Relapse with my feelings about my ex

[Blacksheep]

My uncle's wife talked with me last weekend that my ex (one I dated last year) went there to visit them, and she told that she had a dream with me and she worries about me... and asked my uncle's wife if I was ok.

I confess that when she told me this, I started to remember several things and started to feel bad.

So, Sunday night I sent her an email, saying that I was sorry for not being the best person in the relationship, that my life this year has undergone many changes and that getting out of all that abusive situation with my family has helped me to to lift and rebuild many things.

I also said that I still liked her and had feelings for her ... And that if she still wanted to, maybe we could talk ... Because I felt that I couldn't express myself correctly when we ended our relationship.

After that she only replied that she was happy to know that I was fine and that I had nothing to apologize for. He showed no more about it.

I didn't talk anymore and I think I shouldn't have sent her any messages ... But I was caught by that feeling that came back when my aunt told me that.

I was feeling like a fool, like I had ended the relationship ... Maybe now she is kind of feeling good that I went after it, and now I was rejected. At no time did I want to feel good rejecting her. I just saw that the relationship was not healthy and that breaking up would be the best option to prevent both parties from getting hurt more.

There is also the fact that she completely stopped looking for me the moment I left the house I lived in and quit my job at my family's company. Maybe this is just in my head. But I don't know ... When I had a good salary, a big house ... she tried everything to get back together and the moment I lost all that, it seems that there is nothing else. The feeling changed quickly.

I think the next time they try to say something about this ex-girlfriend of mine or if she says anything to them, I’ll kindly ask them not to tell me anything. For without a doubt, I saw that there is still some feeling, and I don't know, for everything that happened in that relationship, if it would really be worth trying something again.

 

[Romanemp22]

It seems she was asking your family to see if your seing someone else, have you moved on. Your expression of feelings gave her a big boost of ego that she still have power over you, thus your automatically not sexually interesting to her. You made a mistake reaching out to her, considering the fact that she was with you mostly because of your job and house that you once had. Move on, don't dwell over that mistake, who gives a fvck about her, if she reaches again, ignore her.

 

[Blacksheep]

It seems she was asking your family to see if your seing someone else, have you moved on. Your expression of feelings gave her a big boost of ego that she still have power over you, thus your automatically not sexually interesting to her. You made a mistake reaching out to her, considering the fact that she was with you mostly because of your job and house that you once had. Move on, don't dwell over that mistake, who gives a fvck about her, if she reaches again, ignore her.

That makes sense man!

I should have not done that... And actually my uncle's wife asked me if I was dating someone. Maybe my ex asked that or my uncle's wife told her that. My ex went there to visit them, cause she like my cousin.

It was so weird that situation, while I was at my dad's house and with my job... she always sent a ton of emails, went at my home to try to talk with me... And then it just stopped as soon as I moved out of those things. Cause I remember I told her just when I decided to move out.

Also, everytime I went on Tinder this year I saw her there. So, she told my uncle's wife that she didn't date anyone... but I doubt it.

Have to learn this lesson and do not make this mistake again.

 

[bcude]

You did exactly what is not advised to do in your situation when old feelings comes up to the surface, and you paid for it by feeling bad.
That's fine, some learn by experience, some learn through the experience of others. As long as you learn something and become wiser in the future, it was worth it.

Granted i don't know the details of your breakup but to follow your feelings is left to women. You need to stay grounded and see what is best for you at every moment - logically. The only situation where hitting up an ex you don't talk to anymore is valid, is if you share children.
Attraction grows from uncertainty, not familiarity. If she would have been truly worried about you, she would have reached out to you.
But i know, it's easy to take every little opportunity to reach out, you're not the first and surely not the last person who'll do it.

 

[Romanemp22]

That makes sense man!

I should have not done that... And actually my uncle's wife asked me if I was dating someone. Maybe my ex asked that or my uncle's wife told her that. My ex went there to visit them, cause she like my cousin.

It was so weird that situation, while I was at my dad's house and with my job... she always sent a ton of emails, went at my home to try to talk with me... And then it just stopped as soon as I moved out of those things. Cause I remember I told her just when I decided to move out.

