Was she interested?

[Black Widow Void]

What specifically did you see that she was red??

Initially, the red light was about the girl calling out the OP for locking the bedroom door. It's possible as samspade mentioned above... that the vibe shifted somewhere and changed her mood. However, I'm of the belief that she enjoyed being lusted after, but all along, had no plans of sealing the deal. Seems to me that when the OP locked the bedroom door, he 'conveyed' his intent while also exposing her true nature and (lack of) intent.

In truth (other than the OP) none of us where there... and so, none of us can accurately conclude. All I can say is that this didn't appear to be one of those "no means yes" situations.

 

[r4zorsharp]

Let the guy breathe. He knows he messed up potentially, or that this girl was looking to rebound with him or make someone else jealous..

In every way she propositioned herself as if she planned this all out.. even blatantly asking to see his room, laying down on his bed obviously, then freaking out when he tried to lock the door, or put his arm around her pillow.. However, she DID want to get a photo of him with her together on his bed..

What you slowpokes missed is that she hit him out the blue.. outta nowhere, and if shes this blatant.. This screams REBOUND/Make someone else jealous. I'm actually glad the OP didn't bite.. Because if this girl was truly interested in him, she would not be this blatant.. He probably would have gotten his emotions involved judging by his desperation for 9 months and nervousness in the situation, just for her to break his heart and go back to whoever she was rebounding over.

I respect the OP, because he's 19 and he's still learning. Some of you old farts were probably terrible with women till your 30's and 40s

 

[Bigpapa]

Well the thing is that right now all of us are making suppositions , which may or may not be close to what was in her mind .

if you ask me , she put herself in a situation where she isolated with the op , but he failed to escalate in a manly way . Things like closing the door , moving closer to her bit by bit just shows that he was very emotional towards the situation , and that he kinda doubt himself and even gave the vibe that she is out of his league.

even though the girl in question might have started the banter as a way to make someone jelous , I still think that if he would have escalate the situation better he would have had good times with her .

the funny things about girls is that they always use the plausible deniability , like for example when she drinks a bit and then starts being very sexual and if you do not return her affection she will just say that she is drunk , and if you return her affection both of you will have good times .

I think is the same case in this situation , she made herself available for the op to do something about it , and when she noticed that he is not really doing what she was expecting him to do she started curving the ball and use this plausible deniability as a way to save face , and then she auto Rejected

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Let the guy breathe. He knows he messed up potentially, or that this girl was looking to rebound with him or make someone else jealous..

In every way she propositioned herself as if she planned this all out.. even blatantly asking to see his room, laying down on his bed obviously, then freaking out when he tried to lock the door, or put his arm around her pillow.. However, she DID want to get a photo of him with her together on his bed..

What you slowpokes missed is that she hit him out the blue.. outta nowhere, and if shes this blatant.. This screams REBOUND/Make someone else jealous. I'm actually glad the OP didn't bite.. Because if this girl was truly interested in him, she would not be this blatant.. He probably would have gotten his emotions involved judging by his desperation for 9 months and nervousness in the situation, just for her to break his heart and go back to whoever she was rebounding over.

I respect the OP, because he's 19 and he's still learning. Some of you old farts were probably terrible with women till your 30's and 40s

Old darts weren't overthinking things and taking the pvssy they could get. We weren't having to dissect or over analyze them. It just happened.

 

[7onriverI f]

look dude don't take girls seriously. Girls all the time ring me and tell me about guys trying to hit on them and trying to **** them and have ****ed them in the past. If she says shes annoyed with him I will say do you want me to beat him up? I will also say tell me his address and I will go around there and break his arm if you really want me to. The girl always says no and changes topic. You should of said to her do you want me to give that guy a ass whopping and he won't be jealous again?

be a masculine man dude. You should of kissed her in front of the camera for him to have a look at.

Go and learn boxing or sum **** if you scared of fighting which rarely if ever it's going to go to that point. might be a bit of push and shove and talk at the most with most guys. You will get the odd guy who you don't wanna mess with and you might have to hide out for awhile.

 

[bat soup]

To put it simply, I had a sh1tty experience with a girl this weekend and want to know what people think about what I did wrong and what I should have done.


