What to say and do when ur GF breaks up w u?

[Lynx nkaf]

Most are run of the mill. However, I went through a not so run of the mill one myself almost two years ago.

I had a 3.5 year relationship with a very good woman, and I think it may have been the best relationship I ever had.

Then she got breast cancer. Someday I may take the effort to type it all out, but boy oh boy. It wasn't easy and it wasn't clear cut.

In a nutshell, she very vaguely broke up with me, no explanation, not even sure if it was a breakup. 3 weeks later I demanded an explanation as to what the h3ll was going on, and to my surprise she came out to my place and explained about alot of family problems she had with serious infighting in her immediate family, troubles with her kids (serious troubles - drinking with the one) and finally she said that she had breast cancer. She had a HUGE plateful of problems that she never told me about.

I knew then that I wasn't the problem, that she was simply trying to cope. She was in a VERY bad way when she came out to my place. Our goodbye was both of us standing holding each other, crying, and kissing. I have no doubt her love for me was very real. She explained it wasn't me, but she couldn't be in a relationship with anyone right now, she had too much on her plate and was struggling to cope.

Anyways, I gave her the space she needed, contacted her every few weeks, then every few months.....because her responses got nastier, shorter, sometimes no reply. She dropped off the face off the planet, completely withdrew from friends and society.

I could go on and on....but suffice it to say that last December I got a response that I finally decided was too abusive for me to keep putting myself through. I haven't contacted her since.

Cancer turns people into very nasty versions of themselves, as they fight pain, fatigue, anger, depression and fear of dying.

Anyways, I have spent thousands of hours going over how I handled it, and don't think I could have done anything better. I was always supportive and loving. I have no regrets regarding my behavior,

I have decided, for my own mental health, that I will no longer contact her, and haven't for 10 months. It is very hard for me to understand how you can cut people out of your life at a time when you need support the most. Maybe she just didn't want to tie me down or have me go through it with her. I may find out, or I may never find out.

I likely won't contact her again.............................if I see her in person, I may say Hi, or I may not. I will decide on the spot.

I don't think there is any one set of advice for these "non-run-of the mill breakups" as the circumstances vary so much.

I often wonder what she is doing, how she is feeling. I often wonder if she would like to reach out, but is scared of my reaction. She completely dropped out of sight in a town of 2000 for almost two years now, ( she work in a town different than where she lives) I imagine her life is very lonely. I feel bad for her, but have done everything I can, so am moving on until the time she reaches out to me.

thanks for sharing this; bewildering and sad

 

[Dash Riprock]

I concur with most here by just saying "Okay" and then walking away-for good. Less is more: Use few words, don't show emotion, and just LEAVE.

Saw this last night at the end of the James Bond film SPECTRE. Towards the end of the movie, Dr. Madeleine Swann (Lea Seydoux) tells Bond she has to leave him because she can't handle his career and lifestyle. He's obviously disappointed, but just frowns and turns around and walks away without saying a word. Of course, they reconnect by movie's end and I see she's also in the upcoming Bond movie No Time To Die.

If you get dumped, or sense it coming (and this is all based on my experience and tips/advice from SS Legends):

-Try to dump her first, the "Pre-emptive Breakup" is a man's nuclear weapon. Women CANNOT handle getting dumped.
-If you do get dumped first, NEVER get emotional or try to negotiate attraction.
-Go NO CONTACT asap.
-Remove/delete her from all social media.
-Delete her number from your phone.
-Do not give in to her crying, saying she wants you back, et, etc. Trust me on this: you'll only get dumped AGAIN--100% guaranteed.
-Use your God-given balls and be a MAN and don't whine, cry, supplicate, and try to "work things out."
-Keep yourself busy; connect with old friends, get in shape, start a business, take a class, buy a pet, whatever, but don't sit around and PINE for her.
-Dating is ok provided you can handle it. Some guys who were in a LTR or married freak out at the "aloneness" of being newly single and like a moth to flame, PUSH all suitors for another relationship way too fast.
-Focus on YOU.

Good luck.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Here's another curve-ball for you: sometimes, women will throw out the ol' "we need to break up" line, not because they actually want to dump you, but because they may feel like the relationship is going downward and they want to talk to you about something but don't know how to do it. So, they'll say they want to "break up" in hopes that you'll say "what? but why, what's wrong?" At which point they'll be able to talk about whatever issue they're currently having with you.

Yes, it's stupid. Yes, I've had this happen.

Regardless, even if you think she may be saying it as a ploy to get you to change or do something, you have to respond with "eh, ok" when she says she wants to break up. You flying off at the handle is never good, and you crying about it only makes you look weak. She needs to know that you don't play the whole "what you say is not what you really mean" game, and that you prefer direct communication to passive aggressive tactics if she has something she wants to talk out with you.

 

[MILLY1985]

Here's another curve-ball for you: sometimes, women will throw out the ol' "we need to break up" line, not because they actually want to dump you, but because they may feel like the relationship is going downward and they want to talk to you about something but don't know how to do it. So, they'll say they want to "break up" in hopes that you'll say "what? but why, what's wrong?" At which point they'll be able to talk about whatever issue they're currently having with you.

Yes, it's stupid. Yes, I've had this happen.

Regardless, even if you think she may be saying it as a ploy to get you to change or do something, you have to respond with "eh, ok" when she says she wants to break up. You flying off at the handle is never good, and you crying about it only makes you look weak. She needs to know that you don't play the whole "what you say is not what you really mean" game, and that you prefer direct communication to passive aggressive tactics if she has something she wants to talk out with you.

I’ve had this a few times. Say a women breaks up with you as “things are going nowhere” in an attempt to get u to commit to children a house together and even marriage what does one do? I like to keep them dangling on a string not move the in etc but sometimes women grow inpatient

 

[MagicMikee]

Say nothing