Have I been friendzoned?

[BackInTheGame78]

Nothing like that, she’s talked about me to a flatmate and the flatmate told me she doesn’t want to get with other flatmates. So I’m just going to call it a day

This is meaningless.

 

[King Lion]

Nothing like that, she’s talked about me to a flatmate and the flatmate told me she doesn’t want to get with other flatmates. So I’m just going to call it a day

Hmmm....This is what I meant when I said she'd either get with you or speak about some other guy and then you would have your answer. Don't sweat it - sounds about par for the course.

Look at things in a more positive light because she was 'talking about' you and maybe your other flatmate is the one she doesn't want to "get with".

 

[Bigpapa]

Hmmm....This is what I meant when I said she'd either get with you or speak about some other guy and then you would have your answer. Don't sweat it - sounds about par for the course.

Look at things in a more positive light because she was 'talking about' you and maybe your other flatmate is the one she doesn't want to "get with".

Or maybe he likes her too and he tries to c0ckblock you

 

[Sgthaytham]

Hmmm....This is what I meant when I said she'd either get with you or speak about some other guy and then you would have your answer. Don't sweat it - sounds about par for the course.

Look at things in a more positive light because she was 'talking about' you and maybe your other flatmate is the one she doesn't want to "get with".

The other flatmate is a woman.
What do you mean it sounds about par for the course?

 

[Sgthaytham]

Or maybe he likes her too and he tries to c0ckblock you

The other flatmate is a woman.

 

[Bigpapa]

The other flatmate is a woman.

maybe also the other flatmate likes you

 

[Sgthaytham]

maybe also the other flatmate likes you

I seriously doubt that. Man, I'm confused. I mean the IOIs seemed to be there, but I guess either I read the IOIs wrong, or there was no interest to begin with. Oh well, life goes on

 

[Bigpapa]

I seriously doubt that. Man, I'm confused. I mean the IOIs seemed to be there, but I guess either I read the IOIs wrong, or there was no interest to begin with. Oh well, life goes on

The problem with ioi is that if you think in terms of that you will always try to figure out if she is into you or not , which in return will make you overanalyze things and make you not make a move . This is why people say that always to assume attraction

you did not make a move , make one and see where it goes , then you will know for sure

 

[Sgthaytham]

The problem with ioi is that if you think in terms of that you will always try to figure out if she is into you or not , which in return will make you overanalyze things and make you not make a move . This is why people say that always to assume attraction

you did not make a move , make one and see where it goes , then you will know for sure

I did make a move of sorts, but that's when our flatmate told me "She spoke to me about you and she said she doesn't want anything to happen with flatmates"... so I guess that's it.

I don't think I should insist at this point

 

[Bigpapa]

I did make a move of sorts, but that's when our flatmate told me "She spoke to me about you and she said she doesn't want anything to happen with flatmates"... so I guess that's it.

I don't think I should insist at this point

a move of sorts is not considered a move haha

 

[Sgthaytham]

a move of sorts is not considered a move haha

True.
What are everyone else’s thoughts?

 

[King Lion]

The other flatmate is a woman.
What do you mean it sounds about par for the course?

It means that one couldn't expect that many great relationships would start out as flatmates.

You can get a lot more than azz out of a female by controlling your **** and your desire for her.

Just chill and enjoy the situation of having her close by to observe listen and learn about. You can subliminally seduce a woman this way by allowing her to choose you.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Every single one of these is a major IOI.

If you are worried about being her "friend," I have good news: Only you can make that happen, lol. She fancies you too.

Remember, Always Assume Attraction. In the long run I think you need to work on your self-perception. You need to be in a constant state of high value, so constant that it isn't even a question in your mind. But that's long term.

Short term...well she's a flatmate. How's that gonna work?

@samspade

Do you have anything further to add from what King Lion, BackIntheGame78 and BigPapa have said so far about my updates?

For me either what she's told out other flatmate about "not wanting to get with a flat mate" is probably not far from the truth, meaning 1) she likes me but... or 2) She wasn't interested in the first place. I'm leaning more towards 2) tbh

 

[Igetit!]

@samspade

Do you have anything further to add from what King Lion, BackIntheGame78 and BigPapa have said so far about my updates?

