Critique my date...

[TheNewStyle123]

What's going on boys. I feel like I am becoming a frequent poster on here - haha. Newly separated and getting back into the game so all the advice is majorly helpful. I wanted to get everyone's advice on my date last night and give me tips on what I could have done/should do in the future to make this a solid plate.

I met this girl on Bumble. She works a ton and travels a lot. Very committed to her job, attractive, motivated, fun etc. I am obviously not looking to date right now as I am still in the process of divorce, but she seems like she would be a great plate to spin. I invited her to get drinks with me at a local spot 5 min from my place last night. Here's how it went:

I text her the day before to confirm plans. She eagerly confirms the time and place with me and says she is looking forward to it. An hour and a half before our date yesterday I text her that I made the reservation and we are set for 7PM. She texts me back (very apologetic) and asks if we could move it to 7:30 as she had a late phone call with work (again, she is really ambitious and career driven so I didn't mind). About 10 min before our 'new' time she texts me that she is still about 20 min away and she is very apologetic again "drinks are on me!"

She arrives at 7:50 and I use her tardiness as a topic to make fun of her and flirt through the night. She is REALLY cool and fun to talk to. We make physical contact (hand touching, etc.) during the night. I do NOT let her pay for the drinks when the tab comes even though she takes it (just something I have a hard time doing. I know a lot of you on here will ream me out for this.. haha, but I just have a hard time making the girl pay, especially on the first date). But I made it clear that she could pay me back another way (there was talks of her cooking food and I said she could cook for me on another date). At the end of the night I invited her back to my place for another drink and she agreed.

We get back to my place, drink, talk more, and continue to have a good night. We end up making out on my couch (great chemistry, shirts come off, sucking on her t!ts, etc.) and move into my bedroom (which she initiated). Nothing progresses beyond that (she uses the colloquial '3rd date' analogy and keeps saying she is so turned on but does not want to, at least on our first date - which I respect.) We keep making out and teasing each other and eventually she has to hit the road. She complimented me a lot during the night and a few times said "you're a good guy, you're such a good guy" and how she can't wait to see me again.

My question. Have I doomed myself? Did our lack of bucking and her calling me a "good guy" friendzone me? Am I on the path to LJBF - and will this girl just flat out ghost me now after getting free drinks? She gave me her last name when she left (for my phone contact), asked for my last name, and immediately added me on instagram. It is the next morning today and after her text that she made it home safe last night (to which I replied that I was glad she made it safe and that I had a great night) she has not said anything this AM.

My plan, if she continues to talk to me, is to have her over to my place for food on the next date. Originally I was going to cook for her (a topic brought up during the night since I love to cook) but instead I am going to throw her a curveball and have her cook WITH me and bring over some tequila (our fav drink). I want her to have some investment in our 'potential' next date.

Thoughts boys?

 

[Epimanes]

You did great.... i don't think it coulda gone much better man other than the bang... but imho the anticipation is fun. By the sounds of it she was genuine.

Good job!

 

[Warpal]

Sounds like a fun date. Just make sure she invest more in you then you in her. So let her cook for you. If you like her much it probaly feel good and natural to invest alot in her. Dont do it. Like i said always let her invest more in you. Time, Money and effort.

have a good one

 

[TheNewStyle123]

You did great.... i don't think it coulda gone much better man other than the bang... but imho the anticipation is fun. By the sounds of it she was genuine.

Good job!

Thanks buddy! I really appreciate that. I tend to get in my own head, especially being fresh to the game again. I would agree, I had a lot of fun and also imho the chase is more fun. The first girl I banged after separating was kind of trashy..

 

[Black Widow Void]

There's sort of an 'unwritten code' that standard protocol is to wait 48 hours after a date to communicate (aside from the "made it home safely" communication).

I'm gong to make a comment, but it's not to single you out. In fact, we've all probably been there before (I sure have).

None of us enjoy feeling like a fool with women, but at the same time... it's best to avoid meeting a new girl with our trigger 'c0cked (waiting for the ah-ha "gotchca" moment).

I've been on both sides : woman dates guy(s) that treat her 'bad' and suddenly I feel like I'm on trial for *their* offenses. And also after getting burned, I'm playing mental chess - making sure I don't feel foolish again.

I'm responding to your post in hopes that you'll avoid my mistakes.
Try to remain "aware" but at the same time, also try to be "in the new moment" with this new girl.

Best advice I can offer is to wait 48 hours and just pop in with something casual "how's your week so far?"

