Is she being nice because she wants to be friends?

[TheNewStyle123]

Hi gentlemen.

Started talking to this girl on bumble a week ago. I gave her my number on the app and she ended up texting me. We have been texting back and forth pretty sporadically for the past week (she travels a lot and seems to be kind of a nomad - going away to NYC, Connecticut, etc. most weekends). I told her whenever she actually is in Massachusetts for a weekend she should show me some cool places since she knows the spots well. She said she would be around this weekend or next weekend. I am busy this weekend and will be gone next weekend but asked her if she could do anything Monday. She said she was free and accepted. I said "Great! So tell me K, where am I taking you for drinks Monday night?" Then offered a few options in my area. (I wanted to make it clear I was taking HER for drinks so there is no confusion about this being a friend hang out.)

My question. She has been really easy to talk to and fun over text, uses smiles and emojis occasionally, and is really friendly. Do you think she is just looking for a friend to hang out with? Have you guys ever ended up going out with a girl on the dating apps and she just wanted to "hang out as friends"? I don't want to go on a date with this girl and waste my time if she just wants a friend. She said to me "I feel like we should save Boston for another weekend since you're in [my suburb]." She is already planning a future hang out after our date Monday, is that because she may be really interested, or just looking for a buddy to explore with?

I am recently separated and new to this as you can tell.

Thanks boys.

 

[Lookatu]

Let me tell you about texting. Texting is one thing but things can quickly change either way when you meet up.

Both of you have this vision in your head about the other person and have a certain points system already set.

Once you two meet up her point system of you and you of her can go up or down. Depending on how your points go up or down with her will determine if you get friendzoned, kissed, laid, etc. with her.

Just remember, nothing is guaranteed and it's how you vibe in real life and if you connect that determines what will happen from that point onward. From that perspective, you're not going to be able to win them all regardless of texting chemistry.

But just reading your post, you already have way too much invested before you even meet. Try not to do that and get your hopes so high. Learn to be realistic and manage your expectations. And just like job interviews, you're not likely to get the job from your first interview so keep that in mind.

Be genuine and yourself and don't try to impress her in any artificial way if you are looking for a relationship of any sort.

If you're just looking to get laid or something casual, learn to seduce her as quickly as possible so you're not wasting your time.

To minimize chances of friendzone, you want to be sexual and escalate on the first date. That way you put your cards out there and see where things are at.

Remember its' a two way street. You need to have her qualify herself to you too and demonstrate that she deserves your time, respect, attention. Don't treat it as a one way street like a lot of guys do where they find themselves trying to qualify themselves to her only.

There's a lot of other things that can be said about it but I just hit some of the main points.

 

[CoandaEffect]

... So tell me K, where am I taking you for drinks Monday night?" ...

It is always better to tell her where you are going to take her rather than ask. Asking makes you look like you are trying to please her, telling her makes you look like a confident leader. Women prefer to be told where they are going rather than being asked where they want to go.

Also never ask yourself whether she is interested in you or not, just assume that she is. So many of us fall into this way of thinking and we convince ourselves that she is not interested in us when she actually is. Let her reject you, don’t reject yourself.

Now go have a good time with her, good luck and let us now how it pans out.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Also never ask yourself whether she is interested in you or not, just assume that she is. So many of us fall into this way of thinking and we convince ourselves that she is not interested in us when she actually is. Let her reject you, don’t reject yourself.

Wow. Love that quote man. Thank you! Sage advice.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Let me tell you about texting. Texting is one thing but things can quickly change either way when you meet up.

Both of you have this vision in your head about the other person and have a certain points system already set.

Once you two meet up her point system of you and you of her can go up or down. Depending on how your points go up or down with her will determine if you get friendzoned, kissed, laid, etc. with her.

Just remember, nothing is guaranteed and it's how you vibe in real life and if you connect that determines what will happen from that point onward. From that perspective, you're not going to be able to win them all regardless of texting chemistry.

