If I don't have high attraction interest in a man, can I tell him at the time of his approach or will he try to punish me?

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes, I've heard about that. It would almost be better if I was a fullblown bbw(big bosum that way) but I'm like a bbw-lite.

I'd like to achieve a good weight. Not be overweight.

There's alot of fear I have to let go of too. I've never been mugged or assaulted but I fear it. Being a little heavier, I feel tough and not-a-target.

Lmao! BBW-Lite hahaha...

Well...start with eliminating any type of sugary drinks or diet soda and exchange it with water...that will help a lot more than you think...once you get that down then start addressing food choices...in general eating one ingredient foods are the best. Anything boxed or processed should be limited as much as possible.

 

[christie]

Lmao! BBW-Lite hahaha...

Well...start with eliminating any type of sugary drinks or diet soda and exchange it with water...that will help a lot more than you think...once you get that down then start addressing food choices...in general eating one ingredient foods are the best. Anything boxed or processed should be limited as much as possible.

thanks!

That is exactly the kind of small step changes I'm making.
Actually, portion control has been out of whack and I have ignored calorie counts until recently. Weirdly, I've been reckless with amounts of condiments, dressings and peanut butter. Eating too much glutenfree high starch bread too.
Obviously, I need to practice more conscious discipline.

I like reading from the emails precision nutrition sends out. I think it was you that posted an article by them awhile ago. Thanks.





Is bbw-lite the equivalent of saying dad-bod when we all just used to say beer gut? lol

 

[Robert28]

much thanks Robert. I think of you and your posts here when I am not limiting how much conversation I have with a man anywhere, any situation.
Its my responsibility to keep things short and #1. don't let the interaction run on too long where attraction may start building on his end if I don't feel it on my end and #2. do not 'use' a man to potentially network for some nonimportant reason TO HIM.

That's not an equal and fair exchange of utilisation. Like, I know EyeOnThePrize encouraged me to keep an unwanted approach light by continuing to interact in hopes of networking...I forget how he worded here in this thread a few posts ago...and I do need more socialising practice.
But then I thought of the posters on sosuave that felt anguish and frustration at the whole friendzoning move girls do and it stops me from considering that.
I really gave it some thought. Like maybe I could start chatting about somthing bodybuilder-related then bluntly ask him if he knows any single bodybuilders I could meet(using him to meet other men) but how brutal would that be?
I'm not in sales or business so I don't know what else I would be networking with this poor guy that I have low interest in, that just took his shot with me romantically, by approaching.
Thanks to EyeOnThePrize, but I don't know that I'd enjoy networking or essentially 'friendzoning' a guy that JUST got turned down by me intimately.

I think friendzoning guys is more damaging/hurtful than when guys friendzone girls.(unless the guy has had sex with the girl and friendzones her and I tell you that hurts like nothing else)

I don't want to hurt men and I think I have in the past and I'm remorseful.

Tell him you view him like a brother or think of him like family. Even if you don’t know him. That’ll send him running for the hills and he will never bother you again.lol A girl I knew for almost 2 years told me that one day and I ghosted her. Like completely dropped off the face of the earth, cut all contact, she probably thinks I died.

 

[B80]

Yeah just let them down gently with the I have a boyfriend thing. You never know what kind of man you're dealing with. I don't mean they may get aggressive, but some will be more mentally fragile than others and I don't see the point in being harsh or rude in most walks of life... its usually unnecessary and after all its a compliment if someone does approach you.

We all have different challenges to deal with, but I don't think it takes much for a woman to raise her smv. Men are more driven by looks or at least a lot are less concerned by things like a woman having a good career, being financially secure, being funny, personality, status etc.

So as long as you're in average shape or better physically, not ugly and generally pleasant to be around you open yourself to higher value men. Particularly in recent years where the dynamics have changed. I

I've been into weights for 15 20 years, pretty obsessive about and I certainly don't seek out women who realky into the gym, but doing some exercise and relatively healthy lifestyle is something I clock. My friends who are really into weights aren't particularly into fitness obsessed women either.

