Was she interested?

[BarfyMan362]

To put it simply, I had a sh1tty experience with a girl this weekend and want to know what people think about what I did wrong and what I should have done.


Context:
I'm a sophomore in college and I live at a school 60-90 minutes from my hometown. I knew this girl from highschool, and we were decent friends for awhile but hadn't really talked much since college started. I'm definitely not good looking but also not butt-ugly. She's better looking than me but I've gotten with better looking girls than her in the past, so I don't consider it unreasonable to think she's interested in me. I've done okay with girls in the past but I've been in a dry spell the past 9ish months. This girl had a boyfriend for most of the time that I had known her, and I wasn't sure if they had broken up but heavily suspected it.

What happened:

Girl texts randomly asking how I am. We talk briefly and she asks if "I still thought that (her and her two best friends) were annoying". For context, I hung out with the three of them plenty in high school, and back in August she had called me in a similar context and I drunkenly mentioned that many of my friends thought that she was annoying.

I say that she should come to my house for a party on Saturday. She says she'll think about it and later confirms that she'll come and that she's bringing a (female) friend that I know. They arrive and ask to see my bedroom where I talk with them both for a decent while. We rejoin the party and the night goes well. At one point I mention her boyfriend and her and her friend laugh and start joking about it. She says that they broke up in August and that she was only with him because she was depressed. About an hour later, this girl and I wound up in my room for some reason (I honestly don't remember what was said/how that happened). I sit down on the chair in my room and she lies down on the bed. I think she had said that she was tired, but she had just gotten there maybe 1.5-2 hours earlier. I closed the door on our way in and we start talking. I somewhat slowly move the chair closer to the bed (from maybe 5 feet to right next to the bed). After 15 minutes of talking I move to sitting in the bed next to her (still lying down). She got up to use the bathroom after a few minutes and I close/lock the door after she returns. She asks something along the lines of "Did you just lock the door/ Why did you lock the door?" And I say something like "Yeah but I'll unlock it. Just habit." We resume talking as before and I move my arm to ontop of the pillows that she is lying down on. Not necessarily around her but equivalent to having your arm behind someone while sitting on a couch. I start thinking about making my move when she mentions that some guy just snapped her and she starts taking a picture of us together to send to him. I sorta lean out of it and say to keep me out of it, and then she mentions that its some guy that she met on tinder and that he's jealous because he saw her with me on her private story. She talks about him briefly and mentions that they've had sex like 5 times. After hearing that my mind immediately went to "fvck this b1tch" mode and I, not wanting to be that sad **** who gets used and led on, make my way out of the room after a couple more minutes. I never said anything about being upset or said anything angrily, I just made my way out.

After returning to the party, my roommate asked me if we hooked up. I said no and he said "How is that possible. I thought you had that locked down". I heard this from a couple of my other friends, who also told me things like "she was all over you" and were generally confused about what had happened. Now I'm sitting here hating myself for not being a bigger man and either persuing it and risk rejection, or calling her out on what I thought was just her trying to pull a fast one on me.

After all was said and done. She stayed in my room a few minutes after I left before coming downstairs with everyone else. We didnt talk much the rest of the night and she eventually went back up to my room to fall asleep. I had never said that she could sleep there and had mentioned the day prior that they could both sleep on a pull out couch that we had. I was up for awhile longer and eventually fell asleep on the living room couch. In the morning, she woke me up to say goodbye and that she was gonna go pick up her friend. I said bye and that was that.

So what do you think? I'm now stuck in penis purgatory where I don't know if she was interested, if she is still interested, or if I misinterpreted things and/or got played. I hate what I did as I left questions unanswered and now I'm sitting here wondering where to go.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't even know what to say about this. I thought I was oblivious to blatantly obvious signals in college but this takes the cake.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Before others pop in and default to the go to phrase ("you didn't escalate") my guess is something different. After all, you locked the door. If that doesn't send a message of your intentions, nothing does.

It could have been the vibe... she could have been on her period, still hung up on the Tinder guy etc... She sounds kind of flighty, but women aren't stupid though. If you like one of her friends, I'd send this girl another text, but this time throw a curve ball. Just when she thinks she's going to get some attention, ask her about her friend. And with each message, direct it back to her friend and not her.

