Is she testing me?

[sph21]

This is gonna be a bit hard for me to explain my whole interactions with a particular girl because of language barrier between English and Indonesian.

I know a girl through a social circle. She's been giving me some good signs that she's attracted to me through her body language such as:

• Proximity. She doesn't mind if I'm so close to her. She finds a way to get close to me when I left her.
• Interrogation. She asked some qualifying questions such as, 'what do you do for living', 'why haven't you got married', and so on.
• When she's smiling/laughing, she'll look at me. When a group of people laugh, people will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to in that group.
• Preening. She often touches/ fixing her hair when near me.
• Playing with her jewelry. This is another good sign.
• Mirroring. She did it with her feet and hands.
• Compliance. She was complying to my requests.
• Her feet are pointing towards me. Mostly.

A week ago, she was joking sexually toward me when I asked her to accompany her home..

Last Saturday we had to sing together for a YouTube live streaming, and she asked me to help her on a song. And then she voluntarily asked me if it's okay for her to help me during I sang a song. I said, "Yes. It's okay".

Beside that, she's usually very responsive when I text her.

Today I decided to asked her on a date through text. If translated to English, the conversation goes like this:

Words on italic is my added explanations.

Me: When are you free? I'd like to take you out to eat (lunch or dinner).
Her (2 minutes later): Oh (her expression of surprised) on what occasion?

I had to do stuffs for a few hours and I ignored her message.

Me (almost 3 hours later): I just want it (or can also be translated to: I just feel like so).
Her (after 1 hour 15 minutes later): Okay anytime (or can be translated to: sometime)
Me (11 minutes later): ok

This pandemic is messing with my self-confidence because I can't do what I normally do such as socializing and very limited touching with others. It was why I texted her instead of called her through phone or ask her eye to eye.

So. What do you think?

Is she's just testing me of my persistence or is she's just not interested in a date?

 

[bcude]

Is she's just testing me of my persistence or is she's just not interested in a date?

Maybe i've missed something but she said "okay anytime". So be the man and make plans: "meet me at X on thursday at 20 and wear something cute so we'll match."

From your description she's (was?) highly interested in you so why haven't you made a move until now? You always have a window of opportunity with women who are into you, but when you act too passive they assume you're not into them so they put you in the friendzone. That's probably why she was surprised at this point.

A week ago, she was joking sexually toward me when I asked her to accompany her home..

This is as far as women will go when they want you to DO something. Would have been a perfect opportunity for another outcome.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't understand the question. Testing you in what way? A test would be like if you are out with her and she says something like "can you go get me a napkin?" when she could easily get it herself.

I mean...I wouldn't be taking her out to eat, it would be for drinks. And honestly since you already know her, I would have just invited her over to cook dinner with me one night.

She said OK. Ask what her schedule looks like and then set a time/place on a day of your choosing that she is free.

She isn't testing you she is waiting for you to take action.

 

[spikeanut]

You're putting way too much effort into trying to analyze her. I haven't seen anything about push back from her at all in your interaction. If anything, all I see is you unable to pull the trigger and striking while the iron is hot. Be the man she wants you to be and pull the trigger. Tell her a day, time, and make it for drinks, not dinner. Keep it casual and friendly, try to initiate physical touch, gauge her reaction, and go from there. She may flake the first time, just her being a girl; don't get emo or butt-hurt, but limit your time accordingly afterwards. But you are the man, so you need to make the move.

 

[Glassguy]

Stop waiting on her to take the lead and be the man.

 

[sph21]

Maybe i've missed something but she said "okay anytime". So be the man and make plans: "meet me at X on thursday at 20 and wear something cute so we'll match."

I'll do it next time.

From your description she's (was?) highly interested in you so why haven't you made a move until now?

She is still highly interested in me. It's just that this social distancing and very limited touching is killing my confidence. I over-analyze what other person will be thinking if I ever touch him/ her. Thinking of how uncaring I can be if I ever touch others knowing full well the full effect of this coronavirus.

2 Mondays ago, at noon, I asked whether she wants me to continue fixing her laptops. We joked a bit and said that she's free that afternoon at 17. Because it was raining heavily at 17, I texted her to wait until the rain stops. She said cool. I went there at 18.00 up until 21.00. She's still living with her parents. So it was kind of awkward.