If she responds in an adequate amount of time, then respond (not immediately, but within the hour) with something like " I was thinking of going to _____ (insert a place that could be fun for a date) on ____ (insert day). Let's have a drink and unwind. "

If she waits a day to respond to your first casual message, then wait until the the day before and send the above "drink" message.

Keep us posted and we'll continue to offer some pointers.

 

[Lookatu]

She works a ton and travels a lot. Very committed to her job, attractive, motivated, fun etc.

she seems like she would be a great plate to spin.

I do NOT let her pay for the drinks when the tab comes even though she takes it (just something I have a hard time doing. I know a lot of you on here will ream me out for this.. haha, but I just have a hard time making the girl pay, especially on the first date).

But I made it clear that she could pay me back another way (there was talks of her cooking food and I said she could cook for me on another date). At the end of the night I invited her back to my place for another drink and she agreed.

move into my bedroom (which she initiated). Nothing progresses beyond that (she uses the colloquial '3rd date' analogy and keeps saying she is so turned on but does not want to, at least on our first date - which I respect.) We keep making out and teasing each other and eventually she has to hit the road. She complimented me a lot during the night and a few times said "you're a good guy, you're such a good guy" and how she can't wait to see me again.

My question. Have I doomed myself? Did our lack of bucking and her calling me a "good guy" friendzone me? Am I on the path to LJBF - and will this girl just flat out ghost me now after getting free drinks? She gave me her last name when she left (for my phone contact), asked for my last name, and immediately added me on instagram. It is the next morning today and after her text that she made it home safe last night (to which I replied that I was glad she made it safe and that I had a great night) she has not said anything this AM.

Replying to things in bold above:
The fact that she works and travels a lot, she's most likely looking for the bad boy type where she knows that won't get clingy, dependent, possesive. She doesn't have time for a relationship and that's fine as you said you could see her being a plate material.

ALWAYS let women pay for drinks if she says she will. Dating can get expensive fast and you'll discover that you may not get past 1st dates with them. Plus she works a ton and is an independent career woman, right?

Talks of HER cooking is delusional. She's busy with career and travel and most gals like that don't want to cook or don't know how to cook. They are the least domesticated. They value convenience over anything.

You might've failed the $hit test if she initiated both of you going into the bedroom and nothing happened. That's why she kept saying "you're such a good guy". What she really meant was "you're a nice guy" and you know nice guys finish last or get friendzoned.

Read up on the "push/pull" technique for last minute resistance(LMR) to help you in this area to close the deal.

To me you seemed too eager even after the date saying "I had a great night". Do not say that unless she says it first, then even then, just keep it simple like "likewise".

She is clearly making power moves on you that she probably does for work everyday to be in control the best she can. She controlled her timing with you, she controlled the sex part with you, she gave you a good feeling during drinks that made you wanna pay for her, she is taking her time to respond to you this morning. This can go both ways but I'm expecting her to say that she had fun last night but didn't really feel a strong connection. My $.02

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Replying to things in bold above:
The fact that she works and travels a lot, she's most likely looking for the bad boy type where she knows that won't get clingy, dependent, possesive. She doesn't have time for a relationship and that's fine as you said you could see her being a plate material.

ALWAYS let women pay for drinks if she says she will. Dating can get expensive fast and you'll discover that you may not get past 1st dates with them. Plus she works a ton and is an independent career woman, right?

Talks of HER cooking is delusional. She's busy with career and travel and most gals like that don't want to cook or don't know how to cook. They are the least domesticated. They value convenience over anything.

You might've failed the $hit test if she initiated both of you going into the bedroom and nothing happened. That's why she kept saying "you're such a good guy". What she really meant was "you're a nice guy" and you know nice guys finish last or get friendzoned.

Read up on the "push/pull" technique for last minute resistance(LMR) to help you in this area to close the deal.

To me you seemed too eager even after the date saying "I had a great night". Do not say that unless she says it first, then even then, just keep it simple like "likewise".

She is clearly making power moves on you that she probably does for work everyday to be in control the best she can. She controlled her timing with you, she controlled the sex part with you, she gave you a good feeling during drinks that made you wanna pay for her, she is taking her time to respond to you this morning. This can go both ways but I'm expecting her to say that she had fun last night but didn't really feel a strong connection. My $.02

I fear you may be right man - you make a good point about the 'control' (being late, not paying, no sex, etc.) I'm definitely interested in her but IF she replies to me I may wait a day to respond and be really casual about doing something after the holidays. Thoughts?

