Chicks expect fancy dates and how do I stop that?

[Knight of Roses]

I do well for myself. I dress in a suit for work, my profession is as such, and I drive an AMG.

But Im a cheap ass mofo when it comes to spending money on girls. I dont want women because of the money, I want women the same way the poor ass blue color DJ with the tattoo sleeves gets the girls.

Is this impossible for me? Have I crafted myself into a hole? I want to take girls to the cheap biker dive bars I use to go to in college, $5.00 for a drink. Can I do that now? I've tried that once or twice but didnt work well, the girl was somewhat disappointed that first date with me wasn't at some fancy lounge.

Any advice?

 

[Glassguy]

You invite a chick to JOIN you for a drink. You do not start off with a woman by taking her on expensive dinner dates.

 

[Stoic]

I dont know. I think your problem is your personal branding.

You drive a 75 thousand dollar car. You're in a suit. You're projecting yourself as wealthy. Can you totally blame her for expecting some wine and dine? You probably come off as a greedy cheap ass, lol, when you dont spend much on dates.

I earn about 200k. But am structuring my brand differently. More adventurous, not status seeking. And also can be a bit of a tightwad,but also love my toys. But there ones that dont necessarily scream that I have a ton of money, but that are a lot of fun for me. Motorcycle, an older pick up, shotguns..

 

[Lookatu]

I dont know. I think your problem is your personal branding.

You drive a 75 thousand dollar car. You're in a suit. You're projecting yourself as wealthy. Can you totally blame her for expecting some wine and dine? You probably come off as a greedy cheap ass, lol, when you dont spend much on dates.

I earn about 200k. But am structuring my brand differently. More adventurous, not status seeking. And also can be a bit of a tightwad,but also love my toys. But there ones that dont necessarily scream that I have a ton of money, but that are a lot of fun for me. Motorcycle, an older pick up, shotguns..

Exactly.

Dress down. Don't wear fancy watches. Have beater car or Uber. Don't talk about wealth or possesions. Dumb down your job description/title. Etc. Do not give a provider vibe either in the things you say/do.

I've always done this, especially for first dates. First few dates should always be about getting to know YOU. Everything else is a distraction, fancy places, your material possesions, etc.

You're lucky in that we have a pandemic going on and you could always use the playing it safe excuse and ask her to grab some coffee and go for a walk in a near by park where you'll be outside and socially distanced from everyone.

 

[logicallefty]

You invite a chick to JOIN you for a drink. You do not start off with a woman by taking her on expensive dinner dates.

^This. You are going to your bar. She can come along or not come.

 

[Glassguy]

^This. You are going to your bar. She can come along or not come.

The word "DATE" isnt even in my vocabulary anymore. Its sounds serious to a lot of people. I would much rather just invite someone to join me. Its casual.

I would rather start off casual than on more of a serious tone.

I would also rather (and I do) NOT take any woman on an expensive date. Concerts, pro sports, expensive dinners. No....no. Simply join me for a drink, The reason is simple- I do not want her to expect expensive dates every time, I dont want to be around someone for 2 hours if there is no vibe and it is always easier to treat a woman to something nicer on rare occasion when you start casual than starting expensive and then trying to go more casual later.

To the point, I would highly recommend deleting the term "date" from the vocabulary. Until a woman has earned something nice, keep it cheap and simple. That doesnt mean you cant show up for drinks looking great, smelling great, driving a nice ride, etc.

Keep it simple. Make these women work for more than just grabbing a drink.

 

[BeExcellent]

Be more casual. Your look should reflect the vibe you want to project. To project a cool vibe dress less formally and take a more relaxed approach to yourself.

Currently you are a little incongruent coming across to women. You have worked hard to get where you are...and you like good things and being able to afford some status hallmarks...and liking the ability to project status is good...it’s who you are...just know that the way you package yourself to the world at large will communicate things about you, and will create expectations...especially true in your market, which is full of women seeking a provider. You want to package yourself as the high end playboy type...we’ve chatted about that. It’s interesting. There’s a subtle art to dressing down as a high status man. When you are out this Saturday pay attention to how the high status men dress & behave. They might drive high end cars but wear a cool t shirt and jeans/high end shoes, even high end sneakers...these are all personal style preferences but again you are packaging yourself all the time...women read your image cues. A full on suit in a venue where status dudes are wearing t shirts will seem out of place...you’ll look too formal/stiff and too “try hard” relative to other men. Those things can make you appear not the right style for the industry type chicks. Your car is simply your car. Make no apologies there.

A walk is good for a first meet, also inviting someone to join you doing whatever you are already doing, etc...go to a more casual place, happy hour on Taco Tuesday for example...a street fair...grittier venues.

Wear contacts instead of glasses. You are a handsome man & so do not detract from your face with glasses.

