Ex with new man

[Bolond]

Wow...that is way way too early! She obviously goes all in on guys she meets so it seems she thinks he will be around for a while.

Yeah but its not gone work

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah but its not gone work

How do you know? This is your ego talking.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

When separated/divorced 3 years back, the ex started having a man over within a week of me moving out. Our daughter wasn't even 2, I was so upset an angry she thought that was reasonable thing to do with our daughter in the room next door. I've put it down to her being emotionally all over the shop and hope she wouldn't do that again now a few years have passed and our daughter is more aware of other people. Doesmt set a good example imo... men coming and going.

Woman I'm seeing now made it clear from the start she doesn't want her daughter to meet me until she knows if we re going to bevserious or not... which I respect her for.

I really don't like western women.

 

[RickTheToad]

My ex and i have a kid,therefor we have contact. She lied to me about small things when we spoke over facetime. She has met a guy. Its not serious but maybe it Will she said to me. I Said i was happy for her,and i am!

They have been dating a couple of weeks (2 or 3)and he has already met our child! Thats to early! For three months ago she had a fwb but now another guy.
Am i right about its to early for him to meet our child?

Kinda hard to block the new dude from seeing the child if the child lives with the mom. If you want, you may want to speak to your attorney and see what options you may explore to protect the child from seeing strangers. Not sure if it's worth the legal fees though. Sounds like an emotional and not a logical response from your end. Unless there is a danger to the child, there's really little you can do.

 

[B80]

Kinda hard to block the new dude from seeing the child if the child lives with the mom. If you want, you may want to speak to your attorney and see what options you may explore to protect the child from seeing strangers. Not sure if it's worth the legal fees though. Sounds like an emotional and not a logical response from your end. Unless there is a danger to the child, there's really little you can do.

Yeah pretty much what I was told.

Need to tread carefully with going down legal route as can cause long lasting issues/repercussions for everyone in the long term.

 

[Bolond]

Of Course i want her partner to meet our kid but now they are not serious with eachother and involving a kid now is way to early.

 

[bcude]

she is being completely reckless, showing disrespect to you and also her own daughter.
you should tell her how bad of a mother she is and tell her why you dont think she should bring random men around your daughter but in a calm masculine way not a butthurt way, but at the end of the day of course she is going to do whatever it is she wants. but you have balls so you have to stand up for your daughter and your own self respect, she has you right where she wants you, she wants to get you emotional and argumentative, and keep it going.
normally i would advise not to argue with women, and i still dont think you should but you definitely have to be assertive.
just make sure to be calm and masculine about it. and cut any unnecessary contact.

I tend to agree with this approach. I don't expect the ex to change or act in the child's best interest all of a sudden but atleast i wouldn't reinforce this behavior by pretending what she's doing is okay with me and it might even get her to think. As a parent you want to act in the best interest of the child to the best of your ability at all times. When the child grows older it will want to know everything that went on and make its own judgement on who's to blame for its suffering of the broken family and all the back and forth so she's digging her own grave in that area.

I wouldn't attack her by saying she's a bad mom though because then she would immediately shut off, become emotional and not listen. I would ask her if she thinks what she's doing is good for the child and frame it that way.

 

[B80]

I tend to agree with this approach. I don't expect the ex to change or act in the child's best interest all of a sudden but atleast i wouldn't reinforce this behavior by pretending what she's doing is okay with me and it might even get her to think. As a parent you want to act in the best interest of the child to the best of your ability at all times. When the child grows older it will want to know everything that went on and make its own judgement on who's to blame for its suffering of the broken family and all the back and forth so she's digging her own grave in that area.

I wouldn't attack her by saying she's a bad mom though because then she would immediately shut off, become emotional and not listen. I would ask her if she thinks what she's doing is good for the child and frame it that way.

Yeah should have clarified my post earlier on. I pointed out my concern in a diplomatic matter, careful not to make her feel so bad it would tip her over the edge.

Like you say, wouldn't recommend not raising any serious issues, like anything it's all about knowing the person you're dealing with and how you frame it.

 

[Bolond]

A couple of weeks ago she had an fwb and now a "serious" boyfriend. Both of them met our kid. This smells like hell,she has hit her head. Just **** she wants and i hope the new guy see her from What she is->broken.

