Is cold approaching a fundamentally non-normal activity?

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't think Mystery was a nerd. I think he was deeply insecure. His entire premise was negging women. He comes from the frame of not being good enough to interact with women normally without having to resort to passive aggressive tactics.

Women aren't on any pedestals in the first place. That's his own projection of being an insecure guy.

That's the other school of guys I forgot to mention. The insecure c0cky funny guys who could never let their guards down who think women are always out to "sh1t test" them.

Non nerds neg babes. "Thugs" will call a 'pretty girl' big head or ugly to neg her.

Also to that class of people the hot shot big dollar director or small business owner or lawyer are "nerds'.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Non nerds neg babes. "Thugs" will call a 'pretty girl' big head or ugly to neg her.

Also to that class of people the hot shot big dollar director or small business owner or lawyer are "nerds'.

Serious. They know guys are kissing her azz all dat.

Non nerds neg babes. "Thugs" will call a 'pretty girl' big head or ugly to neg her.

Also to that class of people the hot shot big dollar director or small business owner or lawyer are "nerds'.

Talk about her feet, her hair, say she got no azz, or too big a azz. Find an insecurity.

 

[mickdollaz]

Which begs the question, what are these nerds going to do for female companionship during this fake virus crisis? They clearly cannot cold approach to any significant degree, either during the day or at night.

They're going to be shut out of matches on swipe apps.

The computer based dating web sites are geared more towards those 30's/40's/50's.

Most are working from home which doesn't make much difference as most of their colleagues at work were male.

Are they just hunkered down with porn? Using siliconvalleybux to splurge on big city vacations and prostitutes? I can't imagine their funds lasting long in that scenario. Vegas is largely shut down too.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The best thing for the nerd to do is peel off the sticker of Chad digest and start working out an hour a day.

And make an attempt to develop some form of social life where women isn't the only focus. You know, attempt to be "normal" like everyone else instead of saying nerdy sh1t like "Hobbymaxxing doesn't work." When I am "hobbymaxxing", I am not thinking "Will this get me laid?" I am thinking "Am I enjoying myself." If you can't even enjoy yourself without women being the main premise, then that's another problem.

And work on his career. Climb the ladder. Put some pressure on himself to expand his sphere of influence.

Become a balanced man. And if he STILL can't get laid, just buy women. Women are overrated anyway.

Ironically, by focusing on himself perpetually evolving into more of a complete man and thinking that most women are overrated anyway (hence removing them from his pedestal), he'd likely increase his odds of attracting them.

Getting your social circle started is simple as making a couple male friends already doing it. They can't fvck em all and they pass babes around any way.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I remember moving to California the first time not knowing anyone. All I did was go out and make male friends, ironically. Of course I did a couple of approaches here and there as well. Eventually I formed a group of guys that were like minded. It was to my surprise that they were all studs with women. One of my friends was always hooking me up with his female friends visiting from L.A. I knew another guy who had a rotation of 5 women. Pua nerds would look at this and think "That's the easy way out. It's a cop out from having to approach."

No, this is called being a normal cool guy with a social life full of other normal cool guys. We hook each other up, increase the abundance of our group, and excel together.

Yessir not rocket science

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Only when people fail to realize that having conversations with people is an inherently normal thing to do and act with social ineptitude.

A large part of the problem is that people doing this are people who would have problems stopping someone on the street to ask for directions because they have no ability to act normally in a social setting, so of course when they attempt this it comes off as awkward, weird and makes the other person feel uncomfortable.

Plus the added pressure they put on themselves to "get a result" leads to nervousness and non-normal behavior.

Basically it's weird and unnatural many times because the person attempting it is socially inept and because on top of this they have added pressure of being very outcome dependant which increases their nervousness and awkwardness.

