Reveal age before entering relationship?

[Snag87]

I've been seeing a girl I met on an OLD app for the past month. She's 25, decent looking, has her life together (career, own apartment, etc). She's made it clear she's interested in seeing each other exclusively. The primary issue is that I'm 33 years old and listed my age as 25 on the app. I suspect she may know I wasn't truthful about my age for two reasons: After our first date she texted me that I seemed a little older and more mature. The second is we follow each other on insta and I've had the handle since 2014. If she's scrolled through my entire feed it's pretty evident that I was NOT 18/19 years old in 2014.

So, do I drop the bomb before or after we make it official? I believe the more invested she is in the relationship the less likely she is to leave when my true age is revealed. For that reason I'm leaning towards continuing to conceal my age a little longer. Very interested in other perspectives!

 

[Serenity]

Why in the world would a guy lie about being younger than he is?

Anyways, I think you should tell her before starting a relationship. If she doesn't like it then I doubt she'd be more happy with it after making it official. Starting any relationship on lies is a bad idea in general though.

 

[Snag87]

Why in the world would a guy lie about being younger than he is?

Anyways, I think you should tell her before starting a relationship. If she doesn't like it then I doubt she'd be more happy with it after making it official. Starting any relationship on lies is a bad idea in general though.

I would think this is obvious. Is your average 20 year old women more interested in 25 year old men or 33 year old men?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Don’t overthink this. At this point, only tell her the true age if she asks directly. She probably already knows and will only ask to shvt test you.

Bigger question is why did you lie on your profile? Is there a tactical benefit to doing so?

 

[jimwho]

You youngins fidgeting lying about 3-4-5 years is weird. I'm wondering how these girls (you just met) have/get
Access to your drivers license. Your lying, she's snooping, there's a match <<<<I kid..

 

[EyeBRollin]

You youngins fidgeting lying about 3-4-5 years is weird. I'm wondering how these girls (you just met) have/get
Access to your drivers license. Your lying, she's snooping, there's a match <<<<I kid..

I ask it as a serious question. Not saying it’s wrong. What is the tactical benefit to lying about age?

 

[Serenity]

I would think this is obvious. Is your average 20 year old women more interested in 25 year old men or 33 year old men?

From what I've seen? Most of them would probably pick the 33 year old.

 

[Snag87]

From what I've seen? Most of them would probably pick the 33 year old.

Which country? In latin America/Africa I can believe it. U.S.? No chance

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

i wouldnt tell her, let he find it out in her own sweet time, if she likes you and she has time vested in you shes unlikely to leave over that.
When questioned about my age i just smile and say " hey most women know a few yrs off their profile age so i figured i might as well too".
One im dating now has mentioned my age a few times but i deflect and change the subject and she hasnt pushed it

 

[spikeanut]

I've been seeing a girl I met on an OLD app for the past month. She's 25, decent looking, has her life together (career, own apartment, etc). She's made it clear she's interested in seeing each other exclusively. The primary issue is that I'm 33 years old and listed my age as 25 on the app. I suspect she may know I wasn't truthful about my age for two reasons: After our first date she texted me that I seemed a little older and more mature. The second is we follow each other on insta and I've had the handle since 2014. If she's scrolled through my entire feed it's pretty evident that I was NOT 18/19 years old in 2014.

So, do I drop the bomb before or after we make it official? I believe the more invested she is in the relationship the less likely she is to leave when my true age is revealed. For that reason I'm leaning towards continuing to conceal my age a little longer. Very interested in other perspectives!

Couple things jumped out at me:

1. You've been seeing her for a whole MONTH. This is nothing. Where is this whole making things "official" or exclusive coming from. If she has not stated it directly, or given the whole "what are we" discussion, then she has is not interested in it. Believe me, when a women is with a high quality guy they want to rope down with exclusivity, they will not beat around the bush. It will be a very direct and clear conversation. Do not make any assumptions that she "made it clear she's interested." If those words were not explicitly stated, then she has not gotten to that level yet. All women will want to tie a guy down; but this soon in, it is more of a **** test than anything. No woman wants a guy without options...and a guy with options would not want to be exclusive after merely a month of meeting someone. If she has brought it up...after a whole month, then that in itself should be your red flag.

2. Why are you worried about something that she hasn't brought up herself. If she wants to know your actual age, she'll ask; why are you even concerned about a scenario that hasn't presented itself yet. You appear to be more invested in this than she is..stop worrying and enjoy the time you have with this younger girl. I'm 39, I mainly date in lower-mid 20s. I'm currently spinning plates with a 22, 26, and 29; the rest are in their 30s. A man's age is irrelevant to women. If you need to lie to a woman, then you've already lost the battle. Always remember, a confident man is one who is congruent in all aspects of his life. The whole "fake it til you make it" will only take you so far, but if you don't believe in yourself deep down, it will always leak out. Especially in an LTR. So what is there to gain from lying about your age. Nothing! Learn from this...but for now..enjoy it.

