Do men have friendzones?

[BeExcellent]

The two times I’ve been friendzoned I can honestly say the girl NEVER even attempted to wing for me, just the opposite really. If I wanted to date someone else I had to do it on my own and keep them away from the friendzoner because they’d show fake jealousy. In my experience, women friends expect you to do boyfriend type stuff without sex.....that’s friendship to them. Not to me. I want no part of it because it’s abuse and a way to use people.

Yeah no. That’s not a real friend. That’s a girl who expects you to orbit.

I don’t orbit and I don’t like orbiters either. If my guy friend gets in a relationship I’m delighted for him, even though it means I’ll see & talk to him less as his gf takes on more the friend role alongside the lover role. I know the girlfriends or wives of my male friends and we get on fine...but the friendship naturally recedes if a woman becomes his primary source of female energy. The same happens when I’m dating a man. I see my guy buddies less and usually in the company of the bf. That’s normal.

 

[BeExcellent]

At least she gets sex. When a guy is in the friendzone he doesn’t even get that, maybe a hug if he’s lucky and usually it’s some side hug deal. Women in the friendzone have it easy compared to men, at least they’re getting SOMETHING out of it.

It’s pretty brutal though. This chick gets her hopes up and gets crushed every time he starts seeing someone new. He doesn’t care that it hurts her. He figures she’s a big girl & knows the deal, which she does. But she wants a relationship with him in the worst way and it hurts her. It’s abusive. No question. But she allows it and that’s on her.

 

[RangerMIke]

I’ve seen women do exactly this that you assign to men. I’ve watched my sister do it for 2 years...and one of my playboy buddies has a girl who has done the behavior you talk about for, get this...10 years! So this woman has lost a decade of her life to occasional casual encounters with this guy...and she desperately pines for him & if he calls or texts any time and in any state (drunk, high, just had sex with someone else...) she comes running if she’s not at work. He likes the sex and he likes the attention but my Lord 10 years lost on her part. Never been with another guy or even tried to date anyone else. Predictably she has zero self esteem. Meanwhile he does as he pleases quite openly, including having serious LTR girlfriends along the way. She’s a sad case really. He just uses her but she thinks she’ll end up with him...and he strings her along just enough to keep her in limbo waiting...while she could be in a real relationship with a man who truly loves her.

So yeah. I’ve seen women do it too.

I never said all men or all women, but the reason you remember the exceptions is because they are exceptions to the rule. MOST women do not allow themselves to be 'friend-zoned' THAT is a fact. MOST men, at some point in their lives find themselves in this situation because they let it happen. Heck, this even happened to me when I was in high school... granted it didn't last very long, a few months, but it did happen, and it was pathetic. Usually it happens early on, but we all snap out of it, and if we have any amount of self awareness will not let it happen again.

This happens to men even when they do not have low self-esteem, which on the rare occasion it happens with women, it is typically the cause. This happens to men because of biology, massive ego, and the mythology that anything can be 'fixed' with effort. Any man that is completely honest with themselves will admit this happened to them at some point in their lives.

 

[death_wish. .]

We always talk about friendzones like only women have them, but don’t men have them as well? Aren’t there women in your life that you are friends with but that you don’t want to sleep with?

I have two women right now that are chasing me, they are friends but I will not sleep with them, they just don’t do it for me and they are in my FZ.

It seems to me that if you have someone in your FZ and you are in hers then she is a true platonic friend. The problem comes when you are in her FZ but she is not in yours or vice versa.

True platonic friends are actually very valuable assets, for example, they have girl friends that they will introduce you to.

Any thought?

mens friendzone is ****ing girls with no commitment, no living together , no marriage, and no relationship, just hooking up.

 

[Robert28]

Yeah no. That’s not a real friend. That’s a girl who expects you to orbit.

I don’t orbit and I don’t like orbiters either. If my guy friend gets in a relationship I’m delighted for him, even though it means I’ll see & talk to him less as his gf takes on more the friend role alongside the lover role. I know the girlfriends or wives of my male friends and we get on fine...but the friendship naturally recedes if a woman becomes his primary source of female energy. The same happens when I’m dating a man. I see my guy buddies less and usually in the company of the bf. That’s normal.

I wish it worked like that what you just described but 95% of the time it’s nothing at all like that. That’s why so many men have such negative views of platonic friendships. It’s like car salesmen, there might be a few good ones but for the most part they’re all crooked.

 

[Robert28]

It’s pretty brutal though. This chick gets her hopes up and gets crushed every time he starts seeing someone new. He doesn’t care that it hurts her. He figures she’s a big girl & knows the deal, which she does. But she wants a relationship with him in the worst way and it hurts her. It’s abusive. No question. But she allows it and that’s on her.

I’ve been in her position before except without sex or any physical contact. That’s worse.

 

[Robert28]

I never said all men or all women, but the reason you remember the exceptions is because they are exceptions to the rule. MOST women do not allow themselves to be 'friend-zoned' THAT is a fact. MOST men, at some point in their lives find themselves in this situation because they let it happen. Heck, this even happened to me when I was in high school... granted it didn't last very long, a few months, but it did happen, and it was pathetic. Usually it happens early on, but we all snap out of it, and if we have any amount of self awareness will not let it happen again.

