Well...35 and 0.

[GeezerBub]

And here we are. Recently turned 35 and still haven't even come close to having a girlfriend or any kind of romantic relationship. I've recently promised myself that I would put in a significant effort. Pretty sure "online dating" cannot be allowed to count. What I'm wondering is, what should be my first thing to try? I mean...I can only go up from here right?

I confess I haven't been actively looking for a romantic relationship because I keep telling myself to "Finish the book", "Post my manga" or "Make more YT videos about mental health" thinking that if I can work on something that will finally bring in significant income, I will gain the confidence I need to approach women. But if I wait on that, I could be waiting forever. So I won't. I refuse to remain an incel.

Question is, what should I try first? Just talking to them is more terrifying than death itself. And this Covid-19 bull**** really cut social opportunity.
Hmm... If anybody has any ideas about what I could try you can share. Otherwise...Guess I'll need to come up with something elaborate.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why doesn't online dating count? I've banged more than 35 women off there in the last 5 years...and had 2 exclusive LTRs of 1.5 years and a year included in there...

What are you so terrified of? Is it that you just haven't done much of it? Rejection?

The first step is you need to start doing it so you get more comfortable with it. Don't even worry about the outcomes, consider it practice. I get the sense you may be somewhat awkward socially. With COVID it is a lot tougher but in general just start talking to everyone and anyone you come in contact with, not just women.

And this doesn't qualify as an incel bro. You aren't even trying. It's very voluntary. If you were out approaching and trying online and were still getting nothing then maybe you could claim incel...

 

[GeezerBub]

Why doesn't online dating count? I've banged more than 35 women off there in the last 5 years...and had 2 exclusive LTRs of 1.5 years and a year included in there...

Interesting, would you be willing to look at my pof profile and tell me what you think?

 

[GioWolf]

I truly believe lacking confidence and approach anxiety are the number one attraction killers. It seems you may have self esteem issues that you need to work on first. Something that helped me was regularly working out at the gym. You start to look and feel better and women can pick up on that. It didn’t solve all my problems, but it’s definitely a great place to start that has zero downsides.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Interesting, would you be willing to look at my pof profile and tell me what you think?

Sure send me a PM with the link

 

[GeezerBub]

I truly believe lacking confidence and approach anxiety are the number one attraction killers. It seems you may have self esteem issues that you need to work on first. Something that helped me was regularly working out at the gym. You start to look and feel better and women can pick up on that. It didn’t solve all my problems, but it’s definitely a great place to start that has zero downsides.

Thank you...I actually do 25mins of running a day for my heart rate actually. But I've started considering adding a tad of weight lifting. Seems like a good idea.

 

[flowtheory]

You're judging the experience of OLD. Don't it's merely a tool or device to project your net out to a greater range of people with little to no effort. But your online success will be limited to other factors that are present in your original post.

Your first misguidance is that your passion pursuit is being used as something to garner or foster women's interest. Your passion and purpose should never be for women. Itis purely for you. It's your north star.

Why are you terrified of women? Is it because they are an idea of reflecting back to you what you believe you are?

You overthink about mental health, and where you stand in terms of it. You call yourself an incel. You need to re-work these beliefs.

You're too in your head and need to be more in your body. This will bring more harmony.

Work on your real-world social circle, body, and diet, become a little lighter in your vibe - less serious and more playful. Knowing about mental health is good, but it can be a rabbit hole of darker obsessions that hold us back. And get out of the robe after trimming up your facial hair.
If you want even greater advice on physical appearance and potential success, many here will help you. See @cola 's thread about posting photos of yourself for enhanced feedback, if you choose that direction. If not, that's fine too. But you did mention you want to put in significant effort into this endeavor.

We're here to get you to a better place mentally, physically, spiritually. You deserve love. but first, you have to love yourself. So treat yourself like you're your own soul-mate. And never stop feeding that heart. Never forget that.