Also, everytime I went on Tinder this year I saw her there. So, she told my uncle's wife that she didn't date anyone... but I doubt it.

Have to learn this lesson and do not make this mistake again.

Sounds like she's not very good gf material. Was after you only when you were in your family's company making good money, also a place where she can benefit herself. Now that your out of that bad environment (abusive dad) your on your own making less but your much better than before. You don't need her and that kind of women in your life dude.Realise your mistake and don't do it ever again

 

[Blacksheep]

You did exactly what is not advised to do in your situation when old feelings comes up to the surface, and you paid for it by feeling bad.
That's fine, some learn by experience, some learn through the experience of others. As long as you learn something and become wiser in the future, it was worth it.

Granted i don't know the details of your breakup but to follow your feelings is left to women. You need to stay grounded and see what is best for you at every moment - logically. The only situation where hitting up an ex you don't talk to anymore is valid, is if you share children.
Attraction grows from uncertainty, not familiarity. If she would have been truly worried about you, she would have reached out to you.
But i know, it's easy to take every little opportunity to reach out, you're not the first and surely not the last person who'll do it.

Yep! I got caught by this feeling... I have to put my foot on the ground again and remember why I decided to break up.

Hopefully it was just a moment that I was feeling bad with that. Gonna be careful with that.

Thanks for your feedback!

 

[Blacksheep]

Sounds like she's not very good gf material. Was after you only when you were in your family's company making good money, also a place where she can benefit herself. Now that your out of that bad environment (abusive dad) your on your own making less but your much better than before. You don't need her and that kind of women in your life dude.Realise your mistake and don't do it ever again

Thats true.

Also, I'm thinking on giving a break on those things... I mean not only relationships, but even being single and having some casual dates... It's not that its bad, but I think I have to give a break on looking for women and start to focus on my career and other projects.

I'm learning so much this year and I think I have to enjoy that moment and grow up. Having casual dates or getting into a relationship now, seems to be a distraction from what I must do.

 

[Lookatu]

There is also the fact that she completely stopped looking for me the moment I left the house I lived in and quit my job at my family's company. Maybe this is just in my head. But I don't know ... When I had a good salary, a big house ... she tried everything to get back together and the moment I lost all that, it seems that there is nothing else. The feeling changed quickly.

You made a mistake reaching out to her, considering the fact that she was with you mostly because of your job and house that you once had. Move on, don't dwell over that mistake, who gives a fvck about her, if she reaches again, ignore her.

This.

Find a girl that will like you for YOU and stick with you through thick and thin. This girl obviously isn't that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thats true.

Also, I'm thinking on giving a break on those things... I mean not only relationships, but even being single and having some casual dates... It's not that its bad, but I think I have to give a break on looking for women and start to focus on my career and other projects.

I'm learning so much this year and I think I have to enjoy that moment and grow up. Having casual dates or getting into a relationship now, seems to be a distraction from what I must do.

It costs time. An unentitled woman will come to you with enough interest of her own and invest emotionally and time wise into you.

 

[Blacksheep]

This.

Find a girl that will like you for YOU and stick with you through thick and thin. This girl obviously isn't that.

Yep. And I cant get caught into that again... Also there is no reason for liking someone that didn't value me.

Idk why I've relapsed into that feeling again, after a long time that I broke up with her.

 

[Blacksheep]

It costs time. An unentitled woman will come to you with enough interest of her own and invest emotionally and time wise into you.

Yes! And as I can remember from all my past relationships... How many time I've spent with nonsense relationships.

The fact is, if I do that now I will destroy everything I'm building up. And time is being money... so I have to stay 100% focused on my goals.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yep. And I cant get caught into that again... Also there is no reason for liking someone that didn't value me.

Can you "feel" it?

Idk why I've relapsed into that feeling again, after a long time that I broke up with her.

Add in relationship therapy, one visit a month ( probably covered by health insurance ), therepist will give milestones and emotional anchoring in your new direction.

 

[Blacksheep]

Can you "feel" it?

Add in relationship therapy, one visit a month ( probably covered by health insurance ), therapist will give milestones and emotional anchoring in your new direction.

