I've been with my gf for approx 10 months. I regularly hear about the timelime of women - parties years pre 27 then at 27 they start looking for the provider. Agree it's very common - though I'd say these days the tipping point is closer to 29/30.
My gf did things the opposite way. From 18 - 27 she was in 2 consecutive relationships with only a few months between them. From what I hear, these were the typical nice guys. Then at 27, she broke up and, it appears, decided to have the party years. I never asked much about her past but through bits here and there I was able to piece together her story. From 27 onwards, she only went for guys who were very good-looking and very tall (she is 5'10, Im 6'2, but one of these guys was a 6'7 rugby player Adonis - those were the types she was going for). She admitted that all she was interested in was their looks and nothing more. These flings would typically lasted a month and then she'd move on. Unprompted, she has gone into details a couple of times and I did not like what I heard. Nothing untoward but I concluded she basically went from being a 27 year old who had only slept with 2 men, to being, quite frankly, a sl*t, overnight. This really does not sit comfortably with me.
She appears to have kept this up until about 32, when she decided she needed to get serious and find someone long-term. A provider in others words. I met her 1 year later. I know what some of you are going to say - you're a beta bucks SIMP etc, but I've never been short of options (played a lot of sport, was good, brought a constant stream of options) and one of my main problems is actually infidelity from my side when in LTRs (I've successfully stopped this in my last 2 LTRs).
I know on these forums it is said the c*ck carousel always damages a woman, sometimes beyond repair. I agree, I've seen it in friends. The curious thing with her is I don't see much signs of damage. She loves attention no doubt, but a few months into our relationship she went from 1 social media post a day to 1 a month - and they usually include me. She's got an excellent family, classy and interesting friends, and she goes to church a few times a week.
Despite what I just said, I have a gut feeling that I don't know the real her. I know her very well, but not entirely. And it's not a feeling I had with ex's.
Recently, the topic of kids and marriage has come up (surprise surprise). I had said that I want kids but need minimum 3 years with someone before having them. I'd also said I didn't want to marry. The kids thing is now a deal-breaker, she wants them next year. The no-marriage is not a deal-breaker for her (though it's likely she thinks she'll be able to change my mind, which she wont).
I'm leaning heavily towards breaking up with this girl. This girl has been nothing but good with me. She is very calm, kind, is self-aware and examines why she got overly-emotional the odd time that happens. She's naturally feminine and likes to be lead. Indeed, needs to be lead. She's financially independent and actually has more savings than me (though I earn about twice as much more than her). She's also 5'10, gorgeous, blonde, yoga body, Irish, freckles, with the greatest legs I've ever seen.
I'm leaning heavily towards breaking up with this girl because of that gut feeling, a worry that someone with that high a partner count (I would say it's about 20) is damaged and is just papering over the cracks, and wanting to have kids too soon. It's been hammered home here before picking the mother of your children, you need to qualify them for at least 5 years. That's obviously not an option here.
I have a couple of questions: what are your thoughts on a woman with this unusual timeline, where the party years and settle down years have been switched around?
The second question really comes down to the years it takes to qualify a woman before considering kids (we both strongly want children). I've seen between 2 and 5 years on these forums. What do you guys peg it at?
To me, 3 seems like about right. And that will not work for her. Meaning I will have to end it. Im prepping myself for that.
www.international-divorce.com