But just reading your post, you already have way too much invested before you even meet. Try not to do that and get your hopes so high. Learn to be realistic and manage your expectations. And just like job interviews, you're not likely to get the job from your first interview so keep that in mind.

Be genuine and yourself and don't try to impress her in any artificial way if you are looking for a relationship of any sort.

If you're just looking to get laid or something casual, learn to seduce her as quickly as possible so you're not wasting your time.

To minimize chances of friendzone, you want to be sexual and escalate on the first date. That way you put your cards out there and see where things are at.

Remember its' a two way street. You need to have her qualify herself to you too and demonstrate that she deserves your time, respect, attention. Don't treat it as a one way street like a lot of guys do where they find themselves trying to qualify themselves to her only.

There's a lot of other things that can be said about it but I just hit some of the main points.

Great points man, thank you! Any tips on how to recognize her qualifying herself on the first date? What sort of things should I 'expect' her to do or look out for to ensure she is mutually invested and trying to qualify herself for my time/attention?

 

[Kotaix]

Things sound like they are going very well with her, she sounds very interested and you're doing the right thing by making it clear you're interested in her.

She will only "want to be just friends" if you act like you want to be just friends and don't escalate to innuendo or act neutral. Good luck

 

[Lookatu]

Great points man, thank you! Any tips on how to recognize her qualifying herself on the first date? What sort of things should I 'expect' her to do or look out for to ensure she is mutually invested and trying to qualify herself for my time/attention?

Look to see if she's doing anything to seek your approval or agreeing with you easily on various topics. If she makes things easy and is willing to be flexible or comply. Look to see if she's trying to market herself to you more than you are to her to get YOU to like her or see some value in her.

Examples:
I like to bring up some controversial topics to gauge how they respond to it after you've stated your case. If they try to squirm around it or if they flat out disagree with it and bash you and your thoughts on it. That is often a tell tale sign too.

Look to see if they are willing to follow your lead. For example, if you change your mind and say I like this place better, let's go here instead. See if they enthusiastically follow your lead or give any complaints or make it hard.

See if they like to talk themselves up a lot to market themselves to you. Like they will mention having a strict workout regimen, learned new recipes to cook, like to spoil their previous bf's, etc. Anything to indicate that she's trying to market herself to you thus qualifying herself.

Don't offer to pay or whip out your credit card/cash when the check comes. Just let it simmer and keep talking. See if she mentions splitting the bill in any way. If not, slowly go for the check to look at it and see if then she says anything. This doesn't indicate squat but it can in some way rule out some things. Not a big deal though. It's just something I've employed in the last year because when you date a lot, it can add up. LOL

Here are some Pre-date checks:
How fast she texts you after you've given your number via dating app messenger
How flexible she is to your schedule and meeting spot
How engaging she is before the first date

 

[bat soup]

Hi gentlemen.

Started talking to this girl on bumble a week ago. I gave her my number on the app and she ended up texting me. We have been texting back and forth pretty sporadically for the past week (she travels a lot and seems to be kind of a nomad - going away to NYC, Connecticut, etc. most weekends). I told her whenever she actually is in Massachusetts for a weekend she should show me some cool places since she knows the spots well. She said she would be around this weekend or next weekend. I am busy this weekend and will be gone next weekend but asked her if she could do anything Monday. She said she was free and accepted. I said "Great! So tell me K, where am I taking you for drinks Monday night?" Then offered a few options in my area. (I wanted to make it clear I was taking HER for drinks so there is no confusion about this being a friend hang out.)

My question. She has been really easy to talk to and fun over text, uses smiles and emojis occasionally, and is really friendly. Do you think she is just looking for a friend to hang out with? Have you guys ever ended up going out with a girl on the dating apps and she just wanted to "hang out as friends"? I don't want to go on a date with this girl and waste my time if she just wants a friend. She said to me "I feel like we should save Boston for another weekend since you're in [my suburb]." She is already planning a future hang out after our date Monday, is that because she may be really interested, or just looking for a buddy to explore with?

