How to respond to this?

[gsintx]

Also... i just realized i accidentally sent screenshots of our convo.... to her... did i **** up? One of my friends wanted to see what was said so i meant to send it to him. whoops

 

[RickTheToad]

Girlfriend recently/temporarily moved back to her parents because she was depressed/ COVID (arguments, etc.). We initially texted a bit but I started texting her less and less (let her text more, slow responses, etc.) We have therapy set-up and she texted me a half hour ago. Below is our convo:

Her: So quick question, would I be able to stay the night on Tuesday? I have to work on Wednesday and want to make sure I make it in time for the therapy session. (She pays rent where we live so i am not sure why she is asking)
Her: If that's not ok I can just stay at a hotel
Her: Or we can just cancel the call, up to you

Me: Why wouldn't I let you stay the night here? lol

Her: I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me spending the night

Me: *reacts with HAHA to her last message, sends / does nothing else*

Her: You know what I think we should just cancel it
Her: Don't like your reactions

Me: Np. I said i was cool with it...

Her: Perfect then I guess we can just call it quits here.
Her: I don't want to have to rely on you to get my work done.
Her: I'll let the leasing office know that I'll be leaving that way you don't have to pay for an extra spot.

Me: I am a bit perplexed by your reaction

Her: You laughed at what i said

Me: I am busy. I am working my full time job, working on a side project and watching the stock market. I laughed cause i thought you meant that as satire.

Her: Oh I see
Her: I'll let you go, text me when you can


What is the appropriate response? What the **** is wrong with her?

Silence is the answer. Give her the gift of missing you; should you choose. Never play these games.. You cannot win if you do.

 

[Serenity]

What am I supposed to do... beg?

Of course not. You said "why couldn't you?", it's a bit of a passive aggressive response and not welcoming. Comes off like you don't really want her there, but will tolerate it since she pays rent. She's cancelling things and giving up on you because you don't communicate clearly, you give the impression that you don't care about her.

Limiting texting interaction isn't so much to reel a girl back in, although it is occasionally a side effect. The advice is meant to keep guys from investing too much too soon and not come off as too desperate. When done in the middle of an active relationship it will just drive a wedge that further separates you.

Also... i just realized i accidentally sent screenshots of our convo.... to her... did i **** up? One of my friends wanted to see what was said so i meant to send it to him. whoops

At this point? Nah, you didn't fvck up. I don't think this was salvageable anyways.

 

[gsintx]

That's not what i read from here. I thought it was a pretty stupid question of her... especially if she pays rent. Why does she need to ask that question? Keep in mind this is the same girl that left and wanted to stay at her parents FIRST (i never suggested this), keep in mind that she got mad at ME for not texting her saturday night (she couldve easily sent me a text). I actually sent her a text to come on over if she wanted to talk... she completely ignored that message. A few days ago... she would leave my texts unanswered for several hours... so it wasn't myself that I started doing this. I want to show her that I have a life (and options) outside of her.

Of course not. You said "why couldn't you?", it's a bit of a passive aggressive response and not welcoming. Comes off like you don't really want her there, but will tolerate it since she pays rent. She's cancelling things and giving up on you because you don't communicate clearly, you give the impression that you don't care about her.

Limiting texting interaction isn't so much to reel a girl back in, although it is occasionally a side effect. The advice is meant to keep guys from investing too much too soon and not come off as too desperate. When done in the middle of an active relationship it will just drive a wedge that further separates you.


At this point? Nah, you didn't fvck up. I don't think this was salvageable anyways.

 

[Serenity]

@gsintx Hmm, could be her or her behavior could be a symptom of your behavior. Hard to tell, but either way communication is very poor between you. I think you should just let it go and move on. Let her get her stuff, sort out whatever formalities you must and get on with life. It's broken.

 

[gsintx]

@gsintx Hmm, could be her or her behavior could be a symptom of your behavior. Hard to tell, but either way communication is very poor between you. I think you should just let it go and move on. Let her get her stuff, sort out whatever formalities you must and get on with life. It's broken.

Yeah to be honest she's not a very good communicator (always super passive aggressive, says manipulative **** . The last couple days she's been kinda acting like she owns all the cards... i was actually recommended to flip the script on her (not being available, etc.)

 

[Serenity]

Yeah to be honest she's not a very good communicator (always super passive aggressive, says manipulative **** . The last couple days she's been kinda acting like she owns all the cards... i was actually recommended to flip the script on her (not being available, etc.)

It's settled then. Just a comment on flipping the script, I can't see any good reason to bother with it, it's better to just commit to walking away. Have yet to hear a story about flipping the script where it lead to a long lasting and happy relationship. When a woman starts misbehaving a lot it's better to just "rip the band-aid off quickly" and be done with it. You also starting to play games will just delay the inevitable.