Either this girl will start trying to get your attention, hook you up with her friend or worst case, you get to knock the wind out of her sails.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Before others pop in and default to the go to phrase ("you didn't escalate") my guess is something different. After all, you locked the door. If that doesn't send a message of your intentions, nothing does.

It could have been the vibe... she could have been on her period, still hung up on the Tinder guy etc... She sounds kind of flighty, but women aren't stupid though. If you like one of her friends, I'd send this girl another text, but this time throw a curve ball. Just when she thinks she's going to get some attention, ask her about her friend. And with each message, direct it back to her friend and not her.

Either this girl will start trying to get your attention, hook you up with her friend or worst case, you get to knock the wind out of her sails.

No women is going to ask to see your bedroom and then go lay on your bed alone with you if she doesn't want something to happen.

This is an open and shut case of her making it blatantly obvious and him not doing anything about it. Maybe because he was caught off guard at her making those type of moves. But those are the type of things that happen and happen quickly in college settings and if you aren't ready for them you end up in OPs position afterwards. I know because those type of things happened to me.in college too.

 

[Black Widow Void]

No women is going to ask to see your bedroom and then go lay on your bed alone with you if she doesn't want something to happen.

This is an open and shut case of her making it blatantly obvious and him not doing anything about it. Maybe because he was caught off guard at her making those type of moves. But those are the type of things that happen and happen quickly in college settings and if you aren't ready for them you end up in OPs position afterwards. I know because those type of things happened to me.in college too.

From details that leak out within your postings, I'm convinced that you have over-read pick up books and try to pass this off as your own experiences. Instead of using his posting to posture, you'd do better to re-read the OP's posting again.

She asks something along the lines of "Did you just lock the door/ Why did you lock the door?"

While actions can speak louder than words, she (despite her bed behavior) gave the OP an unquestionable "red light" on this one.

 

[r4zorsharp]

I had to edit to shorten my post but here's what happened:

She was clearly trying to talk to you and feel you out. It's been forever since you guys have seen each other, and your previous relationship to her was as a highschool friend.. So to separate from the rest of the party, she wanted to hang out in your room and talk.
What happened is you got anxious in the sense that you were thinking about making something happen, instead of simply enjoying the moment and letting things unravel.. Things such as locking the door, putting your arm on the pillow she was on, etc. This gave her some weird vibes, and she brought out her phone to kind of cut the weird vibes , slipped up and said a stupid story.

The story upset you enough for you to leave her in the room.. which is already terrible because its like you were expecting something adamantly.. before even knowing the scope of anything. For lack of better terms, this is called desperation and frustration. The rest of the party you guys didn't talk to each other.. which means little to nothing, but she ended up staying there which is definitely a sign of something.

However, parts of this suggest to me that shes trying to rebound with someone.. and was trying to feel out if you were the guy for it.

If you dont know what a rebound is: It's when a girl really liked a guy but things didn't work out and she felt hurt, she will look for someone to sleep with to kind of make herself feel better.

 

[BarfyMan362]

While actions can speak louder than words, she (despite her bed behavior) gave the OP an unquestionable "red light" on this one.

That was definitely the point that changed my view on the situation. My past experience with her friend group from high school left me rather untrusting of them and I didn't want to risk having her telling some story about me creeping on her to all my hometown friends.

This gave her some weird vibes, and she had to pull out her phone and do some snapchat **** to cut the weird vibes.. and possibly mistakingly said the stupid Tinder story, which caused u to emotionally react to it negatively, and then shift your mood into just leaving her alone in your room.. and not getting the cue that her being there even after the party was over is a huge sign shes into you

However, a huge part of this suggest that she is trying to rebound with someone, possibly after a relationship she was in with someone she really liked did not work out.

Let me add a little more context. We were in the same medium-ish sized friendgroup and definitely already knew eachother pretty well. I am the only person she or her friend know at the school, and so sleeping at my house was there only option short of an hour long drive while drunk. The reason she needed to pickup her friend in the morning is because (by some miracle, this chick is painfully ugly) her friend hooked up with a neighbor of ours and slept up the street.