For a person comfortable with being social ot doesn't even come off as being a PUA attempt, it simply comes off as a normal interaction and conversation with another person.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I didn’t read this entire thread yet, but my observation is that cold approaching in the pua style is completely unnatural. What you’re doing is assigning massive value to the target for no reason other than her looks. You’re putting her in the position of accepting or rejecting you, the beggar.

The frame here is that you have already gone “all-in” with her, and you hope she will accept you.

The real, natural “cold approach” is a delicate dance, a give and take that conveys to her that she is going to have to earn your attention. For a close to 100% success rate, it starts with a subtle “invitation” on her part. She broadcasts signs that she is interested, and you respond with a cautious approach. You’re not all-in. You immediately convey that you might be interested if she proves to be worthwhile. You don’t say that verbally. Rather, you convey that subtly with your attitude (teasing, a light, fun bearing).

“Excuse me... I just saw you over there and I just HAD to come over and say hello” is the worst kind of approach. Be a beggar and she will always regard you as such deep down inside.

My feeling is, why would one assign value to a perfect stranger? Instead, develop your radar for discerning which women are receptive to you, and your work is already done. Just reel her in.

I’m convinced that most men receive indicators of interest from women which they are completely blind to. It doesn’t help that women think they are being obvious, when in fact they are being overly subtle.

 

[user252009]

I’m convinced that most men receive indicators of interest from women which they are completely blind to. It doesn’t help that women think they are being obvious, when in fact they are being overly subtle.

Hard to say that happens if women see through you and never look at you.

 

[SW15]

Hobbymaxing doesn't work as it's turned into a sausage fest:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAlone/comments/clx8k7

That's why you should meet women everywhere imo. Instead of solely relying on your hobbies. It is nice when you can meet a woman through your hobbies though.

The best thing for the nerd to do is peel off the sticker of Chad digest and start working out an hour a day.

And make an attempt to develop some form of social life where women aren't the only focus. You know, attempt to be "normal" like everyone else instead of saying nerdy sh1t like "Hobbymaxxing doesn't work." When I am "hobbymaxxing", I am not thinking "Will this get me laid?" I am thinking "Am I enjoying myself?" If you can't even enjoy yourself without women being the main purpose, then that's another problem. The nerd is an aimless loser with no purpose in life other than desperately seeking validation from women.

I agree that the best thing for a nerdy guy to do is work out and develop a physique that will attract women.

No one in the real world would use the phrase “hobbymaxing”. Participating in hobby groups would be a real world, normal expression. That would be social calibration.

I agree that a single guy should be meeting women everywhere.

One of the problems is that a lot of hobbies aren’t entirely female friendly.

As an in-shape guy, I enjoy a lot of fitness activities. I’ve been playing tennis since before puberty. Tennis is a supposedly female friendly sport. For a variety of reasons, tennis isn’t a great way to meet women under 40. It might be a little bit better for meeting 40-55 year old divorced females receiving nice alimony payments if you’re at a private club.

In terms of fitness/athletics, the best way to meet women is usually through some group fitness class. Most of the group fitness classes are majority female. There are numerous styles of fitness classes so it is best to pick one that will be enjoyable for you. Fitness classes avoid the earbud on the general gym floor problem too. You also have to realize that there’s a narrow window for approaching. You’re looking at the 5 mins before class and the 5 mins after class for approaching. Maybe 1-2 approaches per session. You’re doing a 45-60 minute class for that 10 minute window. You’re at least getting a good workout out of it if nothing happens.

Even though fitness classes are majority female, it’s no guarantee of success. Some gyms/fitness studios are not particularly social. Even in the more sociable ones, almost no other guys do approaches there and even women interacting with each other on a friendly basis isn’t a given.

A small percentage of men cold approach and an even smaller percentage are consistently successful. It is very, very rare for a man to successfully date beautiful women consistently from cold approach however.

The reality is, the vast majority of men will not benefit from cold approaching and the more they do it, the greater a waste of time it becomes. Most men recognize this even before getting started so it's a moot point.

Fair assessment. Next quote will illustrate this more.

