They made me a offer again

[Blacksheep]

So, I time ago my parents offered to buy a place for me, and I refused it.

This time they come to my uncle, saying they were really sad and asked my uncle to say to me that I should call my mom. I called her, talked a bit and she made the house offer again.

I would like some help to analyze it. I've come with this idea on mind:

As I'll be the owner of this house or apartment, I could sell it anytime. I know it's a way so they can approach again and maybe start all that toxic behavior with me.

And when I talked with them, my dad started saying the same thing: "You have to follow our family standards, have a partner and do what I say to you... Otherwise you will be unhappy and nothing will work in your life"

But the point I kept thinking is that... being the owner of this place, I can do whatever I want. If they try to use it to approach or try to control me, I can just sell this place, move out this town and live anywhere else.

It seems a good strategy thinking only on my needs. But I'm affraid of how it can affect myself mentally and psychologically. Maybe weaken myself again.

Would like to hear some ideas about that.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

An asset that will eventually pay for itself is a powerful proposition, however even considering owning an apartment without a significant amount of overhead, its a pipe dream, so you'll probably need a partner for that.

The problem is that you will want somebody with business experience, but in that, they have the knowledge to take advantage of you over time.

As somebody who was gifted a house, I would say its not overly a good thing, it is the farthest thing from it infact, because the journey of becoming a home owner yourself, it puts your ego into check after you are subjected to certain realities, like for example a good credit score vs. a bad one and even rebuilding your credit.

Instead of experiencing all that, you just have a house and have minimal knowledge (I did anyways) of the logistics surrounding every aspect of it, season maintenance, aspects of buying and selling that will make your neighbors hate you or love you, how this compares to other houses, appliance age, house decor.

Dont think getting a property means its time to relax, its the exact opposite.

 

[Blacksheep]

An asset that will eventually pay for itself is a powerful proposition, however even considering owning an apartment without a significant amount of overhead, its a pipe dream, so you'll probably need a partner for that.

The problem is that you will want somebody with business experience, but in that, they have the knowledge to take advantage of you over time.

As somebody who was gifted a house, I would say its not overly a good thing, it is the farthest thing from it infact, because the journey of becoming a home owner yourself, it puts your ego into check after you are subjected to certain realities, like for example a good credit score vs. a bad one and even rebuilding your credit.

Instead of experiencing all that, you just have a house and have minimal knowledge (I did anyways) of the logistics surrounding every aspect of it, season maintenance, aspects of buying and selling that will make your neighbors hate you or love you, how this compares to other houses, appliance age, house decor.

Dont think getting a property means its time to relax, its the exact opposite.

Exactly!

I lived on a house that should be mine for 10 yrs alone. It was a big house and spent a lot of money keeping it.

This one is not a big one, its compact and really nice.

Thinking on aspects of expenses, owning a house seems to be better than paying a rent. Maybe I might be wrong, but logically it seems better. But I have to be aware of those other things too.

The most important is about my relationship with my family, I was no contact with them and I have to be careful if I accept that offer cause it can take back all those toxic problems again.

 

[Serenity]

I would decline again. Sure you could take advantage of it for your own gain, but it probably burns them more if you state that not even a house is enough to buy you back into their bullsh!t.

You know they'll use it against you and you know it's not worth it. Besides, achieving it yourself feels a lot better anyways.

 

[Focal core]

Blacksheep, just imagine what you will go through again again and again, its to keeping you in that endless cycle. Youre out, stay that way, its time to grow and charge forward, you will get the house but being stuck again isnt worth it.

 

[Blacksheep]

I would decline again. Sure you could take advantage of it for your own gain, but it probably burns them more if you state that not even a house is enough to buy you back into their bullsh!t.

You know they'll use it against you and you know it's not worth it. Besides, achieving it yourself feels a lot better anyways.

Thats true man.

I think the time I accept it, they will start to try to control again and use it against me.

Im not making much money in this period and not finding a decent job... Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed, but I cant fall into that.

 

[Blacksheep]

Blacksheep, just imagine what you will go through again again and again, its to keeping you in that endless cycle. Youre out, stay that way, its time to grow and charge forward, you will get the house but being stuck again isnt worth it.

Yes! The difference is that this time it would be on my name... I would own it.

But the emotional games and blackmail could come back all over again. As they give me that, they might fill in the right to make me do whatever they want.

This is complicated.

 

[Focal core]

Yes! The difference is that this time it would be on my name... I would own it.

But the emotional games and blackmail could come back all over again. As they give me that, they might fill in the right to make me do whatever they want.

This is complicated.

Its act as mechanisme games to control you better, its something that they can brag a about and rub it on your nose later, if they really sincere about it, cash transfer and choose any house you want that would be great.

 

[Blacksheep]

Its act as mechanisme games to control you better, its something that they can brag a about and rub it on your nose later, if they really sincere about it, cash transfer and choose any house you want that would be great.

That make sense.

They told me I could choose, but choices that they think was better.

Also when I said I liked one house I found, they got kind disappointed and started to say how bad that house was and that it was dangerous, a bad place to live, etc...

A healthy way would be that. They could say: hey, choose whatever you want, we can help you if you need advice. But search somewhere you would like to live and we will give it or donate the money so you can buy.

Thats where the red flag is. Im waiting to see what they will say... Cause after I told I liked that house I found, they stopped texting/calling me. I dont know what they are planning or thinking.

 

[Focal core]

That make sense.

They told me I could choose, but choices that they think was better.

Also when I said I liked one house I found, they got kind disappointed and started to say how bad that house was and that it was dangerous, a bad place to live, etc...