Context:
I'm a sophomore in college and I live at a school 60-90 minutes from my hometown. I knew this girl from highschool, and we were decent friends for awhile but hadn't really talked much since college started. I'm definitely not good looking but also not butt-ugly. She's better looking than me but I've gotten with better looking girls than her in the past, so I don't consider it unreasonable to think she's interested in me. I've done okay with girls in the past but I've been in a dry spell the past 9ish months. This girl had a boyfriend for most of the time that I had known her, and I wasn't sure if they had broken up but heavily suspected it.

What happened:

Girl texts randomly asking how I am. We talk briefly and she asks if "I still thought that (her and her two best friends) were annoying". For context, I hung out with the three of them plenty in high school, and back in August she had called me in a similar context and I drunkenly mentioned that many of my friends thought that she was annoying.

I say that she should come to my house for a party on Saturday. She says she'll think about it and later confirms that she'll come and that she's bringing a (female) friend that I know. They arrive and ask to see my bedroom where I talk with them both for a decent while. We rejoin the party and the night goes well. At one point I mention her boyfriend and her and her friend laugh and start joking about it. She says that they broke up in August and that she was only with him because she was depressed. About an hour later, this girl and I wound up in my room for some reason (I honestly don't remember what was said/how that happened). I sit down on the chair in my room and she lies down on the bed. I think she had said that she was tired, but she had just gotten there maybe 1.5-2 hours earlier. I closed the door on our way in and we start talking. I somewhat slowly move the chair closer to the bed (from maybe 5 feet to right next to the bed). After 15 minutes of talking I move to sitting in the bed next to her (still lying down). She got up to use the bathroom after a few minutes and I close/lock the door after she returns. She asks something along the lines of "Did you just lock the door/ Why did you lock the door?" And I say something like "Yeah but I'll unlock it. Just habit." We resume talking as before and I move my arm to ontop of the pillows that she is lying down on. Not necessarily around her but equivalent to having your arm behind someone while sitting on a couch. I start thinking about making my move when she mentions that some guy just snapped her and she starts taking a picture of us together to send to him. I sorta lean out of it and say to keep me out of it, and then she mentions that its some guy that she met on tinder and that he's jealous because he saw her with me on her private story. She talks about him briefly and mentions that they've had sex like 5 times. After hearing that my mind immediately went to "fvck this b1tch" mode and I, not wanting to be that sad **** who gets used and led on, make my way out of the room after a couple more minutes. I never said anything about being upset or said anything angrily, I just made my way out.

After returning to the party, my roommate asked me if we hooked up. I said no and he said "How is that possible. I thought you had that locked down". I heard this from a couple of my other friends, who also told me things like "she was all over you" and were generally confused about what had happened. Now I'm sitting here hating myself for not being a bigger man and either persuing it and risk rejection, or calling her out on what I thought was just her trying to pull a fast one on me.

After all was said and done. She stayed in my room a few minutes after I left before coming downstairs with everyone else. We didnt talk much the rest of the night and she eventually went back up to my room to fall asleep. I had never said that she could sleep there and had mentioned the day prior that they could both sleep on a pull out couch that we had. I was up for awhile longer and eventually fell asleep on the living room couch. In the morning, she woke me up to say goodbye and that she was gonna go pick up her friend. I said bye and that was that.

So what do you think? I'm now stuck in penis purgatory where I don't know if she was interested, if she is still interested, or if I misinterpreted things and/or got played. I hate what I did as I left questions unanswered and now I'm sitting here wondering where to go.

You should have fingered her whilst she sent the Snapchat photo.

 

[crosscheck1331]

I would say so yes. I wouldn't get down over it though or anything. The good news is there will be another opportunity. Try to set something up and then go for it next time. You really should if you like her otherwise she might start to think you don't like her. So yeah, next time for sure. I know you'll succeed man.

I've been in similar situations. What helps me is to remember how interactions typically go. We've all talked to girls who have NO interest. Most of the time they are polite but as soon as they suspect you might be coming onto them, they generally *though politely* will shut you down. They make it clear because they don't want to go through the hassle of dealing with the awkwardness that generally comes about when there isn't mutually interest but the guy can't take the hint and persists.