I am recently separated and new to this as you can tell.

Thanks boys.

Bumble is not for making friends. If she swiped on you, it's either because she wants to bang or because she wants someone to provide her with free drinks and attention.

When you meet her, choose the place carefully. Ideally, it should have some quiet darkly-lit corner where you can sit or stand right next to her that is not too crowded and without too many onlookers. You don't want to be sitting across a table from her outside or anything like that. You also don't want your friends or anyone you know to be there watching over you.

Get close to her and start escalating from the beginning and see how she responds. If she moves away or calls you out on it or does anything that represents a kochblock, ditch her before she sucks down another drink at your expense.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Ordinarily, I'd jump right in and offer some advice. Lookatu has provided some great step by step pointers. I'll even go as far as saying that he's provided a much more precise and articulate job than I could offer.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hi gentlemen.

Started talking to this girl on bumble a week ago. I gave her my number on the app and she ended up texting me. We have been texting back and forth pretty sporadically for the past week (she travels a lot and seems to be kind of a nomad - going away to NYC, Connecticut, etc. most weekends). I told her whenever she actually is in Massachusetts for a weekend she should show me some cool places since she knows the spots well. She said she would be around this weekend or next weekend. I am busy this weekend and will be gone next weekend but asked her if she could do anything Monday. She said she was free and accepted. I said "Great! So tell me K, where am I taking you for drinks Monday night?" Then offered a few options in my area. (I wanted to make it clear I was taking HER for drinks so there is no confusion about this being a friend hang out.)

My question. She has been really easy to talk to and fun over text, uses smiles and emojis occasionally, and is really friendly. Do you think she is just looking for a friend to hang out with? Have you guys ever ended up going out with a girl on the dating apps and she just wanted to "hang out as friends"? I don't want to go on a date with this girl and waste my time if she just wants a friend. She said to me "I feel like we should save Boston for another weekend since you're in [my suburb]." She is already planning a future hang out after our date Monday, is that because she may be really interested, or just looking for a buddy to explore with?

I am recently separated and new to this as you can tell.

Thanks boys.

YouTube ToddV. Most recent video, he calls out texting chats. Text to test compliance. Send location. Pull or next.

Don't give number in future. Acquire compliance via telling her to give your number. Sounds like semantics I know but it is all practice and for the yes ladder. Comply or bye. No free attention. You can chat after a throater. After the no pants dance. Not before.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Look to see if she's doing anything to seek your approval or agreeing with you easily on various topics. If she makes things easy and is willing to be flexible or comply. Look to see if she's trying to market herself to you more than you are to her to get YOU to like her or see some value in her.

Examples:
I like to bring up some controversial topics to gauge how they respond to it after you've stated your case. If they try to squirm around it or if they flat out disagree with it and bash you and your thoughts on it. That is often a tell tale sign too.

Look to see if they are willing to follow your lead. For example, if you change your mind and say I like this place better, let's go here instead. See if they enthusiastically follow your lead or give any complaints or make it hard.

See if they like to talk themselves up a lot to market themselves to you. Like they will mention having a strict workout regimen, learned new recipes to cook, like to spoil their previous bf's, etc. Anything to indicate that she's trying to market herself to you thus qualifying herself.

Don't offer to pay or whip out your credit card/cash when the check comes. Just let it simmer and keep talking. See if she mentions splitting the bill in any way. If not, slowly go for the check to look at it and see if then she says anything. This doesn't indicate squat but it can in some way rule out some things. Not a big deal though. It's just something I've employed in the last year because when you date a lot, it can add up. LOL

Here are some Pre-date checks:
How fast she texts you after you've given your number via dating app messenger
How flexible she is to your schedule and meeting spot
How engaging she is before the first date

+1

I do drinks or coffee. Ideally, you want a mini tuggle war over the bill even coffee or drinks followed by SUBMISSION.

Most men have never met feminine, cooperative, submissive.