A way to get control

[LuciferMorningstar]

I see alot of guys on these forums and in my social circle that think they need to work on themselves for a longer period of time or learn some pickup tricks to get women. Like it's this big mountain to climb, overanalyzing situations as far as what she said or how she responded to something that they said. It seems like a very frustrating and inefficient process. And in my opinion it's quite embarrassing.

Women are not unicorns, they are not above you. Viewing them like that generates hormones that make you go crazy and give you the drive to want it badly and chase it.

The most common misconception is that if you work on it hard enough you can eventually get the woman that you feel this way about, the one that makes you feel weak and uncomfortable. I'm here to tell you that you can't, as long as you view women in that way no amount of working on yourself or learning will get results. It's just not interesting to them, women want to be able to look up to their man and they can't while being above you looking up at them.

No amount of working on yourself or learning can stand up to this change of mindset and conditioning of emotions. While being too thirsty, desperate and anxious around women you will never succeed.

The conditioning i'm talking about is to bring them down and bring yourself up in your own perception which adjusts your emotions towards them, no need to be an ******* it is just an internal process. This alone will make you feel way more confident and speak and act in the right way automatically without having to remember anything silly pickup lines. It is not okay to feel anxious in the presence of any women, it is embarrassing, man up take control and let them look up to you for a change.

Manly emotions of confidence can sometimes be better than what any women can give you, and in turn you get her as an extra because she'll want you for it.

 

[Serenity]

While it sure doesn't hurt to work on onseself, this is very true. Almost anyone can start getting results right away, but changing mindset is the hardest thing to do, many guys are stubborn as fvck and have a million "reasons" why it won't work.

I was a member on this forum for 2 years before I understood this, not because I wasn't told, but because the psychological limitation was hard to break. At one point I had enough and stopped giving a fvck. Fvck techniques, fvck trying to win, fvck what any of them thinks, I do what I want and I don't care if they like it or not. Never had as much fun or as much success with women than before that.

Just gotta fvck them in all the senses, not just literally.

 

[Georgepithyou]

longer period of time or learn some pickup tricks to get women

We do it to improve our SMV and get better quality women than usual.

the one that makes you feel weak and uncomfortable. I'm here to tell you that you can't, as long as you view women in that way no amount of working on yourself or learning will get results.

This I can agree with, mindset is very important.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I see alot of guys on these forums and in my social circle that think they need to work on themselves for a longer period of time or learn some pickup tricks to get women. Like it's this big mountain to climb, overanalyzing situations as far as what she said or how she responded to something that they said. It seems like a very frustrating and inefficient process. And in my opinion it's quite embarrassing.

Women are not unicorns, they are not above you. Viewing them like that generates hormones that make you go crazy and give you the drive to want it badly and chase it.

The most common misconception is that if you work on it hard enough you can eventually get the woman that you feel this way about, the one that makes you feel weak and uncomfortable. I'm here to tell you that you can't, as long as you view women in that way no amount of working on yourself or learning will get results. It's just not interesting to them, women want to be able to look up to their man and they can't while being above you looking up at them.

No amount of working on yourself or learning can stand up to this change of mindset and conditioning of emotions. While being too thirsty, desperate and anxious around women you will never succeed.

The conditioning i'm talking about is to bring them down and bring yourself up in your own perception which adjusts your emotions towards them, no need to be an ******* it is just an internal process. This alone will make you feel way more confident and speak and act in the right way automatically without having to remember anything silly pickup lines. It is not okay to feel anxious in the presence of any women, it is embarrassing, man up take control and let them look up to you for a change.

Manly emotions of confidence can sometimes be better than what any women can give you, and in turn you get her as an extra because she'll want you for it.

While I like the sentiment, it isn't this clear cut. A relationship of any kind can stir up past trauma in a man, whether he is immediately aware of it or not. He may think "I'm very anxious around women, why is that? Let me post on SS for advice." He'll get all kinds of answers, from the technical game playing to inner game to clothes and material possessions to lifestyle/hobby inquiries, etc. It's up to him to go through the process of finding what the right answer for his unique situation is.

There are an infinite variety of issues a man may have with himself, and infinite answers. Despite your thinking, there is a woman out there that will find the chinks in your armor and prod them, maybe even subconsciously if she's acting out of hypergamy, and it will have a significant effect on you. A true reality check.

We're here to discuss, reflect, and advise each other on their behavior to do so and ways to heal or mitigate the perceived chink. There's really no embarrassment in self discovery or getting a second opinion on a situation.

I agree that the switch to being confident around women can be instantaneous, but it can also take a lifetime, it all depends. If were as easy as 'just think this' then SS wouldn't exist.

'Manning up' is really an ambiguous cover for something that's entirely unique to the situation. It's up to each of us to find what that is for ourselves.