There was just no way for daytime cold approach to ever "approach" any minimal level threshold of "making sense" except in a handful of cities. Even then, the complete lack of social intelligence of those pua nerds got most of them kicked out of just about any appealing high traffic areas such as shopping malls.

The better looking guys who got into that nerdy sh-t had decent success, and the rest got on occasional nibble from the very bottom of the barrel. It was always a scam.

If you do cold approaching, you have to devote a lot of time to it in order to get it done. There are more efficient and less emotionally distressing to do things. You’re dealing with a lot of unqualified prospects, since you don’t know if anyone you’re approaching is receptive to it. Granted, you can do a little bit of strong eye contact and smiling qualifying for prospects to see if the women are going to be receptive to an interaction, but even that isn’t ideal. A lot of Millennial women are not good at body language signaling. Many of them are playing with their phones a lot.

In the sales/business development world, cold calling has been discredited as a method for business development since at least the 1990s.

I’ve done approaching in malls and never been close to being kicked out. You would have to have really poor social skills to get kicked out for doing approaches.

I remember moving to California the first time not knowing anyone. All I did was go out and make male friends, ironically. Of course I did a couple of approaches here and there as well. Eventually I formed a group of guys that were like minded. It was to my surprise that they were all studs with women. One of my friends was always hooking me up with his female friends visiting from L.A. I knew another guy who had a rotation of 5 women. Pua nerds would look at this and think "That's the easy way out. It's a cop out from having to approach."

No, this is called being a normal cool guy with a social life full of other normal cool guys. We hook each other up, increase the abundance of our group, and excel together.

I’ve been in my current city for 9 years now. When I first got to the city, I knew no one. I did meet some male friends but none of us hooked each other up. All of us were recent transplants to the city. A lot of times, if we did perceive an opportunity within a social tribe (which was a weak tribe), we would all be competing for the same girl. One guy in this social circle moved here with a girlfriend and later married her. There’s no guarantee that this will happen. One guy in the social circle met a woman through the social circle because she was a distant co-worker of his at a large company. All of us guys made plays for this woman, and she wasn’t even that spectacular. While she was and still remains today cute and thin, she had a prudish reputation and she’s boring with not a great personality.

In the 9 years here, I’ve dated and mated outside of my main social circle simply because my social circles have not been viable. Part of this might be because I am a transplant in a transplant heavy region and it’s a large metropolitan area with generally weak tribes.

The original scammer was Neil Strauss. He explained in his book "The Game" that in social tribes, your status is set in stone. But in a transient environment like a nightclub, women don't know who you are so you have a fresh start. A clean slate to rewrite your entire life history and project an aura of an attractive guy. This is why nerds and losers LOVE pickup. It gives them a chance to short circuit women's vetting.

I never said that pickup doesn't work. It certainly works for me and guys like me. It just doesn't work for nerds. There is no hacking the matrix. If you are a nerd in your social tribes, then you are a nerd everywhere. Women can pick up on your sub-communications.

I’m better than average looking and have some social skills, so I can make pickup work. I got an extended relationship out of a grocery store approach and an extended relationship out of playing pickup volleyball. You’re right that a nerdy person without social skills isn’t going to be able to make it work in cold approaching. You did need some threshold of looks and social skills to do some approaching,

App swiping isn’t going to be any friendlier than approaching without looks and social skills. It might actually be worse.

This is why people with not spectacular social skills should focus on their physiques. It will reduce the threshold of social skills needed to get laid. This can work in bars and can often produce short term lays, often just one night. It would not help over an extended relationship. For extended relationships, social skills are going to be relevant.

I’m convinced that most men receive indicators of interest from women which they are completely blind to. It doesn’t help that women think they are being obvious, when in fact they are being overly subtle.

I’m not convinced. The younger generation of women are generally worse at signaling. I do make strong eye contact and smile at women, and will often see who returns the eye contact and smile. It’s not a high percentage. Either the people are not interested in meeting someone new, they have poor social skills (becoming increasingly common), or I am not attractive.

