Learning to become Alpha after being cheated on (long story)

[TB24]

Them having to "earn" another males interest is due to the fact he has other options and he doesn't need her to do anything. His life provides him his natural resting position. He doesn't sweat any female.

I spoke to him several times after the affair. He was/is actually married (+child) as well. He lied to my wife about that and she lied to him about me. He left his family and hoped/thought he was starting an LTR with my wife. I'm sure, she considered replacing me with him in the beginning.

It's clear to me that at this point (Feb/Mar) she had finally given up on me/us. If the story stops here and I'd tell you about it, your response would have been: Your fault! You've been a lazy chump and therefore your wife replaced you.

Lets figure this out. How does a man whose married have an awesome life and an awesome sex life?

What do you mean? Can you explain that in more detail?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I spoke to him several times after the affair. He was/is actually married (+child) as well. He lied to my wife about that and she lied to him about me. He left his family and hoped/thought he was starting an LTR with my wife. I'm sure, she considered replacing me with him in the beginning.

It's clear to me that at this point (Feb/Mar) she had finally given up on me/us. If the story stops here and I'd tell you about it, your response would have been: Your fault! You've been a lazy chump and therefore your wife replaced you.



What do you mean? Can you explain that in more detail?

Most married men are not having exciting lives as a married. How can we as men take matters in our own hands and change that?

That's crazy about the other married men told her a bunch of lies to get what He wants. They always do! It's Part of the shyt sandwhich. It's also "WEAK" that he was going to leave his wife for yours. The cheaters don't realize the intensity of cheating in an affair is gone once your together as a couple. Now you have to face reality.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Most married men are not having exciting lives as a married. How can we as men take matters in our own hands and change that?

That's crazy about the other married men told her a bunch of lies to get what He wants. They always do! It's Part of the shyt sandwhich. It's also "WEAK" that he was going to leave his wife for yours. The cheaters don't realize the intensity of cheating in an affair is gone once your together as a couple. Now you have to face reality.

I'll never be able to comprehend how people leave their families for an affair/fling. Make a clean cut and allow your children to have a transitition period, so they don't have to witness their stupid parents' imbecile behavior. But just deciding to go with your "heart" and not telling anyone about it is just being a f*cking prick - this goes for men and women alike.

 

[metalwater]

I‘m just too curious to see how this develops when I continue to improve.

this will cause you to make the largest improvements ever in your life; so in that way and that way only it is a good thing.

you can not improve enough to solve this the way you want it solved. the only way this works out is if you did not care; but then you would not care.

deep down what you want has already been lost with this one.

you can improve enough to get submission. never enough to believe it; for this case.

 

[Spaz]

After reading ur responses here, even with you mentioning that you're been more manly, more masculine, more "alpha", your mindset is that ur wife is the Prize - its firmly embedded.

When women naturally knows deep in their bones, that ultimately, men are the Prize.

Because of that mindset, it influences how you act in real life and that contradicts how women naturally want their men, even when they say otherwise.

A PRIZE of a man, will never yield to an unfaithful wife, will never tolerate ideas of 3somes, will never even consider discussion in how to be together after his women cheated with another man, he will DISMISS her immediately.

He might be sad, hurt, and hv a host of other emotions that he has lost a family BUT this is the way of man, this he cannot and must never lose.

A man who acts like a PRIZE, will inadvertently influence how women behaves around him.

I do not need to say nor negotiate with my women if they do cheat, they already know they will be dismissed.

Even talking to another man regularly on social media, I will take it as she wants a dismissal and would give it to her.

This is the attitude of a boss.

 

[TB24]

You are totally right, Spaz, with everything you said. This is how it should be and how it probably would have been if I'd been red pill like 15 years ago. Red pill literature states how important it is to control the frame right from the start. I did not do this. Hell, when I think about it, I never controlled my own frame ever.

That's why it's so hard for me to execute that radical move of separating from her. 42 years of living without frame. Putting every really attractive girlfriend on a pedestal (which caused them to leave). LTRs before my wife have had a significantly lower SMV than I had. I didn't put them on a pedestral. Relationships worked, but I ended them because I didn't find them attractive enough.

