Platonic "friends" of opposite sex

[Robert28]

It's not a big deal for me to be friends with a female. It's not even a big deal to be friends with a female I'd like to fukk. It's only a problem if I make it one. But since I'm high value and don't care, then nothing's a problem. Plus sometimes they sleep with me, anyway. Sometimes not. Who cares. But I'm smart enough not to allow myself to be manipulated.

However I concede that a friendship between a man and a woman can't be as deep or honest as one between two men. But it doesn't really need to be. If she's someone who wants to grab a drink and catch up, that's cool with me.

I say it on every other thread: Stop taking women so seriously. If you're a newbie falling into the FZ pattern, that's one thing and you should break the habit. Otherwise, a female friend can bring a lot of value to your social life besides sex - but you have to be willing to give value to receive it.

More guys would probably be open to being just friends if being just friends was exactly like you described......going out for a drink every now and then to catch up. The problem is they start out like that but then it’s “hey my battery died can you put one in for me?” Or endless stories about their downtrodden life and hoping you take the hint and offer them money. But when you don’t then they just come right out and ask for it. Who wants to be friends with that? I have never experienced a platonic friendship with a female like you describe. Ever. My experiences have always been then trying to manipulate me and guilt me into doing them favors. I thought it was a problem with me but then my guy friends don’t do that crap, never have. So it must be a problem with women and how they view friendships. Not for me thanks.

 

[3agle 3yes]

If it’s not gonna happen then I don’t see the point in keeping her around. There’s an old saying “if we ain’t fvcking, we ain’t anything”.

Do you stay in bed all day and masturbate? Didn't think so. If you're an adult, you don't have to do something just because it feels good...we have more important things to do.

Are you seriously telling me you don't interact with any non-related woman outside of work that you aren't fvcking? If the answer is yes, then you don't have many friends.

 

[Robert28]

Do you stay in bed all day and masturbate? Didn't think so. If you're an adult, you don't have to do something just because it feels good...we have more important things to do.

Are you seriously telling me you don't interact with any non-related woman outside of work that you aren't fvcking? If the answer is yes, then you don't have many friends.

I don’t even interact with women in my family, they’re leeches. That’s why I’ve cut off my family after my parents died. I interact with guy friends girlfriends and wives, but strictly women friends? Don’t have any, don’t want any. I have a lot of friends though, 4 I hangout with regularly. I’m actually a pretty popular guy where I live and women try to weasel their way into my “friend circle” often but I’m not interested because I know what they’re trying to set me up for.

 

[Robert28]

It's a problem if you don't screen friends properly and can't say "no." My friends are all respectful of my time - otherwise they wouldn't be my friends. A sincere request for help is fine - that's what friends are for. Nobody can manipulate me without my permission.

But I get your point, and if you're not having good experiences then maybe you're better off not bothering. However I think it's wise to question our own egos and whether we're the ones making it a problem. I'm not saying you should drop everything to go change her car battery. I mean ask yourself if it's truly her trying to use you (for resources as guys here like to say), or if it's you being butthurt because you believe she's exploiting you, which is really because of some RP rule that might make you "beta." (Not you, dude, you know what I mean.)

It’s not that I don’t want to help with something simple like fixing her car battery. But that’s how it always starts, and my experience in the past reminds me of that. I am honestly happier not having platonic women friends than I ever was having them. That baffles people and they think something is wrong with me but I’m actually much happier. I know what I can handle and sexual relationships with women and being friends with guys is what I’m comfortable with.

 

[Igetit!]

It's a complicated issue. I'll list one pro and one con to having platonic female friends.

Pro

1. If a guy is a long dry spell and/or is inexperienced, at least being around a chick friend (even better if she's attractive) can stop him from descending into an awkward/creepy zone due to lack of interaction with females.

I don't understand how this is a benefit to him. If he's in a long dry spell and/or inexperienced,how does merely being around women friends who have no interest in him help? Usually when a man is friends with a woman,it's because his attempt at getting sexual with her failed. It's not like he saw her and just decided he'd like a gal pal to hang out with. He likely tried to date or just have sex with her FIRST.....then when that didn't work out,they just became friends.

I don't see how that'd help. To ME,just being around a chick who rejected me,especially if I were in a long dry spell would just remind of how UN-desireable I was to every other chick I tried to date during the dry spell.

He can at least learn to become or stay comfortable around chicks. And then he can be more chill around chicks that are interested in him.

I suppose. I just don't see it the same......I don't see chicks who turned me down and I became friends with the same as women I've yet to approach and try to make something happen with. You can be more at ease with a chick you're friends with and are not trying to date.....there's no risk of rejection there.

