Girl I'm seeing called me out for living with parents....

[AwlaysFukedUp]

She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

 

[HyenaPrince]

She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

Man, never apologize or feel ambivalent about supporting your family. Family ALWAYS comes first. If she can't deal with it, it's her bad. You seem to be a good guy with ideals. If she wants to build this narrative in her head that a man shouldn't live with his parents/mother, you can't do sh*t about it. You can't rationalize her expectations away. It will catch up with you. There is no win-win situation here.

She's the type of woman that doesn't value family as much as you do. If she were, she would love you even more for helping your mom out. Enjoy the time with her and then cut her out when she starts nagging too much - which will definitely happen sooner or later.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

Then that is the beginning of the end for you. Just the way you justified yourself and explained yourself to her and felt the need to tell her how much money you make and also how much money you have saved. That's a bad way to go. You are pandering to her and trying to "talk her into" not seeing you as a a loser or broke or whatever. And you are now living in a state of fear that she will dump you over it. The second women smell that kind of fear, they dry up and run away as fast as they can. She should be the one afraid that you might leave, not the other way around. This whole thing started because you were insecure about your living situation and tried to cover it up. It wasn't the lie she is upset about, it was the insecurity that caused you to lie about your room-mate that turns her off. Your later admitting you lied because you didn't want her to judge you is more of the same fear and weakness that women hate. A good, high-value man is never worried about a woman not liking him. He is only worried about whether he is going to like her.

I'm not trying to be critical of you at all - I'm trying to say that you are seeing this from the wrong angle. You need total confidence and no fear. You need to be in your frame, not hers. Even her little quip about, "it doesn't bother me enough to stop seeing you" just makes me cringe. My response would have been to look extremely amused at her when she said that, like, "Oh, WOW, well THAT'S a big relief! I'll be able to sleep tonight now!" Her saying that to you clearly communicates she feels she is in the driver's seat and is calling the shots, and that you are solidly on the hook as long as she wants you and she is under no risk or fear of you leaving. That doesn't do good things for attraction.

 

[AttackFormation]

Then that is the beginning of the end for you. Just the way you justified yourself and explained yourself to her and felt the need to tell her how much money you make and also how much money you have saved. That's a bad way to go. You are pandering to her and trying to "talk her into" not seeing you as a a loser or broke or whatever. And you are now living in a state of fear that she will dump you over it. The second women smell that kind of fear, they dry up and run away as fast as they can. She should be the one afraid that you might leave, not the other way around. This whole thing started because you were insecure about your living situation and tried to cover it up. It wasn't the lie she is upset about, it was the insecurity that caused you to lie about your room-mate that turns her off. Your later admitting you lied because you didn't want her to judge you is more of the same fear and weakness that women hate. A good, high-value man is never worried about a woman not liking him. He is only worried about whether he is going to like her.

I'm not trying to be critical of you at all - I'm trying to say that you are seeing this from the wrong angle. You need total confidence and no fear. You need to be in your frame, not hers. Even her little quip about, "it doesn't bother me enough to stop seeing you" just makes me cringe. My response would have been to look extremely amused at her when she said that, like, "Oh, WOW, well THAT'S a big relief! I'll be able to sleep tonight now!" Her saying that to you clearly communicates she feels she is in the driver's seat and is calling the shots, and that you are solidly on the hook as long as she wants you and she is under no risk or fear of you leaving. That doesn't do good things for attraction.

This 100% OP. Read it over twice and take it in.

 

[Robert28]

She wants you to buy a house so she can move in and play house with you. But make no mistake, only YOUR name will be on the mortgage and bills. She’s just living rent free. I’m 37 and I’ve lived with ONE woman in my life. Never again.

 

[corrector]

She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

You made the right judgment call and I would probably do the same thing in your position because it is a stigma to live with your parents to these women and you want to give her a chance to know you before coming to a rash judgment. You've got some mileage over her and if the relationship goes south, you are all the better for it in the end rather than if she dumped you from the get-go. You should take this for what it is, it's your life, and make peace with the fact that you've ALREADY got what you wanted out of her and anything else is a bonus from this point forward.