The last 12 years have been so lopsided. And the most annoying aspect is that this was all so unneccissary. I always had the tools (looks, status, money, willpower, intelligence) to be a man, any wife/girlfriend would be afraid to lose. Instead of being and acting confident, I was putting her on a pedestal (see attractive girlfriends above), watching porn and leaving every single decision to her. Not only didn't I not have a vision for our relationship, I didn't have any vision at all. She even took care that I apply for the job I have today and that I register for the gym. I was hesitant, because it would reduce the time I could help her with the chores. While the Titanic was steering towards an iceberg, I was busy cleaning the railing. When I came home from work, I was picking up the kids from their respective activities, doing chores and asking what to buy from the supermarket. I was doing what a good wife is supposed to do...

That f.ck buddy said to me: I don't understand why she cheated on you. You have everything a woman like her should ever want. And you're such a nice guy! (And we all know that being that nice guy was a big part of the problem.)

That's why I have difficulties in seing her as the one who needs to be punished for her behavior. Deep down, I don't see what she did as a misbehavior towards her husband. Because I never was an actual husband/man (and we all know this). I was a wife. And later, a wife with a beer belly. And her behavior is not a misbehavior but the very exact and predictable behavior that you get in return. One of only two logical consequences (the other one would have been leaving me).

That's no excuse for her behavior. It's more like I see myself and no one other in an active role for my wellbeing. All other beings (including my wife, my kids or my dog) merely react to my actions. Does this reflect the concept of mental point of origin?

The paragraphs about reaping what you sow may sound as whiny self-pity. But that's not how I feel about it. Rather I see so much untapped potential. I pushed the wrong buttons, so I got the wrong results. Now I ask you to help me to push the right buttons. I don't want to replace the whole machine yet.

Being hopelessly in love with your own wife is adorable.... and being terrified of losing your family is understandable... but, both emotions give wives far more power than they can responsibly handle; like giving a ten year old birthday boy an M60 machine gun, instead of a BB gun, it's just a countdown to tragedy.

I fully agree. And I notice a shift inside me. Was it like 'I can't imagine living without her' half a year ago, it's now more like 'I really, really would rather fix this'. I understand that it's all about knowing that you're able to stand up and burst a bad deal - or you will get one. That doesn't neccessarily mean that you will actually stand up and go. I know that I have to develop such a mentality. However, this is a process. It doesn't happen overnight.

If you can't convince your wife that you're as steady and essential to her life as the sunrise, you need to make yourself as temperamental and welcome as Kansas rain. Let the bulk of the emotional need and fear of loss weigh down her side of the love scale, or you will be a very unhappy man.

I'm not sure if I fully understood this metaphor (english is not my native language). Can you elaborate on this? Are there single day-to-day actions that you (or others) can suggest?

Just remember that in any situation, one person is always more fearful of losing the other, and right now that still sounds like you.

Let's try to change it!

 

[Spaz]

You are totally right, Spatz, with everything you said. This is how it should be and how it probably would have been if I'd been red pill like 15 years ago. Red pill literature states how important it is to control the frame right from the start. I did not do this. Hell, when I think about it, I never controlled my own frame ever.

That's why it's so hard for me to execute that radical move of separating from her. 42 years of living without frame. Putting every really attractive girlfriend on a pedestal (which caused them to leave). LTRs before my wife have had a significantly lower SMV than I had. I didn't put them on a pedestral. Relationships worked, but I ended them because I didn't find them attractive enough.

The last 12 years have been so lopsided. And the most annoying aspect is that this was all so unneccissary. I always had the tools (looks, status, money, willpower, intelligence) to be a man, any wife/girlfriend would be afraid to lose. Instead of being and acting confident, I was putting her on a pedestal (see attractive girlfriends above), watching porn and leaving every single decision to her. Not only didn't I not have a vision for our relationship, I didn't have any vision at all. She even took care that I apply for the job I have today and that I register for the gym. I was hesitant, because it would reduce the time I could help her with the chores. While the Titanic was steering towards an iceberg, I was busy cleaning the railing. When I came home from work, I was picking up the kids from their respective activities, doing chores and asking what to buy from the supermarket. I was doing what a good wife is supposed to do...

That f.ck buddy said to me: I don't understand why she cheated on you. You have everything a woman like her should ever want. And you're such a nice guy! (And we all know that being that nice guy was a big part of the problem.)

That's why I have difficulties in seing her as the one who needs to be punished for her behavior. Deep down, I don't see what she did as a misbehavior towards her husband. Because I never was an actual husband/man (and we all know this). I was a wife. And later, a wife with a beer belly. And her behavior is not a misbehavior but the very exact and predictable behavior that you get in return. One of only two logical consequences (the other one would have been leaving me).