So knowing that, this girl allowed herself to be alone with you in your room. If there wasn't any kind of interest, that would've never happened. She would've done all that she could to avoid that situation.

As far as the Tinder guy - Well I have an anecdote I can give, similar situation. I once worked with this girl who I felt had a thing for me, but I wasn't sure. I FELT she did but there wasn't a way I could prove it, it was just a feeling. I remember we were at an outing and she was talking to me and this other guy. The other guy tried to put moves on her and she said something to the effect there was a guy she was seeing that she had some interest in. Well when I heard that I got discouraged and I remember thinking "Well if I had wanted to go for it, there is no point now".

Maybe a few weeks later I hung out with her after work. We lived in the same area at the time so we'd usually take the same way home. I was walking with her and then she randomly started talking about this guy she was seeing and how the relationship was basically a friends with benefits. She said something like "Yeah, I told this guy if he wants to have fun, we can just see each other and have fun". The fact she was so forward about it did catch me off guard admittedly but then something in my mind clicked. Something told me I could probably get her if I wanted. We went out to eat together maybe two weeks later and she basically spilled the beans and told me she liked me. So what I am getting at is her talking about other guys doesn't necessarily mean you don't have a chance.

It's really confusing but you can usually FEEL when a girl likes you. Your instincts don't lie.

 

[NSX-R]

First of all, she was interested in you and probably wanted to fukk you. A girl doesn't place herself alone in your room and on your bed if she doesn't want that.

Second, locking the door was a minor slip up. You weren't quite there yet. You should have made a move first, gotten things going, and then worried about privacy.

Third, her game kind of sucks but it's a variation of "high interest" that a lot of guys here miss or dismiss as low interest. "Did you just lock the door" was not a rejection. It was an IOI. Her talking about her Tinder boy was not a great move on her part - bad form. But she was probably trying to communicate to you that she was DTF. This is a tough signal to read because our egos can get in the way as soon as another man enters the conversation. What can I say, women are just stupid, and they probably lose a lot of lays for things like this.



This was a big IOI precursor that should have had you feeling invincible. When a girl goes out of her way to qualify herself, she's into you. Of course, a lot can change between then and the night of the party, but it sounds like she had the expressed interest of coming to see you to possibly fukk you. Obviously this was later backed up by her lying on your bed, but I just wanted to point it out.




This was your inner game disrupting itself. I have had this problem in the past too, when making a move (or not) on girls within a tight social group. I believe we still have a fear of being ostracized embedded in us from days of yore. It doesn't serve us well in situations like this though. Think about it for a minute. What's the worst that happens: She tells her friends "BarfyMan tried to kiss me." So what? I can understand the door-locking thing being construed as creepy, so you have to think on your feet. "Oh, just a habit, girls are always trying to get in here" - with a smile on your face, and unlock it. Or, "as long as you don't mind another girl walking in on us." This stuff is hard to come up with in the moment until you have achieved a consistent state of value/abundance. Basically, whatever you do, let her be the creepy/weird/dorky one - always frame it as such.

Finally, she's in your bed asleep...not sure how drunk she was but you were within your rights to at least sleep in your bed. If you were both of sound mind maybe something would have happened. I had a party a few weeks ago, and two girls fell asleep in my bed. I joined them later, wasn't going to do anything untoward, but to sleep...it's my bed, dammit.

I will add that this is an example of how being "friend zoned" or whatever is never permanent, and IOIs are not always so obvious. I think you still have a chance with this girl, as long as you stay cool and be the high value guy throwing the party, inviting her over, etc.

Words of wisdom right here .
Op you hesitated and took you too long to make your move . I’m a strong believer of strike while the iron is hot . You had your moment , you were very close to the target and didn’t take the shot in time . Having said that, that girl shoot her leg and disqualified herself (in my eyes ) when she said she got banged by that tinder date 5 times . I don’t know what she was trying to point out with that .
I’m afraid that she thought of you as nothing more than a friend at this point. If she wanted to make you jealous she would just say that a dude is into her and never had something sexual and she wouldn’t be specific usually make fun of the dude. Having said all that though i believe if you had make your move a bit earlier none of this would have happened. Off course that’s all hypothetical. Other than your hesitation i would do the same thing as you did .
Unfortunately i do believe you missed your chance but still girl seems to slutty . You seem like a good guy . She is just in the rebound phase, looking to get banged as much as possible . You’re too much into her and she not the girl for you , i believe you deserve better quality women .