Flirt, circulate, enjoy yourself. Create some mystery about who you like based on circulating socially. Don’t park next to a particular chick. Chat, circulate, chat, circulate. Do not miss an opportunity to say hello to girls you like. A simple chill “how’s your night going” is a casual way to say hello & engage. If she’s standoffish. Simply say cool, smile & keep moving.

You are a high status, handsome guy with edge. Relax into that, tweak your look just a bit and your vibe will create mystery & attraction. If any body accuses you of being a playboy or player or something just smile, shrug & own it. Say “I heard that too...isn’t that crazy?” Smile & hold your ground...

You want a gal who has desire for you rather than a gal who is slotting you toward provider mode. Minor tweaks & you’ll get it. Promise

Cheers

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Setting Limits and Boundaries with children is essential, but one lesson you learn early on is the limit or boundary must be reasonable and we must be able to follow through with a consequence AND that consequence has to be in association to the limit or boundary.

Setting a limit or boundary with a grown woman, is unsurprisingly difficult, because she has a lifetime of experience in breaking limits and boundaries without consequence and can easily turn any slack we give against us.

Typically, limits and boundaries are employed an individual, then respected by another... The idea of setting a limit or boundary is usually a one-sided affair and when it is not and both sides begin setting limits and boundaries, this is called a Negotiation.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

You are not engaging in Negotiation, which means you set no limits or boundaries for her to follow... Of course they will just maximize gain out of you and leave.

 

[Trojan3000]

Not all girls care about where u take them man..

My majority of first dates used to be in a **** local bar, but it had a pool table and darts, and cheap drinks. Crowd was old people.. doesnt matter where u take them man. But if ur gonna dress sharp when u meet them, ull give them the wrong idea from the get.

 

[Trump]

I want to take girls to the cheap biker dive bars I use to go to in college, $5.00 for a drink. Can I do that now? I've tried that once or twice but didnt work well, the girl was somewhat disappointed that first date with me wasn't at some fancy lounge.

This just shows how a girls priorities changes over time. Women are NEVER consistent. The way they act are according to their goals at the time. College is about sex and fun, the 30s are about security and stability.

Women are ONLY sexually attracted to masculine and dominant, powerful men. If a man is rich he has the resources women want and will get sexual attention, but it’s not coming from an “animal instinct“ type of place, it’s coming from a practical place. She will sleep with him, but it will COST the man in terms of resources (money, time, etc)

So men, always try to get a women to sleep with you through animal instinct type of method, not the beta buck type of method. In this case since the women was disappointed she didn't go to some fancy lounge, my guess is the OP isn’t the strong, powerful, sexy type woman dream about.

 

[Georgepithyou]

You invite a chick to JOIN you for a drink. You do not start off with a woman by taking her on expensive dinner dates.

Exactly, expensive dinner dates are reserved for girlfriends only

 

[bat soup]

I do well for myself. I dress in a suit for work, my profession is as such, and I drive an AMG.

But Im a cheap ass mofo when it comes to spending money on girls. I dont want women because of the money, I want women the same way the poor ass blue color DJ with the tattoo sleeves gets the girls.

Is this impossible for me? Have I crafted myself into a hole? I want to take girls to the cheap biker dive bars I use to go to in college, $5.00 for a drink. Can I do that now? I've tried that once or twice but didnt work well, the girl was somewhat disappointed that first date with me wasn't at some fancy lounge.

Any advice?

Drive her in your expensive car to a secluded spot and bang her on the back seat. If she's not cooperative, drop her off at a Jack in the Box.

 

[SW15]

I've not felt the expectation of fancy dates from women. I have felt stings of one date and then the woman flakes/ghosts.

One woman said she wouldn't go out with me again due to the age of my car being 10+ years. At the time of the incident, my car was closer to 20 years old than to 10 years old.

 

[7onriverI f]

lol and lol.

You need to go out more dude. If your getting this from hundreds of chicks then address the problem.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Branding is everything. If you pick your date up in an AMG while dressed in a suit, hell yeah, she's going to expect that you take her to some trendy restaurant or lounge. Never mind that your AMG could be ten years old (most women couldn't tell the difference between a 2010 and a 2020) and that your suit could be from a factory outlet 80% off sale. It's the image that matters.

Now look at how a cool but not rich guy is typically portrayed in movies. He drives a classic car or a pick-up truck (a vehicle that could very well cost more than an entry-level AMG but doesn't scream "wealth"). He has a casual style, which he pulls off easily thanks to his good looks and charismatic personality. The downside is that if you don't have good looks and a charismatic personality, and you don't project wealth, you are basically screwed. No one would date an ugly rapper or Wall Street banker who drives a pick up truck and takes his dates to biker dive bars.

The lesson here is that if you are good looking and charismatic, projecting wealth does not help and might actually hurt your chances with women. On the other hand, if you are boring, ugly, etc. than it will help to some extent but you have to be prepared to spend money on women, not just flash it.

 

[bat soup]

Pick them up on your moped.

 

[2Rocky]

Patrick Swayze showed how to do it back in the 80's......