That's no excuse for her behavior. It's more like I see myself and no one other in an active role for my wellbeing. All other beings (including my wife, my kids or my dog) merely react to my actions. Does this reflect the concept of mental point of origin?

The paragraphs about reaping what you sow may sound as whiny self-pity. But that's not how I feel about it. Rather I see so much untapped potential. I pushed the wrong buttons, so I got the wrong results. Now I ask you to help me to push the right buttons. I don't want to replace the whole machine yet.


I fully agree. And I notice a shift inside me. Was it like 'I can't imagine living without her' half a year ago, it's now more like 'I really, really would rather fix this'. I understand that it's all about knowing that you're able to stand up and burst a bad deal - or you will get one. That doesn't neccessarily mean that you will actually stand up and go. I know that I have to develop such a mentality. However, this is a process. It doesn't happen overnight.


I'm not sure if I fully understood this metaphor (english is not my native language). Can you elaborate on this? Are there single day-to-day actions that you (or others) can suggest?


Let's try to change it!

With what you're just posted here, it looks like you are in need of more suffering..

Once a woman has lost respect for her man, it is gone, there's no turning back the clock.

For women, love = admiration + respect.

She doesn't admire you that's why she has cheated and will continue doing so.

When she doesn't admire her man, she will no longer respect him, that's why she asks for a 3some, knowing full well that this is something that CANNOT be asked from a husband.

She is gone, even if she says she loves you, etc, it is all a lie. Beware, she might even believe the lie herself, because that lie is a make believe worldview/narrative.

You mentioned that u r in management, I seriously doubt that u r managing business operations or something along the lines of manufacturing, you'd be fired a long time ago by someone like me.

To me, you hv neither the leadership skills nor the backbone when needed and I'd have no use for men like you working under me, this is how subconsciously how ur wife feels, its instinctual for her.

Move on, seldom, well almost never, hv I ever asked a married man to cut his LOSES and move on.

 

[Spaz]

What a man tolerates, he encourages.

Ideally, a woman should be too terrified of losing you, to even entertain thoughts of betraying you.

A woman should look like she will die of humiliation, if she ever allows a fart to slip in your presence. The woman sending a man pics of her bowel movements has zero respect for the man. The man who treasures such pics, as if they were the works of Ansel Adams, has no self-respect.

The OP has been living so long feeling like his wife's eunuch roommate that he thinks that what looks transparently, to everyone else, like an orbiter desperately jumping at the opportunity to be his dream girl's probationary fuuck buddy, is a promotion from husband. I'm sorry, but this just looks like a guy competing for the position of bottom biitch, in his own wife's heram, hoping that his perch as bestie/roomy/confidant will give him an edge in the contest.

Being hopelessly in love with your own wife is adorable.... and being terrified of losing your family is understandable... but, both emotions give wives far more power than they can responsibly handle; like giving a ten year old birthday boy an M60 machine gun, instead of a BB gun, it's just a countdown to tragedy. If you can't convince your wife that you're as steady and essential to her life as the sunrise, you need to make yourself as temperamental and welcome as Kansas rain. Let the bulk of the emotional need and fear of loss weigh down her side of the love scale, or you will be a very unhappy man.

It's his mindset.

He has read all the books of red pill, even learned from rollo a thing or 2, something I've yet to do and yet he is still the same.

Boggles the mind how the feminine imperative has dug deep into this man's subconscious.

 

[Spaz]

Yes. Until he's willing to give her up there's zero hope. She'll never accept responsibility, if he won't give it to her....if then.

His frame is still very much the framework of the feminine imperative.

If it remains the same, then he has assured himself a 100% guaranteed rate of failure.

All these sad cases has a cure but just as those bpd chicken men, they give permission to women to run them over and all they actually needed was some balls. That's all.

 

[fastlife]

@TB24 First, props on taking responsibility. Right now everyone's dogging on you, but you did what you did, your wife did what she did, and here we are. No use beating yourself up about the past. That sh1t's done. What matters is what you do from here.

The good news is you can change who you are. Your "identity"--who you think you are, how you behave--is fluid. You are just who you've practiced being up to this point. You can replace unproductive thoughts and unproductive behaviors with new ones. You can build new mindsets. But it's not gonna happen overnight. You're up against 40+ years of habits, conditioned beliefs, emotional loops, thought patterns, and changing that will take time. In fact, you'll need to make a commitment to yourself for the rest of your life to be who you want to be.

