Crazy FR and disrespect shown. Not tolerating it.

[The Diver]

Honestly at that point I was more of a mindset of "How could a person be this rude and inconsiderate?"

I think you gave her action and words too much importance, and as a result, it affects your mindset, which in turn affect the way you reacted.

You see, you are the one who decided who is important enough in your life to have any effect on it, where it has an effect on your action, your behaviour, your state of mind, your mood, your thoughts,,,

You let a random girl get under your skin.
What is her importance in your life, what did she do to earn this kind of privilege to have that kind of effect on you? Nothing, she just chatted with you 20 minutes, visits your place for 10 minutes and you are already under her influence? Why?

I understand your desire to fvck, but look at it from a totally different angle, from a totally different mindset. And that is :
She needs to earn it !!!
She needs to earn be invited to your place for a diner !!!
Why? B'cos you're not sleeping with just any slut, she needs to prove you she worth your time. (unless you're thirsty for just any pvssy)

Yes , maybe it will take 3 dates to get there, but then she enters into your frame, your world, on your conditions.

And when she'll feel she earn it, she will respect it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have a personal rule where I'll never have dinner with anyone on the first date.
There's too much game playing and manipulation around the dynamic of food.
I think this goes back to primitive behavior where food & trust went hand in hand.

It seems like an over investment. Too much, too soon.
She hasn't earned the right to have a free dinner yet.

I don't give free dinners, they help cook it and bring the alcohol.

 

[Alphamonkey]

Honestly at that point I was more of a mindset of "How could a person be this rude and inconsiderate?" I think I was just almost in shock.

Like I couldn't even comprehend how you could do that because that thought would never enter my mind if I was invited to dinner at someone's house. In my mind I think I just took it as a very very personal insult because I am not sure if there is a way of insulting anyone any worse than that in his culture.

My Dad is in his mid 70s and he would whoop my ass if he ever found out I did something like that. That type of thing brings shame to the family and the respect for one's family is very very important.

Again I am not saying this was the best way I could have gone about it but at least that gives a little more background.

I would have done the same. I may not have been as abrasive as you but you were not wrong.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Exactly how i read the story. Being honest. Maybe OP is not a good writer in his points i dont know but i do know being calm is a much better route with women especially if a hard boundary is not crossed.

I think the post about how this is interpreted from the point of view in the dual culture environment I was raised in is valid. It is a very personal insult in that culture to leave after coming over for dinner without eating. Very personal.

So in the moment it was hard for me to disassociate from that because it was how I was raised. I know I shouldn't have reacted as aggressively as I did but deeply ingrained cultural norms are hard to brush aside like that especially when it all happened so fast unexpectedly.

 

[Lookatu]

I have a personal rule where I'll never have dinner with anyone on the first date.
There's too much game playing and manipulation around the dynamic of food.
I think this goes back to primitive behavior where food & trust went hand in hand.

It seems like an over investment. Too much, too soon.
She hasn't earned the right to have a free dinner yet.

I agree. First dates should always be the lowest investment possible in both time/money/effort initially. Usually I'll start off with a coffee date or a walk in the park but if it goes really well, then she advances to the next stage, either on the next date or within the same date.

It's just like chatting on OLD. I'll start with the minimum and if I feel like she's not making an equal effort in carrying a conversation. I don't proceed and unmatch her.

These h0es gotta earn your company and investment. No free handouts.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Understandable on a cultural level. Which culture is that?

Turkish

 

[bat soup]

Tell her to come over when she wants a good spanking

 

[bat soup]

Turkish

Now it all makes sense. She's probably saving her virginty for marriage or some bs like that. On your next date, expect to meet her grandmother.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Now it all makes sense. She's probably saving her virginty for marriage or some bs like that. On your next date, expect to meet her grandmother.

Reading comprehension isn't one of your strong suits apparently

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

OP, you did right by yourself in defending your time, but that anger is hurting you at every step. Women fear angry men. Fear helps in control, but you have to install other elements of control before fear, or else it does not work.... Like a fear of losing you, that is a fear you can play upon, but this? Please don't ever do this again OP, all you need to do is just accept whatever she is telling you and move on, tell her you understand.

Also, I will say, posing additional questions to her concession that she was not ready, only pushed her further away. For me, when a woman is trying to leave a date early, I will just completely stop talking and give her the silent treatment until she leaves... Why? Because my feelings are unclear to her, this creates attraction.