Things got ugly... Really Ugly....

[B80]

I don't condone it, neither have I done it. But you do wonder if the threat and prospect of physical violence stops some women from turning into total c unts.

 

[Billtx49]

but to be honest, I'm finding it difficult to view her in a feminine light right now.

Yep, good point, it’s extremely difficult to get intimate with and all sweet and cuddly when in bed with someone that’s tried to kick your azz before…

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

YOU CANNOT SHOW FAVOR IN A 3SOME.

You are not the God Pimp, you are literally along for the ride, period, end of story... Your girlfriend leads, you follow, period.

This is done, you messed it up permanently, best you can do is get the friend to be your new squeeze.

The woman needs to find the playmate, you cannot provide any input, it's all on her, this is why the friend dynamic works, your girlfriend falling asleep before taking care of your needs while her friend is ready to go, you know who you are taking on this adventure now.

 

[King Lion]

Yep, good point, it’s extremely difficult to get intimate with and all sweet and cuddly when in bed with someone that’s tried to kick your azz before…

That beauty wants a beast in the bedroom. She doesn't want soft-as-tits simp sex.

She wants the Mack-Daddy, beat the pvssy like a drum, tear the lining out the uterus and knock her sh*t in the dirt type sex!

Her pvssy was drenched before he reamed her holes with rage and she loved it!

Now she's begging him to keep and stay with her. Nuff said.

 

[Roober]

Next!

Shes gotten violent. Going back to an abuser only does one thing, it invites more abuse.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Next!

Shes gotten violent. Going back to an abuser only does one thing, it invites more abuse.

There's a huge cost to maintaining that position

 

[B80]

You have to "do something".... Its adulting.

Maybe a cultural thing. I'm from the UK and wouldn't get police, law suits involved in anything unless last resort ie serious danger, particularly to kids.

Calling them into action would cause prolonged stress, aggrevvation. Waste of time and energy.

I don't see this issue as anything thst can't be handled without their involvement.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Maybe a cultural thing. I'm from the UK and wouldn't get police, law suits involved in anything unless last resort ie serious danger, particularly to kids.

Calling them into action would cause prolonged stress, aggrevvation. Waste of time and energy.

I don't see this issue as anything thst can't be handled without their involvement.

He can't "hit her back". He was physically assaulted. Whatever relationship they had is toast.

 

[zinc4]

Like the title says, it got very ugly on Friday night. So after I was done with work, I got a few things done and then headed to my girlfriends apartment. She had her friend over and when I walked in, they were both on the bed and of course I made a sexual joke about it and they laughed. Things were normal as can be for a while, we all had some food and chilled. Then I did my usual of lighting up a cigar and drink some whiskey and they started drinking their wine.

We all sat on the sofa, talking and watching some TV and they are drinking a good amount of Wine and I've already had a couple of glasses of Whiskey.... so you see where this is headed. Fast forward to some time later. I have my arm around my chick on my right side and her friend is sitting on my left side with her feet under my legs... I start getting flirty (I do this a lot when I drink) but my girlfriend starts falling asleep and me and her friend are talking. I start talking about things my girlfriend and I have already talked about in regards to sexual activities that include her friend. I wasn't saying anything that my girlfriend doesn't already know. Anyway... Her friend admits that she's starting to get turned on by what I'm saying.... and this is when the chaos was about to erupt.

My girlfriend suddenly wakes up and gets up and I can tell she's upset. Her friend see's this as well and feels like she should leave, which she does. Once her friend left... my girlfriend starts assuming that I was trying to hook up with her friend behind her back which I wasn't. I was talking about the three of us and again, I didnt say anything that my GF didnt know. I don't know if it's because of all of the alcohol she drank that night but she wasn't trying to listen or hear any of it.... She literally starts yelling and screaming at me non stop. I obviously start yelling at her to calm the fvck down and listen but she kept saying I was a "piece of sh!t" for trying to go behind her back. The yelling and screaming got louder and this is where she crossed the line.. she hit me in my face.