For me either what she's told out other flatmate about "not wanting to get with a flat mate" is probably not far from the truth, meaning 1) she likes me but... or 2) She wasn't interested in the first place. I'm leaning more towards 2) tbh

Sir.......I've been reading this thread ever since the day it was created. I never said anything because I pretty much agreed with what everyone else has already stated,but I do have a question or two from some of the things you've recently said.

For one......what did you mean when you said you made "a move of sorts"? What is "sort" of a move anyway?

Also,have you DIRECTLY made your interest known yet? Cause it seems to me you're just "tip-toeing" around the girl,hoping she can figure out you're interested,without you having to risk rejection. I can tell you RIGHT NOW...........that WILL NOT work.

If you want the girl,you have to let her know. She can't read your mind,dude.


One thing I can tell you with 100% certainty.....the longer you wait...the LESS THE CHANCE you'll ever have to make something happen with her......especially if you see her often. She's gonna get used to you,the way you currently are (non-romantic/non-sexual).......and then if you finally ever do decide to make a move,it's gonna seem weird,seem out-of-character.

In other words,what "Robert28" said here: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/have-i-been-friendzoned.267432/post-2790923


A few weeks ago,I went to Domino's. I wanted a pepperoni pizza. So when I went to the counter and they asked to take my order,guess what I said? I said I wanted a pepperoni pizza. I didn't hint......I didn't insinuate.....I didn't "sorta"/"kinda" say what I wanted,I told them FLAT OUT.

If you wanna take this chick out,then you HAVE TO ask her out. You're too busy in YOUR HEAD ,making assumptions. "She flipped her hair to the side,that means "this",she said so and so to my friend,so that means that....and on and on and on.



Do I think there was interest based on your initial post? Yes. I think she liked you. Problem is you're stalling her interest out by not taking action,and "sort of a moves" ain't gonna cut it. I've always looked at a woman's interest when you first meet her like wet cement. You have to QUICKLY start to mold it in the fashion you want it to be,cause it starts to harden. If you do nothing,guess what? It STILL hardens. And the longer you wait,the harder it gets to make her see you the way you want to be seen (as a sexual interest).



I would tell you to hurry up and go make a move....but seeing as how you're going on your 3rd week of knowing her,it MAY BE already too late. Only way to know for certain is to make a move,but you seem too content thinking,wondering,imagining,and playing out "what if" scenarios in your head to make that happen.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Sir.......I've been reading this thread ever since the day it was created. I never said anything because I pretty much agreed with what everyone else has already stated,but I do have a question or two from some of the things you've recently said.

For one......what did you mean when you said you made "a move of sorts"? What is "sort" of a move anyway?

Also,have you DIRECTLY made your interest known yet? Cause it seems to me you're just "tip-toeing" around the girl,hoping she can figure out you're interested,without you having to risk rejection. I can tell you RIGHT NOW...........that WILL NOT work.

If you want the girl,you have to let her know. She can't read your mind,dude.


One thing I can tell you with 100% certainty.....the longer you wait...the LESS THE CHANCE you'll ever have to make something happen with her......especially if you see her often. She's gonna get used to you,the way you currently are (non-romantic/non-sexual).......and then if you finally ever do decide to make a move,it's gonna seem weird,seem out-of-character.

In other words,what "Robert28" said here: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/have-i-been-friendzoned.267432/post-2790923


A few weeks ago,I went to Domino's. I wanted a pepperoni pizza. So when I went to the counter and they asked to take my order,guess what I said? I said I wanted a pepperoni pizza. I didn't hint......I didn't insinuate.....I didn't "sorta"/"kinda" say what I wanted,I told them FLAT OUT.

If you wanna take this chick out,then you HAVE TO ask her out. You're too busy in YOUR HEAD ,making assumptions. "She flipped her hair to the side,that means "this",she said so and so to my friend,so that means that....and on and on and on.



Do I think there was interest based on your initial post? Yes. I think she liked you. Problem is you're stalling her interest out by not taking action,and "sort of a moves" ain't gonna cut it. I've always looked at a woman's interest when you first meet her like wet cement. You have to QUICKLY start to mold it in the fashion you want it to be,cause it starts to harden. If you do nothing,guess what? It STILL hardens. And the longer you wait,the harder it gets to make her see you the way you want to be seen (as a sexual interest).



I would tell you to hurry up and go make a move....but seeing as how you're going on your 3rd week of knowing her,it MAY BE already too late. Only way to know for certain is to make a move,but you seem too content thinking,wondering,imagining,and playing out "what if" scenarios in your head to make that happen.

