Playing hard to get behavior

[flowtheory]

Hey guys ,

I am dealing with an issue at the moment in which would be great if I could get some feedback from someone that is not invested as I am .

so basically the issue I am dealing is with a girl that is playing hard to get , and after she is hot then becomes cold . She even admitted that she is playing hard to get as “ she is not for everyone “ and things along this line .

Sometimes she is really warm and we have a great vibe , and then on purpose she becomes cold and becomes a ***** .

I never really showed that I am affected by this behavior and every time she started behaving this way I just back down and gave her room . Then I would reengage her after a couple of weeks and she would be super warm again .

what is annoying me is that she is behaving like this on purpose , as she admitted that she does this ***** moves on purpose .

the thing that I am missing right now if it there are any other options available besides to drop her .

I know for sure that she is attracted to me based on her behavior and she even admitted this a couple of times , but this behavior of her that she does on purpose started to be quite annoying .

what you guys think is the best move forward without dropping the nuke and just ignore her ?

Essentially what is happening is you’re just enabling her to do the same thing over and over again on repeat. Due to your mentioned lack of options and abundance, with self value/respect to boot.

She’s actively and overtly telling you she’s playing hard to get. So this tells us she’s overtly insecure. So therefore she’s telling you she’s playing games with you to get what she wants on her terms due to her lack of self-security. It keeps you thirsty and the cycle of her being to gain validation for ‘this is just how I am’. You’re in her frame when you agree to her cold behavior as that’s when she can’t own herself.

You posted this to seek solutions to relieve her poor behavior. You can’t. You can only change how YOU deal with HER - actions and responses. The only way to do that is to show yourself that you’re worth more than a woman who will actively be hot and cold. To show yourself you don't need her. If this goes on further you will hemorrhage more your vital energy you could be spending elsewhere on more fulfilling endevours. But the simple act of you being involved in this dramatic dynamic showcases that you don't have any positive drama and passion elsewhere in your current reality outside of her. Which is fine, but needs to be changed so you're more able to discern positive qualities for you to lead a more fulfilling life.

Like @stormrider said, you’re placing her on a pedestal, and looking for her to validate you by ‘getting’ her. Ditch that pedestal. And absolve your current notion of 'getting her', because right now she isn't 'getting you'. It will get you nowhere except in deep sh!t down the line, with yourself, world view, and circumstances.

My advice is to enjoy her when she’s warm, open, being sexual and fun, and the second she acts cold due to her petty games because ‘that’s how she is’ - LOL FFS - show her you don’t want that and walk away from that moment and go get busy with something more rewarding (hobbies, goals, gym, painting, video games, etc). She will snap out of it quickly, or bail altogether (if she's just using you to validate her insecure self) because she sees you self-validate and knows your worth. It’s a win either way. Don’t put up with sub-par behavior, because you’re essentially communicating to yourself and others that you will eat sh!t just because a woman’s serving it.

 

[Bigpapa]

Essentially why is happening is you’re just enabling her to do the same thing over and over again on repeat. Due to your mentioned lack of options and abundance, with self value/respect to boot.

She’s actively and overtly telling you she’s playing hard to get. So this tells us she’s overtly insecure. So therefore she’s telling you she’s playing games with you to get what she wants on her terms due to her lack of self security. It keeps you thirsty and the cycle of her being to gain validation for ‘this is just how I am’. You’re in her frame when you onset to her cold behaviour as that’s when she can’t own herself.

You posted this to seek for solutions to relieve her poor behaviour. You can’t. You can only change how YOU deal with HER - actions and responses. The only way to do that is to show yourself that you’re worth more than a woman who will actively be hot and cold. If this goes on further you will hemorrhage more your vital energy you could be spending elsewhere.

Like @stormrider said, you’re placing her on a pedestal, and looking for her to validate you by ‘getting’ her. Ditch that pedestal. It will get you nowhere except in deep sh!t down the line, with yourself, world view, and circumstances.

My advice is to enjoy her when she’s warm, open, being sexual and fun, and the second she acts cold due to her petty games because ‘that’s how she is’ - LOL FFS - show her you don’t want that and walk away from that moment and go get busy with something more rewarding (hobbies, goals, gym, painting, video games, etc). She will snap out of it quickly, or bail altogether because she sees you self-validate and know your worth. It’s a win either way. Don’t put up with sub-par behaviour, because you’re essentially communicating to yourself and others that you will eat sh!t just because a woman’s serving it.