 

[r4zorsharp]

That was definitely the point that changed my view on the situation. My past experience with her friend group from high school left me rather untrusting of them and I didn't want to risk having her telling some story about me creeping on her to all my hometown friends.



Let me add a little more context. We were in the same medium-ish sized friendgroup and definitely already knew eachother pretty well. I am the only person she or her friend know at the school, and so sleeping at my house was there only option short of an hour long drive while drunk. The reason she needed to pickup her friend in the morning is because (by some miracle, this chick is painfully ugly) her friend hooked up with a neighbor of ours and slept up the street.

I edited my post a bit but most of it is the same. I also just realized you're 19 so i guess there wasnt a long time between u being friends and this moment. Now that im understanding a bit more, and know the distance thing and the fact that she was too drunk to drive..

I think she was just opening the door to friendship between you guys again and nothing else. The tinder story was still probably to cut the weird vibes she might have been feeling. Has she ever knew you were into her?

Quick edit: Re-reading your post again.. im almost certain her plan was to make someone jealous: hence the photo thing.. She wanted you to lay down next to her , hence the laying down.. and take a picture... I mean look how they planned this out too.. she even asked to see your bedroom rather nonchalantly i would think.

 

[BarfyMan362]

I think she was just opening the door to friendship between you guys again and nothing else. The tinder story was still probably to cut the weird vibes she might have been feeling. Has she ever knew you were into her?

I don't think so. As mentioned, she had been dating someone the majority of the time that I knew her.

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate the thought and time that (some) people have put into it.

 

[r4zorsharp]

I don't think so. As mentioned, she had been dating someone the majority of the time that I knew her.

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate the thought and time that (some) people have put into it.

Ah okay so she never knew you were into her. I mean it's definitely a sign of something if she hits you out the blue.

I don't know if you caught the edit in my last post b ut i mentioned alot of this seemed like she was trying to make someone jealous. It seemed like she set up the whole thing to get you and her in the bedroom, she purposely laid down and all, she purposely tried to get a pic of you two together to send to soemone.. infact even used the word jealous herself at one point or another.. (could of been a word on her subconcious mind)

You probably coulda got laid too man. sounds very rebound-y too this situation.. I mean usually thats the deal when someone messages someone out the blue. or they're trying to be friends again. A lot of her behavior was kinda strange.. i mean laying on your bed and all,

 

[Igetit!]

Has she ever knew you were into her?

This is exactly what I was wondering.

OP,you said you've known this girl since you two were in high school......and you're a sophomore in college now.

Was the FIRST TIME you ever showed any sort of sexual interest towards her this past weekend?......,when you locked the door behind you two? Dude.....you can't really do that. I mean if all you were after was a one night stand and she was drunk,maybe. But if you're after something longer lasting than that,you can't let the first time you show interest in her be you locking the door behind her while she's up in your room.

The fact that she seemed somewhat shocked or surprised and asked you why you locked the door kinda tells me HER HEAD wasn't in the same place yours was. (unless she was playing coy).

Another thing that stood out was,she seemed OVERLY COMFORTABLE with you/your place,as if she's been there before. She just walked into your bedroom like it was nothing,hell......went to sleep in your bed,as if it were her own. That at least gives off the impression that you two had a stronger friendship than you may have thought back in high school.


I know of only 3 ways a chick reacts to a guy showing sexual interest in her......

1: She shows interest back.
2: She rejects you.
or 3: She pulls the friendzone card

If none of these has happen,yet you've been around her for a decent length of time,it means YOU f"ed up. It means you failed to properly make your interest known. She seems waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too comfortable with you by just going to sleep in your bed as if it were nothing and telling you about her having sex with OTHER GUYS.

I'm afraid you may have unwittingly entered into the friendzone.

 

[BarfyMan362]

This is exactly what I was wondering.

OP,you said you've known this girl since you two were in high school......and you're a sophomore in college now.

Was the FIRST TIME you ever showed any sort of sexual interest towards her this past weekend?......,when you locked the door behind you two? Dude.....you can't really do that. I mean if all you were after was a one night stand and she was drunk,maybe. But if you're after something longer lasting than that,you can't let the first time you show interest in her be you locking the door behind her while she's up in your room.

