Well it has finally Happened......

[dustmuffin]

Yep....My girlfriend that I have been bragging about has dumped me. She wants to get married and alas I don't. I saw it coming. It was over three good years. I can't complain.

I am a bit sad which is to be expected. But I didn't simp or beg. I behaved much better than my last breakup. Some of you might remember that. It was about 5 years ago. What mess I was. Anyway I'm going to work on me and pick-up the odd date now and then.

I have been on OLD a few days and have gotten a few matches. I'm talking to around 15 girls now and have two dates scheduled for next week. I'll see how they go. I might just take a break from women for a while. We will see.

"Women are like a bus. Another will be round in 15 minutes." -Dustmuffin

 

[Black Widow Void]

Getting hit with the marriage ultimatum isn't fun. I've been there several times. You like things fine as is (and they seemed to as well) and then bam, it's over.

This line has never worked for me, but I keep thinking that it should work with some happily unmarried man out there.

"If I marry you, then you may wonder if it's a piece of paper that is keeping us together. If we aren't married, then you'll never doubt my love because you'll know that I'm with you because I want to be."

Perhaps the above doesn't work on women because it's too logical.

I don't know if this will help, but this is the way I've always looked at it. When a woman is more interested in filling a position (marriage)... then it's more about her need to be status-quo than your comfort level or her need to be with the right person. Every women that pressured me is now divorced or on marriage number two or three. Don't be surprised if she's married in less than two years. And don't be surprised if that marriage doesn't work out.

 

[dustmuffin]

Getting hit with the marriage ultimatum isn't fun. I've been there several times. You like things fine as is (and they seemed to as well) and then bam, it's over.

This line has never worked for me, but I keep thinking that it should work with some happily unmarried man out there.

"If I marry you, then you may wonder if it's a piece of paper that is keeping us together. If we aren't married, then you'll never doubt my love because you'll know that I'm with you because I want to be."

Perhaps the above doesn't work on women because it's too logical.

I don't know if this will help, but this is the way I've always looked at it. When a woman is more interested in filling a position (marriage)... then it's more about her need to be status-quo than your comfort level or her need to be with the right person. Every women that pressured me is now divorced or on marriage number two or three. Don't be surprised if she's married in less than two years. And don't be surprised if that marriage doesn't work out.

I appreciate your wisdom.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Respect.

Far too many fellas fold. Little do they know, hotter girls are turning 18 19 20 21.

 

[JayAce]

I had a long term gf bring up the marriage question after 3 or so years of dating in my mid 20s. I was still pretty blue pill back then, but I still wasn’t ready for marriage so I told her we should wait a little bit.

Long story short not more than a month later she dumped me and moved in with another guy. I later learned they got engaged in less than a year.

When the breakup between her and I first happened... I was of course pretty devastated. That particular breakup led me to the redpill.

this was several years ago now. they’re still married and she’s gained quite a bit of weight. shes not as physically attractive as she was when we were going out. I guess once she secured a marriage she stopped caring as much about her looks. she got that marriage she so desperately wanted.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Getting hit with the marriage ultimatum isn't fun. I've been there several times. You like things fine as is (and they seemed to as well) and then bam, it's over.

This line has never worked for me, but I keep thinking that it should work with some happily unmarried man out there.

"If I marry you, then you may wonder if it's a piece of paper that is keeping us together. If we aren't married, then you'll never doubt my love because you'll know that I'm with you because I want to be."

Perhaps the above doesn't work on women because it's too logical.

I don't know if this will help, but this is the way I've always looked at it. When a woman is more interested in filling a position (marriage)... then it's more about her need to be status-quo than your comfort level or her need to be with the right person. Every women that pressured me is now divorced or on marriage number two or three. Don't be surprised if she's married in less than two years. And don't be surprised if that marriage doesn't work out.

Preach. All points true. Pressure to marry can be a red flag in my opinion. My ex would joke to me when I’d ask her why she wanted to get married so bad given that she was not religious, and her answer was always to jokingly say, “Because I want you stuck with me.” I knew that truthfully, she wasn’t joking. Entitlement aground money and finances started creeping in the longer we dated and that’s when I knew exactly what game she was playing. It took me a while to figure that out because she did pay for our dinners 50% of the time at her own initiative, and would buy me (small token) things regularly, but when it came to vacations or discussions about how we would handle mutual finances if we moved in together, it became quite clear.

