End FWB because i catched feelings?

[darksprezzatura]

Lesson learnt.

Always keep a backup chick.
Blow the load and hit the road.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@tibrit
It's good that you're mindful enough to see your mistakes and ask for advice to get some clarity.

Like anything in life, you can turn this situation and everything that happens into fuel that makes you a better person and stronger man.

There are a million different ways you can steer this, and it really doesn't matter what actions you take. What matters is the intent and energy behind that action. For example you could move out because you feel she's crushing your heart in a sadistic fashion. Or you could move out because you're meeting tons of new people and have found a much more fun environment you want to be in.

The action would be the same, but the intent and energies would be polar opposites in terms of masculinity.

You could kiss her out of need and desire to be coddled like a baby that seeks his mother's tit, or you could kiss her because you believe she's earned it, out of a mindset of unconditional giving. Again, same action, different energies.

The unconditional giving is a fancy way of saying IDGAF. It's rooted in abundance.

The needy gushy hopeless romantic is rooted in lack. It's a retrograde to a child like mental state of dependency.

She senses that needy energy from you so she's naturally turned off.

You can of course change your mind instantly and the dynamic will flip, but you've forgotten your strength, you doubt it, and so here we are. Flipping instantly will be extremely difficult if not impossible for you right now. And frankly it's unnecessary.

What you can do is take incremental steps to increase your masculinity. You can use her actions to fuel this.

This is hard mode, but if you can do this you will become legend:

1. Get busy meeting more people. It doesn't have to be chicks, it just has to be group activities you enjoy or are interested in. Learn to enjoy yourself again. Hell it doesn't even have to be in person, find a forum for something you're interested in and you'll find camaraderie. Friends and girls will come naturally, but stay focused on the activity/craft. This will ground you socially and help foster abundance.

2. Lift. Go to the gym or do some calisthenics. Challenge yourself physically to remind yourself your power. Be consistent, the progress will ground you physically and provide a spring of self confidence. Study workout plans, exercise styles, diet, etc. Make this fun but challenging.

3. Meditate on success at least 10 mins a day. Sit with eyes closed and imagine a success from your past. Remember it vividly, how did your body feel in that moment? What was the temperature? What were you touching? Smelling? Was it subtle or a major event? How exactly did you feel? Vividly imagining success tricks your nervous system into thinking it's happening now. Again be consistent, your body can't tell the difference between imagination and reality. This exercise trains your subconscious to be success focused.

There are many things you can do to grow masculinity, these are just 3 basic examples to start you off. Get creative.

You may start to feel she's bothering you. Don't be afraid to command respect with your actions. Feel sappy? Go for a hard run. She's in your bed naked? Don't initiate(for now). Jack off if you have to later, just don't initiate. Or better yet, don't jack off and channel that energy into lifting.

If she initiates, deny her. I'm serious. Until you feel like ice is running through your veins deny her. When a woman fuucks you she takes up your time. For now YOU need that time, not her.

When you feel like a boss you'll be able to indulge a bit, but in that state you won't even THINK about LTR or any kind of settling with her. You'll be able to fuuck her like you're trying to split her in half, then you'll forget about her as you go on with your day. And it won't be fake. You'll be so convinced you have her that the confidence will ooze out of you. Just focus on yourself for now.

When you deny her make it effortless. Push her off and say naw. If she makes a scene tell her to quit being a baby and to respect your decision. Minimize that lame crap. Don't get sappy about it.

Self love is the root of abundance.

Forget this idea of you two working out as a couple. That bus has come and gone. She has to earn that back, and it'll take a lot of sweetness.

Be warned, as you take these steps she may sense your power growing and use other means to try and hold her power over you. Keep pushing forward in self development. Be indignant if you have to, push forward. Never make a big deal of the hard work you're putting in, keep it to yourself.

I want you to focus on being effective and effortless. Find the perfect balance between those two in all things.

If you can do this she'll be wrapped around your finger. She'll masturbate to you and suck/fuuck you at the drop of a hat. You won't have to wonder what she's thinking, you'll know she worships you because she'll make it obvious. And if she moves out in a fit, GOOD. Bullet dodged, time saved.

 

[tihash]

You need to bring a girl over and bang the new girl while the roommate is home. Preferably, while the roommate is prancing around naked. Make no attempt to go anywhere private. Bang the new girl in a common area, like the living room. If you must use your bedroom, leave the door open. As a bonus, the new girl will get off on the exhibitionism.

You will then find the roommate is now interested in you again. When you wake up with morning wood, make sure to prance around naked so she sees your boner.

She will begin having sex with you again. Keep having sex with her on a grudge basis until you can move out.

Pro tip: be aware of the possibility for a three some when bringing new girls home.

 

[zekko]

This is the problem with open relationships. If both people are intending to sleep around, there's no way a guy could keep up with all the options a female can generate. So you end up in situations like this where you are in a dry spell while she's out banging it up.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is the problem with open relationships. If both people are intending to sleep around, there's no way a guy could keep up with all the options a female can generate. So you end up in situations like this where you are in a dry spell while she's out banging it up.