Right after that I started packing all my sh!t up to leave so I don't let my anger retaliate. I know people could hear her yelling and screaming and I started thinking about someone calling the Police to come check out what is going on. The potential for me getting in trouble with the cops was there so I wanted to leave but she wouldn't let me. Getting in my way and yelling, she hit me again by my face and I grabbed her by her wrists and restrained her. I threw her on the bed to get out of my way. Her screaming and yelling at me with insults kept on for a while and next she tried to hit me on the head and violently grabs my d!ck... I lost it and grabbed her by her face and had her up against the wall. I told her to never put her fvcking hands on me like that ever again. I started to see red and was ready to explode but I took a deep breath and let her go. I grabbed my things and headed out of the apartment waiting for the elevator. She came out to the hallway and not letting me go begging me not to leave.

She pleaded for me to come back in the apartment... I shouldn't have but i did. there was no telling what she'd do if i did leave.... hurt herself? call the cops and falsely accuse me of punching her or hitting her? I don't know.

After a while she just starts crying non stop and telling she's sorry and she kept blaming her friend but i kept trying to explain to her that it wasnt her friend that started anything, it was me who initiated the conversation and all the things I was saying was previously discussed with her first. By the time all this settled down a bit, it was 5am. At this point she was exhausted and we started falling asleep. My eyes stood open for a bit because I'm thinking this relationship is over. In bed she starts wanting to get close to me because I was on the far end of the bed. I was still heated that she hit me in the face.

The next day she starts apologizing non stop about everything once she finally heard what I had to say and what actually happened. She apologizes to her friend via. text. The whole day she kept on and off crying saying how sorry she was for getting violent and hitting me. I had a scratch on my neck and my hand from her. Once she saw that, she started crying and saying sorry. The whole day she wanted to hug on me and asked me if there is literally anything she can do for me. I just kept telling her no but she made me food, wanted to massage my back and wanted me to fvck her (which I did in every hole).

By Sunday... I still couldn't shake that anger inside of me that i let someone get away with hitting me in my face and now questioning how crazy this Woman can get. What if I ever get the cops called on me? or what is she capable of if she ever got upset at me like she was. How would she react if we ended up in a divorce?

She went on to tell me that she feels Karma is going to try to get her because she was willingly hooking up with someone that was engaged and she clearly knew about it. I don't know about all that but I really wasn't trying to be sneaky about it or hide anything. Anyway... I know this is a long read but trying to get your thoughts on the guys who have dealt with violent Women in their lives? Is this a hidden characteristic my GF has that i need to take heed?


It's been 9 years since I have been in a relationship and this is what i'm dealing with now.

Okay. Let me start off by saying that your girl is low quality for getting physical. She is also low quality for the even entertaining the weird sex stuff talk between you and her friend.

However...im going to give it to you straight. You are behaving like a low quality man as well. Wtf do you expect man? Your gf simply retaliated to your ****ty actions. And that whole story sounds like some depressing jerry springer type ****. Get your **** together OP. And that shouldn't be a gf...just a f#ck buddy. Either bang low quality women casually without the whole gf title or find a high a quality woman and treat her right.

Any woman who is okay with you hitting on their friend infront of them or even entertaining the idea of a possible 3 some or some sharing **** is low quality garbage. So im not sure what u wanted or expected here. That crazy bimbo shouldn't be your gf though bottom line.

 

[zekko]

Maybe a cultural thing. I'm from the UK and wouldn't get police, law suits involved in anything unless last resort ie serious danger, particularly to kids.

I agree, especially in domestic violence cases. Too often the guy gets taken to jail, no matter who was at fault.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

OP, u seem to have a case of sunken cost bias. Maybe even some scarcity. I would definitely ghost her for a whiiiiiile. Well into 2021. I would end things for now. But I also get how hard it is to just temporarily end things. I probably wouldn't be able to do it. I'm too weak. I would either end it or let it fall back into place but I'd be on guard.