My concern with dating someone who's been out of shape for years and recently got into it would be if its just a temporary change to attract a man, but once they get comfortable there'd revert back to their previous 'true' self and you'd end up with someone you no longer find physically attractive... 'you should love me regardless ' bull ****.at least with someone whose been committed to being active for years, you know they're likely to be wired that way and keep it going.but my experience with women is if they know and see you're really into it and respect you, they're likely to stick to it too, without any demands being made. They'd be concerned youbmay stray, see attention you get from other women if they let themselves go

 

[Mike32ct]

This is the go-to answer to gently reject a man. My own experience has been that even when I'm not even interested in a gal, but just being sociable, gals will simply blurt this out - or bring up some anecdote in which they refer to their man. I can even remember in my college days in the mid '80s some gal asking me something outside my apartment complex (she was a bit chunky, so I had no interest), and then seemingly wanting to continue on with the conversation, and THEN blurting this out. Maybe she just wanted the practice.

They mention their “boyfriend”as a preemptive strike.

 

[christie]

Tell him you view him like a brother or think of him like family. Even if you don’t know him. That’ll send him running for the hills and he will never bother you again.lol A girl I knew for almost 2 years told me that one day and I ghosted her. Like completely dropped off the face of the earth, cut all contact, she probably thinks I died.

Wow. Yes, I see how effective the 'like a brother/family' thing is if it got you to immediately change your dwelling on that girl. Great, you have the ability to selfrespect like that.

 

[christie]

Yeah just let them down gently with the I have a boyfriend thing. You never know what kind of man you're dealing with. I don't mean they may get aggressive, but some will be more mentally fragile than others and I don't see the point in being harsh or rude in most walks of life... its usually unnecessary and after all its a compliment if someone does approach you.

We all have different challenges to deal with, but I don't think it takes much for a woman to raise her smv. Men are more driven by looks or at least a lot are less concerned by things like a woman having a good career, being financially secure, being funny, personality, status etc.

So as long as you're in average shape or better physically, not ugly and generally pleasant to be around you open yourself to higher value men. Particularly in recent years where the dynamics have changed. I

I've been into weights for 15 20 years, pretty obsessive about and I certainly don't seek out women who realky into the gym, but doing some exercise and relatively healthy lifestyle is something I clock. My friends who are really into weights aren't particularly into fitness obsessed women either.

My concern with dating someone who's been out of shape for years and recently got into it would be if its just a temporary change to attract a man, but once they get comfortable there'd revert back to their previous 'true' self and you'd end up with someone you no longer find physically attractive... 'you should love me regardless ' bull ****.at least with someone whose been committed to being active for years, you know they're likely to be wired that way and keep it going.but my experience with women is if they know and see you're really into it and respect you, they're likely to stick to it too, without any demands being made. They'd be concerned youbmay stray, see attention you get from other women if they let themselves go

Thanks for telling me about even just average shape or better physically would be acceptable by someone like you who's serious for decades about lifting weights. It was important too, what you told me about your friends not wanting particularly obsessed fitness women either. I was hoping I wouldn't have to 'compete' with my future bodybuilder boyfriend.

I grew up learning exercise was healthy and natural and I have an above average healthy/active lifestyle with my only indulgences being in the junk food arena. I drink alot of natural spring water and eat a lot of raw veggies and fruits. What I mean is zero substance now, not even coffee, no social media or OLD, just reading/posting through this forum which I still mean to take a break from. My 40 hr a week job is a power walking/climbing type job so from that level of fitness, I do still get attention for my body, just not as toned looking in a bathing suit as I used to be.

I have that same concern that if a man hasn't been into bodybuilding for a long time/big percentage of his life that he will lose all that valuable testosterone if something causes him to temporarily stop lifting, like a serious injury or some trauma in his family or if he loses some muscle due to lack of access to same good proteins. If he's got a consistent, reliable good frame of tearing his muscles by lifting repeatedly he should theoretically be able to take life's challenges in stride.

Plus I want to physically admire the man I sleep with. I'm not so shocked that a woman's body is so important to a man anymore but I have to insist he has to work hard on his own body too.
I usually accomplish my goals B80, and I know its a slow and steady process to get in shape.

I would be suspicious of me if I was a potential future bodybuilder boyfriend of Christie, if I didn't do this process gradually for permanent changes.

As I think so shall I become.