Moving forward, you should provide more background about how you are with ladies before posting in threads like this. Is this the first girl you ever dated or got into a relationship with? Did you get rejected by a girl before because of your living situation? How did you meet this girl? Do you have an easy time meeting new girls or have a social network?

I don't think people should be giving you advice off the bat to make you feel bad about this, especially if she is your first love. There is one advice you give to a DJ, and another advice you give if you are incel/nearcel and this is the only break you've had in a while. I feel if you are that insecure, then maybe it's because you don't have that much experience with woman and this is the first lady that took you on in a serious way. You can't really make a mistake in these type of scenarios but just gain experience.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I’ll be blunt:

No matter what your excuse, reason, or salary, women simply don’t respect a single man without his own place. This will be a fact for every woman you talk to. It’s only a matter of how long she is willing to tolerate it. Her mind will rationalize it as a “temporary“ living arrangement. As soon as she accepts the truth she will be gone.

Women need to feel like they are entering the man’s world. Not vice versa. OP, your polarity is all messed up. No women feels comfortable only seeing a guy at her own place. She’s building resentment every time you go there.

 

[AttackFormation]

I’ll be blunt:

No matter what your excuse, reason, or salary, women simply don’t respect a single man without his own place. This will be a fact for every woman you talk to. It’s only a matter of how long she is willing to tolerate it. Her mind will rationalize it as a “temporary“ living arrangement. As soon as she accepts the truth she will be gone.

Women need to feel like they are entering the man’s world. Not vice versa. OP, your polarity is all messed up. No women feels comfortable only seeing a guy at her own place. She’s building resentment every time you go there.

I think they have less respect for a man who is too weak and fearful of her to have and live by his own principles and judgement. I also think a man who demonstrates that he doesnt need her validation will come off as strong enough to make her respect him at a basic level anyway. Strength is the most fundamental thing women need to perceive to feel respect for a man, not any particular living situation.

I disagree with this paragraph. My fwb for example has no problems with me coming over to her place, in fact she wants me to be there. Not had any problems in the past either.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

When I first read the OP I went “Wait...What???” because it does reek of backpedaling and who the hell is this woman to question you looking after your mother...

I know personally two men, both single, successful, great looking and both very experienced and savvy with women who live with and care for aging parents. One has his father on his property in a casita the other his mother lives in the completely renovated full basement of his home. Both these men built out space to house a parent. Taking care of a parent is no picnic. Often the parents are difficult, demanding and ungrateful. These two men are exemplary sons. I deeply respect them both for their sense of duty and service/loyalty to family.

I see @corrector ‘s viewpoint as well regarding the OP and that may in fact be what is going on...but I think the OP must be unapologetic about his commitment to his family. Both of the men I mentioned are straight up straightaway with women they are seeing that the deal is they care for an aging parent and that has some inherent constraints. Both will kick women who can’t get on board with it to the curb. But both these men as I noted have lots of experience with women and no patience whatsoever for BS.

I’d suggest OP develop a similar attitude. What I don’t like which @oldmanofthesea mentioned is an attitude that is supplicating to the brand new GF of 3 months. She is NOT in charge here.

Grab your nuts and fast or you are going to be an emasculated man on a leash. I know that may seem harsh, especially if OP is not a player knee deep in women, but you are the MAN, you are in charge and you gotta do what is right for you and your family.

It almost feels like she (the GF) is shaming the OP. Oh hell no. Don’t allow that. Not for a NY second.

Ok rant over.

 

[AttackFormation]

It's better for the power dynamic if she is coming to your place (your "lair").

I don't think so. I think youre fighting windmills.

 

[zekko]

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be...