Golden

 

[soulforge]

Essentially what is happening is you’re just enabling her to do the same thing over and over again on repeat. Due to your mentioned lack of options and abundance, with self value/respect to boot.

She’s actively and overtly telling you she’s playing hard to get. So this tells us she’s overtly insecure. So therefore she’s telling you she’s playing games with you to get what she wants on her terms due to her lack of self-security. It keeps you thirsty and the cycle of her being to gain validation for ‘this is just how I am’. You’re in her frame when you agree to her cold behavior as that’s when she can’t own herself.

You posted this to seek solutions to relieve her poor behavior. You can’t. You can only change how YOU deal with HER - actions and responses. The only way to do that is to show yourself that you’re worth more than a woman who will actively be hot and cold. To show yourself you don't need her. If this goes on further you will hemorrhage more your vital energy you could be spending elsewhere on more fulfilling endevours. But the simple act of you being involved in this dramatic dynamic showcases that you don't have any positive drama and passion elsewhere in your current reality outside of her. Which is fine, but needs to be changed so you're more able to discern positive qualities for you to lead a more fulfilling life.

Like @stormrider said, you’re placing her on a pedestal, and looking for her to validate you by ‘getting’ her. Ditch that pedestal. And absolve your current notion of 'getting her', because right now she isn't 'getting you'. It will get you nowhere except in deep sh!t down the line, with yourself, world view, and circumstances.

My advice is to enjoy her when she’s warm, open, being sexual and fun, and the second she acts cold due to her petty games because ‘that’s how she is’ - LOL FFS - show her you don’t want that and walk away from that moment and go get busy with something more rewarding (hobbies, goals, gym, painting, video games, etc). She will snap out of it quickly, or bail altogether (if she's just using you to validate her insecure self) because she sees you self-validate and knows your worth. It’s a win either way. Don’t put up with sub-par behavior, because you’re essentially communicating to yourself and others that you will eat sh!t just because a woman’s serving it.

I like this most.. It makes a ****t ton of sense.. I have had a very similar situation myself recently.. From hot to cold..

And game playing.. However in my case my game was strong enough for a her to be sukking me off once or twice a week.

However I won't allow myself to fall into her frame.. My plan is to detach.. She either cones to me and behaves in a reasonable manner.. Or I next her by giving zero attention and no contact

 

[soulforge]

I would say she just wants you as an orbiter and an ego boost. Interested girls don't confuse you. Girls who are a waste of time will. But if you still aren't sure here is how to tell.

Stop re-engaging her. Go no contact. 100% nothing. No text no phone no text no social media. Nothing. No replies no likes no answering messages nothing.

You pull the plug even before she goes cold.
If she doesn"'t reach out after a week or two then you have your answer. She was wasting your time.

If she is truly interested she will miss you and reach out. If she doesn't then you cut ties and move on.

I had a very similar situation.. Problem is, she is a work colleague, so impossible to cut her off completely.. I will see her at work on a daily basis, which makes it difficult to create distance.

Same issue, acting hot and cold.. However I did get some sloppy *******s off her last week... Have decided to drop her and focus on other girls.

 

[soulforge]

She's toying with you

She gave me a BJ and hand job on Friday

 

[Glassguy]

Women who want to fvck you don't play hard to get.
Women with high interest don't play hard to get.
Women who see you as valuable don't play hard to get.
Women who want to submit to you don't play hard to get.

Low/no interest, attention seekers, validation seekers, women who see you as lower value, etc.....that's who plays hard to get because they have no intentions of you actually getting what you want from them (sex).

First sign of "Playing hard to get" should mean you leave the door open and walk away. Quickly.

 

[soulforge]

Women who want to fvck you don't play hard to get.
Women with high interest don't play hard to get.
Women who see you as valuable don't play hard to get.
Women who want to submit to you don't play hard to get.

Low/no interest, attention seekers, validation seekers, women who see you as lower value, etc.....that's who plays hard to get because they have no intentions of you actually getting what you want from them (sex).