I bet keeping a journal on this exact process would be something my future bodybuilder boyfriend would be put at ease reading. Something completely honest. Then he'd have something to browse through to make up his own mind if I'm worth committing to, if he saw years of daily journal entries.
For example, I am so proud in a humble grateful way I was able to quit smoking. Its already been over two years minus 5 weeks last December that I've quit. Reminders like this should be recorded.
It was really challenging giving up coffee too. That means so much because I was using coffee as a crutch and skipping meals only to binge overeat later. Plus I don't have all those doses of milk and white sugar that I used to take in coffee. (I drink only decaf now with almond milk, no sugar)

Thanks for the market info you gave me. Part of me gets discouraged when I look at videos of Dusty Henshaw and Charity Witt and I think about how hard it would be to get to the same lifting level as them.
And sometimes I get discouraged when I look at The Rock and his bodybuilder woman by his side and I think my body could never get to that level of skinniness. She simply has different genetics than me. So it sounds like somewhere in the middle between a naturally skinny model type and an obsessive girl lifter type is what I should aim for.

 

[christie]

They mention their “boyfriend”as a preemptive strike.

Yes, I see that. For the record, I cannot lie like that. I'm committed to keep trying and trying and recalibrating to being as authentic and honest as possible. I can't use the IHAB line.

 

[SW15]

I've noticed a lot of women seem to have this issue and I honestly don't quite understand it. I personally have a feeling that this is due to social media and the ego stroking that women seem to engage in with each other. A couple years back I remember this incident where one of my friends talked about a fat girl that was out with us for a night, the other women went on the attack about how she wasn't fat, was beautiful, etc. Meanwhile, these same women will berate and insult men over little trivial things lol.

This seems to be a valid perception.

I honestly feel kind of bad for women like you and most women that are relatively young today. Many of you have been programmed through social media, the internet and just the current dating/social culture to believe that you are entitled to these men that 20 years ago never would have given you the time of the day. The end result of all of this is going to be a bunch of lonely women that remain single and childless for life and as a means to fill this void they adopt a "fur baby". Men suffer from this because women have been so warped that even an average normal man is deemed not good enough. None of this is natural and I honestly am concerned over the very long term effects that this will have.

There's truth in this. Women are dealing with male thirst levels which are at epidemic or pandemic like levels. Also, there's a surplus of single ment to single women.

Combine this mathematical element with the feminist attitude of "Never Settle" and you have women with stratospheric egos and massive entitlement issues.

Millennials have been the most pet obsessed generation ever as well.

I'm 30, white, 6'4", and hit the gym multiple times per week and in way better shape than most men and I struggle with dating. It's post like this that make me realize why that is and that the issues I have are probably minor compared to the vast majority of men in the general public, who don't have what I've got going for me.

A 30 year, 6'4" male with big muscles shouldn't have dating issues. Women should be throwing themselves at you. I've been lower in the food chain at 37,5'10" and a less muscular physique and my last 20 years of dating have had struggles as well. You're lucky to be 6'4" and muscular.

Also want to point out in general yet again that IHAB is a shiit test. Starting somewhere in the past when I read online that I should not accept the IHAB line, I started to question IHAB line when it was deployed against me. Use a boyfriend destroyer line. Rattle her psychologically and test her to see where she really is when she uses the IHAB line.

 

[christie]

"Thanks for coming over, I am flattered, but I have a boyfriend"

Sometimes a little white lie is best for all involved.

You get out of the situation and his ego remains intact.

On the weight loss?

You MUST join a gym, and you MUST do lots of reading on weight-control.

A product you may find helpful is PGX

I like to keep men's egos intact. I admire the male ego and would always prefer a more egotistical man than not because he'll be mentally stronger.
But I'm not just saying yes anymore.
It took me this long to finally start being selective but I"m not foolish enough to think that I don't need to offer more in return.
I don't know why I wasn't more selective back when I first decided to get sterilised at 22 and finally convinced doctors to do it at 28.

What a waste of years of being either celibate or with low quality men. It was LSE and not dealing with letting go of things and not appreciating the fragility and short length of life we all have.

As long as I can offer the same and more to a man I'm deliberately more selective of on purpose, why can't I achieve this goal?
Thank you for your tips and suggestions.

Its important I don't let awkward social scenarios like gracefully and kindly declining approaches trip me up and take my eye off the prize. I will not allow anyone to berate me or make me internalise negative thoughts in punishing me because I turned them down. If I conducted myself with grace and kindness then I do not deserve abuse for not submitting to a stranger man just because I'm female.