 

[Desdinova]

The yelling and screaming got louder and this is where she crossed the line.. she hit me in my face.

That should have been the moment that the relationship was over. I dumped a woman for just doing it playfully. I gave her a warning to never do it again. Guess what? She did it a second time. If I'm not socially allowed to hit a woman, then I expect the same respect from the woman.

She will do it again, trust me. Get the fvck out now.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Late to the party but **** it.

You got some major self-control to not wack her, which is good to have in these situations. However, it’s part of the problem here; you reacted to her hitting you too late. You should’ve grabbed her wrists sooner. This would have stopped you from feeling so angry about not being able to retaliate, and she wouldn’t have been caught up in as much of a frenzy because she would have felt that you could hurt her if you really wanted to much sooner. You would also likely still view her more favorably because of all this. It’s hard to really think in the moment in these high-stress situations so I’m not knocking you, but just for future reference.

As to my thoughts:

We know this a one-off scenario and likely won’t happen again, especially since she’s the one apologizing like crazy now. She also let you essentially rape her to make up for it lol so we know that this whole situation left a big enough emotional imprint on her that it’s likely ingrained into her psyche to some degree (and by nature of that, you as well). In addition, she probably won’t call the cops on you either if she hasn’t already. Not to mention, cops likely won’t do **** anyway considering all of the riots and funding cuts that happened. I don’t think you have anything to worry about on her end tbh, especially if you do what @TheGambino suggested (though 3 weeks is too long imo because women tend to move on faster than men; 1 - 2 weeks should be enough, and will also help imprint yourself more into her).

One thing to mention (and I don’t mean to patronize) is how much your prior experiences with women shape your feelings towards this. The last relationship you had ended so badly that you practically refused to have another one for almost a decade, which in turn led you to see just how decadent some women can be since you were then living life as a bachelor for those 9 years. Maybe I’m looking too much into it, but it was important enough to you for you to say:

It's been 9 years since I have been in a relationship and this is what i'm dealing with now.

And this is despite being in this relationship for well over a year already.

Also, remember that she was drunk, as were you. You don’t think as straight when your drunk, keep that in mind.

Something tells me deep down she likes this kind of drama or is otherwise drawn to it.

She cried and blamed her friend, showing that she was shifting blame. You took the bait and blamed yourself, when instead you should have held her accountable.

This is what all women do, it’s not specific to OP’s girl. I do agree that he shouldn’t have blamed himself though. But she isn’t the type of woman to crave drama because 1.5 years is too long for a woman to hide true craziness like this and they’ve never had issues before despite all the other stuff they’ve done together. OP even notes here that this was a one-off:

I've known her for a while (few years) before getting involved in an LTR but I've never seen her like this.

this is the first time she has done this in all the years

Just reading between the lines.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

And as per my usual self, I am compelled to respond to BE

Abuse is about control. She wants to control you and simultaneously she lost control of herself.

Abuse is about control only for serial abusers. This was a heat-of-passion situation, as you can clearly tell by her grabbing his junk lol. Women are only that vicious when they’re really really really jealous, not because they want “control”.

The hard truth is that this begins a dangerous cycle of physicality that is likely to repeat

Unless she feels that he will absolutely, positively walk away if it happens again, AND he doesn’t suddenly became beta.

the sex is off the hook, which hooks you more.

Hate sex really is the best kind of sex, isn’t it?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

agree that he shouldn’t have blamed himself though. But she isn’t the type of woman to crave drama because 1.5 years is too long for a woman to hide true craziness like this and they’ve never had issues before despite all the other stuff they’ve done together.