This happens to men even when they do not have low self-esteem, which on the rare occasion it happens with women, it is typically the cause. This happens to men because of biology, massive ego, and the mythology that anything can be 'fixed' with effort. Any man that is completely honest with themselves will admit this happened to them at some point in their lives.

I have never bought that men just let it happen. Maybe once I let it happen by my lack of action but the second time I know it wasn’t because of anything I did or didn’t do. She just wasn’t feeling me after 4-5 dates and that’s ok, but tell me that and let me go. Dint bs me about friendship and wanting me to stick around because she’s not ready for a relationship. You want me to act like a man, then tell me the truth like a man and let me go about my business. Some guys try their best to show sexual interest soon as possible but the woman blocks it or makes it impossible to escalate further. Men are told “don’t tell her you like her because it’ll kill attraction” and on the other hand “you didn’t make your intentions know from the beginning, that’s your fault.” So which is it the man is supposed to do? No, women that friendzone men are manipulative cvnts and need to be called out on it. It’s childish and it’s abusive and is dishonest on their part.

 

[BeExcellent]

I’ll tell men I don’t feel attraction for exactly that. I’m diplomatic about it but direct. To do otherwise isn’t very nice.

The odd thing is that often telling a man you don’t have attraction toward him gets him chasing all the more.

Which means I have to be less diplomatic about it...which kinda sucks honestly. The recent man trying to orbit me is STILL trying. I’m now ignoring him, which I greatly dislike doing...but he’s not getting the message and seems to take any response from me at all as interest.

Sheesh.

 

[Robert28]

I’ll tell men I don’t feel attraction for exactly that. I’m diplomatic about it but direct. To do otherwise isn’t very nice.

The odd thing is that often telling a man you don’t have attraction toward him gets him chasing all the more.

Which means I have to be less diplomatic about it...which kinda sucks honestly. The recent man trying to orbit me is STILL trying. I’m now ignoring him, which I greatly dislike doing...but he’s not getting the message and seems to take any response from me at all as interest.

Sheesh.

First paragraph I have to disagree with. Look, rejection isn’t fun for anyone whether it’s the one doing it or the one receiving it. Women think they’re going to scar a guy for life by simply saying “I’m sorry but I’m just not attracted to you, we will never have sex”. Quit dancing around it with fancy words and phrases like some puzzle. Women want honesty but don’t give it when honesty is needed. You know what scars men more than rejection? The friendzone. It has turned me off completely from ever considering women as friends and I’m 38. I don’t remember all the rejections in my past but I can sure remember the two women that friendzoned me and how that ruined me. Women think they’re doing guys favors but they’re doing the opposite.
The thing about orbiting is sometimes women bring that on themselves. A girl rejected me and insisted we be friends because I was fun to hang around. Guess who initiated every text and attempt at a meet up after she turned me down? Her. Not me. Her. I wasn’t orbiting her, I was leaving her alone but her constant attempt to see me and talk to me was a pain in the ass. Everyone probably thought I was her orbiter but what they didn’t know is SHE came after ME.

 

[BeExcellent]

First paragraph I have to disagree with. Look, rejection isn’t fun for anyone whether it’s the one doing it or the one receiving it. Women think they’re going to scar a guy for life by simply saying “I’m sorry but I’m just not attracted to you, we will never have sex”. Quit dancing around it with fancy words and phrases like some puzzle. Women want honesty but don’t give it when honesty is needed. You know what scars men more than rejection? The friendzone. It has turned me off completely from ever considering women as friends and I’m 38. I don’t remember all the rejections in my past but I can sure remember the two women that friendzoned me and how that ruined me. Women think they’re doing guys favors but they’re doing the opposite.
The thing about orbiting is sometimes women bring that on themselves. A girl rejected me and insisted we be friends because I was fun to hang around. Guess who initiated every text and attempt at a meet up after she turned me down? Her. Not me. Her. I wasn’t orbiting her, I was leaving her alone but her constant attempt to see me and talk to me was a pain in the ass. Everyone probably thought I was her orbiter but what they didn’t know is SHE came after ME.

I’m that point blank. I’ll say, “Look I’m just not attracted to you the way you are attracted to me.” If that is in some way unclear I’ll follow up with “I’m not interested in having sex with you.”

That’s not dancing around it. It’s direct and clear.

 

[Robert28]

I’m that point blank. I’ll say, “Look I’m just not attracted to you the way you are attracted to me.” If that is in some way unclear I’ll follow up with “I’m not interested in having sex with you.”

That’s not dancing around it. It’s direct and clear.

Wish all women were like this but so many use the “but I’m afraid he will call me names or attack me” line. Not denying that never happens but I mean you should know the guy well enough to have some idea of how he’s going to react. Not like he’s some stranger on the street. Another thing I wish women would do is leave the guy alone afterwards. Some mean will continue to chase, yeah, but most just want to move on and be left alone.

 

[Robert28]

No female friends for me. Complete waste of my time and energy.

If I'm not pursuing or fvucking them then I'd rather they just stay out of my way.

Exactly. I dint enjoy being around women that don’t find me attractive. You’re just asking for your self esteem and confidence to get eroded away.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yep and they live in denial about it.

They deny that chit to you, to them it's a integral part of their "system".