 

[christie]

Never mind the celebs. The bulk of them use steroids.

Lift weights, work on your diet, meaning eating better and less calories, and do the best you can FOR YOU.

If you are 50 pounds overweight, lose that and go from there. That alone is a huge accomplishment!

The reason you should be in a gym, is to work out and get inspiration from others. You may meet a nice guy who is in the same boat as you. You can reach your goals together and maybe it will trun into something more.

But don't become obsessed with Professional bodybuilders and celebs.

They have personal trainers, dieticians, doctors who prescribe steroids, etc.

Focus on being HEALTHY, and improving yourself!

Yes, I would really like to have a parttime job in a gym that gets me a free membership. I want the easy approach constraints that being an employee would allow me to talk more to the bodybuilders. I've been thinking about it for months now.
I was just going to delay for awhile longer until there was more positive changes with the covid situation. Its why I'm only doing periodic dropins that you have to make appts for at the gym right now(not a monthly or annual membership) I have been trying to take the covid exposure seriously(never washed my hands so often in my life!) and so far, I haven't been sick.

Iam focusing on being healthy and improving myself and its not something I'm going to suddenly start doing after typing this post. I already am doing good work in all areas of my life and I'm doing it all concurrently.

I really think the journal writing on these improvements and hard work is something new I should start immediately. With the knowledge in the back of my mind that someone in my future will be reading it.

Edit to add: I see this journal as a measurement tool, a way to selfcompare and gauge progress much like buying that scale 2 months ago.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Are you Lynx nkaf?

 

[christie]

Are you Lynx nkaf?

I'm Christie, that is my name.

I just decided one day I didn't want to not use my name and so created this with another email.
I haven't posted on that one since; but I have logged back on to change parameters.

I messaged one mod to tell him I did this and to close that acct and another mod replied instead a week later to say they had to ban it, they wouldn't delete it. So that's it, that's all.

 

[characternote]

girls don't care about looks at all. so why would you think you aren't attracted to him as soon as he approaches you??

just kidding.

 

[christie]

girls don't care about looks at all. so why would you think you aren't attracted to him as soon as he approaches you??

just kidding.

I'm in it for the body. I hope he has an ugly face that could help deter other women and give off a gangsta vibe to men.
Not kidding.
I hope he's my height 5'5" but even if he's shorter he'll be jacked!! Its way more important than face or height

I hope with all my heart he is childfree by choice too it would be a dream if he told me he had a vasectomy too. I'm done with the stressful sex of exboyfriends who were flaky about wanting kids.
So age is not a requirement of mine. If he's a true bodybuilder into clean living who especially is childfree by choice, why would I care if he's 99 or 19? (Writing this out to reread my own words, don't mind me.)

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'm Christie, that is my name.

I just decided one day I didn't want to not use my name and so created this with another email.
I haven't posted on that one since; but I have logged back on to change parameters.

I messaged one mod to tell him I did this and to close that acct and another mod replied instead a week later to say they had to ban it, they wouldn't delete it. So that's it, that's all.

Oh okay I figured, you write the same so I figured. And no I’m not storm lol I was just talking metaphorically haha. I think r4zorsharp might be a new profile of his but I’m not 100% certain.

 

[christie]

Oh okay I figured, you write the same so I figured. And no I’m not storm lol I was just talking metaphorically haha. I think r4zorsharp might be a new profile of his but I’m not 100% certain.

I think its all good.
I guess it can be easy to tell someone's writing style if they weren't working too hard on changing it. When I still had this messaging open TyTe EyEz started messaging and accusing/negging me of being this writer or that writer or that writer. He used good game getting me to qualify myself to him. Much respect to OG if he's still reading here. Recommended good philosophers to me too.


Do you think I write like anyone else or don't I just seem like me? I know that's awkward but assume I am real, authentic and telling the truth. Which I actually am.

 

[darksprezzatura]

That's alright. Be polite, introduce me to your girlfriend.

 

[christie]

That's alright. Be polite, introduce me to your girlfriend.

Sure I would! I love the idea of matchmaking. I wish people would help me out in that regard.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Do you think I write like anyone else or don't I just seem like me? I know that's awkward but assume I am real, authentic and telling the truth. Which I actually am.

No you don’t really write like anyone else. That’s why you’re you.