With a new girl,there can be fear of rejection and approach anxiety. No amount of hanging with female friends will make that go away.

Con

1. If your chick friend is not asking about your dating life/trying to set you up with other women/suggesting other women to you, she may secretly think you are an undateable loser.*

True. But if you're not trying to date her,don't see what difference it'd make.

*It's totally fine if you aren't HER type. My concern is that she thinks you are nobody's type lol.

I wouldn't care what she thought. I mean if she thinks so low of me,then she can git da' f*ck on.

I do find it interesting that.....most people,(both guys and girls),they'll only have a friend of the opposite sex when they're single. Then once they start dating someone,the "friendship" tends to fall by the wayside.

Begs to wonder how genuine the so-called friendship was.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It’s not that I don’t want to help with something simple like fixing her car battery. But that’s how it always starts, and my experience in the past reminds me of that. I am honestly happier not having platonic women friends than I ever was having them. That baffles people and they think something is wrong with me but I’m actually much happier. I know what I can handle and sexual relationships with women and being friends with guys is what I’m comfortable with.

What type off male friend would you help with a car battery? What male friend would you NOT help with the car battery?

 

[Robert28]

What type off male friend would you help with a car battery? What male friend would you NOT help with the car battery?

Even if my male friends needed help with a car battery, they wouldn’t expect me to drop everything and come save them. Tell a woman “sorry I cant” in that situation and see what happens. She won’t take no for an answer, she will double down on trying to convince you. A guy will be like “no problem man” and that’s that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Even if my male friends needed help with a car battery, they wouldn’t expect me to drop everything and come save them. Tell a woman “sorry I cant” in that situation and see what happens. She won’t take no for an answer, she will double down on trying to convince you. A guy will be like “no problem man” and that’s that.

The point was certain male "friends" you wouldn't even help like that. The others you know have you when you're in a bind.

 

[Robert28]

The point was certain male "friends" you wouldn't even help like that. The others you know have you when you're in a bind.

Well even if I did help them I know it would be a long time before they asked me for a favor again. A woman? It could be a week or two and here comes the second round of favors. It’s like women have this need to use people, they can’t control it. Some men don’t understand that when they help them that triggers this in women and it’s downhill from there.

 

[Robert28]

I don't ever see myself befriending a woman.

I'm most comfortable either chasing them or ignoring them.

I see them as something to be conquered or something to be left completely alone. There's no in-between for me. All or nothing, and if she doesn't want to fvuck me then I have no use for her.

I'm an incorrigible, unabashed poon hound. I've discovered that most women strongly abhor this, and I don't blame them for hating, but I have become very good at compartmentalizing and distancing my plates. By the time they get to know me, I've likely already fvucked 'em and/or moved on.

There's no way they'd ever want my friendship due to my whoring ways, my misogynism, and my quest to fvuck 100+ women.

The thing they abhor is what they’re attracted to and can’t understand why. You don’t NEED them, they sense this. Orbiters need women in their lives, this turns women off. Guys like you they complain about online and to their friends but yet they keep ending up with them, that ain’t by accident.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Something I don't think truly exists except in very limited circumstances. Those circumstances being your buddy's wife, a childhood friend you have known for ages, employer/employee (not that this stops everyone), neither person finds the other attractive at all, etc. (there are others but don't want to bog this post down). Even in these circumstances, outside of the limited circumstance where there is no attraction either way, I think there can be sexual tension that but for the previous relationship something would otherwise happen.

For the most part, I think in most dynamics between a man and a woman, one of them, typically the man, is always going to be attempting to escalate the situation to sex. I had a disagreement with an ex in the past that told me that my stance made her "feel sorry for me" because of what I was missing out on to be friends with women. I simply disagree it is possible. I think there is always an undercurrent of sexual energy and that it will be in play in some way, maybe not overtly, in a relationship between a man and a woman (in most situations).

I think women will sometimes view their orbiters as platonic "friends" when in fact these orbiters are generally beta men that want nothing more than to move into a sexual role with her -- she just is not receptive to it and then pigeon holes them into the friendzone believing that she has a platonic, male friend. They, being desperate, accept this role in the friendzone because they (wrongfully) believe that if they bide their time being friends then it may become more.

There's no female friends. Girls you F or don't.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I’ve got half a dozen close male friends and I agree with @RangerMIke and @LARaider85 entirely.