The easy solution is to leave. It's way easier to forge a new identity and establish frame with people who don't have a past frame of reference. And, realistically, I don't think your wife, from what you've written, will ever be a good fit for monogamous investment--with you or anyone. That's just not who she is. Most girls aren't--and most guys wouldn't be either if they had actionable options.

But we're not talking fairy tales. And you have four very strong motivators not to blow up the household. That's way outside of my scope and I can't pretend to give you that advice if I don't have to live with the consequences. But, whether you crawl back into you complacency and tow the line or take the journey toward self actualization, which will rock the boat, there's a good chance this relationship fails regardless. So you need to come to terms with that and prepare accordingly.

So here's my advice:

1. Consult a divorce attorney and start building a case. Whether you pull the plug or not, you might not have a choice later on. Get proof of infidelity and be ready to file first.
2. Take care of your body and your mind. Keep working out, keep eating right, keep off the porn. A relationship is a chemical addiction--so much of your dopamine response gets conditioned to your partner--so you need to find new ways to fill those responses and to limit your dependence on your wife.
3. Start meditating. Can't recommend this enough. No matter what happens, you need to start detaching from the situation and learning how to maintain your thoughts and emotions. At the very least, it will help you deal with the kids. Go in depth on that here.
4. Start meeting other women. Regardless of how things shake out, you need to have options. Talking to girls is a skill set, just like any other--it's something you can practice. You don't have to sleep with them, just push things as far as you're comfortable with. Hell, just saying hey is better than nothing.
5. Make yourself scarce. Get out of the house. I don't care if everything in your city is shut down, drive somewhere for a couple hours. You need time away from your wife to figure out what you're about--you're still very much in her frame.
6. Focus on what YOU want and practice saying NO. Depending on your relationship dynamics with your wife, this might rock the boat a little but fvck it, so does sleeping with other dudes. You might have to start small, but take some time throughout the day to ask yourself, "What do I want to do?" And do it. On the flip side, if your wife asks you to do something you don't feel like doing, tell her no--and stand your ground. As you get more comfortable calling shots, start making bigger moves--hell, it might mean pursuing a job you actually want to do, consequence-be-damned.
7. Be the man you want your children to look up to. Think about your son, do you want him to end up where you are? Your daughters, are you the kind of man they can look up to? Bro, you're 100% the biggest male influence they'll have in their lives. Right now, can you look yourself in the mirror and say you're the guy you want them to pattern their future behaviors/choices/expectations after?
8. Own your desires. You mention vanilla sex and porn. Chances are you're into a lot of stuff you haven't had the balls to do IRL. Own that sh1t. If you're wife's not about it, another girl will be.

That should at least be a start. Whether it fixes things with your wife or not, it'll be good practice for whatever's next. That might be leaving your wife, opening up your marriage, whatever. Frankly, I don't care what you do as long as you're doing it for yourself and not selling yourself short.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@TB24 First, props on taking responsibility. Right now everyone's dogging on you, but you did what you did, your wife did what she did, and here we are. No use beating yourself up about the past. That sh1t's done. What matters is what you do from here.

The good news is you can change who you are. Your "identity"--who you think you are, how you behave--is fluid. You just are who you've practiced being up to this point. You can replace unproductive thoughts and unproductive behaviors with new ones. You can build new mindsets. But it's not gonna happen overnight. You're up against 40+ years of habits, conditioned beliefs, emotional loops, thought patterns, and changing that will take time. In fact, you'll need to make a commitment to yourself for the rest of your life to be who you want to be.

The easy solution is to leave. It's way easier to forge a new identity and establish frame with people who don't have a past frame of reference. And, realistically, I don't think your wife, from what you've written, will ever be a good fit for monogamous investment--with you or anyone. That's just not who she is. Most girls aren't--and most guys wouldn't be either if they had actionable options.

But we're not talking fairy tales. And you have four very strong motivators not to blow up the household. That's way outside of my scope and I can't pretend to give you that advice if I don't have to live with the consequences. But, whether you crawl back into you complacency and tow the line or take the journey toward self actualization, which will rock the boat, there's a good chance this relationship fails regardless. So you need to come to terms with that and prepare accordingly.