 

[BMX]

I've had them ask pretty quickly. So I was direct but whatever. I don't give a d/mn anymore. I've come into my actual prime at 33 right now, so I'm not feeling worried about it.

 

[bat soup]

So, do I drop the bomb before or after we make it official? I believe the more invested she is in the relationship the less likely she is to leave when my true age is revealed. For that reason I'm leaning towards continuing to conceal my age a little longer. Very interested in other perspectives!

Tell her after you've banged.

 

[Snag87]

Tell her after you've banged.

We have

 

[EyeBRollin]

Deception is feminine.

 

[Lookatu]

I ask it as a serious question. Not saying it’s wrong. What is the tactical benefit to lying about age?

Tactical benefit as it relates to OLD is that you appear in her que and her radar. Most girls will not have their search filters set to more than 5 years older than they are. And if they're approaching closer to 40, will often have their search filters set to their age and lower. This has been my experience.

So men wanting to date quite a bit younger will need to set their age lower to appear on the radar of several females. You are just trying to equalize a feminist run dating app(any of the Match group apps) that often are skewed towards the advantages of females. Women also set their age lower too so it's all fair in love and war...

However, as OP pointed out, there is a catch22 that can develop.

Personally a lot of dates don't go anywhere so really there is no point to put all your cards on the table pre-maturely. If you do end up seeing someone for a bit and she seems to have potential, you can mention it in two ways. Be direct and straightforward or be more passive and respond when necessary. Something like this could work: "Oh, Didn't I tell you before that I just set my age lower to be relevant in the algorithm search engine of the app? I like dating younger gals such as yourself because they are more fun, less bitter/jaded, more open minded, yadda yadda yadda..."

Age is always going to be one of those touchy subjects where different strokes for different folks applies here. And a lot of that will depend on your own age and where you're at in life as well.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I've been seeing a girl I met on an OLD app for the past month. She's 25, decent looking, has her life together (career, own apartment, etc). She's made it clear she's interested in seeing each other exclusively. The primary issue is that I'm 33 years old and listed my age as 25 on the app. I suspect she may know I wasn't truthful about my age for two reasons: After our first date she texted me that I seemed a little older and more mature. The second is we follow each other on insta and I've had the handle since 2014. If she's scrolled through my entire feed it's pretty evident that I was NOT 18/19 years old in 2014.

So, do I drop the bomb before or after we make it official? I believe the more invested she is in the relationship the less likely she is to leave when my true age is revealed. For that reason I'm leaning towards continuing to conceal my age a little longer. Very interested in other perspectives!

Decent looking isn't a up sell. My mates forty and he pulls younger. Hit gym. Eat healthy. lift. Home gym or calisthenics. Get the bag. I agree with the red pill. Get muscle. Get money. Learn game.

Wtf is make official. Plate her. No mention of what value she offers you. Approach more. Have options. Pick from your options from a place of abundance not semi decent.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Why in the world would a guy lie about being younger than he is?

Anyways, I think you should tell her before starting a relationship. If she doesn't like it then I doubt she'd be more happy with it after making it official. Starting any relationship on lies is a bad idea in general though.

+1

Men are like a fine wine. Better with age assuming he stays on the grind. Women start bulking after 23. I never reveal my hand. Women don't deserve it nor do I care about sharing.

 

[Kotaix]

This is the same thing as lying about your height, or not listing it on OLD if you're not over 6'.

I don't find this kind of "false advertising" to be immoral. It's deceptive, but not any more so than women posting pictures of themselves from 25 lbs ago or wearing push-up bras.

I think the most important thing with any woman in these types of situations is to never apologise and just play amused mastery about the situation. Never be afraid to lose her. She'll sense that and it will turn her off.

I agree with this. All men should be a scoundrel to some degree.

And to answer the OP's question: Never divulge information you haven't been asked for.

 

[rjc149]

Lying about yourself is a bad way to go. This isn't fudging your height an inch or two because your 6 ft wearing your work shoes in the morning. You straight up LIED about something that's pretty pertinent about who you are in society. And not by a little.

I would tell her the truth. If she gets totally turned off at the deception (or at the very least, weirded out) and doesn't want to see you again, it's understandable. In that case, take your lumps with grace, move on, and stop lying about your age to future women. Nothing screams insecurity louder than a man who flat-out lies about himself because he's ashamed or can't own who he is.

Do you really want to go into a relationship hiding something like this? Tell more lies to cover other little lies, the lies get bigger, you can't keep track of your lies, anxiety grows etc. -- then you tell her, and she can't trust you, wonders what else you've lied about, starts lying to you about things because you opened that door.. no way to live life bro.

 

[The Grue]

You say you have been with this woman for a month and have had sex. If you fulfil her sexually and press the right buttons your age is not an issue to her...especially a BS age difference of 8 years. It's not like you are 50 or something...You should tell her your real age when the stars are right. If she walks because of that, believe me...it wasn't that. Cheers