OP sorry that happened to you. Many good things come to an end, but as has been said, it’s very possible you dodged a bullet here. In this day and age, unless you are super religious, I don’t really understand the point of marriage unless it is purely for the woman’s financial/legal benefit and that’s just not something that makes any sense to me to do. I give a woman so much value already, through my love, money, time, stability, wisdom, and initiative, that I have no idea why I’d want to put myself in a position where, even after I’ve done all that, when she decides she wants to date someone else, she can take me to the cleaners and cause me all sorts of headaches. Doesn’t make sense. Marriage, for women, is not any more permanent than just being together. No woman I have dated who told me she wanted to get married could provide me with a single justification as to why it made sense to do, which leads me to believe she has her reasons for sure, but she is unwilling to state them because it would make her look bad.

 

[bat soup]

Yep....My girlfriend that I have been bragging about has dumped me. She wants to get married and alas I don't. I saw it coming. It was over three good years. I can't complain.

I am a bit sad which is to be expected. But I didn't simp or beg. I behaved much better than my last breakup. Some of you might remember that. It was about 5 years ago. What mess I was. Anyway I'm going to work on me and pick-up the odd date now and then.

I have been on OLD a few days and have gotten a few matches. I'm talking to around 15 girls now and have two dates scheduled for next week. I'll see how they go. I might just take a break from women for a while. We will see.

"Women are like a bus. Another will be round in 15 minutes." -Dustmuffin

So you're not getting married. Congratulations! You just saved yourself 10 years of hell followed by financial ruin.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why not marry? Bad past experiences? Women that are girlfriend material but not wife material?

I know all the typical downsides btw, I just think maybe the risk is acceptable(with a prenup).

Maybe she knew he would say no and she could use it an excuse to bail. The fact that she already shacked up with a dude so soon after makes me think ahe had this planned out all along and if somehow OP surprised her and said yes to marriage she would have found something else to end it over.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Why not marry? Bad past experiences? Women that are girlfriend material but not wife material?

I know all the typical downsides btw, I just think maybe the risk is acceptable(with a prenup).

What would you say are five valid reasons for a man to marry a woman? If you can’t come up with 5, maybe 3?

 

[dustmuffin]

Preach. All points true. Pressure to marry can be a red flag in my opinion. My ex would joke to me when I’d ask her why she wanted to get married so bad given that she was not religious, and her answer was always to jokingly say, “Because I want you stuck with me.” I knew that truthfully, she wasn’t joking. Entitlement aground money and finances started creeping in the longer we dated and that’s when I knew exactly what game she was playing. It took me a while to figure that out because she did pay for our dinners 50% of the time at her own initiative, and would buy me (small token) things regularly, but when it came to vacations or discussions about how we would handle mutual finances if we moved in together, it became quite clear.

OP sorry that happened to you. Many good things come to an end, but as has been said, it’s very possible you dodged a bullet here. In this day and age, unless you are super religious, I don’t really understand the point of marriage unless it is purely for the woman’s financial/legal benefit and that’s just not something that makes any sense to me to do. I give a woman so much value already, through my love, money, time, stability, wisdom, and initiative, that I

Why not marry? Bad past experiences? Women that are girlfriend material but not wife material?

I know all the typical downsides btw, I just think maybe the risk is acceptable(with a prenup).

I had a very expensive divorce. 35k for my attorney and I lost half my stuff. Also had to pay child support and alimony. I’m not taking any chances. I’ll find another girl. I’m not worried about that.

 

[dustmuffin]

Good point.
The two times I got nagged about marriage were when they were prepping to leave (and would have said no to the proposal, I have to assume)...this is the level of egoism and desire to "win" that we are dealing with.

I think part of it is she wanted someone to help shoulder the financial burden of her household. She would expect me to live in her house and pay half of everything. I also heard her say recently that she wants someone to take care of her. What does that mean? That she could possibly quit her job without my approval and leave me holding the bag.

