someone else?
* I need to break this big problem to minor ones
* Solve these minor problems one by one in order to solve the big one.

Talking to girls is all about momentum. You must build it by talking to a lot of people. Once you do that, your anxiety will be gone/low.

But were you in your mid to late 20’s when you were jobless and got those girlfriends, or were you younger than that? I guess you could say that I’m not too proud of what I have, and I don’t think I can solve this myself and that’s why I made this thread. I’ve been considering working with this dating coach who specializes in helping guys like me, maybe I should go through with that.

 

[superstorm250]

Hey OP,

Thanks for asking for advice. I do feel sorry for Millennials and Gen Z as studies have shown it's hard for them to make friends https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/mi...-friends-friendships-baby-boomers-yougov.html. Not because of their personality, though it may play some role as I'll comment on in a minute, but because both generations have used technology and social media as substitutes for real-life interactions. I think we're all in agreement that IG, FB, or Twitter "likes" and "friends" do not constitute friends in real life.

That said, here are some ideas for you:

Things are tough right now for all things relationships because of COVID-19. But, there may be some groups that are still meeting especially if they’re activity groups like hiking, biking, snowshoeing, running, dogs, etc. I don't know where you live, but in the US MeetUp.com is a great place to meet people with common interests which is the basis for a friendship--commonalities with people who like the same things we do.

Work is not a great place to meet friends. Yes, I've made friends at work over the years, but the whole relationship dynamic is much different. You may find yourself reporting to or supervising a "friend" at work if you or they are promoted. Dating at work is 100% OUT. Stories pop up on SS about guys getting f*ucked over by a girl at work all the time.

Some woman are still open to OLD. Many are cautious though as no one wants COVID-19 no matter their age. You can try setting up an account or two and go for walks, hikes, etc., mainly outdoor activities. Take it from there.

Once things loosen up a bit after the COVID-19 cloud passes, places like gyms, fitness classes, and education classes are GREAT places to make friends as everyone there shares the same interest, which as I mentioned, is the cornerstone of building a friendship. I’ve dated many women and made some of my best friends at gyms. Though that was before 90% of the people working out had earbuds in—another negative about technology affecting interpersonal relationships. Still, give it a shot.

Make a list of all the things you'll do and join to make friends. Keep working on the list. And DO NOT use social media as a substitute for "real" friends. Also, whenever you can, work on your verbal communication and interpersonal skills. Most guys under 40 these days can’t hold a conversation to save their life and are really, really boring because they’ve become so overly reliant on smart phones, social media, and video games. Women want men of action who set goals and accomplish things. Ask any woman and she’ll agree. So start now in setting yourself apart from these tubs of goo.

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted.

~Dash~

I agree with a lot of what you said, I often wish that my whole lifespan took place back in the 20th century before technology became such a dominant force in everyone’s lives. I would’ve loved to have lived back then, when there was no smartphones and social media so that there was more of a sense of community and no one had a pocket sized screen to be absorbed into and instead talked to each other. Yeah with the pandemic, dating is pretty tough right now and my state is still on full lockdown so no businesses including bars, restaurants, or gyms are allowed to be open. That definitely makes it harder for both dating and making friends because for the most part, there’s not even much to go out and do.

I have heard of MeetUp though, and that’s probably my best option when it comes to making friends, maybe I’ve just been relying too heavily on getting a new social circle from my workplace and should’ve been looking in other places from the start. But I think that this will get easier to accomplish once the pandemic ends, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later once the vaccine becomes more widely available to the general public.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Your new job isn't magically going to allow you to make new friends. First work on your social skills and charisma.

Go out and join a Meet up for any hobby you have to meet people. Eventually you will be more socially calibrated. Keep your current job.

 

[superstorm250]

Pretty sure that if you sent this to Aaron Clarey he would be shouting "LAZY!" at the top of his lungs.

Why are you working at dead end jobs like a grocery store or amazon delivery when you're close to 30 and not working at something more lucrative? Are you learning new things every day like coding or a trade of some kind? The best investment you can make is in your ability to command more money for your time, everything else can depreciate.

Stop trying to live and plan for comfort. You're investing in a losing strategy. Unions are probably on their way out. Pensions for the FedEx unions were horribly mismanaged and their funding has been essentially pissed away by useless wall street posers during the last 9 months to the point where they're less than 30% funded. I can see pensions no longer existing within 10 years. Also, unions are corrupt AF and exist to serve their board members more than anyone else.

On the friends/women front, the key thing for you to realize is that you should never apologize for who you are. If you are a good person with sound morals and the capability for honest self-reflection, then that is enough. If people don't want to be your friends or sexual partners, then that's their problem. It's only your problem when you take that personally and blame yourself, which is what you're probably doing in your head 24/7. Trust me when I say I know what that's like.

The worst possible thing that you can do is wallow in the misery of your failings because that will only lead to depression. Take action to improve your life now or stay in misery. No one else can do it for you.

I don’t even know who Aaron Clarey is, I’ve never heard of him before. So I’m lazy even though I work 6-7 days a week every week? Whoever he is, I bet he doesn’t do that.