A healthy way would be that. They could say: hey, choose whatever you want, we can help you if you need advice. But search somewhere you would like to live and we will give it or donate the money so you can buy.

Thats where the red flag is. Im waiting to see what they will say... Cause after I told I liked that house I found, they stopped texting/calling me. I dont know what they are planning or thinking.

Hahaha classic narcissist manipulation tactics, they only will give it to you if they can feel good about it, its really not about you my dear. Move on.

 

[Serenity]

They told me I could choose, but choices that they think was better.

Lol, that's not choice. If they're paying for it I'll say it's fair enough that they approve, but it is insincere to give you the illusion that you can choose a house YOU want.

It's definitely an attempt to reel you back in by bribing you. That's an unhealthy way to get someone back. They can't buy your trust, that can only be earned and they clearly don't understand that.

 

[Blacksheep]

Hahaha classic narcissist manipulation tactics, they only will give it to you if they can feel good about it, its really not about you my dear. Move on.

I thought about it too. As they were talking to me I was just in silent, paying attention to their words.

The excuse was: "We have more experience than you, and you know what is better for you"

Then, after my dad called me to a 5 min talk and said: "I'm going to tell you a fact about life... If you don't follow our traditional standard of family, you will never succeed in life. You cant live isolated and alone, you need your family and you need to stay around them.

Not telling you to get married, but also you should have a woman by your side.

Going against it, and you will be unhappy."

Basically what he told me. And I thought he would say something like we should meet more, or that he is sorry for all those negative words he spread to me when I left.

Sometimes I think I should pretend to fall into that thing, become the owner of this apartment, and just right after receiving that, sell this place, get the money and move out this town. But I still think they are going to do something to prevent it haha

 

[Blacksheep]

Lol, that's not choice. If they're paying for it I'll say it's fair enough that they approve, but it is insincere to give you the illusion that you can choose a house YOU want.

It's definitely an attempt to reel you back in by bribing you. That's an unhealthy way to get someone back. They can't buy your trust, that can only be earned and they clearly don't understand that.

Yep.

The interesting stuff was... when my uncle called me, he started to say that my dad almost cried and that he told to my uncle to help him approach myself to my mom, cause she was really depressed.

I cried when he told me that, and thats why I called my mom. But I've been so deceived that I don't know if this is really true or just a manipulative game of my dad.

I can believe the fact that my mom is sad, but it seem so good to be true. Out of nothing, they regret, feel sad about and want help to contact me.

And observing my uncle speech. Its like my dad speeching through him: "That house you liked is really on a bad place/You should accept your dads offer"

And I know this is a desperate try to sell me those idea. Like a sales man trying desperate to sell you something.

 

[Focal core]

Sometimes I think I should pretend to fall into that thing, become the owner of this apartment, and just right after receiving that, sell this place, get the money and move out this town. But I still think they are going to do something to prevent it haha

You dont need to pretend anything, yes they will made something like a prenup to get you stay there and be at their bidding, its like you have to be treated like cloned child gets set-up for feeling damned if you accomplishes, and damned if you fails. which often catalyzes self-sabotaging behaviors, as it's somewhat easier to accept a parent's dismay or disappointment in our imperfect performance, than to incur his or her resentment and jealousy, if we excel. On a subconscious level, we'd essentially prefer our parent to be 'right' about us, rather than risk becoming empowered and truly well.

Keep a deep thought about it mate.

 

[Blacksheep]

You dont need to pretend anything, yes they will made something like a prenup to get you stay there and be at their bidding, its like you have to be treated like cloned child gets set-up for feeling damned if you accomplishes, and damned if you fails. which often catalyzes self-sabotaging behaviors, as it's somewhat easier to accept a parent's dismay or disappointment in our imperfect performance, than to incur his or her resentment and jealousy, if we excel. On a subconscious level, we'd essentially prefer our parent to be 'right' about us, rather than risk becoming empowered and truly well.

Keep a deep thought about it mate.

Thats sad, but true.

Gonna keep that, and also pay very attention to what they will say to me those next days. I'm sure he is planning something.

 

[lamath]

This is how the get you, it will never be as simple as giving you the house.

There will be condition and im sure they will do all they can to use it as a way to control you.

The cost for that house is gonna be too high your happiness and mental health.

The easy road will only make things better for the short term.
The harder road will make you better and happier on the long road.

 

[Blacksheep]

This is how the get you, it will never be as simple as giving you the house.

There will be condition and im sure they will do all they can to use it as a way to control you.

The cost for that house is gonna be too high your happiness and mental health.

The easy road will only make things better for the short term.
The harder road will make you better and happier on the long road.

I think alot about that too. And this makes sense.

And damn, it's being hard... And I know it can get worse if I don't find a way to make some money.

 

[Focal core]

I think alot about that too. And this makes sense.

And damn, it's being hard... And I know it can get worse if I don't find a way to make some money.

Life is about growth, and growth bring change, is not always about money, your life your way, paint your happiness. It does suck and hard at this pandemics era, but..

 

[Blacksheep]

Concede.

Your little rebellion should be over by now. You made a statement. Accept proposition (it's generous) and try to make peace with your family.

Overprotecting family is still better than so called friends that want you to be as miserable as they are. Take the house.

They just replied me telling that this house they cannot approve to buy for me.

The bad of it, its that I have no choice... Or, I have a choice, since this choice was chosen by them before.

 

[Focal core]

Concede.

Your little rebellion should be over by now. You made a statement. Accept proposition (it's generous) and try to make peace with your family.

Overprotecting family is still better than so called friends that want you to be as miserable as they are. Take the house.

Dont listen to this, i dont care if they are your parents, as long as theyre toxic run far far away.