Breaking hearts

[Redeye]

After 2 (sometimes 3) dates you know if she's a potential LTR or not (9 times out of 10 she's not). However, after 2 (sometimes 3) dates, sex has also taken place by then.

If the sex is good, you usually go back another couple of times at least. At this point I'm finding that most women are getting kind of attached and want to know "where it's going". They ask the question which ends in the inevitable break up when you tell them how it is.

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Anyone else get this and/or have any ideas on how to deal with it?

 

[Lookatu]

If women are asking you that question after 2-3 dates then something is wrong with them. On the average, it's usually the 90 day trial period where people only begin to know if there is any LTR potential there.

If you think you're able to know LTR potential after only 2-3 dates, then you are also delusional.

I've had this mentality too before but realized a lot of guys have this false assumptions and image of how a gal is but really it's in their own minds based on ideal settings. But the reality is she only passes the intitial short term compatibility or tolerability test and that's it. It's hard to know past this how well suited she will be for a LTR until you really get to know her.

As for breaking their hearts, as long as you're not talking in LTR sense and manage their expectations, then you shouldn't be breaking their hearts.

Example: "I'm looking for a serious LTR or marriage" vs. "I'd like to find someone that I'm compatible with and hope that it will lead to a serious LTR or marriage. I know I may not find that overnight but I'm willing to date and get to know someone until that happens"

 

[Murk]

Don't make the mistake I did. I got jaded from over a year of random sex and hookups at let the first half-decent woman with a solid feminine nature come along and suck me into a relationship. I just went along with it for the sake of it. She made me feel good, loved, 18 months later I've just broken up with her and probably wasted a year of her life she could have found a provider to settle down with. I feel very guilty.

I feel a bit lost and empty now, I also invested and wasted my own time here. I won't let it go that far again unless I'm truly 100% interested and believe we have a future.

As for the initial few dates, no, I don't feel heartbreak guilt, as @Lookatu said - it's way too early for that.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Been there in my early thirties.

I went through about 5 women (dating, f.cking, etc on purpose of finding a relationship) a year for over a decade, ending up with feelings of guilt and emptiness. Guilty because most of them wanted a relationship with me, empty because i sent all of them away due to the lack of emotions i experienced with them and developed for them.

Back then i was still bluepilled and unaware that no woman would make me "happy" or "make my life great again", that there is no such thing as the "oneitis" and i thought the frequency/speed with which i went through women would make me unable to develop deep emotions.

At this point i stopped f.cking my dates just for the sake of my needs, and it was a really bad move.
This put me in a position of scarcity and into the "sniper mentality" of hunting THE ONE.
The logical outcome was that i ended up not with the best choice for me but with someone that i thought was good enough for my standards and goal to "settle down", "get serious", "man up".

Years later, after i took the red pill, i found out about the error of my ways.


Dont do it, dont feel guilty. Enjoy your life, take everything you can get and see how things develop with your dates. If it doesnt feel right, next them as you please.

 

[TonyTenner]

They aren't actually attached unless they are very low partner count. Women don't really bond until 8 months in

I've seen you say this before, where does 8 months come from?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Been there in my early thirties.

I went through about 5 women (dating, f.cking, etc on purpose of finding a relationship) a year for over a decade, ending up with feelings of guilt and emptiness. Guilty because most of them wanted a relationship with me, empty because i sent all of them away due to the lack of emotions i experienced with them and developed for them.

Back then i was still bluepilled and unaware that no woman would make me "happy" or "make my life great again", that there is no such thing as the "oneitis" and i thought the frequency/speed with which i went through women would make me unable to develop deep emotions.

At this point i stopped f.cking my dates just for the sake of my needs, and it was a really bad move.
This put me in a position of scarcity and into the "sniper mentality" of hunting THE ONE.
The logical outcome was that i ended up not with the best choice for me but with someone that i thought was good enough for my standards and goal to "settle down", "get serious", "man up".

Years later, after i took the red pill, i found out about the error of my ways.


Dont do it, dont feel guilty. Enjoy your life, take everything you can get and see how things develop with your dates. If it doesnt feel right, next them as you please.

What are you doing outside of women to make life great?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

What are you doing outside of women to make life great?

*Working on my physique, cardio and living a healthy lifestyle in general.
*Working on my independance from "the system"
*Spending time with my son and inner circle of people
*Striving to aquire wisdom and new knowledge every day
*Building/repairing things with my own hands (working in an office all day makes this fullfilling)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

*Working on my physique, cardio and living a healthy lifestyle in general.
*Working on my independance from "the system"
*Spending time with my son and inner circle of people
*Striving to aquire wisdom and new knowledge every day
*Building/repairing things with my own hands (working in an office all day makes this fullfilling)

That sounds like you got it covered. Personal growth and socialization.