 

[gsintx]

It's settled then. Just a comment on flipping the script, I can't see any good reason to bother with it, it's better to just commit to walking away. Have yet to hear a story about flipping the script where it lead to a long lasting and happy relationship. When a woman starts misbehaving a lot it's better to just "rip the band-aid off quickly" and be done with it. You also starting to play games will just delay the inevitable.

I have, I was told this is a **** test of some sort. Just curious... how would you have handled it ? (for future reference)

 

[Serenity]

I have, I was told this is a **** test of some sort. Just curious... how would you have handled it ? (for future reference)

I don't tolerate breaks. She can stay and together we can try to iron out the conflict, or she can leave permanently. The last thing I want is to let unresolved issues fester over an unknown period of time. If she fails to make a decision within a reasonably short time I make it for her and just end the relationship.

If a woman keeps sh!t testing then she's playing games, I don't know about you, but I don't like women who play games.

 

[gsintx]

I agree that's why I was kind of was cold with my responses. I was going to make her earn her way back in.

I don't tolerate breaks. She can stay and together we can try to iron out the conflict, or she can leave permanently. The last thing I want is to let unresolved issues fester over an unknown period of time. If she fails to make a decision within a reasonably short time I make it for her and just end the relationship.

If a woman keeps sh!t testing then she's playing games, I don't know about you, but I don't like women who play games.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah to be honest she's not a very good communicator (always super passive aggressive, says manipulative **** . The last couple days she's been kinda acting like she owns all the cards... i was actually recommended to flip the script on her (not being available, etc.)

Bro that's because she DOES own all the cards at this point. You care far more than she does.

 

[gsintx]

Hm. Not anymore. I think she is slowly realizing this now (hence her lashing out that she wants to cancel the session/end things/move out, lol)

Bro that's because she DOES own all the cards at this point. You care far more than she does.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hm. Not anymore. I think she is slowly realizing this now (hence her lashing out that she wants to cancel the session/end things/move out, lol)

The fact that you have started numerous threads about this shows you care more than her. And she knows it. You think you are hiding it but you aren't. Women pick up on this type of thing instinctively.

 

[Serenity]

I was going to make her earn her way back in.

That rarely works, if ever. You also let her control if and when the break up happens too much. It will waste less of your time to push for resolution, force her to decide or decide for her. When a relationship comes to that point it's just a matter of time, no sense in dragging out what will VERY likely end anyways.

 

[gsintx]

How would she know if I havent texted her and we've seen each other once? She knows I have a back-up. I feel for some reason you have developed some sort of dislike for me and are non-stop bashing me for some reason.

The fact that you have started numerous threads about this shows you care more than her. And she knows it. You think you are hiding it but you aren't. Women pick up on this type of thing instinctively.

 

[Lookatu]

Bottom line:
Both of you are playing games and it never ends well.

What she texted you seems like she has the IDGAF mentality so she's already checked out.

You should be looking to move on. You've invested way too much in analyzing her words and it's eating away at you. Not a healthy way to live.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How would she know if I havent texted her and we've seen each other once? She knows I have a back-up. I feel for some reason you have developed some sort of dislike for me and are non-stop bashing me for some reason.

I don't have a dislike at all...you just seem to be in denial about the situation and I am pretty blunt in my assessments usually. Honestly I have no idea what you are even hoping to gain from any of this with her. You say you don't want her but then you ask how you can make her chase you.

So on one hand you claim to be over her and wanting to move on but your actions on here show a completely different thing.

You have made a lot of mistakes in the prior interactions leading up to this point so honestly your best thing would be to go completely NC on her and let her reach out to you if she chooses to.

 

[gsintx]

Thanks, what makes you say that? (just curious / for future reference)

Bottom line:
Both of you are playing games and it never ends well.

What she texted you seems like she has the IDGAF mentality so she's already checked out.

You should be looking to move on. You've invested way too much in analyzing her words and it's eating away at you. Not a healthy way to live.

 

[gsintx]

Just an update. She texted me out of the blue today again (asking if she needs to pay the rest of the rent for the remainder of the lease). The following chat transcript follows:

Her: "Am I expected to pay rent if I'm not living there anymore"
Me: "Yes, you also agreed to it last week when you moved out"
Her: I don't think that's really fair. You know I can just tell the leasing office that I am leaving and the lease then gets transferred to you.
Me: That's not how it works
Her: I can just pay $200 for the transfer fee. Of course now you respond right away since it benefits you.
Me: Slow day today, just happened to look at my phone
Her: Well I'll let the office know that I can pay for rent for next month but I won't be needing a parking space. If you can't afford to pay the rest of the lease but i dont think it's fair since I'm not living there.
Me: *sends screenshot of her agreeing a week ago*
Her: If that's the case I'll move back in
Me: Ok. see you soon

My friend says the negotiation is now over... any thoughts? I'm confused as to how I won

 

[Lookatu]

Welcome your new roommate. I suggest you two work out when you'll be having dates so one of you can get lost for an hour or two.

How long has she been living with you and did both of you sign the lease?

Can you comfortably afford the place you're living at without her?