First sign of "Playing hard to get" should mean you leave the door open and walk away. Quickly.

I agree with Glass guy, it's a wasted effort.. Walk away. However sometimes the interest level can peak once you starve her of all attention.

I have this exact type of situation where she flaked twice and doesn't text much.

However she gave me a blow job this gone Friday? How does that fit with low interest?

A girl with low interest would surely avoid any sexual activity with you.

 

[soulforge]

Attention wh0res do the minimum sex necessary to maximize attention. Someone who is high interest does the maximum sex regardless of attention.

Fair point... I think they want to keep that attention going.. I simply emptied my load into her mouth.. And moved the fuk on..

 

[Bigpapa]

I do not think that when a girl plays hard to get she has low interest level in you , but neither maximum . She is somehow on the fence

so the strategy here is either to find a way to be the one dominant , either to put her in an emotional rollercoaster , either to deprive her of your attention and let her think herself how much she actually is interested in you

 

[dude99]

I had a very similar situation.. Problem is, she is a work colleague, so impossible to cut her off completely.. I will see her at work on a daily basis, which makes it difficult to create distance.

Same issue, acting hot and cold.. However I did get some sloppy *******s off her last week... Have decided to drop her and focus on other girls.

In this situation you act 100% professional with her. Zero flirting, zero compliments, zero attention towards her. You discuss work and work related topics only.

 

[One_Punch_Man]

yes , exactly my thoughts

this is why I try to frame the dynamic into the friendzone while being mildly warm to her so her game will become useless . By this I am trying to make her chase me .

I tried the other strategies , punishing her for bad behavior , ignoring her , etc . They worked till a certain extent , and after while it will just revert back to her trying to make me chase by braking rapport intentionally and being bitchy .

hopefully this one will be the right one so I can escalate indirectly without her having a way to counter this and just let go .

do you have another strategy in mind that you think that can work in this case ?

Just leave her bro. There is a psychological saying that more you put effort to get something, the more you want that thing. The effort part is conscious and subconscious. So you may fall for her slowly although she might not fall for you. The same scenario is explained with business investment, Where you have invested so much of your resources that it is difficult to withdraw, for one reason or the other, ultimately the scenario and the end is on big mess with nothing to gain out of it. So leave her and don't put any conscious or subconscious effort to attract her. Although you may say it is just for experience.

 

[Bigpapa]

Just leave her bro. There is a psychological saying that more you put effort to get something, the more you want that thing. The effort part is conscious and subconscious. So you may fall for her slowly although she might not fall for you. The same scenario is explained with business investment, Where you have invested so much of your resources that it is difficult to withdraw, for one reason or the other, ultimately the scenario and the end is on big mess with nothing to gain out of it. So leave her and don't put any conscious or subconscious effort to attract her. Although you may say it is just for experience.

very wise words .

just like in business also in seduction is the cost benefit rational .

if the business idea is really good and profitable than it makes sense to put resources there , otherwise you will never

same things with girls , if you like her more than you like other girls , maybe it makes more sense to be persistent , otherwise you will not get her

What it is important though to know when to quit , just like in poker . Sometimes it is better to fold KK if you feel that someone has an AA

 

[Lookatu]

Attention wh0res do the minimum sex necessary to maximize attention. Someone who is high interest does the maximum sex regardless of attention.

I agree. In @soulforge situation, she's feeding you breadcrumbs in the form of bj's. You wanted sex from her and she knows that but yet that hasn't happened so she's doing the minimum to keep her on your radar and continue getting attention.

And whatever happened to all that talk of moving on? LOL. Man, you are enabling her continuing bad behavior by giving in to bj's.

 

[soulforge]

I agree. In @soulforge situation, she's feeding you breadcrumbs in the form of bj's. You wanted sex from her and she knows that but yet that hasn't happened so she's doing the minimum to keep her on your radar and continue getting attention.

And whatever happened to all that talk of moving on? LOL. Man, you are enabling her continuing bad behavior by giving in to bj's.

Come on man.. It's a fukin pandemic and the dating game in my area has been dead on its ass for months!

Most chicks use guys for attention & they get a big fat ZERO for the effort.