I hear what you and many others are saying that I have to strike when the iron is hot before she loses interest (unless she already has).

You have to understand though that before All this she had told me she “doesn’t want to get attached”.

At that point I imagine she was just letting me down slowly.

Then there were the IOIs, so I thought maybe I was game...

Now the female flatmate has told me she’s talked about me and how “She doesn’t want to get with a flatmate”, again suggests she doesn’t want anything to happen and/or isn’t interested.

When I say a move of sorts, the reason why the female flatmate told me the above is because I really wanted to make a move and she held me back to tell me what the girl in question had told her.

 

[TheGambino]

That's called getting rejected. At that point you walk away.

I think there are technically two types of friendzone:

1. The FZ where you are not sure of where you stand because you never made a move.
2. The FZ where you made a move and got rejected.

If you are in the first, you should make a move and find out. If you are in the second, walk away.

Great. This is all you need to know basically lol

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I seriously doubt that. Man, I'm confused. I mean the IOIs seemed to be there, but I guess either I read the IOIs wrong, or there was no interest to begin with. Oh well, life goes on

Why would you ever pay attention to something dumb like that? Words are meaningless. Actions are not. You haven't done anything that forces an action from her.

Do something that forces an action if you want the real answer to this and not the one you have made up in your own mind which may or may not have any basis in reality.

 

[Lookatu]

Why would you ever pay attention to something dumb like that? Words are meaningless. Actions are not. You haven't done anything that forces an action from her.

Do something that forces an action if you want the real answer to this and not the one you have made up in your own mind which may or may not have any basis in reality.

Exactly.
Work on yourself and if you are buff/get buff, walk around the place with just a towel, tease, talk on the phone with other girls in a romantic way, get her to notice you in a different way. Just go about your day like she's an insignificant fly on the wall. If she doesn't act, that's on her and she'll be the one suffering while you go about your business.

 

[Igetit!]

I hear what you and many others are saying that I have to strike when the iron is hot before she loses interest (unless she already has).

Yes. And this can happen QUICK. I personally think if you come across a girl you like,you need to make your interest known within the first few minutes of meeting her. This is especially true if she's someone you're going to be seeing often. That way,from the beginning.....you get the idea off in her head of you two possibly being sexual.

You won't have to worry about getting the old,"You're like a brother to me/I don't see you "that way" " lines from her because you presented yourself to her "THAT WAY" from the very first moments of meeting her.

She has NO CHOICE but to see you as sexual (or potentially sexual),because that's how you presented yourself to her.......EVEN IF she rejects you. You won't shock her or make her feel uncomfortable by asking her out because you positioned yourself as a sexual option from the getgo.


You've known this chick going on THREE WEEKS......WITHOUT being upfront about your intentions. If you suddenly ask her out now,she may be like,"Where did that come from?" She's known the laughy "you",the guy she talks with "you",the flatmate "you".........not the SEXUAL "you". And it's because you've kept that side of yourself hidden for whatever reason.

So if you do bring him out,and she's suddenly ataken back,DON'T BLAME HER. If you don't have the confidence to go for what you want,that's not HER fault.

You have to understand though that before All this she had told me she “doesn’t want to get attached”.

Sir,look.......I realize you don't have a high post count,but you've been a member here for 5 years. You've been here TOO LONG to fall for this HORSESH1T.

What's the NUMBER ONE thing this place has ALWAYS PREACHED about women?

"GO BY WHAT THEY DO.......not by what THEY SAY". Attraction and chemistry BREAKS RULES.

If this chick really liked you,if she really felt chemistry and attraction for you,do you REALLY THINK she'd let you being a "flatmate" stop you two from getting together?

At that point I imagine she was just letting me down slowly.

Yep. Just what I said in my previous post.....you spend too much time "wondering/IMAGINING/telling yourself things.

Then there were the IOIs, so I thought maybe I was game...

The IOIs seemed legit. Problem is IOIs are like baseball pitches. They don't just sit there. You have to take advantage of them....otherwise,they just pass by.

Now the female flatmate has told me she’s talked about me and how “She doesn’t want to get with a flatmate”, again suggests she doesn’t want anything to happen and/or isn’t interested.

Now this......I understand what you mean. I can understand why you'd be hesitant.....

BUT.....