I can feel it, but sometimes I must be careful to don't lose myself in those emotions. I think this is linked with my feeling of loneliness from my family or some need to be loved, then I get caught in those situations.

I'm gonna talk about that with my therapist in the next sessions. I think it would be good to cover that... So I can put an end to those feelings.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I can feel it, but sometimes I must be careful to don't lose myself in those emotions. I think this is linked with my feeling of loneliness from my family or some need to be loved, then I get caught in those situations.

I'm gonna talk about that with my therapist in the next sessions. I think it would be good to cover that... So I can put an end to those feelings.

I too can also feel when my chips aren't being "valued".

There might be some well rounded woman who like to stay out of the limelight. We might find them taking advanced studies in some field that doesn't breed narcissism and combativeness.

 

[Blacksheep]

I too can also feel when my chips aren't being "valued".

There might be some well rounded woman who like to stay out of the limelight. We might find them taking advanced studies in some field that doesn't breed narcissism and combativeness.

I was thinking about that... The places I was looking for women was not the best places (Social Media, bars, etc).

I'm not using my personal profile on Instagram anymore... just deactivated it for good. Using IG only for my graphic design project to get clients and post my arts there.

Maybe if I fish in another lake, there will be better options. I think if a woman doesn't use social media, its a great step for building a good relationship.

Those things are so weird... I started to observe people on instagram and its so nonsense. Its just people showing off some fake happiness. Or women showing off ass and boobs with a weird face on the picture. The worst of that, if you use it so much... you start to get addicted to that (I saw myself posting some nonsense stuffs there and I don't want to be part of it).

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was thinking about that... The places I was looking for women was not the best places (Social Media, bars, etc).

I'm not using my personal profile on Instagram anymore... just deactivated it for good. Using IG only for my graphic design project to get clients and post my arts there.

Maybe if I fish in another lake, there will be better options. I think if a woman doesn't use social media, its a great step for building a good relationship.

Those things are so weird... I started to observe people on instagram and its so nonsense. Its just people showing off some fake happiness. Or women showing off ass and boobs with a weird face on the picture. The worst of that, if you use it so much... you start to get addicted to that (I saw myself posting some nonsense stuffs there and I don't want to be part of it).

I think alot of the guys here need ones who don't want to hurt men, aren't in the popularity game, and don't have a bad ego. IMHO it's better if they have a good track record for doing men pretty good.

 

[Blacksheep]

I think alot of the guys here need ones who don't want to hurt men, aren't in the popularity game, and don't have a bad ego. IMHO it's better if they have a good track record for doing men pretty good.

Yep! And this requires some mining... It seems not so easy to find. And you have to be aware of some red flags to don't get caught into a trap.

I have one example of good and genuine relationship that is my uncle and his wife... They've been together for more than 35 yrs... Now they have a child and even I noticing that its a bit more stressful to raise a child and work a lot... they're still keeping that up.

They got married I think after 25 yrs or more being together.

The reason I have such a great connection with them is because they are really simple. My uncle's happiness is to go every weekend to his farm and take care of his animals, drink his beer and smile for everything. He and his wife and my cousin. And he doesn't even know how to use a cellphone, so he was not trapped into this social media generation.

They are the only ones (also my grandmother) in my whole family that I know that really loves me and have a good heart.

 

[Romanemp22]

I think alot of the guys here need ones who don't want to hurt men, aren't in the popularity game, and don't have a bad ego. IMHO it's better if they have a good track record for doing men pretty good.

Ah in todays world, finding a woman who isn't into that popularity thing, it's very rare. But there are exceptions, we just need to look a bit more brothers.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ah in todays world, finding a woman who isn't into that popularity thing, it's very rare. But there are exceptions, we just need to look a bit more brothers.

User "stormrider" mentioned an odd angle dating eastern europeans in a specific part of the country. Where currently they are rewarding real man behavior, no games, no bs.

 

[Romanemp22]

User "stormrider" mentioned an odd angle dating eastern europeans in a specific part of the country. Where currently they are rewarding real man behavior, no games, no bs.

Yes that's definitely true here, with legit women who are not after money, just being a real man, not being soft can really get you ahead with women.