Have I been friendzoned?

[Bigpapa]

OK so first, above all else thank you for this post. I assure you I've read it all, now let me try and answer as best as I can.

I actually did make my interest known from the beginning. 2nd day after she arrived I was all over her. Stroking her, pulling her close by the waist, lots of kino. Didn't think it was the right thing to kiss, but I probably should have I suppose.

It's the second party, the night when she hugged me randomly as I was sitting on a chair, that she told me she didn't want to get attached. So between that night and Friday night, there have been IOIs, and you're right, why would she show these IOIs only to for me to find out from someone else that she doesn't want something with a flatmate.

I'm sure she knows that I want her sexually.

Like even tonight, she put her hands on my shoulders to pass me (I admit this isn't much at all), but whenever we made eye contact she would hold and look down.

That's why I think this advice from @samspade is great " My advice is take it in stride, put it on the back burner, and find ways to DHV and get her to qualify herself. But above all else know that if you manage yourself well, these things have a way of happening. "


I will keep you up to date.

mate you did not escalate properly , and I am quite sure that she does not know that you are interested in her sexually . She might think that you are , but for sure she is not certain

 

[Sgthaytham]

mate you did not escalate properly , and I am quite sure that she does not know that you are interested in her sexually . She might think that you are , but for sure she is not certain

Yeah I realise I haven't, which is ****e, but it's all part of the process of self-improvement. She's probably not sure, you're right

 

[Bigpapa]

Yeah I realise I haven't, which is ****e, but it's all part of the process of self-improvement. She's probably not sure, you're right

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

 

[Sgthaytham]

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

I've been doing all this haha

 

[Robert28]

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

You know why more guys don’t do all that? Because women have a bad habit of saying “my guy friend keeps touching me and flirting with me and he won’t take the hint. It’s creeping me out”. So guys become reserved and hesitate and alas......friendzoned because they didn’t act sooner or as aggressively as they should.

 

[Bigpapa]

I've been doing all this haha

And ? What is her response ?

 

[Robert28]

True. But those are just little shyt tests or disqualifiers.

Well maybe a few years ago but guys can’t take that chance now with #metoo everywhere. Can’t have it both ways. Either you want us to be aggressive or you don’t and then friendzone us and complain we didn’t move fast enough or aggressive enough. Women created this **** show, not men. Men have just adapted to it.

 

[Bigpapa]

Well maybe a few years ago but guys can’t take that chance now with #metoo everywhere. Can’t have it both ways. Either you want us to be aggressive or you don’t and then friendzone us and complain we didn’t move fast enough or aggressive enough. Women created this **** show, not men. Men have just adapted to it.

that is why it is important to pay attention on how she is saying whatever she is saying . Context is quite important as we know that we should not take whatever women say at face value

 

[Robert28]

In my opinion #1 mistake that most guys make is Never asking for the date.

100% waste of my time and energy analyzing "IOI"s.

Right now it seems as if you're trying to circumvent rejection by decoding IOIs/relying on others' opinions.

Only way to know is to risk failure and invite her to meet with you.

Usually when I ask for the date I get a “yes” but then trying to get them to go on the date is impossible. It’s not that we don’t ask, we just get strung along and before you know it it’s hello friendzone.

 

[Bigpapa]

Usually when I ask for the date I get a “yes” but then trying to get them to go on the date is impossible. It’s not that we don’t ask, we just get strung along and before you know it it’s hello friendzone.

what I see that it works with the conversion is to go radio silence for 2 weeks and then come back again . And again

 

[Robert28]

what I see that it works with the conversion is to go radio silence for 2 weeks and then come back again . And again

Hell I’ve forgotten about them by then. I’ll ask once. After that she’s gonna ask me or she won’t be going anywhere with me.