Don't build it up in your head, as they say: Don't come up with reasons for a girl to reject you, let them do that. If she's going to build it up in her head, let her do it. Some women will see this as a sign of weakness, but taking care of your parents is admirable so if she can't deal with it, then you've dodged a bullet. But things sound fine for now, so don't make it into a big deal yourself.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I think they have less respect for a man who is too weak and fearful of her to have and live by his own principles and judgement. I also think a man who demonstrates that he doesnt need her validation will come off as strong enough to make her respect him at a basic level anyway. Strength is the most fundamental thing women need to perceive to feel respect for a man, not any particular living situation.

Yes, of course. However, I’m talking in the most basic instinctual level. A “strong man” isn’t strong in her eyes if at 30 he still lives with momma. That’s just the reality.

I disagree with this paragraph. My fwb for example has no problems with me coming over to her place, in fact she wants me to be there. Not had any problems in the past either.

It is all about polarity. There is nothing wrong with going to her place or calling her. Point is - she should being doing more of it than vice versa. The only exception being the very start of the dating process.

 

[AttackFormation]

It is all about polarity. There is nothing wrong with going to her place or calling her. Point is - she should being doing more of it than vice versa. The only exception being the very start of the dating process.

I still disagree, but thats fine. My intention was just to present the other viewpoint and agree to disagree.

You're in her territory where she makes the rules and she can kick you out if you don't follow them. It's bad for your frame.

You can simply be ready to walk away any time you feel disrespected, it doesnt matter where you are. Personally I enjoy going into their territory, it lets me feel and show assertion and confidence in making myself at home which I enjoy and I think they like as well.

 

[Who Dares Win]

The problems is that you are in an unwanted condition and such condition cant be defended even with the best rhetoric or oral skills.
We all know that living with parents after 25 sucks and this is a problem for you even before than for her.

Thats like a woman who got railed from many dudes and tries to convince you that its no big deal while its obvious that it is.

 

[Spaz]

Next time any women asks you why u r staying at ur mom's or why u r driving an old Benz, just say because you can.

And if she still continues, tell her, she can either follow you or leave right now, either way you don't mind.

Remember, as a man in a relationship, u r the boss.

A boss doesn't need to explain himself.

It is you who sets the standard.

(BTW you did right by staying with ur mom)

 

[dude99]

She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

Relationship is waaaaay to new to get this serious.

She pried into your private life and then clammed up when you told her you spotted her trust issues. You never have to explain your private life to a girl you have just started seeing. Never. Your situation is none of her business yet. Your finances are none of
Her business. Your savings (which you should never have told her what you have. Women plan and feel entitled to take your savings when they learn what you have.)

This one is self centered. You can tell right away. I would demote her back to plate and start seeing other women again. If need be take her out of your rotation. Trouble is brewing.

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP's dating range at 30 should be 20-24
29 is flirting with epiphany phase.
Hes about to peak. Shes post wall.
The best females are going to be in this range of 20-24
No kids and educated.

No. 20-24 year old women mentally are babies. 25-30 is better.

 

[RickTheToad]

She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

Few ways to go at it here. One, at 30, you should have your own place. However, if your from South America, Europe or Asia, it is usually not held against you if you live with your parents (or parent). In America and Canada, it usually is. Two, regardless, if you are working and supporting yourself, it shouldn't matter. Three, if it bothers her, no problem. You show her the door. Never apologize; especially when you did nothing wrong.

 

[RickTheToad]

No. 20-24 year old women mentally are babies. 25-30 is better.

Both sets are babies; mentally speaking.

 

[TonyTenner]

She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

Reminds me of what Patrice O'Neal said. I'll paraphrase: "I tell my woman she's the 4th most important thing in my life. 1 is me. 2 is my Mum. 3 is my career. She's 4th. And I really like my goldfish so she better not slack off". This girl is 4th. I would immediately next if a girl disrespected me supporting my Mum. This is hanging by a thread - for her. Reframe it like that, she's the one on rocky ground. But either way, a girl who disrespects family like that is of low value so you'll most likely have to next her - and do it in a way she knows it's her loss.