If this were really,truly the case....then WHY did she bother giving you all the IOIs to begin with? What was the point of those? You think she was being an AW? I don't.

Tell me something........WHEN did you get the news that this girl didn't want to get with a flatmate? Was it in the beginning while she was giving you all those IOIs? Or sometime thereafter?

When I say a move of sorts, the reason why the female flatmate told me the above is because I really wanted to make a move and she held me back to tell me what the girl in question had told her.

That's fair. Now.....I have a question....

The female flatmate....the one who told you that the girl you like didn't want to get with a flatmate......did she know that you liked the other girl? What happened.....did you tell the flatmate you were going to go ask the other girl out,then she stopped you and told you what the girl you liked said?


If so,I'd have to agree with you not making a move..... But that STILL doesn't excuse you from not going for it while all those IOIs were there.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Yes. And this can happen QUICK. I personally think if you come across a girl you like,you need to make your interest known within the first few minutes of meeting her. This is especially true if she's someone you're going to be seeing often. That way,from the beginning.....you get the idea off in her head of you two possibly being sexual.

You won't have to worry about getting the old,"You're like a brother to me/I don't see you "that way" " lines from her because you presented yourself to her "THAT WAY" from the very first moments of meeting her.

She has NO CHOICE but to see you as sexual (or potentially sexual),because that's how you presented yourself to her.......EVEN IF she rejects you. You won't shock her or make her feel uncomfortable by asking her out because you positioned yourself as a sexual option from the getgo.


You've known this chick going on THREE WEEKS......WITHOUT being upfront about your intentions. If you suddenly ask her out now,she may be like,"Where did that come from?" She's known the laughy "you",the guy she talks with "you",the flatmate "you".........not the SEXUAL "you". And it's because you've kept that side of yourself hidden for whatever reason.

So if you do bring him out,and she's suddenly ataken back,DON'T BLAME HER. If you don't have the confidence to go for what you want,that's not HER fault.



Sir,look.......I realize you don't have a high post count,but you've been a member here for 5 years. You've been here TOO LONG to fall for this HORSESH1T.

What's the NUMBER ONE thing this place has ALWAYS PREACHED about women?

"GO BY WHAT THEY DO.......not by what THEY SAY". Attraction and chemistry BREAKS RULES.

If this chick really liked you,if she really felt chemistry and attraction for you,do you REALLY THINK she'd let you being a "flatmate" stop you two from getting together?



Yep. Just what I said in my previous post.....you spend too much time "wondering/IMAGINING/telling yourself things.



The IOIs seemed legit. Problem is IOIs are like baseball pitches. They don't just sit there. You have to take advantage of them....otherwise,they just pass by.



Now this......I understand what you mean. I can understand why you'd be hesitant.....

BUT.....

If this were really,truly the case....then WHY did she bother giving you all the IOIs to begin with? What was the point of those? You think she was being an AW? I don't.

Tell me something........WHEN did you get the news that this girl didn't want to get with a flatmate? Was it in the beginning while she was giving you all those IOIs? Or sometime thereafter?



That's fair. Now.....I have a question....

The female flatmate....the one who told you that the girl you like didn't want to get with a flatmate......did she know that you liked the other girl? What happened.....did you tell the flatmate you were going to go ask the other girl out,then she stopped you and told you what the girl you liked said?


If so, I'd have to agree with you not making a move..... But that STILL doesn't excuse you from not going for it while all those IOIs were there.

OK so first, above all else thank you for this post. I assure you I've read it all, now let me try and answer as best as I can.

I actually did make my interest known from the beginning. 2nd day after she arrived I was all over her. Stroking her, pulling her close by the waist, lots of kino. Didn't think it was the right thing to kiss, but I probably should have I suppose.

It's the second party, the night when she hugged me randomly as I was sitting on a chair, that she told me she didn't want to get attached. So between that night and Friday night, there have been IOIs, and you're right, why would she show these IOIs only to for me to find out from someone else that she doesn't want something with a flatmate.

I'm sure she knows that I want her sexually.

Like even tonight, she put her hands on my shoulders to pass me (I admit this isn't much at all), but whenever we made eye contact she would hold and look down.

That's why I think this advice from @samspade is great " My advice is take it in stride, put it on the back burner, and find ways to DHV and get her to qualify herself. But above all else know that if you manage yourself well, these things have a way of happening. "


I will keep you up to date.