 

[Bigpapa]

Hell I’ve forgotten about them by then. I’ll ask once. After that she’s gonna ask me or she won’t be going anywhere with me.

that is as well another good option haha

I encounter usually this because I have this bad boy vibe which makes girls test my interest , so I expect this kind of non sense from all the girls

 

[Bigpapa]

Talking about over analyzing the situation and not making a move , this sums it up perfectly , even though is super corny

http://instagr.am/p/CILn0BXHXnd/

 

[BackInTheGame78]

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

I would just say something like "Is that your favorite pair of jeans" and if she says "No why?" Say "it should be" and if she says "Yes" then say "I can see why"

She will demand an explanation and then laugh and say something like "because I can't stop staring at your ass and just want to grab it" and then walk away...

It might take a few days but I will almost guarantee she will be all over you after that and you will open up an escalation window. Don't blow it this time.

 

[Sgthaytham]

And ? What is her response ?

I would say largely positive, like she isn't visibly distraught if I touch her arms, legs or hands, she's not pulling away... but then again, she's not really touchy-feely with me besides play hitting me

 

[GeezerBub]

All this despite telling me she "doesn't want to get attached" on the third day after we'd met.

Sounds like she's challenging you to make the next appropriate move.

 

[flowtheory]

Lol.. she tells another girl that she doesn’t want to get attached and you’re like “okay I’m hanging up my coat” only to go on SS and lament on it all. Fuuck

In time you will come to see words mean noooothing at all. Especially to friends. One could psychoanalyze this and spin it like: “shes stating to the other friend that she doesn’t want to get attached, to affirm a belief, but she’s already minorly attached. So now she’s denying her true self for someone in the house, in fear of it turning out bad and it is in conflict with a former belief.”

So words can offer some insight, sure, but just watch her actions when she’s around. Plus. Why is she having that specific conversation? Obviously because there’s awareness around a dynamic.

You need to just make it known. Just so you don’t create a pattern of inaction like you are now and more word salads about losing minutes of your life to a flatmate who is showing interest.

She obviously likes you to some degree. Next time she puts her hands on your shoulder or you’re close, just lean in an kiss her.. it’s not hard. You just have to commit to changing the dynamic. But you’re so in your head.

She’s not going to make the first move. But she’s opening the window. She’s waiting for a man go through it. But she’s still volleying the ball onto your side of the net..

 

[Bigpapa]

I would just say something like "Is that your favorite pair of jeans" and if she says "No why?" Say "it should be" and if she says "Yes" then say "I can see why"

She will demand an explanation and then laugh and say something like "because I can't stop staring at your ass and just want to grab it" and then walk away...

It might take a few days but I will almost guarantee she will be all over you after that and you will open up an escalation window. Don't blow it this time.

this sounds like a solid action plan

make this move with a smirk on your face when saying the a$$ part

 

[Sgthaytham]

Lol.. she tells another girl that she doesn’t want to get attached and you’re like “okay I’m hanging up my coat” only to go on SS and lament on it all. Fuuck

In time you will come to see words mean noooothing at all. Especially to friends. One could psychoanalyze this and spin it like: “shes stating to the other friend that she doesn’t want to get attached, to affirm a belief, but she’s already minorly attached. So now she’s denying her true self for someone in the house, in fear of it turning out bad and it is in conflict with a former belief.”

So words can offer some insight, sure, but just watch her actions when she’s around. Plus. Why is she having that specific conversation? Obviously because there’s awareness around a dynamic.

You need to just make it known. Just so you don’t create a pattern of inaction like you are now and more word salads about losing minutes of your life to a flatmate who is showing interest.

She obviously likes you to some degree. Next time she puts her hands on your shoulder or you’re close, just lean in an kiss her.. it’s not hard. You just have to commit to changing the dynamic. But you’re so in your head.

She’s not going to make the first move. But she’s opening the window. She’s waiting for a man go through it. But she’s still volleying the ball onto your side of the net..

I’m actually quite surprised that it’s “obvious” she likes me to a degree.

 

[flowtheory]

I’m actually quite surprised that it’s “obvious” she likes me to a degree.

Just go in for the kill, stop thinking about it so much. It’s feminine to be circling the bush as much as you are.