Start with these; all daily:
7-8 hours of sleep.
2 Gallons of water.
5 minutes of sitting in pure quiet or 10 minutes of guided meditation in the morning.
A 15-minute walk outside every evening; rain, wind, cold, or warm.
3 healthy meals.
10 minutes of stretching, when you have time, with deep breathing.
After your walk, write 3 things you're proud of yourself for doing that day before bed.
Limit your computer, tv, video game time. put a limit on it. If you're doing 5 hours daily right now, cut down by 30 minutes every week.

Start there.

 

[crosscheck1331]

FlowTheory's advice at the end is good. You have to take care of yourself first - don't even worry about girls. When your flow is right everything falls into place and clicks naturally.

You have to tell us how your interactions generally go with women....do you talk/hang out with them a lot? If you dont, then there is your problem. You need to put yourself into situations in which you interact with them. There have probably been some that were interested in the past but you missed it.

 

[FraUnderRadaren]

If it makes you feel any better, Neil Strauss didn't start his journey till his mid-30s. That's when things start to take off for him when it came to game.

He gotten so good that he written a book about it called The Game

With that being said, it's never too late to make drastic changes. I hope this helps. I know it gets a lot harder as you get older

 

[GeezerBub]

You're judging the experience of OLD. Don't it's merely a tool or device to project your net out to a greater range of people with little to no effort. But your online success will be limited to other factors that are present in your original post.

Your first misguidance is that your passion pursuit is being used as something to garner or foster women's interest. Your passion and purpose should never be for women. Itis purely for you. It's your north star.

Why are you terrified of women? Is it because they are an idea of reflecting back to you what you believe you are?

You overthink about mental health, and where you stand in terms of it. You call yourself an incel. You need to re-work these beliefs.

You're too in your head and need to be more in your body. This will bring more harmony.

Work on your real-world social circle, body, and diet, become a little lighter in your vibe - less serious and more playful. Knowing about mental health is good, but it can be a rabbit hole of darker obsessions that hold us back. And get out of the robe after trimming up your facial hair.
If you want even greater advice on physical appearance and potential success, many here will help you. See @cola 's thread about posting photos of yourself for enhanced feedback, if you choose that direction. If not, that's fine too. But you did mention you want to put in significant effort into this endeavor.

We're here to get you to a better place mentally, physically, spiritually. You deserve love. but first, you have to love yourself. So treat yourself like you're your own soul-mate. And never stop feeding that heart. Never forget that.

Start with these; all daily:
7-8 hours of sleep.
2 Gallons of water.
5 minutes of sitting in pure quiet or 10 minutes of guided meditation in the morning.
A 15-minute walk outside every evening; rain, wind, cold, or warm.
3 healthy meals.
10 minutes of stretching, when you have time, with deep breathing.
After your walk, write 3 things you're proud of yourself for doing that day before bed.
Limit your computer, tv, video game time. put a limit on it. If you're doing 5 hours daily right now, cut down by 30 minutes every week.

Start there.

Thank you. I'll do what I can. I'm sure it'll be better once I'm home. I'm visiting family right now and ummm....They're difficult to be around. I still have a month of them to survive. I do meditation every night and I keep my heart rate low with 25mins of running every day. I can probably do my stretching at the gym before or after my running I think. While I'm here I don't really have much say in what I eat, I can suggest though.

As for talking to women, I'm currently in a village the size of my shoe. I live in the big city normally though. So I know I can recreate a couple opportunities once I'm back home after Xmas.

 

[GeezerBub]

FlowTheory's advice at the end is good. You have to take care of yourself first - don't even worry about girls. When your flow is right everything falls into place and clicks naturally.

You have to tell us how your interactions generally go with women....do you talk/hang out with them a lot? If you dont, then there is your problem. You need to put yourself into situations in which you interact with them. There have probably been some that were interested in the past but you missed it.

Well...In the city where I am. They're all Chinese, so if I go near them they just pretend (sometimes it's legit) that they don't know english to sort of, "shoo" me off. As for other women, when I approach, their faces go red with anger and they bloat like they're about to get sick sooo...It's rare I can get to close without it turning into a mess. If I look at them directly, they look at me like they might make an attempt on my life. It's not pretty. In general, I have trouble even saying hello because they use eye contact, body language, facial expression to convey that they are straight up horrified of my existence.