Crazy women can be angels until things get a bit tense or harder, then they snap. It could be 1 year or 10. We know nothing except what OP has told us. She may have been dropping crazy hints all along and he either didn't pick up on them or let them slide.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Crazy women can be angels until things get a bit tense or harder, then they snap. It could be 1 year or 10. We know nothing except what OP has told us. She may have been dropping crazy hints all along and he either didn't pick up on them or let them slide.

Yeah, and paranoia and insecurity are real things too lol.

Most crazies distinguish themselves within the first few months. Most don’t make it a year. If a woman suddenly becomes crazy after 10 years though, she likely just changed as a person, which is to be expected after 10+ years.

 

[BeExcellent]

Agree with @EyeOnThePrize on this one. Serious crazy can indeed lurk for years. Especially if there are not major stressors....

You introduce major life stress and the wheels can come off.

You should hear the stories I have listened to from friends....from divorced men even...who were duped for a while...years in some cases.

Usually signs are there...but people don’t always pick up on them.

And yes abuse is always about control. Whether it be coercion, emotional abuse, psychological abuse or physical abuse.

Once physical abuse starts it escalates. There is irrefutable research on this. Google it. Domestic violence spirals out of control. Staying in a relationship with someone like this is tacit acceptance of the behavior...

This you do not understand ITDG. Clearly. Or you would not make such ill informed statements.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Agree with @EyeOnThePrize on this one. Serious crazy can indeed lurk for years. Especially if there are not major stressors....

You introduce major life stress and the wheels can come off.

You should hear the stories I have listened to from friends....from divorced men even...who were duped for a while...years in some cases.

Usually signs are there...but people don’t always pick up on them.

And yes abuse is always about control. Whether it be coercion, emotional abuse, psychological abuse or physical abuse.

Once physical abuse starts it escalates. There is irrefutable research on this. Google it. Domestic violence spirals out of control. Staying in a relationship with someone like this is tacit acceptance of the behavior...

This you do not understand ITDG. Clearly. Or you would not make such ill informed statements.

I am more informed than all of you, hubris be damned. You said it yourself that there’s usually signs that go unnoticed; just because you don’t notice/ignore them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. She’s still crazy, you’re just turning a blind eye until it eventually blows up in your face. That doesn’t mean she’s been secretly crazy this whole time and has been hiding it from you, female nature isn’t a conspiracy theory. You don’t blame her for duping you, you blame yourself for duping yourself. End of.

And again, abuse is only about control for serial abusers, and only escalates if you let it. Hence the caveat I put out here:

Unless she feels that he will absolutely, positively walk away if it happens again, AND he doesn’t suddenly became beta.

Wanna know how I know this? I’ve seen it first hand, AND I’ve experienced it too. If it’s a one-off situation, it’ll only escalate if the other party has no fear of any repercussions and doesn’t respect you. I understand that you take this matter more to heart because you were recently abused by someone you loved, but just because I’m saying this doesn’t mean I’m trying to invalidate your experiences. Rather, the contrary.

 

[sosumba]

Remember that according to feminists, equality means that it´s always the man's fault.

This is gold.

 

[In2theGame]

I appreciate all of the responses & advice/conversation about this situation.

*Update*

So obviously this weekend we sat down and talked about everything. It wasn't lengthy but again, she kept apologizing for her lashing out and how she handled the whole situation. Got me a pair of very expensive earbuds for Christmas even though I told her not to get me anything. I made my point clear about things and simply looked her in her eyes and said "If you ever lash out like that again or anything remotely close to that, I'm leaving and that will be the last time you ever see me again". She apologized again and said she never will.

Only time will tell...

We also got into a conversation about her wanting to be with a guy like me. She knew how I was for years prior and literally chased after me for a good 4 years to be my girlfriend. It's like she wants me to change now that we're together but I told her that maybe another type of guy is better suited for her and she says no, she doesn't want anyone else. I don't understand why Women want to change a Man that they chase hard after (I actually do know why, I'm just saying...) but overall we were able to smooth everything out however I will stand by my word that if anything got out of hand like that again, I was without a doubt gone for good.