The fact that she seemed somewhat shocked or surprised and asked you why you locked the door kinda tells me HER HEAD wasn't in the same place yours was. (unless she was playing coy).

I agree on the door thing and that was definitely a learning moment for me.

I should add that she had seemed interested up until that point and that I was doing that upon her reentering the room after we had already been in there for 20-30 minutes. I had been trying to show interest in her up until that point, and felt that she was doing the same when she asked me stuff like "can you crack my back" which to me seemed like an attempt at starting something.

One last thing I'll add is that I had just found out earlier that night that a close college friend of mine had been (at least trying) to throw herself at me for the past 2 weeks and that I had missed the signals, so I may have been overly receptive to anything that she was doing because of that fact.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

From details that leak out within your postings, I'm convinced that you have over-read pick up books and try to pass this off as your own experiences. Instead of using his posting to posture, you'd do better to re-read the OP's posting again.



While actions can speak louder than words, she (despite her bed behavior) gave the OP an unquestionable "red light" on this one.

Everything I post is from what happens to me. I am actually one of the few people who posts both good and bad experiences along with successes and failures.

Honestly tho, I really could not care less about what you believe. I am not interested in the winning poster of the year award.

 

[Romanemp22]

Agree with batsoup. She could've just wanted to hang out with you since you share friend history and know each other for long time. Her mentioning that snapchat guy and that they had sex pissed you off, and I mean who wouldn't be pissed, especially if you like her. She possibly never realized that you are into her, other than that bedroom scene.Was she giving you any sign of interest?

I would say next time if you end up alone with her don't talk just go for it, then you will truly know where are you standing. Until that, keep your mind of her and go pursue other girls.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Agree with batsoup. She could've just wanted to hang out with you since you share friend history and know each other for long time. Her mentioning that snapchat guy and that they had sex pissed you off, and I mean who wouldn't be pissed, especially if you like her. She possibly never realized that you are into her, other than that bedroom scene.Was she giving you any sign of interest?

I would say next time if you end up alone with her don't talk just go for it, then you will truly know where are you standing. Until that, keep your mind of her and go pursue other girls.

She specifically asked to see his bedroom and then went their of her own volition and laid on his bed...I mean I swear some guys on here would have a woman unzipping their pants and trying to put their d!ck in her mouth and be posting wondering if they got any IOi's.

What more do you need? Her to hold up a giant "Can you please make a move and fvck me?" poster??

 

[BackInTheGame78]

First of all, she was interested in you and probably wanted to fukk you. A girl doesn't place herself alone in your room and on your bed if she doesn't want that.

Second, locking the door was a minor slip up. You weren't quite there yet. You should have made a move first, gotten things going, and then worried about privacy.

Third, her game kind of sucks but it's a variation of "high interest" that a lot of guys here miss or dismiss as low interest. "Did you just lock the door" was not a rejection. It was an IOI. Her talking about her Tinder boy was not a great move on her part - bad form. But she was probably trying to communicate to you that she was DTF. This is a tough signal to read because our egos can get in the way as soon as another man enters the conversation. What can I say, women are just stupid, and they probably lose a lot of lays for things like this.



This was a big IOI precursor that should have had you feeling invincible. When a girl goes out of her way to qualify herself, she's into you. Of course, a lot can change between then and the night of the party, but it sounds like she had the expressed interest of coming to see you to possibly fukk you.




This was your inner game disrupting itself. I have had this problem in the past too, when making a move (or not) on girls within a tight social group. I believe we still have a fear of being ostracized embedded in us from days of yore. It doesn't serve us well in situations like this though. Think about it for a minute. What's the worst that happens: She tells her friends "BarfyMan tried to kiss me." So what? I can understand the door-locking thing being construed as creepy, so you have to think on your feet. "Oh, just a habit, girls are always trying to get in here" - with a smile on your face, and unlock it. Or, "as long as you don't mind another girl walking in on us." This stuff is hard to come up with in the moment until you have achieved a consistent state of value/abundance. Basically, whatever you do, let her be the creepy/weird/dorky one - always frame it as such.

