How should I proceed with this girl ? I'm a newbie.

[__Felix__]

Hey guys, I'm a new member and pretty much a noob when it comes to women and game, so any advice and insights would be very appreciated.

I met this girl at work, through a cafe meet up between my team and hers. She is cute, same age as me, pretty sociable who just got into the company.
After the cafe, we texted each other. After that, I had two "dates" with her (if you can even call them "dates", basically lunch and cafe right in our work campus).

The thing is, she is responsive at the start, even flirty but grew gradually distant. Before, she would always make sure to reply to my texts no matter how late, but now she often cuts off the conversation. But during the dates, she would initiate the convo if I didn't, and we enjoyed our time (at least in my view). She rarely initiates through text, and if she does, she would then cut off the conversation (not replying to my text at all).

I am planning a date to see if I can continue, since texting has been a dead end. Can you guys give me some advice, have you experienced anything similar ?

Here are some other infos that may be of use to you:
- I'm 22, and live in South East Asia. Generally in my country, girls are not expected to make a move (something about keeping their "value", which sucks). So someone who is flirty from the get go like her is pretty rare to me.
- I read the Rational Male, and some other books, judging from her sociable personality and cute appearance, I'm guessing she found better targets, that explains her behaviors. She probably still occasionally chats to keep me invested.
- I know I should spin plates, but it is not so easy to do in my country. So until I manage to do so, at least I want to have some guidance.

Again, advice and insights would be very appreciated. Thank you

 

[HyenaPrince]

Since you met through work and you haven't isolated her from the working hours, there's no way to tell if she's interested. Did you catch any other signs of interest (e.g. playing with her hair, laughing a lot at your crappy jokes, asking genuine questions)?

Also, which country are you from in SEA? The spectrum of social conventions varies extremely between, let's say, Indonesia, Philippines or Vietnam.

 

[sosousage]

Hey guys, I'm a new member and pretty much a noob when it comes to women and game, so any advice and insights would be very appreciated.

I met this girl at work, through a cafe meet up between my team and hers. She is cute, same age as me, pretty sociable who just got into the company.
After the cafe, we texted each other. After that, I had two "dates" with her (if you can even call them "dates", basically lunch and cafe right in our work campus).

The thing is, she is responsive at the start, even flirty but grew gradually distant. Before, she would always make sure to reply to my texts no matter how late, but now she often cuts off the conversation. But during the dates, she would initiate the convo if I didn't, and we enjoyed our time (at least in my view). She rarely initiates through text, and if she does, she would then cut off the conversation (not replying to my text at all).

I am planning a date to see if I can continue, since texting has been a dead end. Can you guys give me some advice, have you experienced anything similar ?

Here are some other infos that may be of use to you:
- I'm 22, and live in South East Asia. Generally in my country, girls are not expected to make a move (something about keeping their "value", which sucks). So someone who is flirty from the get go like her is pretty rare to me.
- I read the Rational Male, and some other books, judging from her sociable personality and cute appearance, I'm guessing she found better targets, that explains her behaviors. She probably still occasionally chats to keep me invested.
- I know I should spin plates, but it is not so easy to do in my country. So until I manage to do so, at least I want to have some guidance.

Again, advice and insights would be very appreciated. Thank you

you have to pretend youre a tiger and do WRRRRRR at her (make sounds) and she will catch the hint

if she pretends she didnt catch the hint then it means youre not handsome enough for her

 

[VictorSleazy]

There’s much going on here but hard to say if there is any attraction or just work / friend type of communication.

Has your dates been dates or just casual meet ups; lunch, coffee etc?

I think you should ask her to spend an evening with you, so she’ll get the idea.

Also keep in mind that dating someone from your workplace is a thing on its own. I try to stay away from those even thought i have hot girls at my workplace. Just too many things at risk.

 

[__Felix__]

Since you met through work and you haven't isolated her from the working hours, there's no way to tell if she's interested. Did you catch any other signs of interest (e.g. playing with her hair, laughing a lot at your crappy jokes, asking genuine questions)?