I got her to svck me off on 4-5 occasions.

That being said, I agree.. If I'm not smashing her, then I don't feel it's necessary to entertain her.

I dropped her two weeks ago, no more texting, no more arranging to meet for bl0w jobs..

She has attempted to talk to me twice this week at work.. I simply acknowledged her, smiled & said a couple of brief words & just moved on... In the past we would end up talking for 10 minutes and the chat would get flirty.

Now I am simply removing all attention other than common politeness!

She is making attempts to catch my attention, I just ain't buying it.

 

[King Lion]

*** Update ***

had a more hearty Discussion with her and apparently this is how she is , moody .

so I am cutting all communication with her , and let her come to me and accept only the good behavior and punish severely the bad one .

apprently the nuke usually is the best solution for this kind of situations

You're starting to understand the female psyche now. Females will test guys because they want to feel masculine energy.

If she plays the b*tch - Then you blast her - No need drop a "nuke", but a grenade will do and at least give her some time to react...lol

She would expect nothing less, but many guys are too soft and that will not get her pvssy wet!

 

[asterixix]

Just fvcking drop her. Stop contacting her. If she reaches out, tell her flat out "when you are done with the childish games, let me know, maybe we can get together then". She will either go away or become extremely wet., Either way you win.

Is being this overt a better option than no contact? I feel by saying this you’d look needy in her eyes.

 

[Bigpapa]

Is being this overt a better option than no contact? I feel by saying this you’d look needy in her eyes.

if you go direct like that you look butthurt which makes you unattractive .

women when they do this , they know that they are annoying and just want to see how you react .

the best way is to fix the situation before giving her the space to miss you and come back with a different attitude is to revert the current situation to being frame neutral for both of you . Otherwise you will just look butthurt

 

[isasda66]

Hard to get is hard to want

Sure you may lose out on *****, but you wont be thinking of her and what most guys need to remember is that women are supposed to make your life easy and penis hard. Not the other way around.

Is being this overt a better option than no contact? I feel by saying this you’d look needy in her eyes.

I agree with you. But maybe calling her out is something which few people would do? so in a way its alpha?

Just fvcking drop her. Stop contacting her. If she reaches out, tell her flat out "when you are done with the childish games, let me know, maybe we can get together then". She will either go away or become extremely wet., Either way you win.

As asterixix said isnt being overt a bit too much or its fine if its a once in a while thing to call out? Wouldnt a soft next work as well?

 

[King Lion]

Sure you may lose out on *****, but you wont be thinking of her and what most guys need to remember is that women are supposed to make your life easy and penis hard. Not the other way around.

Ain't that the TRUTH!

 

[Bigpapa]

***update***

so for a while things looked like they are going on the right track , but then she started being a b1tch again , especially when I was nice to her ( as a way to reward good behavior ) . This was her trying to regain power she lost

basically the discussion started from her saying “ you can run , but you will always come back “

after some back and forth I finally decided that it makes no sense to continue something like this , because from my point of view is quite toxic .

so I tell her that this stupid power struggles are damaging our dynamic and makes no sense for me to continue this , and that she either drops this acts , either I am out of the door .

then I add that I take the blame , as I was quite lazy and did not plunged in the dating market as I should have had , and because I gave her too much attention she is behaving like that . So I will have to plunge into the dating market , and I will not have time to talk with her

to this she replied that I can do what I want , and that she is sure that I will find quality girls ( added a winky face to this ) , and that my problem is actually that I want to be the star for everyone

to this I replied that it has nothing to do with that , just that I am an ambitious guy and I can not fight on 3 fronts on the same time , and that she is taking energy from me rather than giving me some or at least helping Me to relax.

To this she replied that clearly we are not emotional compatible and that no one ever told her this , and that she is wishing me best of luck

to this I just replied that it is a shame when people that could get along do not , because they are more interested in showing who is the boss even though they do not gain anything from it . And that I told her this because I just wanted to get it out of my chest

now , maybe I was not super smooth and maybe showed that I cared more than I should have , but at least i feel better as I just vented all my thoughts to her .

then like 8h later she is watching my Instagram story . I was quite surprised to see that she viewed my story

do you guys think that I could have played differently and got a better result ?