I bought a car and she's pissed

[kekePower]

Hey!

I just bought a very nice Volvo S80 that is going to be my project in the months ahead and as I was expecting, she got really annoyed and pissed off when I got home.

I tried to be logical with her (yeah, I know it doesn't work with wahmen) by telling her about her investment just the other day. She shelled out €1000 on an online course and my car was ~€700.

I have to honestly say that I feel terrible for putting myself first as it's the first time in a long time that I've done it. Shaking and thinking about ways I can "make it right" with her. Then I remind myself to not be a simp and stand my ground. Having a personality disorder doesn't help either, but I'm working through this.

She's going to be in this mood for quite a while and I really don't know how I'm "supposed" to behave in these situations. I just wanted something to do besides sitting at home all day. Don't have much money, but I'll work on it over time to fix it up, remove the rust and clean it up as best I can.

Do I let her sulk?
Do I try to talk to her?
Do I just keep doing my thing no matter what?

Any insights is appreciated.

 

[bat soup]

Hey!

I just bought a very nice Volvo S80 that is going to be my project in the months ahead and as I was expecting, she got really annoyed and pissed off when I got home.

I tried to be logical with her (yeah, I know it doesn't work with wahmen) by telling her about her investment just the other day. She shelled out €1000 on an online course and my car was ~€700.

I have to honestly say that I feel terrible for putting myself first as it's the first time in a long time that I've done it. Shaking and thinking about ways I can "make it right" with her. Then I remind myself to not be a simp and stand my ground. Having a personality disorder doesn't help either, but I'm working through this.

She's going to be in this mood for quite a while and I really don't know how I'm "supposed" to behave in these situations. I just wanted something to do besides sitting at home all day. Don't have much money, but I'll work on it over time to fix it up, remove the rust and clean it up as best I can.

Do I let her sulk?
Do I try to talk to her?
Do I just keep doing my thing no matter what?

Any insights is appreciated.

Tell her "If you don't like it, leave"

 

[Stoic]

You are married, no?

Do you guys share finances?

If yes to the above, yes, you should have talked to her before making a large purchase, especially if money is already strapped. That's not unreasonable. Just part of being a considerate person.

 

[kekePower]

You are married, no?

Do you guys share finances?

If yes to the above, yes, you should have talked to her before making a large purchase, especially if money is already strapped. That's not unreasonable. Just part of being a considerate person.

Not married. 6 years LTR.

I did tell her the other day that I wanted to buy a car. We have shared finances and it is working out fine. "Our" finances is good. All bills are getting paid. It's just that I don't have much left after all is said and done.

I paid for the car with my money. The money that is in my account after my share of the shared finances is paid.

There's this feeling that my money is our money and her money is her money. It doesn't sit well with me.

Guess I could have explained to her that I would get the car no matter what before going out buying it. Done is done.

 

[Stoic]

Got it.

As far as how you go from here. A lot of men become jerks to the women in their life once they become awakened of women's nature. That's not fair to them and its not even necessary. Just become a stronger man that leads really well. Good women will follow a strong leader.

As far as the money thing, I think you will need to set some boundaries then. "Listen, I think its most fair that we split shared expenses 50/50 and then beyond that, we are free to spend as we see fit. It's fair that we discuss shared expenditure decisions, but should both be free to make financial decisions with our own money after that."

 

[Lookatu]

Dude if you are going to actually care what she thinks and simp hard, you should've bought the C30 model. You know that car was designed by women, right? Then maybe you would've gotten praise.

But seriously, if you haven't yet talked about the finances, you really should get it straight with her.

NO guy should have to justify their spending habits with their woman as long as there is a sense of responsibility and all the basic stuff has been taken care of(food, rent, utility bills, etc). After that you should be able to spend your money however you see fit as long as you don't go in debt.

The betasization starts when guys have to ask permission to their spouse to buy something.

Always have a separate bank account. It's ok to have a joint though for the basic needs. My $.02

 

[Kotaix]

You did the right thing buying the car without asking. You were deliberately defiant and she's mad that you've defied her.

Remove her ability to withdraw money from your bank account without telling her you're going to do it. Then tell her and see how she reacts. If she gets pissed you should dump her on the spot for being an entitled parasite.

 

[kekePower]

I am by far not an alpha male, but am working on becoming more masculine. Am also trying hard to not become an ******* just because I understand women a little better now.

My personality disorder is really shaking me up at the moment. Thoughts of self harm ++ racing through my mind and at the same time I dream of fixing up this oldie and have something to do, as a man.

