RedBeardless
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2020
- Messages
- 28
- Reaction score
- 3
- Age
- 42
Guys,
I am looking for some help thinking through my LTR with the enlightened self-interest that comes with reading and groking TRM by Rollo and the SoSuave forums. The idea is to figure out whether to proceed toward marriage or start up the plate spinning machinery again.
Background. I am 38, relatively fit, 5'8, divorced in 2016 with a son who is now 8, and professionally 15 years into my career doing okay. She is 37, 8.5/10, petite but not athletic, 5'2, Indian FOB (Fresh Off Boat) 9 years ago, non-citizen on a work visa as an MD doing well.
I recently moved to be nearer to my son, who is struggling at home and at school. I have no custody. Proximity is the best I can do for now, so that's what I'll do.
The last 5 weekends I've spent with, let's call her, Zara. Hindu name for princess. Each weekend ends or is punctuated with some sort of fight. She wants some sort of compliance and I refuse to yield, which then angers her, then I need to be taught a lesson, and then it goes on until she cools down. After she cools down, she retells the story from her frame and it sounds like I am a cold-hearted bastard and she's being entirely reasonable. When I sift through the details I see little manipulations, annoyances, generally starting with her asking, then demanding compliance, and my increasing rigidity as I feel I am getting forced into something.
The fights are emotionally taxing. The result is weakness on my side: I overeat and stop working out and got the flu for the first time in 15 years this year (not COVID apparently). Cortisol is high. I lose my frame and myself. Need to stop that. So the last time it happened, I pointed out the track record. She said we should take a break. I agreed. So now we are on break. Still talking, but getting some breathing room. No sex though. It's okay, though. I'd rather be clear headed for the next steps anyway.
Zara is highly interested, I think. Or at least determined. She keeps coming to the table even when I push her away. Earlier I dated other women and she kept the plate spinning. So in that sense, she seems like good marriage material, I just can't seem to crack this nut of when we "try" to get things to work it's like she tries so hard she loses herself and then she gets upset at something insignificant (because of me) and the anger flares up into an anger orgasm and the cycle repeats.
Zara has zero other relationships in which this pattern of behavior occurs, which makes it difficult for her to navigate and difficult for me to relate to her what is going on from my perspective. She is observant. Psychologically aware.
So here I am, on break. Filling my time with working out, eating healthy, reading my backlog of interests (like finishing TRM). Do I re-engage? If so, what can I do differently to avoid the pitfalls of the past? Is it unreasonable to expect that it could be possible?
Or is this the longest **** test that has ever been squeezed out (2 years)?
-RedBeardless
I am looking for some help thinking through my LTR with the enlightened self-interest that comes with reading and groking TRM by Rollo and the SoSuave forums. The idea is to figure out whether to proceed toward marriage or start up the plate spinning machinery again.
Background. I am 38, relatively fit, 5'8, divorced in 2016 with a son who is now 8, and professionally 15 years into my career doing okay. She is 37, 8.5/10, petite but not athletic, 5'2, Indian FOB (Fresh Off Boat) 9 years ago, non-citizen on a work visa as an MD doing well.
I recently moved to be nearer to my son, who is struggling at home and at school. I have no custody. Proximity is the best I can do for now, so that's what I'll do.
The last 5 weekends I've spent with, let's call her, Zara. Hindu name for princess. Each weekend ends or is punctuated with some sort of fight. She wants some sort of compliance and I refuse to yield, which then angers her, then I need to be taught a lesson, and then it goes on until she cools down. After she cools down, she retells the story from her frame and it sounds like I am a cold-hearted bastard and she's being entirely reasonable. When I sift through the details I see little manipulations, annoyances, generally starting with her asking, then demanding compliance, and my increasing rigidity as I feel I am getting forced into something.
The fights are emotionally taxing. The result is weakness on my side: I overeat and stop working out and got the flu for the first time in 15 years this year (not COVID apparently). Cortisol is high. I lose my frame and myself. Need to stop that. So the last time it happened, I pointed out the track record. She said we should take a break. I agreed. So now we are on break. Still talking, but getting some breathing room. No sex though. It's okay, though. I'd rather be clear headed for the next steps anyway.
Zara is highly interested, I think. Or at least determined. She keeps coming to the table even when I push her away. Earlier I dated other women and she kept the plate spinning. So in that sense, she seems like good marriage material, I just can't seem to crack this nut of when we "try" to get things to work it's like she tries so hard she loses herself and then she gets upset at something insignificant (because of me) and the anger flares up into an anger orgasm and the cycle repeats.
Zara has zero other relationships in which this pattern of behavior occurs, which makes it difficult for her to navigate and difficult for me to relate to her what is going on from my perspective. She is observant. Psychologically aware.
So here I am, on break. Filling my time with working out, eating healthy, reading my backlog of interests (like finishing TRM). Do I re-engage? If so, what can I do differently to avoid the pitfalls of the past? Is it unreasonable to expect that it could be possible?
Or is this the longest **** test that has ever been squeezed out (2 years)?
-RedBeardless