Beside that, I made some subtle moves like asking her to go on singing rehearsals together. Last Saturday when we were about to perform together on a YouTube's live streaming, in the afternoon, I asked her to depart with me. Because I haven't driven a car for a very long time, I picked her up using motorcycle. When I got there, her father was also invited to the event. Because of this, she decided to take us all in her car. You see, she could have told me that afternoon that she was going to the event with her father instead of attending together with me.

You always have a window of opportunity with women who are into you, but when you act too passive they assume you're not into them so they put you in the friendzone. That's probably why she was surprised at this point.

Yes. I know that.

That's why I need to man up.

 

[sph21]

I mean...I wouldn't be taking her out to eat, it would be for drinks. And honestly since you already know her, I would have just invited her over to cook dinner with me one night.

She can't cook.

She said OK. Ask what her schedule looks like and then set a time/place on a day of your choosing that she is free.

Yeah. At least she said okay. I met her last night during our group's singing rehearsal and apparently she's busy this weekend. Every Monday/Tuesday she's going to accompany her mother to another city.

She isn't testing you she is waiting for you to take action.

Thanks for this.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She can't cook.


Yeah. At least she said okay. I met her last night during our group's singing rehearsal and apparently she's busy this weekend. Every Monday/Tuesday she's going to accompany her mother to another city.


Thanks for this.

She doesn't have to be able to cook. Have her be your kitchen assistant. Put her on chop duty.

 

[sph21]

You're putting way too much effort into trying to analyze her.

True.

I haven't seen anything about push back from her at all in your interaction. If anything, all I see is you unable to pull the trigger and striking while the iron is hot. Be the man she wants you to be and pull the trigger. Tell her a day, time, and make it for drinks, not dinner. Keep it casual and friendly, try to initiate physical touch, gauge her reaction, and go from there.

Will do. I have been planning to do that after our last interaction.

She may flake the first time, just her being a girl;

You're right. I thought about it too.

don't get emo or butt-hurt, but limit your time accordingly afterwards. But you are the man, so you need to make the move.

I didn't. I met her last night during our singing group's rehearsal and I acted cool as if nothing had happened.

 

[RangerMIke]

Me: When are you free? I'd like to take you out to eat (lunch or dinner).

Try getting into the habit of asking women out with a time, date, place included in the invite. The reason you got a ubiquitous answer is because you asked a ubiquitous question.

You are putting too much pressure on her. Look.... if she doesn't want to go out with you, she can't just say "No, I'm busy then." It's an open ended invite with no limits.... So she said, "Sure", now it's up to you to set a time, date. place.

The purpose of asking a woman out isn't a step to you getting to the bedroom. It's to see if she likes you enough to actually meet you. That's it. If she does agree... well... then you have to see if she cancels or flakes... then you have to see how she behaves on the date. There are chicks that will go out with you then become complete b1tches on the date in the hopes you get the hint and don't ask her out again. You are WAYYYYY too early in this process to make any conclusions about her intentions.

You WANT HER to say no... so you invite her under very narrow parameters. If she is busy, and she really likes you, she will try to reschedule. If she just says no she can't make it... then thank her for not wasting your time anymore and forget about her.

Don't over think, don't get ahead of yourself, one step at a time.

 

[r4zorsharp]

This is the type of situation where a girl will like you for the reasons she likes you.. If you do anything out of your character or try to turn the tables, she will not like you anymore or look at you the same.. Keep being the guy you are and don't think anything of it.. just enjoy life bud.

Not everything is a game.
---------

As for the parts you missed. she asked on what occasion? you didnt mention if its a date or not.. its like you didn't really know what you wanted..

wht i said stands.. just keep things moving normally. dont force a date or anything. things seem like they are going fine already.. only do things when you truly feel like doing them, right now it seems like ur forcing it

 

[Kotaix]

This is gonna be a bit hard for me to explain my whole interactions with a particular girl because of language barrier between English and Indonesian.

I know a girl through a social circle. She's been giving me some good signs that she's attracted to me through her body language such as:

• Proximity. She doesn't mind if I'm so close to her. She finds a way to get close to me when I left her.
• Interrogation. She asked some qualifying questions such as, 'what do you do for living', 'why haven't you got married', and so on.
• When she's smiling/laughing, she'll look at me. When a group of people laugh, people will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to in that group.
• Preening. She often touches/ fixing her hair when near me.
• Playing with her jewelry. This is another good sign.
• Mirroring. She did it with her feet and hands.
• Compliance. She was complying to my requests.
• Her feet are pointing towards me. Mostly.

A week ago, she was joking sexually toward me when I asked her to accompany her home..