These questions came as her comeback.
"Why have you ruined something great that we've built up over 6 years?"
"Are you really choosing a car over your family?"
"I invested my money to be able to earn more money!"

All our bills and all her bills are paid from the shared pot and all my bills are paid by me. It used to be 70/30 or 80/20 before, but I'm not longer accepting that.

We have our separate accounts and one shared account. We don't have direct access to the other's account without permission.

48 years of simping and it'll take time to learn how to do things better and keep my mental point of origin without feeling like shait every time.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Nice looking car! I've been doing research and plan for my next car to also be a Volvo.

Unless you two had made a prior agreement to discuss any withdrawals over a certain amount, sounds to me that you are in the clear.

A nice way to diffuse the situation is to say something like this:

"I bet that I can invest six years into this Volvo and it'll break down less times than you." Women love a logical man (yeah, I'm joking).

Kidding aside, from reading your postings, I get the idea that a year or more ago, you may have not made such a bold purchase (and cheers to you for doing this) .

This probably has less to do with the Volvo and more to do with the fact that she sees that are re-claiming your independence (which also financially affects her as well) .

If you lived in my neighborhood, I'd buy you a beer.

 

[RickTheToad]

Hey!

I just bought a very nice Volvo S80 that is going to be my project in the months ahead and as I was expecting, she got really annoyed and pissed off when I got home.

I tried to be logical with her (yeah, I know it doesn't work with wahmen) by telling her about her investment just the other day. She shelled out €1000 on an online course and my car was ~€700.

I have to honestly say that I feel terrible for putting myself first as it's the first time in a long time that I've done it. Shaking and thinking about ways I can "make it right" with her. Then I remind myself to not be a simp and stand my ground. Having a personality disorder doesn't help either, but I'm working through this.

She's going to be in this mood for quite a while and I really don't know how I'm "supposed" to behave in these situations. I just wanted something to do besides sitting at home all day. Don't have much money, but I'll work on it over time to fix it up, remove the rust and clean it up as best I can.

Do I let her sulk?
Do I try to talk to her?
Do I just keep doing my thing no matter what?

Any insights is appreciated.

Are you married and living together? Sharing expenses? For 1k, I am not sure one should need approval from the other; unless one has no income and the other does. Or, you guys are in mucho debt.

Whatever you do, don't give in. You made your stance, you must stick with it.

 

[kekePower]

Nice looking car! I've been doing research and plan for my next car to also be a Volvo.

Unless you two had made a prior agreement to discuss any withdrawals over a certain amount, sounds to me that you are in the clear.

A nice way to diffuse the situation is to say something like this:

"I bet that I can invest six years into this Volvo and it'll break down less times than you." Women love a logical man (yeah, I'm joking).

Kidding aside, from reading your postings, I get the idea that a year or more ago, you may have not made such a bold purchase (and cheers to you for doing this) .

This probably has less to do with the Volvo and more to do with the fact that she sees that are re-claiming your independence (which also financially affects her as well) .

If you lived in my neighborhood, I'd buy you a beer.

Cheers

She convinced me to sell my motorcycle a few years ago to "pay down some debt". I still miss that bike...
Then I sold my old Passat and she bought a car. So it was her car and I always had to "borrow" it.

Now I finally have my own car again. It's an oldie, 2000 mod - 2L with 180hp and automatic transmission.

My plan is to fix it up while I record it and make it a Youtube series. I imagine it'll take me a good year to do everything that's needed and it's mostly due to money.

 

[kekePower]

Are you married and living together? Sharing expenses? For 1k, I am not sure one should need approval from the other; unless one has no income and the other does. Or, you guys are in mucho debt.

Not married and we're living together. Shared economy and with separate accounts.
She has her own income and does what she pleases with it. I do not ask questions and kind of expect the same. It is probably a covert contract that I should talk to her about.

 

[RickTheToad]

Cheers

She convinced me to sell my motorcycle a few years ago to "pay down some debt". I still miss that bike...
Then I sold my old Passat and she bought a car. So it was her car and I always had to "borrow" it.

Now I finally have my own car again. It's an oldie, 2000 mod - 2L with 180hp and automatic transmission.

My plan is to fix it up while I record it and make it a Youtube series. I imagine it'll take me a good year to do everything that's needed and it's mostly due to money.

Doing a Youtube series on the car rebuild may actually pay dividends for years to come. It comes in a little here and a little there, but over time, it is a few hundred or few thousand dollars a year. Some of my old YT videos are bringing in around 2k a year. Not bad after taxes.