Lols...Of course, this is all what it LOOKS like. Once I talk to them it's sometimes different. Especially when what I need to talk to them about is no big deal. But only if I keep it brief. As for hanging out with them. I have a couple times, so I know it's possible. Just not common.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thank you. I'll do what I can. I'm sure it'll be better once I'm home. I'm visiting family right now and ummm....They're difficult to be around. I still have a month of them to survive. I do meditation every night and I keep my heart rate low with 25mins of running every day. I can probably do my stretching at the gym before or after my running I think. While I'm here I don't really have much say in what I eat, I can suggest though.

As for talking to women, I'm currently in a village the size of my shoe. I live in the big city normally though. So I know I can recreate a couple opportunities once I'm back home after Xmas.

If your in there with a family, do all the things that your sanity and identity require OUTSIDE of their HOME. You can choose to not be there unless you are eating or if they are having a gathering.

 

[GeezerBub]

If it makes you feel any better, Neil Strauss didn't start his journey till his mid-30s. That's when things start to take off for him when it came to game.

He gotten so good that he written a book about it called The Game

With that being said, it's never too late to make drastic changes. I hope this helps. I know it gets a lot harder as you get older

Yeah that guy!....I saw him and a David DeAngelo in a video talking about something called "Deep Inner Game" when i was younger.

 

[GeezerBub]

We're here to get you to a better place mentally, physically, spiritually. You deserve love.

Thanks man. I highly appreciate that.

 

[GeezerBub]

Well...In the city where I am. They're all Chinese, so if I go near them they just pretend (sometimes it's legit) that they don't know english to sort of, "shoo" me off. As for other women, when I approach, their faces go red with anger and they bloat like they're about to get sick sooo...It's rare I can get to close without it turning into a mess. If I look at them directly, they look at me like they might make an attempt on my life. It's not pretty. In general, I have trouble even saying hello because they use eye contact, body language, facial expression to convey that they are straight up horrified of my existence.

Lols...Of course, this is all what it LOOKS like. Once I talk to them it's sometimes different. Especially when what I need to talk to them about is no big deal. But only if I keep it brief. As for hanging out with them. I have a couple times, so I know it's possible. Just not common.

Forgot to mention. The women that sort of "growl in silence" at my approach all had one thing in common. It was from cold approaches. But when I speak to women at parties or if I'm introduced it goes normally. Huh....Maybe it's the cold approaches I can't do. But if I create a "scenario" they are much more recipient.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Dude, online dating is where it's at. You CAN find great women on there - it may take some searching but trust that they are there. Right now I'm dating a woman I met on Hinge back in July - she cooks, laughs at my jokes, never gets loud or angry, takes ME out on dates (and pays!) on a regular basis, and has a whole plethora of other positive traits. Oh, and we've been having an ungodly amount of bedroom fun.

All this to say: definitely don't count out OLD.

 

[GeezerBub]

Dude, online dating is where it's at. You CAN find great women on there - it may take some searching but trust that they are there. Right now I'm dating a woman I met on Hinge back in July - she cooks, laughs at my jokes, never gets loud or angry, takes ME out on dates (and pays!) on a regular basis, and has a whole plethora of other positive traits. Oh, and we've been having an ungodly amount of bedroom fun.

All this to say: definitely don't count out OLD.

I just don't what to write on my profile...hmm.

 

[andreihaha]

Yeah, this year made me realise you can find good women even online. Maybe not very often since you get some that make it really clear why they're still single, but dates went well and lead to sex almost every time. Depends on what you want, but I even found women that seemed to be wife-material, almost virgins and such. So yeah, don't count online out. Just make sure you won't get depressed if things don't work out.
I'd still advocate focusing on your passions and meeting women in your circles BTW. A lot better for long-term results.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I just don't what to write on my profile...hmm.

Profile really doesn’t matter. It’s 99% pix.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Profile really doesn’t matter. It’s 99% pix.

That's BS. Plain and simple. Unless you are a model hot guy and then that is correct. But for a normal guy it very much does matter.

And most women actually do read it.