If I don't have high attraction interest in a man, can I tell him at the time of his approach or will he try to punish me?

[christie]

This is what I dread most.

I really don't want to insult a man or have him feel poorly, as I appreciate and admire the effort and guts it took to approach and break-the-ice.

I don't want to feel poorly about his approach either by trying to fake that I find him attractive. I will get sick if I'm dishonest in this way.

How do I say "No thank you, I'm not interested, but thanks for the effort you took and best of luck to you Sir?" when my blunt, honest reason is....I'm not attracted to him.


Does that mean I am entitled because I'm not attracted to many men around here?(I feel like I should vacation to Venice Beach when covid air travel changes again and then maybe I'd feel more attraction...isn't that the biggest muscle beach of the world?)
but I'm not a musclehead myself and so my smv must not match what I'm attracted to (I'm lower)and this is why it appears I'm entitled. But a person can't help what they're attracted to, I thought?

This is a lot to unpack, I know.








Basically, like the thread title asks, can I tell him I'm not attracted or am I asking for trouble?

Just give the polite oneliner "No thank you, I'm not interested, but thank you for the effort you took and best of luck to you Sir" ???

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I personally would respect that a lot but many guys have fragile egos amd would take offense to it.

Guess it depends on who you try it with.

 

[Tilex]

Just tell him you have a boyfriend/husband/fiance.
Most guys back off after that.

"I have a boyfriend, but thanks anyways!"

^^^^
I've heard this line over a dozen times.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Just tell him you have a boyfriend/husband/fiance.
Most guys back off after that.

"I have a boyfriend, but thanks anyways!"

^^^^
I've heard this line over a dozen times.

The "but thanks anyway " kills most player rebuttals. Very respectful of the lady.

 

[christie]

I personally would respect that a lot but many guys have fragile egos amd would take offense to it.

Guess it depends on who you try it with.

Yes.
What if I'm the straw that broke the camel's back? whatever that means. And I would have never even sent out an IOI like eye contact or proximity or preening, inviting his approach in the first place, if he wasn't the type I was attracted to.

I have no wish to harm men emotionally. I can see how hard it is to approach.
Like Gavin deBakker in that book The Gift of Fear, some women are raised to always be courteous and agreeable to all men but I'd like to be able to be honest right before anything/any interaction starts rolling.

 

[christie]

Just tell him you have a boyfriend/husband/fiance.
Most guys back off after that.

"I have a boyfriend, but thanks anyways!"

^^^^
I've heard this line over a dozen times.

Yes.

I naively once thought a ringset was a good enough 'please stay away' sign before I realised there was people in the world that didn't respect this symbol to stay away.
Plus me wearing that was dishonest and hurt my soul to be deceptive in hiding that way.

I hope I can just say something like that and it ends there.

The "thanks anyways" is very important to me because it is so brave and gutsy to approach women. They should be recognised with gratitude. I have said with a genuine smile that 'wow, you just made my day, thanks for making me feel good, I hope you have a good day too now' and I get a more relaxed expression out of them rather than the angry looking frown that was starting.

I feel anxiety even writing this. I don't want men to feel hurt and I also don't want to lie to them.

 

[christie]

The "but thanks anyway " kills most player rebuttals. Very respectful of the lady.

That's a relief to read.

 

[jimwho]

You're not harming a man by being flattered and declining. Unless he's weak. You convey that and it's
A win every time.

 

[christie]

You're not harming a man by being flattered and declining. Unless he's weak. You convey that and it's
A win every time.

Yes, no matter the man, even no matter if he starts with the frowning.
I appreciate howdifficult it is to approach and it is always flattering for a man to take his shot. I'm angry at the girls that have been mean or snotty to men.

I have had to do it with certain situations(work in the past) where a man kept stubbornly trying.

 

[sangheilios]

So, am I reading this right? You are an out of shape woman who only wants very fit men and will reject those that don't meet your standards, to which you yourself do not meet?

 

[Bigpapa]

Just tell them that you are not interested , or that you are a lesbian , or that you have a bf

 

[christie]

So, am I reading this right? You are an out of shape woman who only wants very fit men and will reject those that don't meet your standards, to which you yourself do not meet?

Yes, that is currently true and authentic. How do I know what a bodybuilder's standards are? Asking genuinely.

 

[christie]

this is a great thing to say. Just say that.

ok.

seems so formal and anal but it is courteous and respectful which everyone is entitled to.

 

[christie]

Just tell them that you are not interested , or that you are a lesbian , or that you have a bf

Yes, the not interested seems to be the best and simplest reply.

 

[SW15]

Just tell him you have a boyfriend/husband/fiance.
Most guys back off after that.

"I have a boyfriend, but thanks anyways!"

^^^^
I've heard this line over a dozen times.

Have men in general caught on to the idea to push forward when hearing the "I have a boyfriend/fiance/husband" line? I learned to push back on that a while back by using a boyfriend destroyer line.

Just give the polite oneliner "No thank you, I'm not interested, but thank you for the effort you took and best of luck to you Sir" ???

I would make it a little less formal.

Appreciate the approach, I'm not interested, best of luck!

So, am I reading this right? You are an out of shape woman who only wants very fit men and will reject those that don't meet your standards, to which you yourself do not meet?