 

[Serenity]

I agree that the switch to being confident around women can be instantaneous, but it can also take a lifetime, it all depends. If were as easy as 'just think this' then SS wouldn't exist.

It both is and it isn't. I've experienced rapid change and in hindsight it all seemed so simple, but there was a long process leading up to the breakthrough. I know for a fact that many people forget the process leading up to their revelation, they tell others "just do X, it's easy". Problem being that doing X makes no sense without the experience leading up to that conclusion.

I spent the longest time playing mind games with myself to get me to do what I knew would be correct, always getting suboptimal results. Frustration built, one day I said "fvck it" and by my own judgement at that time went insane. I wasn't insane though, what I was doing before was the actual insanity.

This is how it feels to change mindset, it's insanity and that's why so many resist making changes rapidly.

 

[christie]

It both is and it isn't. I've experienced rapid change and in hindsight it all seemed so simple, but there was a long process leading up to the breakthrough. I know for a fact that many people forget the process leading up to their revelation, they tell others "just do X, it's easy". Problem being that doing X makes no sense without the experience leading up to that conclusion.

I spent the longest time playing mind games with myself to get me to do what I knew would be correct, always getting suboptimal results. Frustration built, one day I said "fvck it" and by my own judgement at that time went insane. I wasn't insane though, what I was doing before was the actual insanity.

This is how it feels to change mindset, it's insanity and that's why so many resist making changes rapidly.

this is an excellent explanation of what growth is; good comparison to the two feelings/perceptions of what insanity actually is

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

It both is and it isn't. I've experienced rapid change and in hindsight it all seemed so simple, but there was a long process leading up to the breakthrough. I know for a fact that many people forget the process leading up to their revelation, they tell others "just do X, it's easy". Problem being that doing X makes no sense without the experience leading up to that conclusion.

I spent the longest time playing mind games with myself to get me to do what I knew would be correct, always getting suboptimal results. Frustration built, one day I said "fvck it" and by my own judgement at that time went insane. I wasn't insane though, what I was doing before was the actual insanity.

This is how it feels to change mindset, it's insanity and that's why so many resist making changes rapidly.

I've had similar experiences, and there's a myriad of other ways we experience growth. Speed reading exercises are a good example of instantaneous shifts. You just run your finger on the pages and flip them but one day you can just comprehend what you're scanning. It's not gradual, it's like a switch flips and bam, you can do it. Subconscious thinking is a freaky thing.

What made you think you were going insane by saying 'fuuck it'? Was this in a specific field or life in general?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Btw to build on OP's post, girl issues can totally be made trivial by pursuing a higher calling. I think more men struggle with this than would like to admit.

I've definitely gotten extremely good at distracting myself from working on something challenging albeit extremely fulfilling once finished. If I distract myself long enough I become more sensitive and insecure in general. I start obsessing over why I feel hollow and begin endlessly introspecting about those feelings, contemplating my interactions with others, when I really just need to do the hard work I'm putting off that brings me true fulfillment.

Slay the dragons, and women/people in general become harmless/easy by comparison.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

While it sure doesn't hurt to work on onseself, this is very true. Almost anyone can start getting results right away, but changing mindset is the hardest thing to do, many guys are stubborn as fvck and have a million "reasons" why it won't work.

I was a member on this forum for 2 years before I understood this, not because I wasn't told, but because the psychological limitation was hard to break. At one point I had enough and stopped giving a fvck. Fvck techniques, fvck trying to win, fvck what any of them thinks, I do what I want and I don't care if they like it or not. Never had as much fun or as much success with women than before that.

Just gotta fvck them in all the senses, not just literally.

It both is and it isn't. I've experienced rapid change and in hindsight it all seemed so simple, but there was a long process leading up to the breakthrough. I know for a fact that many people forget the process leading up to their revelation, they tell others "just do X, it's easy". Problem being that doing X makes no sense without the experience leading up to that conclusion.

I spent the longest time playing mind games with myself to get me to do what I knew would be correct, always getting suboptimal results. Frustration built, one day I said "fvck it" and by my own judgement at that time went insane. I wasn't insane though, what I was doing before was the actual insanity.

This is how it feels to change mindset, it's insanity and that's why so many resist making changes rapidly.

What particular situation(s) did you say "fuk it" on?

 

[Serenity]

What made you think you were going insane by saying 'fuuck it'? Was this in a specific field or life in general?

What particular situation(s) did you say "fuk it" on?

There's two very specific incidents.

The first one was about life in general. I was severely depressed and had been running my mind in overdrive for a couple of months only for it to get progressively worse. One day in December 2013 I went to bed thinking "fvck it, if this is my life then so be it", I gave up fighting and was somehow set free in exactly that moment.