 

[AttackFormation]

There was a study that showed women take 6-8 months to fall in love while men is like 2-4. You can guess how much earlier women SAY "I love you" than they mean it.

Are we talking about infatuation or love? The distinction between these seems to never be made in the anglosphere. The words exist but people don't use them, only "love".

In swedish there is a very clear distinction between crushing/keen/fond of, infatuation/smitten, and love...

But ive never even been so much as infatuated, so i cant say personally.

 

[bat soup]

The best thing is to avoid getting too involved and giving the impression that you want something serious if that's not really what you want. Avoid things like moving in together or seeing each other every day of the week and you should be able to avoid most of the drama.

 

[AttackFormation]

Love. Infatuation would come much earlier.

How can you love someone after a few months? That's infatuation/limerence, not love... And what comes earlier than that is crushing.

You guys are nuts... Love is what can only happen if you still like and care for each other after the honeymoon stage.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

How can you love someone after a few months? That's infatuation/limerence, not love... And what comes earlier than that is crushing.

You guys are nuts... Love is what can only happen if you still like and care for each other after the honeymoon stage.

When a woman tells me that she loves me after 2 months, thats a red flag for me.
It clearly indicates to me that she hasnt got a clue what love is, or she thinks i am stupid and has an urgent agenda.

Pesonal record was after 1 week and one week later she told me to f... off.

Besides that i never loved a woman again like the first girlfriend.
And i only remembered what true love feels like some months after my son was born.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I separate it. There’s love and there’s “in love”.

Love from a woman is not like you’re type of love. It’s different. I do not believe eight months to real love is anything. The proof is the longer you are together he more time she has to reduce and domesticate you if you are living together. That spells “time to breed with yummy type men again” because you are no longer the yummy type.

Now “in love” means she wants to fuk you and be around you as much as possible. It’s not love either. There’s no usable word For it in English.

Lust and infatuation. Which is useful.

 

[Trojan3000]

After 2 (sometimes 3) dates you know if she's a potential LTR or not (9 times out of 10 she's not). However, after 2 (sometimes 3) dates, sex has also taken place by then.

If the sex is good, you usually go back another couple of times at least. At this point I'm finding that most women are getting kind of attached and want to know "where it's going". They ask the question which ends in the inevitable break up when you tell them how it is.

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Anyone else get this and/or have any ideas on how to deal with it?

To be honest, and I don't mean to insinuate anyting, but when I used to have guys tell me or ask me about this kinda thing.. I found that the reality ended up being that, in fact, THEY were the ones who would feel bad when sexual relationships ended for whatever reason. So I don't just think its the women. I mean clearly, you made a post about this, saying you're feeling bad. It sounds like you're looking for an LTR ... and nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you gotta accept "im not a player anymore" or "im not ad on juan".. You want to settle down and thats perfectly normal. It seems what hurts is knowing you're not finding the right girl for that LTR.

admittedly, thats how I used to be and still am to an extent.. But I can't complain because im getting action from multiple girls who at times feel like girlfriends. do i fear **** ending? sometimes, but i dont think about it. i get more disappointed when i find a newer, hotter, better personality plate and ruin things with them before anything can really cook up. At 28 , ofc im thinknig more about settling down. Can't be a serial dater forever.

I think what you need to do is what i do and why my guys always call me a farmer is , "plant seeds". they say im always "planting seeds"...What this means, and this is ESSENTIAL in the game, in my opinion, or maybe its just me; is that no matter what, you're constantly collecting new women, whether u get their number, social media add, snapchat, etc.. you're constantly planting seeds everywhere.. that way ur actually having stuff cook up in the meanwhile, so just incase one of your plates falls, you have someone to replace her with.

 

[daproest1]

They aren't actually attached unless they are very low partner count. Women don't really bond until 8 months in

Man the low partner counts are the best ones. I regret not marrying my oneitis. We had a good run though. Over half a decade. She was a 10 who acted like a 2 around me, and I was the 4th guy she’d been with.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

After 2 (sometimes 3) dates you know if she's a potential LTR or not (9 times out of 10 she's not). However, after 2 (sometimes 3) dates, sex has also taken place by then.

If the sex is good, you usually go back another couple of times at least. At this point I'm finding that most women are getting kind of attached and want to know "where it's going". They ask the question which ends in the inevitable break up when you tell them how it is.

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Anyone else get this and/or have any ideas on how to deal with it?

That's low T. Won't end well.

I am a mercenary. I am icy as ****kk. Out for #1. Save feelers for women and small children.

Not doing it right kuz.