 

[sangheilios]

@dustmuffin

Are you actually 57 like your profile says? If so, I don't even see why you'd bother at your age.

 

[dustmuffin]

@dustmuffin

Are you actually 57 like your profile says? If so, I don't even see why you'd bother at your age.

Bother with what? Yes I am 57.

 

[sangheilios]

Bother with what? Yes I am 57.

Bother getting married at 57. In my opinion, unless a man and a woman are looking to have children I genuinely don't see the point, which at your age I doubt was even in the cards.

 

[dustmuffin]

Bother getting married at 57. In my opinion, unless a man and a woman are looking to have children I genuinely don't see the point, which at your age I doubt was even in the cards.

I agree. That is why I won’t get married and I already have children.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

1. Its a requirement for many women, including some high value women, so it could be worth it to secure that woman long term
2. Your maximum SMV is generally going to be when you offer commitment, as a man. Basically the opposite of women. Not for everyone, but for a lot of men.
3. It could provide at least some protection to the relationship lasting long term.
4. Social status as you get older, it becomes almost ubiquitous.

That's basically it, can't get to 5.

Good list.

1. This is often true. I'll agree here, but they still can't explain why they want it. "Because I just do" is the answer they give. That's bullsh*t given the fact that they can then say the same exact thing when they divorce you and take half your stuff. I would prefer losing a good woman than marrying her and putting my bank account on the table for her to grab on the way out whenever she decides it is time.
2. I'm not quite following here - You're saying that your maximum SMV to HER specifically, is going to be highest when you offer to commit? If so, how is that a good thing? Your SMV will steadily decline over the course of the marriage.
3. I disagree with this one. What protection? People cheat on spouses all the time. The consequences for a WOMAN cheating on her husband are the same as her cheating on a boyfriend. So there is no protection for the man. Only the woman.
4. I give you this - it is true. Though I obtain status in other ways. Yes I am sure there are people who may judge me for being 44 and single, but 99% of them are b*tchy women who are pissed off that I date a lot of 23 year olds because it brings their insecurities about getting older to the surface. I could give two fvcks less what those girls think - I keep that to myself unless they try to shame me for it and then I ensure they know I don't care.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Compare to cheating in LTRs, which has to be 90%...virtually all LTRs end due to cheating i.e. monkey branching...marriage does mean SOMETHING, even if not much. The ring means something.

I think this is very debatable. Heck, I think a lot of people (men and women) find the danger and risk and taboo of cheating while married is actually MORE of a motivator for them to cheat. It's more "exciting" for them. But I could see how a woman would consider how her friends and family who attended her wedding might be disappointed in her if she cheated and divorced, so it might cross her mind and act as a deterrent, but at the same time, if she is in the frame of mind to cheat, she's not going to be in the frame of mind that will be making her husband's life enjoyable from that point forward so......

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think part of it is she wanted someone to help shoulder the financial burden of her household. She would expect me to live in her house and pay half of everything. I also heard her say recently that she wants someone to take care of her. What does that mean? That she could possibly quit her job without my approval and leave me holding the bag.

Sounds like a bad deal unless you are getting some sort of equity in the house. Then again, you would not have any type of house payment of your own so theoretically you might come out ahead financially.

 

[Serenity]

"If I marry you, then you may wonder if it's a piece of paper that is keeping us together. If we aren't married, then you'll never doubt my love because you'll know that I'm with you because I want to be."

Perhaps the above doesn't work on women because it's too logical.

Too logical? If you ask me it sounds romantic as hell. Maybe it doesn't work on heartless women.

 

[Roober]

While unfortunate, it's good you stuck your ground and went through this. Did she ever have reason to believe you two would marry?

I've told my lady several times, "I will probably never get married again." To which she replies, "as long as we're together, I don't care." Therefore, if she gets pressured or feels the need for an ultimatum, she already knows the answer. I remind her every few months, just in case she gets any crazy ideas, or gets into stupid conversations with her friends.

I wonder if, in your situation, your lady understood ttgat you don't have a desire for marriage?