The second one was about women specifically, one and a half year later. I had tried a ton of stuff to make myself attractive and while I did experience mediocre success, I was not at all happy about my performance and had about zero fun doing it. Just as I had gotten burnt out on life I later got burnt out on women. I firmly decided and thought "fvck it, I can't keep doing this, I just want to have fun, women be damned". Just like that I dropped my filter, I dropped my game and for the first time I legit didn't give a fraction of a fvck about what anyone thought. I became free, uninhibited, unfiltered, shocking, unique and interesting.

To someone who for years has taken at least two passes through the mind before speaking, being uninhibited and impulsive is pure insanity. All sorts of bad things can happen if I say the wrong thing, right? Maybe, but fvck it, there's more fun to be had saying the wrong thing to pull everyone else out of the monotony of existence.

Interesting thing about my life is that many of the things I wanted the most I would not get until I genuinely gave it up. It just happened to come to me as if it was pure luck shortly after I obliterated any desire for it and gave up entirely trying to get it. Life is fvcking ironic like that, this is still something of a mystery to me...

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

There's two very specific incidents.

The first one was about life in general. I was severely depressed and had been running my mind in overdrive for a couple of months only for it to get progressively worse. One day in December 2013 I went to bed thinking "fvck it, if this is my life then so be it", I gave up fighting and was somehow set free in exactly that moment.

The second one was about women specifically, one and a half year later. I had tried a ton of stuff to make myself attractive and while I did experience mediocre success, I was not at all happy about my performance and had about zero fun doing it. Just as I had gotten burnt out on life I later got burnt out on women. I firmly decided and thought "fvck it, I can't keep doing this, I just want to have fun, women be damned". Just like that I dropped my filter, I dropped my game and for the first time I legit didn't give a fraction of a fvck about what anyone thought. I became free, uninhibited, unfiltered, shocking, unique and interesting.

To someone who for years has taken at least two passes through the mind before speaking, being uninhibited and impulsive is pure insanity. All sorts of bad things can happen if I say the wrong thing, right? Maybe, but fvck it, there's more fun to be had saying the wrong thing to pull everyone else out of the monotony of existence.

Interesting thing about my life is that many of the things I wanted the most I would not get until I genuinely gave it up. It just happened to come to me as if it was pure luck shortly after I obliterated any desire for it and gave up entirely trying to get it. Life is fvcking ironic like that, this is still something of a mystery to me...

I like to think that the universe lines up with your behavior and answers you no matter what.

If you want to be successful with women, the universe will give you exactly that, a reality where you want to be successful with women, not necessarily where you are successful with women.

The same for any intangible desire. The universe will facilitate the desire, because that's what you're really asking for, to desire.

The real change to be successful with women or in any field is instantaneously available, but we're simply too inhibited most of the time, so we pine and go through our own struggles. We don't want to accept that it's so simple, we would rather struggle with internal conflict. Why we would rather struggle varies from person to person.

I'm convinced that at times my mind would rather self sabotage to facilitate the inner conflict and drama, as if out of irresponsible laziness, because that appears like the easier option, an easy escape and attempt to play the victim. It's incredibly short-sighted.

You're absolutely right though, life is too short to play the victim or be inhibited.

I've been contemplating writing a thread about this topic of disinhibition and how to 'get in the zone' in different areas of life. I think it's fascinating.

 

[christie]

I like to think that the universe lines up with your behavior and answers you no matter what.

If you want to be successful with women, the universe will give you exactly that, a reality where you want to be successful with women, not necessarily where you are successful with women.

The same for any intangible desire. The universe will facilitate the desire, because that's what you're really asking for, to desire.

The real change to be successful with women or in any field is instantaneously available, but we're simply too inhibited most of the time, so we pine and go through our own struggles. We don't want to accept that it's so simple, we would rather struggle with internal conflict. Why we would rather struggle varies from person to person.

I'm convinced that at times my mind would rather self sabotage to facilitate the inner conflict and drama, as if out of irresponsible laziness, because that appears like the easier option, an easy escape and attempt to play the victim. It's incredibly short-sighted.

You're absolutely right though, life is too short to play the victim or be inhibited.

I've been contemplating writing a thread about this topic of disinhibition and how to 'get in the zone' in different areas of life. I think it's fascinating.

that would be a good thread

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I like to think that the universe lines up with your behavior and answers you no matter what.

If you want to be successful with women, the universe will give you exactly that, a reality where you want to be successful with women, not necessarily where you are successful with women.

The same for any intangible desire. The universe will facilitate the desire, because that's what you're really asking for, to desire.

The real change to be successful with women or in any field is instantaneously available, but we're simply too inhibited most of the time, so we pine and go through our own struggles. We don't want to accept that it's so simple, we would rather struggle with internal conflict. Why we would rather struggle varies from person to person.