I will wing for my male friends and they will wing for me. Sometimes I go out socially with them. We typically pay our own way but sometimes we take turns paying. These are men I genuinely enjoy their company but I don’t care to date them (and/or they don’t care to date me) for whatever reason. These are all very attractive men who can get women easily. Just as I’m a very attractive women who has no issues attracting men. We are all high value in our own ways and in the same social circles and so forth. We always run into people we know to one degree or another all the time.

I do not like orbiters, do not keep orbiters and I do not orbit myself. I also do not ask for favors or money or resources or whatever. I don’t use people.

If you have people trying to use you, or women trying to use you? Simply say no and drive on.

I did just this week have one of my male buddies freak out on me out of nowhere. Apparently he has harbored an agenda of wanting to date me for quite some time and he has suddenly become very judgmental and jealous and so forth because he doesn’t like one who I am seeing, and is very jealous of another. So he went and said a bunch of really out of line stuff to me, and although I’ve made it crystal clear I’m not interested in him, I’ve introduced him to other pretty women, including close friends of mine, and I’ve winged for him many many times, he still harbored an agenda.

So the other day I jettisoned him. Nobody gets a say in how I conduct my life and I’m not putting up with undue drama in my life from a man I am NOT involved with who tries to orbit.

I will not retain orbiters. Friends, yes. Men I date, yes. Orbiters? Nope.

 

[corrector]

It's a complicated issue. I'll list one pro and one con to having platonic female friends.

Pro

1. If a guy is a long dry spell and/or is inexperienced, at least being around a chick friend (even better if she's attractive) can stop him from descending into an awkward/creepy zone due to lack of interaction with females. He can at least learn to become or stay comfortable around chicks. And then he can be more chill around chicks that are interested in him.

I don't get the awkward/creepy zone in the PRO for a number of reasons. First of all, you BECOME awkward and creepy if you make a move to be sexual/romantic while you are in a friendzone, just like a brother gets creepy/awkward if he makes moves on his own sister, that's how these 'friendzone' women see it. Second, you become used to having an identity of being 'not good enough' for something more than someone that's only good for being used by women because they are comfortable enough to drain your energy, time, strength and use you as an emotional tampon. People like that are liable to lash out and ruining everything at the end of the day because of pent-up issues of being relegated to second class citizenship in the 'world of women'.

Nobody can really be devoid of interaction with females to a point they just landed on Earth and are approaching them like an alien. Everywhere you go in society you have women that you are forced to interact with. If you go to a store and want to cash-out, 9 times out of 10 it's going to be a woman. If you call up on the phone for your bills, it's a woman picking up at the other end. Guys are probably flooded with non-sexual business interactions with women on a continual basis in going through daily affairs so I don't get your creep zone concept. It sort of has the sound about a bunch of guys wearing goth planning a mass shooting or something or a mentally unstable guy just randomly groping women in their a$$ and saying hi. Maybe you could elaborate on this a bit more? Have you been on that zone yourself?

 

[Robert28]

These women they find it creepy that their friendzoned friends try to flirt with them have no problem hitting those same guys up for money and favors.

 

[Barrister]

Advice from the old lady:

I’ve got half a dozen close male friends and I agree with @RangerMIke and @LARaider85 entirely.

I will wing for my male friends and they will wing for me. Sometimes I go out socially with them. We typically pay our own way but sometimes we take turns paying. These are men I genuinely enjoy their company but I don’t care to date them (and/or they don’t care to date me) for whatever reason. These are all very attractive men who can get women easily. Just as I’m a very attractive women who has no issues attracting men. We are all high value in our own ways and in the same social circles and so forth. We always run into people we know to one degree or another all the time.

I do not like orbiters, do not keep orbiters and I do not orbit myself. I also do not ask for favors or money or resources or whatever. I don’t use people.

If you have people trying to use you, or women trying to use you? Simply say no and drive on.

I did just this week have one of my male buddies freak out on me out of nowhere. Apparently he has harbored an agenda of wanting to date me for quite some time and he has suddenly become very judgmental and jealous and so forth because he doesn’t like one who I am seeing, and is very jealous of another. So he went and said a bunch of really out of line stuff to me, and although I’ve made it crystal clear I’m not interested in him, I’ve introduced him to other pretty women, including close friends of mine, and I’ve winged for him many many times, he still harbored an agenda.

So the other day I jettisoned him. Nobody gets a say in how I conduct my life and I’m not putting up with undue drama in my life from a man I am NOT involved with who tries to orbit.

I will not retain orbiters. Friends, yes. Men I date, yes. Orbiters? Nope.