There are a "few" guys that actually can "win"... If your in this type of situation, you might as well go into a swingers club. If your competing with your wife and want to get more fvcks in, go into that club with a female friend that you don't have romantic interests in.

 

[Mazer]

He can tell her that but here is the issue. Him telling her that doesn't legally mean he has any ability to enforce it.

This is what I keep trying to explain to people. Legally you cannot simply just kick someone out if you don't want them there anymore(at least in the US, but many EU countries are even harder on this). OP didn't even say if she is on the lease or not.

Once a person establishes residency in a place, which is usually 2 weeks in most places or not more than a month, the only means of them being forced out is by eviction. But since OP is not the landlord, he cannot evict her the landlord would have to. And since you legally cannot evict a single party the landlord would have to evict both of them. Also if she isn't on the lease and the landlord doesn't know she is there OP could be opening himself up for legal trouble with the landlord by having a person who isn't on the lease there and that may violate his lease

Be careful on the advice you give regarding this, especially when it is completely wrong. It can have VERY REAL legal and financial consequences for the OP if he follows that advice and she wants to go that route. And very few people do not know lawyers or have friends that know lawyers that they would be telling this to and receiving legal advice on their rights.

OP DO NOT do this unless you want to open yourself up for potentially serious legal and financial issues. At most ask her to leave but even then she can spin it into a he said she said legal issue which would cause you to potentially have to get a lawyer.

This is why you do not ever allow anyone to stay with you for more than a few days unless you want to have this potential headache to deal with.

Solid advice. You cannot just kick someone out if they have been living at your place here in the USA, it’s illegal. Find a way to get her to go on her own. You could even increase the neediness to drive her away. Lol

 

[zekko]

There are a "few" guys that actually can "win".

I think some guys could win, if they are very driven to the hunt. They would have to be proactively seeking out a flow of sexual partners, and the wife (or whatever) would have to be less interested. But if they're both driven to find new partners, the woman should win easily, unless she's really unattractive.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think some guys could win, if they are very driven to the hunt. They would have to be proactively seeking out a flow of sexual partners, and the wife (or whatever) would have to be less interested. But if they're both driven to find new partners, the woman should win easily, unless she's really unattractive.

If he's a good looking man that's more popular than her, he can "win", but he's going to treat her like trash and cheat on her relentlessly. She'll cheat on him back, but his exploits will make her more jealous because he really does not care. That being said, most men can't do it.

 

[TheKid]

She's realized she has all the power and is now just flexing it without remorse.

 

[tibrit]

Thanks guys for all your messages. Some posts really opened my eyes.

I tried to keep the contact with her to a minimum and tried not to start conversations with her. When she talked to me I remained friendly but cold. Well, she still looks for my closeness all the time.

The day before yesterday she said she was going to a friend's birthday party.
But a friend of mine sent me an instagram story of a guy we know, where you can see them both lying in bed together. He deleted it shortly after. She even faked a story with an old video of hers with her friend whos supposedly celebrating her birthday lmao. I don't even use Instagram actively and almost never watch her ****ing boring storys why does she even make the effort..

The next day when she was back home she really wanted to watch a movie with me and sleep in my bed. Of course i said no but also didn't tell her that i know she ****ing lied to me again.

So there is no way i will be staying in this flat with her longer than i have to . I already found a new apartment where i can hopefully move in on Feb. 1st

So my question is do i tell her that she is an ice cold slut and can go **** herself or do i go weird no contact for 2 months while living in the same apartment and without her knowing why?

There is also still a small damn part of my brain which is still hoping i can **** her for the remaining 2 months.

Why would she make such an effort to hide her sluttery from me? And why does she still want to sleep in my bed?

 

[deBrito]

Of course she wants to have sex but not with me i guess because she blocks every attempt from me trying to initiate sex but at the same time keeps teasing me relentlessly like laying in my bed naked after showering and stuff and then telling me she is not in the mood wtf. But then she goes and gets her sex somewhere else..

 

[oldmanofthesea]

So my question is do i tell her that she is an ice cold slut and can go **** herself or do i go weird no contact for 2 months while living in the same apartment and without her knowing why?

Neither. Please do not do either of those things. It won't help you at all and once your emotions catch up to your logical brain in the future, you will look back and be embarrassed at yourself for doing so. What she wants right now is to get an emotional reaction out of you which she then uses to stroke her own ego. It is not healthy, and it comes at your expense, and she knows it which is very selfish of her. The best possible way to handle it is exactly as I said in my previous post. Be nice, be friendly, you can even play board games with her or watch movies with her or whatever - do not act butt-hurt in any way. You guys agreed to be FWB and that's what you are so treat it that way instead of trying to treat her as something else (your GF) and being butt-hurt when she doesn't go along. Don't misread that to mean I think how she is treating you is right - her seeing other guys is fine but her toying with you and playing games with you is not. But you have to take the high-road here. Re-read my previous post about how to act. Don't sleep with her and don't do anything with her that you wouldn't with a platonic female friend you don't want to bang. That includes sleeping in the same bed without sex.