So here's my advice:

1. Consult a divorce attorney and start building a case. Whether you pull the plug or not, you might not have a choice later on. Get proof of infidelity and be ready to file first.
2. Take care of your body and your mind. Keep working out, keep eating right, keep off the porn. A relationship is a chemical addiction--so much of your dopamine response gets conditioned to your partner--so you need to find new ways to fill those responses and to limit your dependence on your wife.
3. Start meditating. Can't recommend this enough. No matter what happens, you need to start detaching from the situation and learning how to maintain your thoughts and emotions. At the very least, it will help you deal with the kids. Go in depth on that here.
4. Start meeting other women. Regardless of how things shake out, you need to have options. Talking to girls is a skill set, just like any other--it's something you can practice. You don't have to sleep with them, just push things as far as you're comfortable with. Hell, just saying hey is better than nothing.
5. Make yourself scarce. Get out of the house. I don't care if everything in your city is shut down, drive somewhere for a couple hours. You need time away from your wife to figure out what you're about--you're still very much in her frame.
6. Focus on what YOU want and practice saying NO. Depending on your relationship dynamics with your wife, this might rock the boat a little but fvck it, so does sleeping with other dudes. You might have to start small, but take some time throughout the day to ask yourself, "What do I want to do?" And do it. On the flip side, if your wife asks you to do something you don't feel like doing, tell her no--and stand your ground. As you get more comfortable calling shots, start making bigger moves--hell, it might mean pursuing a job you actually want to do, consequence-be-damned.
7. Be the man you want your children to look up to. Think about your son, do you want him to end up where you are? Your daughters, are you the kind of man they can look up to? Bro, you're 100% the biggest male influence they'll have in their lives. Right now, can you look yourself in the mirror and say you're the guy you want them to pattern their future behaviors/choices/expectations after?
8. Own your desires. You mention vanilla sex and porn. Chances are you're into a lot of stuff you haven't had the balls to do IRL. Own that sh1t. If you're wife's not about it, another girl will be.

That should at least be a start. Whether it fixes things with your wife or not, it'll be good practice for whatever's next. That might be leaving your wife, opening up your marriage, whatever. Frankly, I don't care what you do as long as you're doing it for yourself and not selling yourself short.

He can change his image and most of his identity but it will not change her. He's already in the gym like a hurricane at an insane 3-5hrs a day. His wife will do more than vanilla sex, just not with him. She's fvcking and sucking the other guy in the car in passionate sex romps. It's much faster to get cleaner, tighter and stronger by removing narcs, gaslighters and backstabbers. ( his wife ). It's a huge distraction to deal with it.

 

[fastlife]

He can change his image and most of his identity but it will not change her. He's already in the gym like a hurricane at an insane 3-5hrs a day. His wife will do more than vanilla sex, just not with him. She's fvcking and sucking the other guy in the car in passionate sex romps. It's much faster to get cleaner, tighter and stronger by removing narcs, gaslighters and backstabbers. ( his wife ). It's a huge distraction to deal with it.

None of this has anything to do with his wife.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

None of this has anything to do with his wife.

The story for TB24 is a 12 yr age gap. "Acceptable" sex. Find out she had a fvck buddy the last three months who she's excited enough to fvck in the car.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I actually agree strongly with @ShePays on his perspective in this thread. But my take is more akin to the thoughts that @fastlife related...nice to see you by the way (tip of the cap).

The wife in my estimation is a master manipulator and likely a full blown narcissist. I agree also this is a character issue. She is of dubious character which is problematic. While @TB24 may be able to salvage the marriage/family he cannot do it by himself. If he is willing to accept her past that’s his business. If he’s willing to forgive her transgressions to this point that’s his business too. But moving forward he must be large and IN CHARGE. Unless she sees the error of her ways and faces real consequences vis a vis the family she’s unlikely to defer the leadership role to him. She has herself rather well set up and it’s a pickle.

So I agree HE must decide what HE WANTS. If he wants the marriage then he’s got to lead and require compliance OR ELSE and the OR ELSE has to have teeth within the relationship AND he has to continue to go through his own personal journey independent of her.

I agree he must be willing to walk away. Truly. Only in that willingness does he have any power. And his power may arise from her desire to maintain her image rather than her desire for him. So as Fastlife said things may very well come unraveled anyway.

This is no small feat. If she wants the marriage and family to work and be anything other than a shallow facade to show the general public/family/friends/anyone not party to the marriage then she will get on board with him. I’m concerned she won’t get on board. Which leads us back to what does he do then, which is why HIS needs, wants and desires (independent of hers) are so important.

I am supportive of salvaging the family but not at the expense of his masculinity and self respect as a man. I also know how hard it is to leave someone you deeply love. I’ve been through that recently myself. But ones self respect at the end of the day is all we have as human beings. If you don’t value yourself don’t expect someone else to.

