Oneitis

[RestUnknown]

Met a girl at work at a mutual course 8 months back, started texting and texted a lot, but it never went further.
One day I had a bit too much too drink and acted annoying while texting (nothing which would be considered #metoo material, just wanting her attention a lot at that time due to some events in my life), we never went out just cause I was too shy.

Of course ever since that day (about a mont ago), things are weird and our texting has basically died. We still have to work at the same place (although different sections within that place). But we still have a mutual group chat where she's just acting her cheery self, I just don't hear anything from her personally anymore and it's killing me.

I can not face the truth. For example last week I got a text from her after work "I was happy to see you again" (albeit after I said the same to her, we hadn't seen each other for nearly two months). Sunday I had a few too many again and said that I missed her random chats, she said she did too but that she was very busy because of family issues (which was true at that moment which I heard from others). We talked about going for a drink before, but it never happened, so I just asked her again last Sunday, her reply was: maybe in a few weeks, I'm going through some stuff and it's not putting me in a great mood. So yeah although I know she's looking for excuses, it so fvcking hurts. You should see her in real life or in that mutual group chat, she's just her normal self so I know it's bull****, yet I can't get it out of my head that I still have a chance to get it right.

But yeah she probably just used me cause she was bored in lockdown and now that she sees more people again, I'm out of the picture. But like I said, I'm having a very hard time with it. I have way too low self esteem and can't get out of it. Before the lockdown I had a great physique but it has all gone to waste, I drink way too much for what is considered healthy just so I can feel good again for a couple of minutes. The rest of the day I'm truly depressed, I'm seeing a psychologist but it's just not helping.

Last Sunday I was at a bar with friends, there was this waitress which truly was only a hb4, nice face but way too fat, would never fvck her. But again I drank too much. I just gave my number to her for a test, cause I have a huge need for validation, cause I consider myself ugly and not worthy and also because of that girl I truly like. She did text me later that night but I got sober and didn't bother to reply cause I felt disgusted just giving her my number. She texted me again yesterday and fvcking hell even called me cause I didn’t replu. Why can I not get this kind of reaction with girls I truly like? And I feel embaressed cause I gave my number too such an ugly one, I really don't want to end up in my life with someone like that.

You could just say go date other people but I don't know anyone else, haven't been on a proper date since like 11 years with one of my exes (my other exes were secret relationships...). All these events and my past are really pushing me into a deep depression, I keep on having these thoughts that I could have been so much better. I really don't know where to start. Extremely jealous of guys who have no trouble at all getting girls, just don’t know how they do it.

 

[Lookatu]

First mistake is getting mixed up with someone at work.

Second mistake was endlessly texting instead of asking her out right away to see where you stand in her pecking order.

Third mistake is getting too infatuated/obsessed/worked up about a girl you recently met and hardly know outside of just the things you texted about. I think you have this ideal vision of how you think she is but it may or may not be the case if you actually knew her and hung out with her in person.

Lastly, sounds like she's the only option in your life. I guarantee you if you had other options, she'd be a spec of dust in your eyes. Go look for other options and always have 2-3 at the very minimum to prevent this type of starvation thought process.

 

[RestUnknown]

I know my mistakes. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m more in my bed then I’m out just cause I’m depressed.

I used to come home from work and went straight to the gym cause I loved it. Now I can barely drag me to it.

And like I said there is indeed no one else in my life.

 

[Lookatu]

I know my mistakes. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m more in my bed then I’m out just cause I’m depressed.

I used to come home from work and went straight to the gym cause I loved it. Now I can barely drag me to it.

And like I said there is indeed no one else in my life.

It's truly pathetic when ONE woman can make or break you. That's pitiful.
Use that energy instead to better yourself in various ways.

Everytime I got a date cancelled or got ghosted over text, I used that energy to work out, read, shop for better clothes, groom, etc to better myself. You need to invest in yourself first before anyone else will. Just remember that. Turn that negative energy into a positive thing for yourself.

 

[RestUnknown]

I get that, I truly do. But I can not get the thought out of my head that because of how she acts and not giving me attention anymore that I’m worthless, that another woman just turned me down (with this one it’s even more difficult cause she’s a solid 9). And that one turns you down, every other one will.