 

[andreihaha]

I edited my post a bit but most of it is the same. I also just realized you're 19 so i guess there wasnt a long time between u being friends and this moment. Now that im understanding a bit more, and know the distance thing and the fact that she was too drunk to drive..

I think she was just opening the door to friendship between you guys again and nothing else. The tinder story was still probably to cut the weird vibes she might have been feeling. Has she ever knew you were into her?

Quick edit: Re-reading your post again.. im almost certain her plan was to make someone jealous: hence the photo thing.. She wanted you to lay down next to her , hence the laying down.. and take a picture... I mean look how they planned this out too.. she even asked to see your bedroom rather nonchalantly i would think.

That's why you only let women send pictures of you 2 to some other guy with your d1ck in her mouth. If she wants to pis$ some guy off, give her a full mouth or kick her out. That'll teach the ungrateful b1tch in your bedroom.

I'm usually more polite, but if you tolerate BS like this you might get a bad reputation and you don't want that, don't you?

 

[andreihaha]

First of all, she was interested in you and probably wanted to fukk you. A girl doesn't place herself alone in your room and on your bed if she doesn't want that.

Second, locking the door was a minor slip up. You weren't quite there yet. You should have made a move first, gotten things going, and then worried about privacy.

Third, her game kind of sucks but it's a variation of "high interest" that a lot of guys here miss or dismiss as low interest. "Did you just lock the door" was not a rejection. It was an IOI. Her talking about her Tinder boy was not a great move on her part - bad form. But she was probably trying to communicate to you that she was DTF. This is a tough signal to read because our egos can get in the way as soon as another man enters the conversation. What can I say, women are just stupid, and they probably lose a lot of lays for things like this.



This was a big IOI precursor that should have had you feeling invincible. When a girl goes out of her way to qualify herself, she's into you. Of course, a lot can change between then and the night of the party, but it sounds like she had the expressed interest of coming to see you to possibly fukk you. Obviously this was later backed up by her lying on your bed, but I just wanted to point it out.




This was your inner game disrupting itself. I have had this problem in the past too, when making a move (or not) on girls within a tight social group. I believe we still have a fear of being ostracized embedded in us from days of yore. It doesn't serve us well in situations like this though. Think about it for a minute. What's the worst that happens: She tells her friends "BarfyMan tried to kiss me." So what? I can understand the door-locking thing being construed as creepy, so you have to think on your feet. "Oh, just a habit, girls are always trying to get in here" - with a smile on your face, and unlock it. Or, "as long as you don't mind another girl walking in on us." This stuff is hard to come up with in the moment until you have achieved a consistent state of value/abundance. Basically, whatever you do, let her be the creepy/weird/dorky one - always frame it as such.

Finally, she's in your bed asleep...not sure how drunk she was but you were within your rights to at least sleep in your bed. If you were both of sound mind maybe something would have happened. I had a party a few weeks ago, and two girls fell asleep in my bed. I joined them later, wasn't going to do anything untoward, but to sleep...it's my bed, dammit.

I will add that this is an example of how being "friend zoned" or whatever is never permanent, and IOIs are not always so obvious. I think you still have a chance with this girl, as long as you stay cool and be the high value guy throwing the party, inviting her over, etc.

Exactly.
You're both young and pretty inexperienced, you fked up a little with the door, she did with the phone, you both could have saved it. You as Sam said, her by saying the other dude was useless, or didn't even feel his tiny dicck of something.
You can now tell her stuff like "My roommate just told me he thought you were all over me like a groupie, haha. Did you touch yourself in my room thinking about me? Haha."
Flip the script if you're still interested.

 

[andreihaha]

You should have fingered her whilst she sent the Snapchat photo.

Nah, that would be rewarding bad behaviour.
Only let them post your d1ck in a Snapchat photo. Near their face, otherwise what's the point?