I'm convinced that at times my mind would rather self sabotage to facilitate the inner conflict and drama, as if out of irresponsible laziness, because that appears like the easier option, an easy escape and attempt to play the victim. It's incredibly short-sighted.

You're absolutely right though, life is too short to play the victim or be inhibited.

I've been contemplating writing a thread about this topic of disinhibition and how to 'get in the zone' in different areas of life. I think it's fascinating.

Most of it IS blocking yourself due to your thoughts.

 

[spikeanut]

I see alot of guys on these forums and in my social circle that think they need to work on themselves for a longer period of time or learn some pickup tricks to get women. Like it's this big mountain to climb, overanalyzing situations as far as what she said or how she responded to something that they said. It seems like a very frustrating and inefficient process. And in my opinion it's quite embarrassing.

Women are not unicorns, they are not above you. Viewing them like that generates hormones that make you go crazy and give you the drive to want it badly and chase it.

The most common misconception is that if you work on it hard enough you can eventually get the woman that you feel this way about, the one that makes you feel weak and uncomfortable. I'm here to tell you that you can't, as long as you view women in that way no amount of working on yourself or learning will get results. It's just not interesting to them, women want to be able to look up to their man and they can't while being above you looking up at them.

No amount of working on yourself or learning can stand up to this change of mindset and conditioning of emotions. While being too thirsty, desperate and anxious around women you will never succeed.

The conditioning i'm talking about is to bring them down and bring yourself up in your own perception which adjusts your emotions towards them, no need to be an ******* it is just an internal process. This alone will make you feel way more confident and speak and act in the right way automatically without having to remember anything silly pickup lines. It is not okay to feel anxious in the presence of any women, it is embarrassing, man up take control and let them look up to you for a change.

Manly emotions of confidence can sometimes be better than what any women can give you, and in turn you get her as an extra because she'll want you for it.

For the most part OP, I agree with your primary premise: Women are not unicorns and they are most definitely not above us. However, the part I disagree with is in regards to men working on themselves. We as men, must always be working on ourselves; that is what it means to be a man. We must always strive for more; to be better than who we were. Complacency is death.

With that being said, the goal of becoming a better man should be inherent to our biology. It should NOT be to get a woman. We must fight for growth and personal accomplishment for our own self worth and not for anyone else's validation. Then and only then, when you can love yourself as a man, will you not pedistalize any woman regardless of their looks, attraction, or worth. Only when you know that you are the prize, does your mindset shift when it comes to women; and that is when they will come to you. People hate being uncomfortable; they would rather do what's easy. Unfortunately, we as men, do not have the easy road. Difficulty and uncomfortability drives growth; growth drives self worth, self worth drives loving one self. That is what it means to be a man; we need to stop whining and worrying about women and just be Fu*king Men.

 

[jimwho]

Then and only then, when you can love yourself as a man, will you not pedistalize any woman regardless of their looks, attraction, or worth. Only when you know that you are the prize, does your mindset shift when it comes to women; and then is when they will come to you.

Fk it, Today I am not worthy! Thank you.

 

[Serenity]

First, IRT having fun, this is paramount. I've come to realize, with a little help from my friends, that enjoyment and happiness are top priorities no matter what. That's not to say there won't be bad or uncomfortable moments, but I'll fight through them to get back to the good in life. It sounds more obvious than it is...people take so many things (and themselves) way too seriously. Obviously this applies when talking to girls - the minute it stops being fulfilling for me, it's "on to Cincinnati."

Exactly!

From that moment I changed permanently. I still say silly stuff, brutally honest things and other things many others would think twice about saying. Hasn't really gotten me into trouble yet, but I never had any malicious intent with anything to begin with and I think that matters. Everyone knows that my outspokenness is not me trying to be a d!ck even if it could be interpreted as such at first glance, unless of course it's playfully.

I have also went so far as to intentionally say stuff I thought would get me rejected, without getting that result. Ironic isn't it? I try to get the girl and I fail, I try to get rejected and I fail at that. I stop trying and give up, suddenly there's an abundance.

It's like looking for a stick in the woods, when you need one you can't find one anywhere. When you're not in need of a stick they're all over the fvcking place.

 

[LuciferMorningstar]

I think OP should work towards letting go rather then more control. Working on yourself for the better is always good.
But know what "better" is first.

Control is embedded in to letting it go. You can't separate them in this realm we live in.
I would replace the word control with -knowing-

Personally there is nothing to let go or work on in this area. Basically just trying to help by sharing something some might have trouble with. I'm all for "working on yourself for youself" in health, carreer, finances etc though.

Letting go can be good, but it suggests there is something to let go that hasn't been resolved yet. Control comes when you indeed "know", but have also applied it to yourself and changed your mindset. See the results and are in control of this area instead of it controlling you.