Also, which country are you from in SEA? The spectrum of social conventions varies extremely between, let's say, Indonesia, Philippines or Vietnam.

I'm from Vietnam, as far as I can tell, girls here are pretty conservative and expect the men to do most out the work (initiate ...).

I don't have that much experience, but I can point out the things I noticed:
- At first she was flirty, basically calling me her future lover and use specific pronouns that are meant for couples. It became less and less as she is now rather distant, but she is still using those pronouns.
- She did laugh at my jokes, they were not that great, to be honest, though I'm confident that I have some sense of humor.
- When we were having lunch/coffee, she did ask me questions when the conversation is getting awkward. She also asked me about my love life (am I having a girlfriend ?)

Sadly, I haven't had personal time with her yet, so far only lunch and coffee, partly because I'm rather shy, and because she is busy. I plan to have a real date soon, as soon as possible, before Covid fvck us up again and we have to quarantine ourselves ((.

Thing is, it's hard to set up a date when she is not very responsive. It's tough to meet and tell her in person in my workplace, and I can't create a comfortable atmosphere before asking through text, since she often goes silent.

There’s much going on here but hard to say if there is any attraction or just work / friend type of communication.

Has your dates been dates or just casual meet ups; lunch, coffee etc?

I think you should ask her to spend an evening with you, so she’ll get the idea.

Also keep in mind that dating someone from your workplace is a thing on its own. I try to stay away from those even thought i have hot girls at my workplace. Just too many things at risk.

Yeah I plan to have a date with her soom. I guess if she declines, that is enough indication for me lol. Do you have any pointers or tips on how to ask her out ?

I'm not that worried about dating a coworker. My company is a tech company with mostly young employees. And tech geeks can be rather shy, less romantic, even my boss encourages the team members to find a girlfriend.

If you experienced problems with dating a coworker, would you mind sharing your stories. I would be glad to see your perspective

 

[Glassguy]

I met this girl at work

Not a good start.

I had two "dates" with her (if you can even call them "dates", basically lunch and cafe right in our work campus).

Those arent dates bro. Those are lunches. Major difference.

I'm 22, and live in South East Asia. Generally in my country, girls are not expected to make a move

Women should never have to "make a move". They want to see you take control of the situation and be the leader.

So far all I am getting from you is that you never asked her out, asked her to come over to your place, etc. Thats weak. If she was interested she quickly lost interest when you failed to lead.

You are 22. Invite her out for a drink or invite her to come hang out at your place.

There are 2 reasons that cause interested women to lose interest:

1.) Man fails to initiate/make a move/lead.

2.) Man fails to initiate/make a move/lead.

How can a woman react positively to something that you should have done but failed to do so?

 

[__Felix__]

Not a good start.


Those arent dates bro. Those are lunches. Major difference.

Women should never have to "make a move". They want to see you take control of the situation and be the leader.

So far all I am getting from you is that you never asked her out, asked her to come over to your place, etc. Thats weak. If she was interested she quickly lost interest when you failed to lead.

You are 22. Invite her out for a drink or invite her to come hang out at your place.

There are 2 reasons that cause interested women to lose interest:

1.) Man fails to initiate/make a move/lead.

2.) Man fails to initiate/make a move/lead.

How can a woman react positively to something that you should have done but failed to do so?

Thanks for the feedback. There are things that I definitely need to improve on.

Generally, should I fully exploit her interest in me (ie setting up dates right away, invite her out all the time) ?

I once blew my chances because I was too hasty and invited a girl out many times in short period. Perhaps I came off as needy.

 

[__Felix__]

My wife is from North Vietnam. I totally get what your saying about the conservative nature.
But you still have to escalate. Not sure what part your in but Saigon is more westernized then Hanoi.
They are still girls and will respond to the same things. Casual secs is not openly talked about in Vietnam.
These things is what attracted me to her in the first place. They are still women just more careful of how they look to others.
Saving face.

Nice to know that your wife is a Vietnamese.