 

[bat soup]

In the end you will never know. The only way you know is when you make a move and she either accepts/rejects. Forget the past and move on.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Tldr.

Forgive me for not even reading your post, but if you have to ask yourself the title question, she wasn't.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Tldr.

Forgive me for not even reading your post, but if you have to ask yourself the title question, she wasn't.

In this case, OP might have asked the question if the girl unzipped his pants and tried to pull his c0ck out if you read the post. So in most cases I would agree but not in this one.

 

[darksprezzatura]

In this case, OP might have asked the question if the girl unzipped his pants and tried to pull his c0ck out if you read the post. So in most cases I would agree but not in this one.

If she had done that he wouldn't be making a post with this title.

Anyway I read the post on your cue.

He didn't escalate, leaning in to make out before locking the room would've made more sense.

She's mentioning guys she's slept with and still in touch with. Red flag.

I don't analyse "interest" with women, just their compliance.

Escalating physically and slowly, gauging reactions is what he should've done.

She could've easily thought of this being friendly.

Escalate or gtfo

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If she had done that he wouldn't be making a post with this title.

Anyway I read the post on your cure.

He didn't escalate, leaning in to make out before locking the room would've made more sense.

She's mentioning guys she's slept with and still in touch with. Red flag.

I don't analyse "interest" with women, just their compliance.

Escalating physically and slowly, gauging reactions is what he should've done.

She could've easily thought of this being friendly.

Escalate or gtfo

In my experience no woman has ever asked to see my room and then willingly placed herself alone with me in it and laid on my bed without wanting something else to happen. But that is just my experience...perhaps it didn't mean anything but I find that hard to believe.

 

[darksprezzatura]

In my experience no woman has ever asked to see my room and then willingly placed herself alone with me in it and laid on my bed without wanting something else to happen. But that is just my experience...perhaps it didn't mean anything but I find that hard to believe.

Completely understandable.

I agree too, in cases where I've cold approached a girl and got her to my bedroom, is generally a sure thing.

But look at the guy's history, these guys have hung out together as friends for a long time if not years together.

It's possible that she thought of this being friendly, while this guy has been crushing on her all along.

He didn't escalate, no point looking at this in hindsight if the play was wrong.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Completely understandable.

I agree too, in cases where I've cold approached a girl and got her to my bedroom, is generally a sure thing.

But look at the guy's history, these guys have hung out together as friends for a long time if not years together.

It's possible that she thought of this being friendly, while this guy has been crushing on her all along.

He didn't escalate, no point looking at this in hindsight if the play was wrong.

But look deeper into it...girl just randomly hits him up after a long period of time after she gets rid of her boyfriend? Then asks to see his bedroom when they get there?

I mean to me it seems like she had been thinking about getting smashed by him and then when he invited them over she was all in once she decided to attend.

 

[darksprezzatura]

But look deeper into it...girl just randomly hits him up after a long period of time after she gets rid of her boyfriend? Then asks to see his bedroom when they get there?

I mean to me it seems like she had been thinking about getting smashed by him and then when he invited them over she was all in once she decided to attend.

Yes I agree it's possible what you're saying.

She might've wanted a rebound or suddenly noticed he's become better and wanted him etc etc.

My point is I find myself in such situations too, analysing a woman and her interests.

Usually it's a waste of time instead all he should do is ask her out again and ESCALATE.

The answer will present itself.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Also I never analyse my women like this.

But let's do this for OP's sake.

if she's been around OP for months if not years and OP liked her and never escalated, she probably thinks of him like a brother by now.

Her question on locking doors wouldn't mean anything if it was some hookup with an anti slvt defense.

Going to his bedroom, sleeping there, talking about her fvckbuddies, snapping pics, being on her phone. It screams friendzone.

You're assuming all this as a sign of a being into the guy because for you she's a stranger.

For OP she's a long term close friend who probably thinks of him as a brother.

Imagine if he'd locked the room and tried to kiss her. She'd have freaked out and It would've destroyed her friendship w him.

This is just my opinion. I could be wrong, she might have wanted to sleep w him. But if it was me I won't read it like that.