 

[bat soup]

My ex and i have a kid,therefor we have contact. She lied to me about small things when we spoke over facetime. She has met a guy. Its not serious but maybe it Will she said to me. I Said i was happy for her,and i am!

They have been dating a couple of weeks (2 or 3)and he has already met our child! Thats to early! For three months ago she had a fwb but now another guy.
Am i right about its to early for him to meet our child?

Nothing you can do about it.

 

[Bolond]

Nothing you can do about it.

I know.....

 

[bat soup]

I know.....

Since that's the case I think it's better not to worry about it. Focus on meeting other women and doing what you can to improve your life.

 

[Bolond]

WORD!

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

I wouldn't attack her by saying she's a bad mom though because then she would immediately shut off, become emotional and not listen. I would ask her if she thinks what she's doing is good for the child and frame it that way.

i agree , probably wouldnt be a good idea to result to name calling or insults, just be assertive and get her to thnk and feel as though she arrived at her own decision.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I'm going to throw a rough draft conversation that you might think of having with her.

"Look, I completely understand and am accepting of you meeting someone new in your life. As we both know from past dating experiences, we never really know how long the new person could be in our lives. I've been reading that the first seven years in a child's life are the most important. One thing I respect about you (maybe you don't, but it sounds good) is that you care as much about our child as I do."

You didn't mention if your child is a boy or girl, and so this next part is a two parter

If a girl - "The last thing we want our daughter to see ... is either of us in what could be perceived (even at her young age now) as "revolving door relationships." When she grows up, I want her to be a strong independent woman like you are (once again, you might be blowing smoke on this one, but it'll hold your ex's attention) . I worry that if she sees either of us with multiple people that she'll get the wrong idea and not see relationships as long lasting or worse, she may develop an unhealthy view about relationships."

If a boy - "The last thing we want our son to see ... is either of us in what could be perceived (even at his young age now) as "revolving door relationships." When he grows up, I want him to look at women as a respectful as you are (this comment should hold her attention) . I worry that if he sees either of us in multiple relationships too soon (without some sort of possible permanency) he may view women as expendable and we both want our son to respect women and not look at them as replaceable objects. "

 

[Bolond]

Its a boy and he has already met 2 of my ex men.....one fwb and now the new "boyfriend".......

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

I'm going to throw a rough draft conversation that you might think of having with her.

"Look, I completely understand and am accepting of you meeting someone new in your life. As we both know from past dating experiences, we never really know how long the new person could be in our lives. I've been reading that the first seven years in a child's life are the most important. One thing I respect about you (maybe you don't, but it sounds good) is that you care as much about our child as I do."

You didn't mention if your child is a boy or girl, and so this next part is a two parter

If a girl - "The last thing we want our daughter to see ... is either of us in what could be perceived (even at her young age now) as "revolving door relationships." When she grows up, I want her to be a strong independent woman like you are (once again, you might be blowing smoke on this one, but it'll hold your ex's attention) . I worry that if she sees either of us with multiple people that she'll get the wrong idea and not see relationships as long lasting or worse, she may develop an unhealthy view about relationships."

If a boy - "The last thing we want our son to see ... is either of us in what could be perceived (even at his young age now) as "revolving door relationships." When he grows up, I want him to look at women as a respectful as you are (this comment should hold her attention) . I worry that if he sees either of us in multiple relationships too soon (without some sort of possible permanency) he may view women as expendable and we both want our son to respect women and not look at them as replaceable objects. "

very good advice, its not telling her she cant see other men, its just saying have some kinda respect for the child about it.

 

[Bolond]

I told her that and that i would like to meet the one who stays around for more than 6 months. All other men i dnt care about.

 

[Lookatu]

Tell her very stearnly that no guy should meet your kid unless they get engaged. No wiggle room for this and this has to be set in stone.

She's gotta quit being selfish and thinking of her needs first.

How will the kid feel or how confused will they be to see a revolving door of different guys come in and out of the kid's life?

This will eventually mess up your kid and you'll have no one to blame but yourself for not putting your foot down early on.

 

[Bolond]

I told her multiple guys should NOT meet our kid and she replied "Its only 2 in Three months"
She is wicked!