 

[EyeBRollin]

You made a lot of mistakes. Her interest level may have been high initially, but you set some precedents that will quickly lower it in the coming weeks. Let’s quickly critique:

1) Do not confirm dates ever. That’s her job. Doing say establishes the pattern that you will confirm before every date. You also don’t get an easy test to see if she is interested enough in the date to confirm with you.

2) First date was way too long. Drinks or a walk keep it to 1.5 hours max. You’re giving away too much too quickly

3) First dates should not ever end up at your place. Why does a stranger get access to where you live? Guy, you’re supposed to be a mystery. One night stands should happen at her place when you take her home, or at hotels when you’re on vacation or at a convention.

4) This girls interest is already waning. “Good Guy” = nice guy in woman ese. This chick was almost an hour late to your date and you happily took her home and made out with her. Keeping the date is fine, but you should have cut it short to show your time is valuable. Cut her off at 8:30 pm.

 

[Lookatu]

I fear you may be right man - you make a good point about the 'control' (being late, not paying, no sex, etc.) I'm definitely interested in her but IF she replies to me I may wait a day to respond and be really casual about doing something after the holidays. Thoughts?

Once you are congruent and break that and become inconsistent, women have an instinct to pick up on that stuff.
Right now it may seem like she's the Jedi master and you are one in training.

I'm not so sure about waiting a whole day because that isn't consistent with what you were doing, but don't respond in a way where it makes it look like you were just waiting for her to text you either.

Also be short and quick with your texting to establish logistics for your next meetup only. Don't text her anymore than you have to. But approach it with a warm tone and not a cold business like one either so you don't turn her off.

You want to feed her breadcrumbs just to keep up her warm and fuzzy feeling of you without giving her too much so she has something to look forward to in meeting up with you(your attention and time).

 

[TheNewStyle123]

You made a lot of mistakes. Her interest level may have been high initially, but you set some precedents that will quickly lower it in the coming weeks. Let’s quickly critique:

1) Do not confirm dates ever. That’s her job. Doing say establishes the pattern that you will confirm before every date. You also don’t get an easy test to see if she is interested enough in the date to confirm with you.

2) First date was way too long. Drinks or a walk keep it to 1.5 hours max. You’re giving away too much too quickly

3) First dates should not ever end up at your place. Why does a stranger get access to where you live? Guy, you’re supposed to be a mystery. One night stands should happen at her place when you take her home, or at hotels when you’re on vacation or at a convention.

4) This girls interest is already waning. “Good Guy” = nice guy in woman ese. This chick was almost an hour late to your date and you happily took her home and made out with her. Keeping the date is fine, but you should have cut it short to show your time is valuable. Cut her off at 8:30 pm.

Damn.. you make a lot of great points. Sounds like a good plan to redeem myself now is to not respond to her for a good while if she does text me?

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Once you are congruent and break that and become inconsistent, women have an instinct to pick up on that stuff.
Right now it may seem like she's the Jedi master and you are one in training.

I'm not so sure about waiting a whole day because that isn't consistent with what you were doing, but don't respond in a way where it makes it look like you were just waiting for her to text you either.

Also be short and quick with your texting to establish logistics for your next meetup only. Don't text her anymore than you have to. But approach it with a warm tone and not a cold business like one either so you don't turn her off.

You want to feed her breadcrumbs just to keep up her warm and fuzzy feeling of you without giving her too much so she has something to look forward to in meeting up with you(your attention and time).

Great tips man! Thank you!

 

[Lookatu]

Sounds like a good plan to redeem myself now is to not respond to her for a good while if she does text me?

Like I said before, if you were already tentative in texting her and all of a sudden you fall off the map or are no longer consistent with your behavior, then she's going to pick up on that and think something is wrong. At this point, it's probably too late to change anything without a flag going up on her end. I would just continue and stay the course with this one but learn from this for the next one.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Damn.. you make a lot of great points. Sounds like a good plan to redeem myself now is to not respond to her for a good while if she does text me?

Like I said before, if you were already tentative in texting her and all of a sudden you fall off the map or are no longer consistent with your behavior, then she's going to pick up on that and think something is wrong. At this point, it's probably too late to change anything without a flag going up on her end. I would just continue and stay the course with this one but learn from this for the next one.

This 100% basically. Women sense patterns like you wouldn’t believe. That’s why I stress precedents. Try not to get into bad habits early. You’ll get considerably less dates, but relationships that work out will be much smoother. This particular situation she’s more in control. You have to continue to chase with this girl, unfortunately.

 

[Barrister]

I will disagree with some others here. I thought you did a pretty good job.