Yes, that is currently true and authentic. How do I know what a bodybuilder's standards are? Asking genuinely.

If you're a big, muscular dude, you're usually looking for a woman who isn't overweight at a minimum. These men are usually looking for women who reasonably fit as well. That woman would be the woman he'd be more likely to commit to for an extended relationship.

Sometimes a fit guy will have sex with an out of shape woman but he's not likely to remain with her for an extended time. This is damaging to the woman because she believes that because she was able to have sex with an attractive guy for one night or maybe 1-3 months, she should be deserving of that caliber of man longer term. This line of thinking doesn't lead to the best outcomes.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@christie
You can't choose how someone else reacts, you can't stop an insecure guy from being upset. I would say don't be so quick to dismiss, see if you can simply network and make connections.

If they hint at attraction, hint that you're not interested. If they ask directly, then reject directly.

A high value man takes rejection in stride. A man in tune with himself will drop hints and pick up yours. Any guy that gets upset should simply lose more points in your book.

Keep it all playful, light, and be around people in case the guy tries something stupid. Also doesn't hurt to be in better parts of town and have some pepper spray or a blade just in case.

You can't escape the risks of dating or dismissing. Many times a person will get upset no matter what you say, don't try to make that your problem.

 

[christie]

Have men in general caught on to the idea to push forward when hearing the "I have a boyfriend/fiance/husband" line? I learned to push back on that a while back by using a boyfriend destroyer line.



I would make it a little less formal.

Appreciate the approach, I'm not interested, best of luck!





If you're a big, muscular dude, you're usually looking for a woman who isn't overweight at a minimum. These men are usually looking for women who reasonably fit as well. That woman would be the woman he'd be more likely to commit to for an extended relationship.

Sometimes a fit guy will have sex with an out of shape woman but he's not likely to remain with her for an extended time. This is damaging to the woman because she believes that because she was able to have sex with an attractive guy for one night or maybe 1-3 months, she should be deserving of that caliber of man longer term. This line of thinking doesn't lead to the best outcomes.

My word, I do understand that concept of perceived Chad in the manosphere(which I'm guessing is the bodybuilder type based on initial responses in another thread on facing what my own smv is)pumping and dumping as a slumpbuster or placeholder motivation for him and I am NOT interested in that or I would have already bought that local stripper who's a bodybuilder or travelled to pay for a bodybuilder date off of cowboysandangels website.

I know I must put in the work to become fitter. If only to more convincingly 'sell' the idea of a valuable relationship with myself.

Ex. "Look muscleman-potential new boyfriend! Look at how similar my lifestyle is to yours already! We are a good match, give me the chance to be your girlfriend"

 

[Bigpapa]

My word, I do understand that concept of perceived Chad in the manosphere(which I'm guessing is the bodybuilder type based on initial responses in another thtead on facing what my own smv is)pumping and dumping as a slumpbuster or placeholder motivation for him and I am NOT interested in that or I would have already bought that local stripper who's a bodybuilder or travelled to pay for a bodybuilder date off of cowboysandangels website.

I know I must put in the work to become fitter. If only to more convincingly 'sell' the idea of a valuable relationship with myself.

Ex. "Look muscleman-potential new boyfriend! Look at how similar my lifestyle is to yours already! We are a good match, give me the chance to be your girlfriend"

Nope , the chad is not the body builder

 

[christie]

@christie
You can't choose how someone else reacts, you can't stop an insecure guy from being upset. I would say don't be so quick to dismiss, see if you can simply network and make connections.

If they hint at attraction, hint that you're not interested. If they ask directly, then reject directly.

A high value man takes rejection in stride. A man in tune with himself will drop hints and pick up yours. Any guy that gets upset should simply lose more points in your book.

Keep it all playful, light, and be around people in case the guy tries something stupid. Also doesn't hurt to be in better parts of town and have some pepper spray or a blade just in case.

You can't escape the risks of dating or dismissing. Many times a person will get upset no matter what you say, don't try to make that your problem.

good advice, thanks Eye.

I am avoiding the worse parts of town in the daytime now too.

I have checked my knives and they're still sharp, but I do like this $50. Kershaw one that has 'assisted opener' that I may buy in February as a reward for myself for sticking to the new budget.

I know I can't control other people's reactions. Usually if I'm in an isolated area I'm with my bike or vehicle.

I wonder if I'm obvious that I'm a little intimidated by men?

At work I'm not. I wonder if I should be projecting that confidence outside of work too? Just seems like I'll be masculine acting all the time then.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

good advice, thanks Eye.

I am avoiding the worse parts of town in the daytime now too.

I have checked my knives and they're still sharp, but I do like this $50. Kershaw one that has 'assisted opener' that I may buy in February as a reward for myself for sticking to the new budget.

I know I can't control other people's reactions. Usually if I'm in an isolated area I'm with my bike or vehicle.

I wonder if I'm obvious that I'm a little intimidated by men?

At work I'm not. I wonder if I should be projecting that confidence outside of work too? Just seems like I'll be masculine acting all the time then.

You and many other sane woman are intimidated.

Trust because you accept the risks, not because something is safe or certain.

Don't worry too much about consciously projecting anything. Be off the cuff, in the moment, and uninhibited as much as you can. That's how you'll attract your reflection. Whether you like what you attract is another story.