My self esteem is shot, I’m only 5”7’ so I’m already at a huge disadvantage. I feel like I just have to settle for an ugly one, which I don’t want.

 

[dude99]

I used to come home from work and went straight to the gym cause I loved it.

And like I said there is indeed no one else in my life.

Return to the gym. You can love it again. It was probably a big reason you were more positive before. Working out does wonders for you body and your mind

Second point. Change that. Go meet new women.

 

[dude99]

I get that, I truly do. But I can not get the thought out of my head that because of how she acts and not giving me attention anymore that I’m worthless, that another woman just turned me down (with this one it’s even more difficult cause she’s a solid 9). And that one turns you down, every other one will.

My self esteem is shot, I’m only 5”7’ so I’m already at a huge disadvantage. I feel like I just have to settle for an ugly one, which I don’t want.

Why do you place such value on one womans attention?

When you are the prize it should be her seeking your attention.

 

[Nik W]

I’m about to give you some medicine and it’s not gonna taste good. All the answers to your problems were written in your post. First off, stop drinking. It’s empty calories and you seem to take it too far. If it’s not building muscle why the hell are you consuming it? It’s a waste of money and nothing more unattractive than a man who drinks too much.

Two, get busy with the gym. When I mean get busy I mean do the stuff that’s hard. Challenge yourself with cardio, time under tension, German volume training, etc. When you don’t feel like it remember how this broad ignored you.

Third, leave women at work alone. They’re off limits and most of the time it will wreck your career. Next, leave this woman you’re infatuated with the hell alone. Start disqualifying these women and have some standards. She was using you and she’s not the last woman in the world. All women can be replaced. Stop thinking she’s the only one.

 

[Lookatu]

I get that, I truly do. But I can not get the thought out of my head that because of how she acts and not giving me attention anymore that I’m worthless, that another woman just turned me down (with this one it’s even more difficult cause she’s a solid 9). And that one turns you down, every other one will.

My self esteem is shot, I’m only 5”7’ so I’m already at a huge disadvantage. I feel like I just have to settle for an ugly one, which I don’t want.

No you do not get it. You are letting some random woman ruin your life. You are too focused on what they think or do to affect YOUR life.
Think of women as cats they say. Would you let a kitten that doesn't rub up on you when you're sitting on the sofa when you want, affect your life and get you depressed? That's basically what's going on here.

You are being too dependent on women and placing them at the center of your universe. Stop doing that first off. Improve yourself so you can have more options, both physically and mentally.

Don't be feminized and do what women do and play the victim card.

I know it's tough words but you need to hear them.

 

[backseatjuan]

Imagine a day chicks gonna message you themselves. Hit the gym.

 

[Alphamonkey]

Met a girl at work at a mutual course 8 months back, started texting and texted a lot, but it never went further.
One day I had a bit too much too drink and acted annoying while texting (nothing which would be considered #metoo material, just wanting her attention a lot at that time due to some events in my life), we never went out just cause I was too shy.

Of course ever since that day (about a mont ago), things are weird and our texting has basically died. We still have to work at the same place (although different sections within that place). But we still have a mutual group chat where she's just acting her cheery self, I just don't hear anything from her personally anymore and it's killing me.

I can not face the truth. For example last week I got a text from her after work "I was happy to see you again" (albeit after I said the same to her, we hadn't seen each other for nearly two months). Sunday I had a few too many again and said that I missed her random chats, she said she did too but that she was very busy because of family issues (which was true at that moment which I heard from others). We talked about going for a drink before, but it never happened, so I just asked her again last Sunday, her reply was: maybe in a few weeks, I'm going through some stuff and it's not putting me in a great mood. So yeah although I know she's looking for excuses, it so fvcking hurts. You should see her in real life or in that mutual group chat, she's just her normal self so I know it's bull****, yet I can't get it out of my head that I still have a chance to get it right.

But yeah she probably just used me cause she was bored in lockdown and now that she sees more people again, I'm out of the picture. But like I said, I'm having a very hard time with it. I have way too low self esteem and can't get out of it. Before the lockdown I had a great physique but it has all gone to waste, I drink way too much for what is considered healthy just so I can feel good again for a couple of minutes. The rest of the day I'm truly depressed, I'm seeing a psychologist but it's just not helping.