Here is the thing I think you have to change though -- you are worrying way too much about "getting it right." You need to just go out, be confident, and always be the one to keep pushing things forward sexually. It was unclear from your post but I assume you at least TRIED to get her pants off? I think that is actually important so you come off dominant to her. Don't let her be the one leading you in the bedroom.

I wouldn't worry about her saying that you are "a good guy." I don't think that automatically equates to you being friendzoned. Again, stop worrying so much. You need to be talking to other women besides this one or you will end up sabotaging things with her if she is your primary (only) focus.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

I will disagree with some others here. I thought you did a pretty good job.

Here is the thing I think you have to change though -- you are worrying way too much about "getting it right." You need to just go out, be confident, and always be the one to keep pushing things forward sexually. It was unclear from your post but I assume you at least TRIED to get her pants off? I think that is actually important so you come off dominant to her. Don't let her be the one leading you in the bedroom.

I wouldn't worry about her saying that you are "a good guy." I don't think that automatically equates to you being friendzoned. Again, stop worrying so much. You need to be talking to other women besides this one or you will end up sabotaging things with her if she is your primary (only) focus.

Thanks man - I was feeling pretty down but this helps. And yes it was VERY clear I was trying to get her pants off in my room haha. I have a few other girls I'm talking to and trying to hook up with (one is already a plate), so I think for now my best option is to shift my focus to them and not worry so much!

 

[Barrister]

Thanks man - I was feeling pretty down but this helps. And yes it was VERY clear I was trying to get her pants off in my room haha. I have a few other girls I'm talking to and trying to hook up with (one is already a plate), so I think for now my best option is to shift my focus to them and not worry so much!

I was in your position three years ago coming out of a divorce. It takes awhile to get back in the swing of things. I definitely don't think you did a bad job or did a lot of things wrong. I will respectfully disagree with some of my fellow posters here that you think you did a number of things wrong. I think it is easy to get carried away though when it is someone that you LIKE on top of the sex, which is a pit anyone can fall into, but especially someone coming out of a bad relationship like yourself. I can tell you dig this chick and she appears to be solid on the surface. But as soon as you start sounding desperate to her is when she will feel she has the upper hand. These chicks are far more turned on by the unknown. You have to keep her guessing and not make things too easy.

Don't worry about using some formulaic approach. Be confident (not quite "c0cky" but close), direct, and as mysterious as you can and the chips will fall where they will (and ALWAYS physically escalate as much as you can!). Good luck, brother.

 

[jaymbrs]

Everything seemed to be a great first date except for the fact you met her on a dating app. These type of women seem to ghost quicker than most so sealing the deal asap is a priority for me. What? You think you're the only guy she's let suck her tits on the first date? Doubtful. Hopefully she's down for a second date and follows through and if so I would try and **** her in as many ways possible.

 

[2Rocky]

Well this isn't high school. Do you want a woman who is alright leaving you with blue balls? I know when you start dating again just getting some action again is exciting. I wouldn't fault a woman who might just kiss on a first date, but if we go into the bedroom we need to finish what we started.

Invite her over for a cook at your place dinner. If she accepts, make it a flirty game of "Don't start what you can't finish" Do light and suggestive kino on Non-Erogenous zones. As if you were at dinner with friends and were stealing little touches. Shoulders, arms. neck, thigh, etc. Really build up the tension.

At some point you give her the chance to give you the green light and if she still says "third date", give her a quick kiss and show her the door. "I'm not gonna start something I can't finish" is your mantra..

 

[SW15]

Everything seemed to be a great first date except for the fact you met her on a dating app. These type of women seem to ghost quicker than most so sealing the deal asap is a priority for me. What? You think you're the only guy she's let suck her tits on the first date? Doubtful. Hopefully she's down for a second date and follows through and if so I would try and **** her in as many ways possible.

First date sex with a swipe app gal is probably more necessary than a woman who you meet through social circle or cold approach. They also have the most options, which is why they ghost and flake more.

 

[Stoic]

The truth is the best way to get better with women is to prospect and date several women at a time. You need real experience more than anything and to fine tune your game through that. Sure, read the rational male and get some solid principles but the main thing is experience. You can make adjustments off experience to see what works and what doesn't.

One of the mistakes I made after divorce was really trying to game too hard. I would wait hours to respond to texts. I would act totally aloof uninterested in the girl or act like a hot shot. All of this was completely not me. It seems like you might be trying to do everything by a textbook. I think waiting a day to respond to text a girl you had a good time with is a little ridiculous. Just text her back when you can.

And fresh out of a marriage, you are doing fine. Honestly, my head was a mess for awhile after the divorce and it took some time to regain my footing.

Keep it up and best of luck.