Last Saturday we had to sing together for a YouTube live streaming, and she asked me to help her on a song. And then she voluntarily asked me if it's okay for her to help me during I sang a song. I said, "Yes. It's okay".

Beside that, she's usually very responsive when I text her.

Today I decided to asked her on a date through text. If translated to English, the conversation goes like this:

Words on italic is my added explanations.

Me: When are you free? I'd like to take you out to eat (lunch or dinner).
Her (2 minutes later): Oh (her expression of surprised) on what occasion?

I had to do stuffs for a few hours and I ignored her message.

Me (almost 3 hours later): I just want it (or can also be translated to: I just feel like so).
Her (after 1 hour 15 minutes later): Okay anytime (or can be translated to: sometime)
Me (11 minutes later): ok

This pandemic is messing with my self-confidence because I can't do what I normally do such as socializing and very limited touching with others. It was why I texted her instead of called her through phone or ask her eye to eye.

So. What do you think?

Is she's just testing me of my persistence or is she's just not interested in a date?

You are reading way too much into this. You should ask her if she wants to go out for dinner on such and such date. Don't expect a definite answer if you're asking a vague question.

 

[Lookatu]

Kotaix is right.

Quit eating the Tofu there and further raising your estrogen levels and learn to take charge, lead, and be more assertive on what you want. Look up the word assertive. Lot of guys these days are vague or wishy washy and that's what separates out the boys from the men and how a woman can see you and ultimately treat you. Also learn to have a IDGAF attitude and be outcome independent.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Real talk: high interest cuts COVID concerns. In this pandemic year, I've hooked up with 3 women, two of them brand new, one of whom I've been dating for 5 months now, all of whom said "Yes" to dates despite a pandemic going on.

Don't be your own c0ck-blocker. Whatever concerns you may have about if she'll be comfortable meeting up with you? Let HER voice it - YOU don't bring it up. If you don't bring it up, chances are she won't bring it up either. Take a COVID test, tell her to take one, and find a park to meet up at for a walk or picnic, or invite her to your place to cook for her where it's warm inside. Don't make this harder than it needs to be.

 

[Krueg]

Dont over complicate everything. As long as she keeps accepting your dates... She likes you!

 

[sph21]

Real talk: high interest cuts COVID concerns. In this pandemic year, I've hooked up with 3 women, two of them brand new, one of whom I've been dating for 5 months now, all of whom said "Yes" to dates despite a pandemic going on.

Thanks for the encouragement. During this pandemic, people are getting lonelier. I knew this, but still I kept thinking about the outcome.

I kept overthinking while knowing that there's another girl who may also interested in me through the same social circle.

Don't be your own c0ck-blocker. Whatever concerns you may have about if she'll be comfortable meeting up with you? Let HER voice it - YOU don't bring it up. If you don't bring it up, chances are she won't bring it up either.

Thanks for reminding me about this. I was planning to talk to her about how this pandemic is making me reluctant to touch everyone.

Dont over complicate everything. As long as she keeps accepting your dates... She likes you!

Keep it simple. I like it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks for the encouragement. During this pandemic, people are getting lonelier. I knew this, but still I kept thinking about the outcome.

I kept overthinking while knowing that there's another girl who may also interested in me through the same social circle.


Thanks for reminding me about this. I was planning to talk to her about how this pandemic is making me reluctant to touch everyone.


Keep it simple. I like it.

Why would you bring that up about touching? The virus is spread mostly through airborne particles not touch. That doesn't even make sense.

 

[sph21]

Lately I've been searching about what made me brave in the past. Finally, I've found it. I was making everything simple by being more in tune with nature. It was Pook's post that helped me.

Lesson Five
...

“Trust the gut.”
...

“Nature has a system in place. No philosophy in the world can do you any good. The philosophies that supposedly ‘work’ are the ones that best match Nature’s music. You either can flow with the system and get what you want or you can buck it in pain. So LISTEN to that gut.”

All your replies also helped me to find that courage once more.

 

[sph21]

Why would you bring that up about touching? The virus is spread mostly through airborne particles not touch. That doesn't even make sense.

Because everyone around me is reluctant to touch or even shaking hands. Men here usually just fist-bumping instead of shaking hands. I hate it. Whenever I want to shake their hand, they give me their fist while I tried to open my hand trying to shake. Fist bumping is a sign of conflict. Everyone is being afraid of contracted the disease through direct contact. It's hurting my self-esteem.

While women usually don't want to touch others and replacing shaking hands with praying hands gesture.