 

[Lookatu]

These questions came as her comeback.
"Why have you ruined something great that we've built up over 6 years?"

How so? I'm doing something that makes me happy and embarking on a new hobby/project. Why can't you be happy for ME for once? Why does it have to all be about you? Quit being selfish. I'm responsible and have our family as my main priority and interest at heart but I also need to balance my life with other things. You need to understand that.


"Are you really choosing a car over your family?"

No, quit putting words in my mouth or trying to manipulate the situation. We have all our bills paid and I'm certainly entitled to use the rest of MY money that I MADE anyway I please.

"I invested my money to be able to earn more money!"

That's great if that's what makes you happy. I didn't try to control how you spend YOUR money and I appreciate it if you don't try to control how I spend MINE.

Look in bold above for just an example of what I might've said but everyone is different in how they respond or handle a situation.

The feminism movement and weakening of males has really taught females how to control money that isn't even theirs unfortunately.

 

[RickTheToad]

Not married and we're living together. Shared economy and with separate accounts.
She has her own income and does what she pleases with it. I do not ask questions and kind of expect the same. It is probably a covert contract that I should talk to her about.

Then, she can't say s hit. I never asked my ex-wife to buy things, nor did she ask me. We had three accounts. One was a common account, one was her account and one was mine. Anything we bought that wasn't a common expense, utility, rent, insurance, food, etc. came out of our own accounts. Never had an issue in terms of money or spending.

 

[kekePower]

Look in bold above for just an example of what I might've said but everyone is different in how they respond or handle a situation.

The feminism movement and weakening of males has really taught females how to control money that isn't even theirs unfortunately.

Love it.

Would never have thought of any of this. Soaking it up like a sponge

 

[Black Widow Void]

In my opinion, the sharpest looking Volvos over the past 50 years, came out in the era that you have. I've read that the non-turbo models provide better service (which I've been researching).

You are a success story.
We've all made embarrassing mistakes with women. Most men just want to vent or refuse to take ownership for their past behaviors. You're on the good path. Keep us posted.

 

[Stoic]

Doing a Youtube series on the car rebuild may actually pay dividends for years to come. It comes in a little here and a little there, but over time, it is a few hundred or few thousand dollars a year. Some of my old YT videos are bringing in around 2k a year. Not bad after taxes.

Not to derail ops thread. Thats pretty cool to earn a little passive income like that. How many videos did you do? How many views does it take to generate say $1k?

I've read your other posts. It seems that we are cut from the same cloth- good primary job and then hustle and earn a good side income. I have a good white collar job and then earn good money as a contractor hustling on the side.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@kekePower
Stick to your decisions with conviction. And working on that car will remind you of your talents and determination. The confidence will bleed out into other areas of your life.

The best thing to do is focus on being effortless with her. If she biitches, brush it off, tell her that's not a good look, and carry on with what you were doing to begin with. Youre constantly qualifying her just like she is you, and when she makes mistakes she loses points in your book.

This will be a crazy uphill battle if you intend to man up while still in the relationship but don't make a big scene about the hard work you're putting into things. You can be stern without yelling or throwing a tantrum, confident in your decision, you need to always be in that state.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I have to honestly say that I feel terrible for putting myself first

You should always put yourself first dude. No exception, its your life and not hers to decide what you can do with it. She must enter your frame and not the other way around. See this to get the idea and why:

I paid for the car with my money. The money that is in my account after my share of the shared finances is paid.

Also it is your money, nor hers.

What you do with it is not something she really got a say about as you gf. If you were married then yes to a degree but that is not the case here.

She convinced me to sell my motorcycle a few years ago to "pay down some debt". I still miss that bike...
Then I sold my old Passat and she bought a car. So it was her car and I always had to "borrow" it.

Why would you do something like that?
I hope it wasn't her debt you paid off?

That is not only stupid but also beta behavior. Never sell your stuff for a chick.

If she cannot finance her life herself then it is her problem not yours.

Do I let her sulk?
Do I try to talk to her?
Do I just keep doing my thing no matter what?

Ignore her and if she cannot accept it tell her that the door over there is open and she can just walk through it.
As said above; It is your money =Your sole right to decide what to do with them.

Shaking and thinking about ways I can "make it right" with her

That is outright beta simp behavior and you should stop that and get it out of your head.
You should not try to "make it right" for her.

She the one doing things wrong by complaining over how you use your own money lol
If anything she should apologize to you for being a tw'at... But again, just ignore it. Silence and isolation is the dynamite to women. They hate it.