The book I suggested to OP is by a man adept at working through these types of issues with married couples. I’m supportive of looking at every option & tool in the toolbox.

Cheers Gents

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Advice from the old lady:

I actually agree strongly with @ShePays on his perspective in this thread. But my take is more akin to the thoughts that @fastlife related...nice to see you by the way (tip of the cap).

The wife in my estimation is a master manipulator and likely a full blown narcissist. I agree also this is a character issue. She is of dubious character which is problematic. While @TB24 may be able to salvage the marriage/family he cannot do it by himself. If he is willing to accept her past that’s his business. If he’s willing to forgive her transgressions to this point that’s his business too. But moving forward he must be large and IN CHARGE. Unless she sees the error of her ways and faces real consequences vis a vis the family she’s unlikely to defer the leadership role to him. She has herself rather well set up and it’s a pickle.

So I agree HE must decide what HE WANTS. If he wants the marriage then he’s got to lead and require compliance OR ELSE and the OR ELSE has to have teeth within the relationship AND he has to continue to go through his own personal journey independent of her.

I agree he must be willing to walk away. Truly. Only in that willingness does he have any power. And his power may arise from her desire to maintain her image rather than her desire for him. So as Fastlife said things may very well come unraveled anyway.

This is no small feat. If she wants the marriage and family to work and be anything other than a shallow facade to show the general public/family/friends/anyone not party to the marriage then she will get on board with him. I’m concerned she won’t get on board. Which leads us back to what does he do then, which is why HIS needs, wants and desires (independent of hers) are so important.

I am supportive of salvaging the family but not at the expense of his masculinity and self respect as a man. I also know how hard it is to leave someone you deeply love. I’ve been through that recently myself. But ones self respect at the end of the day is all we have as human beings. If you don’t value yourself don’t expect someone else to.

The book I suggested to OP is by a man adept at working through these types of issues with married couples. I’m supportive of looking at every option & tool in the toolbox.

Cheers Gents

How likely is it she will make a committed effort to save her marriage vs maintaining her lies, her lifestyle, her EGO. One thing i learned the hard way is when they built up a EGO off doing you dirty they won't release it on their own. You'd literally have to torture it out of them.

 

[BeExcellent]

How likely is it she will make a committed effort to save her marriage vs maintaining her lies, her lifestyle, her EGO. One thing i learned the hard way is when they built up a EGO off doing you dirty they won't release it on their own. You'd literally have to torture it out of them.

Only the OP can answer that. He knows all the details. If she feels threatened she might turn on him. I have a close male friend that happened to. Gorgeous and I mean GORGEOUS Kiwi wife. Fvcked up as all get out. She fried him after 23 years of marriage...and she was more screwed up than the wife OP is married to.

This is what concerns me. Not sure he realizes what he’s dealing with.

I hope we are all wrong. But I doubt it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Only the OP can answer that. He knows all the details. If she feels threatened she might turn on him. I have a close male friend that happened to. Gorgeous and I mean GORGEOUS Kiwi wife. Fvcked up as all get out. She fried him after 23 years of marriage...and she was more screwed up than the wife OP is married to.

This is what concerns me. Not sure he realizes what he’s dealing with.

I hope we are all wrong. But I doubt it.

I took in my lying lizard to marriage counseling at her behest because after all those years of a bad situation by her choice she knew she was right and knew the female marriage counselor would side with her. It didn't take long in the conversation for the counselor to say "this isn't going to work"... Because she could see the monster in her which had grown all tjose years.

 

[TB24]

Ladies and Gentlemen, before I continue in this discussion, I want to say this:

Thank you all! I'm overwhelmed by your support. It feels so good to see that you care about me and give me your honest advice. That you share your thoughts and your personal experiences (good and bad). It feels great to know that there is a whole community that understand my situation.

My head is in a mess for like half a year. My whole life has turned upside down. What I took for granted is not there anymore and actually never was at all. My attitudes, believes, values,... all change. It's exiting to notice how I change from the outside and - slowly - from the inside. But it's also scary. Very scary.

I don't know how my life will look like in a year. I'm not where most of you are in terms of knowing and asserting what I want. But your support makes my confidence grow that I do not have to fear. Again, thank you! Your contributions to this thread (as well as via direct messages) mean a lot to me and help me tremendously!

 

[Spaz]

It takes a "whole village" to train a "boy" into a man.

And u r only a man when an accomplished man recognises you as one, never a woman, remember that.

 

[derby1]

trust you got a paternity test on each kid?