I’m working jobs like that because 1. I dropped out of community college after high school once I realized that I had to complete several prerequisites to be eligible to take the classes I needed for my associates degree, and those prerequisite classes had prerequisites of their own, so I would’ve had to take prerequisites in order to take more prerequisites and then still take the classes I needed for my degree. So basically I said f*ck this and dropped out, then decided to start working instead 2. Biden and Harris are probably gonna do even more damage to the economy and job market in addition to what damage has already been done from the pandemic and this job provides me with more job security since grocery stores are an essential business and there’s no chance of them ever being outsourced to somewhere overseas. 3. No I’m not because trade schools cost like 30K for tuition and I don’t want to get myself into that much debt because I have none right now.

I don’t think unions are on their way out, Biden is a big union guy and most unions support democrats, who now completely control the federal government so I don’t think unions are going anywhere anytime soon. Pensions are probably gonna be raided though, politicians talk about raiding employee pensions pretty regularly and its eventually gonna happen.

You were pretty spot on with that last part though, especially about taking it personally and blaming yourself.

 

[superstorm250]

Women are into something called Social Proofing, which means they use Men to advertise their value to other women. This is why cheating is such a huge issue for a woman, because as a man you have compromised her social value in the eyes of other women, especially her friends.

Women want to change men, as a function of their own value, they want to take an Alcoholic and say "Look everybody, this guy changed for me, he is sober, I must be worth it!"

As you can see, this dynamic is not a straight exchange, it is heavily favored towards the woman. With this being said, strictly from a You, point of view, your situation is not a bad one... You are not in some confound marriage, resources and assets tied up.

Truthfully, your situation is quite good OP, you have not spent your time chasing tail, you have a relationship with your parents, these things are attractive to a woman, just not a woman your age.

True, I haven’t spent my time chasing tail, I spent my time chasing a high instead. I turned to drugs and alcohol back in high school, mostly due to my lack of success with women. Which was my fault, nothing they did and I pretty much just wanted to numb myself at that point.

 

[superstorm250]

@superstorm250

Don’t feel too down about your situation... your actually doing pretty good considering the way things are in this world right now. You have a job (might not be there greatest job), have your health, you survived 2020, have time on your hands because you are still young and most of all you have the support of your parents who obviously care for you to be still living with them. (Great way to get ahead financially). I understand that you might be feeling isolated and things are a little tough because of the pandemic but I can assure you that this pandemic is nothing new.

Almost a 100 years ago a very similar pandemic called the Influenza pandemic (nicknamed the Spanish flu) occurred which lasted from 1918 - 1920 and millions of people got infected and died. If you study the history of the world events like this are nothing new. The world has experienced the Black Plague, the Antonine plague, WW1, WW2, the Great Depression, the 2008 financial crisis, terrorist attacks of 9/11 and the list goes on. There will always be casualties but humanity comes out just a little bit better. Just a little bit.

So what you are personally experiencing is also nothing new because it’s part of the human condition and something we all struggle with and many people are struggling with. Another term for what you might be experiencing is called the dark night of the soul or a spiritual crisis which can last from weeks to months to even years and is usually a transitory period in a persons life in which the person is starting to spiritually awaken and become a new person. You can feel bouts of depression, sadness, aches, anxiety, excessive worrying, lethargy and a multitude of symptoms. So my advice to you is to stay put right now and stay patient because you are now officially “growing” into a new person. Your old ways of doing and being are not serving you so you are beginning to change into someone better and maybe become more “enlightened”.

If it makes you feel any better I haven’t approached a woman since this pandemic got serious and frankly I could give two sh!ts about women right now and so should you. You haven’t missed out on anything so focus on YOU and bettering your situation to the best of your abilities. Remember everything takes time and changing is a slow process so you have to stay patient and think ahead before you make any moves.

I highly recommend you read and absorb all the writings on this website until it’s burned into your brain and then go out and apply it. You will be surprised at how much important information you will learn and grow from just by reading. You finding this website and making a post is just the first step to your new life so keep going because “...this too shall pass...”

Very interesting take and you made a lot of good points. If society has overcome so many adversities like the ones you mentioned, then I can probably overcome my personal ones in due time. Yeah I think with this pandemic, dating has just taken a back seat for most people and probably won’t be that active again until the pandemic ends. Maybe by then I’ll be in a better place to start dating.

 

[superstorm250]

Your new job isn't magically going to allow you to make new friends. First work on your social skills and charisma.

Go out and join a Meet up for any hobby you have to meet people. Eventually you will be more socially calibrated. Keep your current job.

My social skills really aren’t bad, its just that I have a habit of getting too absorbed in my work and don’t leave much time for socializing. Another thing is that what I do for work there is put together the orders that customers have placed online, so I walk around the store with a cart and scanner and shop the store for items on their shopping list and everyone who does this job does it alone, that way they can have more people out there putting orders together versus having everyone do it in pairs. So the only time I’m really around my coworkers is when I’m in the back room of the store to drop off my completed order, then I have to turn around and go right back out and put together the next one after that. Maybe if I got a job where I spent all day working together with my coworkers it would be different.

 

[DSterlen]

1. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a classic and it'll give you ideas of what you're supposed to do.

DO THIS.