There is also still a small damn part of my brain which is still hoping i can **** her for the remaining 2 months.

Of course - you are only human. But further sexual investment from you in your state is going to make things worse for you. She has control of the situation because she knows she has the upper hand and unfortunately she is now looking to bolster her own confidence at your expense. So it's not going to happen. Find other women to sleep with, or just go without.

Why would she make such an effort to hide her sluttery from me? And why does she still want to sleep in my bed?

Well hold on - I thought you said part of your agreed upon terms for your FWB relationship was that you both would NOT share what you each did with other members of the opposite sex. So really she is holding good to the terms you both agreed to, right? So she isn't really lying or slutting. If you could go out and bang 10 women this week, I'm sure you'd do it right? So there is nothing wrong with her doing it - rather, you are just jealous that she can do it and you can't, and since you caught feelings, you want to change the terms of your relationship with her after you both agreed to something else, and since she isn't interested, it's hurting your feelings.

As for why she wants to sleep in your bed, probably two reasons:
1. To see how it affects you and to use that to bolster her own ego
2. She likes the companionship

 

[tibrit]

Neither. Please do not do either of those things. It won't help you at all and once your emotions catch up to your logical brain in the future, you will look back and be embarrassed at yourself for doing so. What she wants right now is to get an emotional reaction out of you which she then uses to stroke her own ego. It is not healthy, and it comes at your expense, and she knows it which is very selfish of her. The best possible way to handle it is exactly as I said in my previous post. Be nice, be friendly, you can even play board games with her or watch movies with her or whatever - do not act butt-hurt in any way. You guys agreed to be FWB and that's what you are so treat it that way instead of trying to treat her as something else (your GF) and being butt-hurt when she doesn't go along. Don't misread that to mean I think how she is treating you is right - her seeing other guys is fine but her toying with you and playing games with you is not. But you have to take the high-road here. Re-read my previous post about how to act. Don't sleep with her and don't do anything with her that you wouldn't with a platonic female friend you don't want to bang. That includes sleeping in the same bed without sex.



Of course - you are only human. But further sexual investment from you in your state is going to make things worse for you. She has control of the situation because she knows she has the upper hand and unfortunately she is now looking to bolster her own confidence at your expense. So it's not going to happen. Find other women to sleep with, or just go without.



Well hold on - I thought you said part of your agreed upon terms for your FWB relationship was that you both would NOT share what you each did with other members of the opposite sex. So really she is holding good to the terms you both agreed to, right? So she isn't really lying or slutting. If you could go out and bang 10 women this week, I'm sure you'd do it right? So there is nothing wrong with her doing it - rather, you are just jealous that she can do it and you can't, and since you caught feelings, you want to change the terms of your relationship with her after you both agreed to something else, and since she isn't interested, it's hurting your feelings.

As for why she wants to sleep in your bed, probably two reasons:
1. To see how it affects you and to use that to bolster her own ego
2. She likes the companionship

Oh damn this just hit me hard. My Inner Game is an absolute mess right now. It is really time to work an that.
I was literally waiting for her to ask me if she can sleep in my bed tonight and was almost excited to go on an absolute rant and to tell her that her lying ass can **** off.

But man thank you that all makes sense.

It will still be hard to hold back.

Is it also counterproductive to tell her calmly that i am no more interested in being friends and would like her to leave me alone?

Because i can't see myself chilling with her, being friendly and not act butthurt anymore.

 

[Lookatu]

You should never be FWB with someone if you can't control your emotions or you find yourself investing too much. That's the bottom line.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Is it also counterproductive to tell her calmly that i am no more interested in being friends and would like her to leave me alone?

Because i can't see myself chilling with her, being friendly and not act butthurt anymore.

I understand how difficult it would be for you (at this point) to be friendly and not act butt-hurt, but at the highest level, you have three options as I see it:
1. Tell her you don't want to be friends and that you'd like her to leave you alone (per your own suggestion)
2. Figure out how to remain friendly but minimize contact with her and not act butt-hurt. You may have to really search inside yourself for the strength to do this but it is the best way, truly.
3. Find a faster way out. If you can't break your lease immediately, maybe see if a friend will let you stay with them for the next two months? Crash on their couch or something? That is, if you really can't go with option #2.

She will likely not respond well to #1 and as a result, she may make things more difficult for you in the next two months. So consider that. What if she brought her dates over to your flat or did other things to rub it in your face, or other possible manipulations? She would also probably like it if you showed just how butt-hurt you are about all this (given her actions) and I just wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction. So I really think #2 and/or #3 are the best options given your current feelings and outlook on what you realistically would and would not be able to do.

 

[TheKid]

If you cant crash at somones for a few just dont stay home around her.
Women are takers and she will take all she can, dont let her take anymore of your sanity.
Go hang out with mates, go to a bar, see your parents, catch a flick. Do not hangout with her.
She deserves a lime bath.