Yes, I will try to escalate, maybe I should just ignore all the worries and go yolo

What you say is true about Vietnamese girls, generally the last thing they want is to create an impression of being a slut/hoe. And they are less straight forward than western women, from what I can see.

Heard yesterday another outbreak in Da Nang. Unfortunate

Yes, it is bound to happen sooner or later imo. I hope you and your wife stay safe in this time.

 

[Glassguy]

Thanks for the feedback. There are things that I definitely need to improve on.

Generally, should I fully exploit her interest in me (ie setting up dates right away, invite her out all the time) ?

I once blew my chances because I was too hasty and invited a girl out many times in short period. Perhaps I came off as needy.

You INVITE them for a drink once. They either accept, counter with another specific date and time, or its a NO.

If its a NO, you do not give them any more of your attention. No texts, no calls, merely a casual "Hi" when you see them out. Just like you would someone else that you barely know.

Thats it. Neediness is a sexual interest killer. Do not be needy.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Just ask her out without any sugar talking. Name a date and location. Don't show any signs of nervousness. You have to be confident for both of you. Don't play her potential games for even a second if she tries to stall.

 

[__Felix__]

I see, if she is busy but offers another date, thats ok. But if not, I should withdraw all attention. Is that correct ?

And also, is it a good idea to set up dates through text ? Since I can hardly meet her at work lately.

 

[HyenaPrince]

I see, if she is busy but offers another date, thats ok. But if not, I should withdraw all attention. Is that correct ?

And also, is it a good idea to set up dates through text ? Since I can hardly meet her at work lately.

If you can't casually run into her at work and ask her, then yes, you should call her. Don't text. That energy seems to be fading away. Surprise her with a short call, ask her out and then tell her you gotta run because you have something to do. Simple as that.

 

[__Felix__]

Update: So I asked her out for a date and she rejected. I replied with a simple OK and would have left it at that once and for all but she said she would like to introduce her friend to me. At this point it seemed so ridiculously clear that she tried to make up for me due to some guilt. I immediately denied her offer and said that I'm not interested in any form of shipping from her.

And she then revealed that she has a boyfriend all this time and that she flirts with many, not just me. She said I left an impression on her from the first meetup so she flirted with me. Yet she didn't want me to think too far ahead and now wants me to not be angry with her. I said no to the bull**** and said that I will never contact her again, simple as that.

Again, thank you guys for the advices and insights XD. I'm glad I dodged a fvcking bullet.

 

[VictorSleazy]

If you experienced problems with dating a coworker, would you mind sharing your stories. I would be glad to see your perspective

You pretty much got all the advice for your question and things escalated already. what comes to dating co-workers you / both of you could risk your carees in the worst case scenario. Just alot easier to keep biz/fun separeted unless she works _for_ you

 

[VictorSleazy]

And if you have read (like you said) the rational male, you can find the answers there why women in ltr:s still flirt with other men. Grab the book again

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you experienced problems with dating a coworker, would you mind sharing your stories. I would be glad to see your perspective

You pretty much got all the advice for your question and things escalated already. what comes to dating co-workers you / both of you could risk your carees in the worst case scenario. Just alot easier to keep biz/fun separeted unless she works _for_ you

If she works for you its a direct ethics violation to date them.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

And if you have read (like you said) the rational male, you can find the answers there why women in ltr:s still flirt with other men. Grab the book again

Attention is a currency of theirs

 

[VictorSleazy]

If she works for you its a direct ethics violation to date them.

Yes if you hired her as an employe. If you run a solid business and your lady rather helps you to build the empire than working for someone else, no violations made.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes if you hired her as an employe. If you run a solid business and your lady rather helps you to build the empire than working for someone else, no violations made.

If its a family business yes. L

 

[__Felix__]

Flirting is not a gender thing its a human thing. Us guys are just as guilty as the ladies

From what she said, it seems she flirted with me just for the sake of flirting. I tend to flirt a lot with girls too, but it's not common in our culture to flirt with everyone when we have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Not sure about western cultures tho.

Perhaps it's time to reread the Rational Male.