Last Sunday I was at a bar with friends, there was this waitress which truly was only a hb4, nice face but way too fat, would never fvck her. But again I drank too much. I just gave my number to her for a test, cause I have a huge need for validation, cause I consider myself ugly and not worthy and also because of that girl I truly like. She did text me later that night but I got sober and didn't bother to reply cause I felt disgusted just giving her my number. She texted me again yesterday and fvcking hell even called me cause I didn’t replu. Why can I not get this kind of reaction with girls I truly like? And I feel embaressed cause I gave my number too such an ugly one, I really don't want to end up in my life with someone like that.

You could just say go date other people but I don't know anyone else, haven't been on a proper date since like 11 years with one of my exes (my other exes were secret relationships...). All these events and my past are really pushing me into a deep depression, I keep on having these thoughts that I could have been so much better. I really don't know where to start. Extremely jealous of guys who have no trouble at all getting girls, just don’t know how they do it.

Work the fvck out. Work chick found you needy, fat chick finds you challenging.

 

[RestUnknown]

How to go from here with her? We still have to work together for several years, but it fvcking hurts to see her talking/having fun with others.

 

[bat soup]

How to go from here with her? We still have to work together for several years, but it fvcking hurts to see her talking/having fun with others.

The problem is that you care. You shouldn't.

 

[RestUnknown]

The problem is that you care. You shouldn't.

But I can’t, there is no other one and I don’t see anyone else in the near future, especially no one as great as her. I had a great time with her (just texting though). But it was nice, never had that before. And it hurts that she seems to be going for a six year younger guy as her just cause he’s tall and he does talk.

I’m absolutely screwed, days at work are really hell nowadays, my knees are weak as the saying goes. I honestly don’t know where to start so I can get better. My mind is just fvcked up.

 

[Lookatu]

But I can’t, there is no other one and I don’t see anyone else in the near future, especially no one as great as her. I had a great time with her (just texting though). But it was nice, never had that before. And it hurts that she seems to be going for a six year younger guy as her just cause he’s tall and he does talk.

I’m absolutely screwed, days at work are really hell nowadays, my knees are weak as the saying goes. I honestly don’t know where to start so I can get better. My mind is just fvcked up.

Bro, give us your address so we can all issue you a proper beat down. Sorry to say but that's what you need. Have you always been like this?

I know quite a few fatties that would kill for your kind of affection and attention. They would cook, clean, and have sex with you everyday if you treated them that way.

 

[bat soup]

But I can’t, there is no other one and I don’t see anyone else in the near future, especially no one as great as her. I had a great time with her (just texting though). But it was nice, never had that before. And it hurts that she seems to be going for a six year younger guy as her just cause he’s tall and he does talk.

I’m absolutely screwed, days at work are really hell nowadays, my knees are weak as the saying goes. I honestly don’t know where to start so I can get better. My mind is just fvcked up.

I think you're making her far too important. What has she done to deserve this position in your life?

 

[Lookatu]

I think you're making her far too important. What has she done to deserve this position in your life?

This dude is a prime candidate for OnlyFans. Thank Gawd he didn't fall in love with one of them or he'd be poor in many ways.

 

[RestUnknown]

Thanks all

And about that fat chick. Never replied since last Sunday and she again asked this morning if we could go out and didn’t understand why I didn’t reply.

Good thing about this is though that I now realize I kinda acted the same towards the girl I’m really interested in. Really unattractive, needy and annoying haha.

Still drink a bit when I’m out with friends but it’s really a lot less and I’m actually doing remarkably ok considering. Still hurts to see her do certain stuff and still hoping she texts me something out of the blue. But I’m not gonna initiate anymore and just keep it friendly at work. One day I’ll be over her I guess.

 

[AttackFormation]

Im so deep into the red pill i cant discern for sure between this and a troll thread... Reality starts seeming surreal. But OP, your last post convinced me you are in fact real and this is what men "on the outside" go through when they have various mindset problems that we try to fix here.

Read what the guys have told you again... You have some serious work to do on your own mind.

And stop drinking...

 

[RestUnknown]

Started reading The Rational Male again. I’m at the part about plates and I can see that would solve a lot of problems for me.

How does one start with this? Where to ’find’ them? I live in a not so densily populated area. My social skills are horrible and I don’t feel confident at all.