The situation with your friend is one of the primary reasons I believe what I do. I think in most any dynamic between a man and a woman, except in the aforementioned limited circumstances, someone is interested in a sexual way in the other. You state that your friend freaked out on you "out of nowhere" and wanted to date you for awhile apparently. That is my entire point. You were surprised by this, but in fact he never wanted just a friendship with you. He wanted a relationship/sex. He felt sexually about you from Day 1 more than likely. You probably didn't pick up on this because he was so afraid to make a move that he never even made an attempt.

Even though you don't actively seek orbiters that is essentially what he was. He was hoping for a chance but got friendzoned by you (for I am guessing many reasons). He thought he could hang around and eventually he would get his chance. You should introduce him to this board to help him out. Maybe then he would know you make a move right away! Ha.

 

[Barrister]

Family

Family
Proffessional

Rejected/rejector
If there is anymore let me know im interested. I dont think there is.

Rejected
Rejector
Proffessional
Family

You have blends of these 4. You got more id like to know.

Yes, I think you essentially are correct that anything else I would come up with would be a "blend" of those major categories.

 

[Barrister]

I think the friendship can be platonic even though under certain circumstances you might have sex. For me, I see too many red flags so I don't pursue. This is defacto platonic. Other times, they reject me and I accept that and date other women. It is possible. In the old days it was less likely because people got more attached and had less options available at a given time.

Just because you don't pursue and decide "not interested" for reason x, y, or z though doesn't mean the relationship is platonic. She may want you or maybe you would still have sex with her under certain circumstances. And I guess I am not understanding how a platonic relationship can involve sex. That goes against the very definition of "platonic."

I see a number of people in this thread saying "well I have female friends it really isn't hard to do" but then turn around and say "but never go anywhere alone with them" (paraphrasing here). I mean, doesn't that kind of demonstrate that it isn't truly platonic? If you will bone them under the exact right (or should we say wrong) circumstances - how exactly is your relationship completely platonic? Is self-control not to act on impulse enough to make the relationship platonic. Or, and this is what I think, does a platonic relationship mean you have NO sexual feelings whatsoever? I think that is a pretty big point. If it is the latter, I don't think it is possible, because I think under certain circumstances except those named, you will ultimately want to sleep with them.

 

[Barrister]

Because we are not HAVING sex. Its an asexual relationship. OP is saying that even without having sex, the relationship is still not platonic if sexual desire is present at some level in one party. Its almost Puritan in its view of sexual attraction.

And I think you're looking at this in a very black and white way if your test is just whether or not you are having sex with the chick. What if I restate it as saying that a man and a woman can never have a friendship that is devoid of sexual feelings and ultimately it will affect said friendship small ways even if said feelings are not acted upon?

I am not sure what you mean by my OP being "puritan." I am not taking a stance on whether it is morally right or wrong to act upon those sexual feelings. That is for you to decide.

 

[FairShake]

Maybe it's because I'm attached and not scamming for pvssy but you can absolutely have a friendship with a woman (or women if you're lucky) that doesn't involve sex. A lot of male friendship is competitive and sh!talking. Which is great, it can motivate you to be better. But for deeper stuff that we all should talk about sometime you need a female friend (or friends). It can also motivate you to get better.

But yes, most dudes in friendships with females are trying to sleep with them. Which sucks because females would benefit from a male friendship as well.

 

[BeExcellent]

The situation with your friend is one of the primary reasons I believe what I do. I think in most any dynamic between a man and a woman, except in the aforementioned limited circumstances, someone is interested in a sexual way in the other. You state that your friend freaked out on you "out of nowhere" and wanted to date you for awhile apparently. That is my entire point. You were surprised by this, but in fact he never wanted just a friendship with you. He wanted a relationship/sex. He felt sexually about you from Day 1 more than likely. You probably didn't pick up on this because he was so afraid to make a move that he never even made an attempt.

Even though you don't actively seek orbiters that is essentially what he was. He was hoping for a chance but got friendzoned by you (for I am guessing many reasons). He thought he could hang around and eventually he would get his chance. You should introduce him to this board to help him out. Maybe then he would know you make a move right away! Ha.

I do have platonic male friends. The one I mentioned had an agenda he didn’t disclose. That’s on him. He’s an experienced player whose bedded hundreds of women and was a model in NYC when he was younger. He’s just not my cup of tea to date.

So he does just fine. I think perhaps it’s ego that he got upset I was seeing others but not him. Again, not my job to assuage him. But I did dismiss once his behavior revealed the agenda. Not my problem.

I have sufficient self respect & self restraint & am internally validated. My guy friends do too. Several have GFs who are totally cool with me since there isnt interest.