Finally, she's in your bed asleep...not sure how drunk she was but you were within your rights to at least sleep in your bed. If you were both of sound mind maybe something would have happened. I had a party a few weeks ago, and two girls fell asleep in my bed. I joined them later, wasn't going to do anything untoward, but to sleep...it's my bed, dammit.

I will add that this is an example of how being "friend zoned" or whatever is never permanent, and IOIs are not always so obvious. I think you still have a chance with this girl, as long as you stay cool and be the high value guy throwing the party, inviting her over, etc.

"Did you just lock the door?"

"Yes...I don't want anyone to bother us when they hear you screaming so loud..."

Said with a devilish smirk...

 

[Romanemp22]

She specifically asked to see his bedroom and then went their of her own volition and laid on his bed...I mean I swear some guys on here would have a woman unzipping their pants and trying to put their d!ck in her mouth and be posting wondering if they got any IOi's.

What more do you need? Her to hold up a giant "Can you please make a move and fvck me?" poster??

You didn't get the point of OPs background. Ofc he should've go for it but since he never expressed sexual interest with her he was doubtful about it. I wouldn't be bothered at all if I was him, he's a bit hard on himself now because he only missed on some used slvt, not a quality girl definitely.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Advanced apologies to others reading this, should this exchange appear as 'hi-jacking' or a boys 'pIssing contest'.
My only contention is that we have inexperienced, new and young members on this forum. And... they do not need to be misdirected by someone (and a mod of all people?) masquerading themselves as a knowledge base.

BackInTheGame78, I've consistently openly accused you of posturing and potraying a false image to forum members; citing examples along the way to back up my claims - as I will also provide with my current assertion.

Honestly tho, I really could not care less about what you believe.

His above quote is yet another example of his contradictory and inconstant behavior. He "doesn't care what [I} believe?" This should crack everyone up. Just writing his exclamation is a contradiction... because here is BackInTheGame78... investing energy for me to know what he "believes." But it gets more funny. He doesn't stop there. Below is another of his attempts to qualify himself to me ( I wish this was a pretty girl instead).

Everything I post is from what happens to me. I am actually one of the few people who posts both good and bad experiences along with successes and failures. I am not interested in the winning poster of the year award.

To new members and those that are a little less experienced; While some older members like to parade themselves as knowing the gospel to women and what it is to be a man, I'd suggest that you read between the lines a little more.

 

[Lookatu]

She specifically asked to see his bedroom and then went their of her own volition and laid on his bed...I mean I swear some guys on here would have a woman unzipping their pants and trying to put their d!ck in her mouth and be posting wondering if they got any IOi's.

What more do you need? Her to hold up a giant "Can you please make a move and fvck me?" poster??

This is the same logic I used to have for all, but now I realize there are some subtle deviations that are more generation based. I have found the type of attitude that OP describes in younger people(early twenties, late teens) that is more accepted and nothing really meant too much behind it. I see a lot of younger people just hanging out in each other's rooms without the assumption of sex. I know it's weird for us older guys but this has been my observation.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Advanced apologies to others reading this, should this exchange appear as 'hi-jacking' or a boys 'pIssing contest'.
My only contention is that we have inexperienced, new and young members on this forum. And... they do not need to be misdirected by someone (and a mod of all people?) masquerading themselves as a knowledge base.

BackInTheGame78, I've consistently openly accused you of posturing and potraying a false image to forum members; citing examples along the way to back up my claims - as I will also provide with my current assertion.



His above quote is yet another example of his contradictory and inconstant behavior. He "doesn't care what [I} believe?" This should crack everyone up. Just writing his exclamation is a contradiction... because here is BackInTheGame78... investing energy for me to know what he "believes." But it gets more funny. He doesn't stop there. Below is another of his attempts to qualify himself to me ( I wish this was a pretty girl instead).



To new members and those that are a little less experienced; While some older members like to parade themselves as knowing the gospel to women and what it is to be a man, I'd suggest that you read between the lines a little more.

Cool, I guess I shouldn't expect a Christmas card this year then.