 

[MatureDJ]

For a variety of reasons, tennis isn’t a great way to meet women under 40. It might be a little bit better for meeting 40-55 year old divorced females receiving nice alimony payments if you’re at a private club.

That's because it is easy to meet these cougars PERIOD.

I’ve done approaching in malls and never been close to being kicked out. You would have to have really poor social skills to get kicked out for doing approaches.

Like this guy?

Locals Were Troubled by Roy Moore’s Interactions with Teen Girls at the Gadsden Mall

Rumors have swirled for years that, in the early eighties, Roy Moore was banned from a mall for bothering teen-age girls.

www.newyorker.com

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I agree that the best thing for a nerdy guy to do is work out and develop a physique that will attract women.

No one in the real world would use the phrase “hobbymaxing”. Participating in hobby groups would be a real world, normal expression. That would be social calibration.

I agree that a single guy should be meeting women everywhere.

One of the problems is that a lot of hobbies aren’t entirely female friendly.

As an in-shape guy, I enjoy a lot of fitness activities. I’ve been playing tennis since before puberty. Tennis is a supposedly female friendly sport. For a variety of reasons, tennis isn’t a great way to meet women under 40. It might be a little bit better for meeting 40-55 year old divorced females receiving nice alimony payments if you’re at a private club.

In terms of fitness/athletics, the best way to meet women is usually through some group fitness class. Most of the group fitness classes are majority female. There are numerous styles of fitness classes so it is best to pick one that will be enjoyable for you. Fitness classes avoid the earbud on the general gym floor problem too. You also have to realize that there’s a narrow window for approaching. You’re looking at the 5 mins before class and the 5 mins after class for approaching. Maybe 1-2 approaches per session. You’re doing a 45-60 minute class for that 10 minute window. You’re at least getting a good workout out of it if nothing happens.

Even though fitness classes are majority female, it’s no guarantee of success. Some gyms/fitness studios are not particularly social. Even in the more sociable ones, almost no other guys do approaches there and even women interacting with each other on a friendly basis isn’t a given.



Fair assessment. Next quote will illustrate this more.



If you do cold approaching, you have to devote a lot of time to it in order to get it done. There are more efficient and less emotionally distressing to do things. You’re dealing with a lot of unqualified prospects, since you don’t know if anyone you’re approaching is receptive to it. Granted, you can do a little bit of strong eye contact and smiling qualifying for prospects to see if the women are going to be receptive to an interaction, but even that isn’t ideal. A lot of Millennial women are not good at body language signaling. Many of them are playing with their phones a lot.

In the sales/business development world, cold calling has been discredited as a method for business development since at least the 1990s.

I’ve done approaching in malls and never been close to being kicked out. You would have to have really poor social skills to get kicked out for doing approaches.



I’ve been in my current city for 9 years now. When I first got to the city, I knew no one. I did meet some male friends but none of us hooked each other up. All of us were recent transplants to the city. A lot of times, if we did perceive an opportunity within a social tribe (which was a weak tribe), we would all be competing for the same girl. One guy in this social circle moved here with a girlfriend and later married her. There’s no guarantee that this will happen. One guy in the social circle met a woman through the social circle because she was a distant co-worker of his at a large company. All of us guys made plays for this woman, and she wasn’t even that spectacular. While she was and still remains today cute and thin, she had a prudish reputation and she’s boring with not a great personality.

In the 9 years here, I’ve dated and mated outside of my main social circle simply because my social circles have not been viable. Part of this might be because I am a transplant in a transplant heavy region and it’s a large metropolitan area with generally weak tribes.



I’m better than average looking and have some social skills, so I can make pickup work. I got an extended relationship out of a grocery store approach and an extended relationship out of playing pickup volleyball. You’re right that a nerdy person without social skills isn’t going to be able to make it work in cold approaching. You did need some threshold of looks and social skills to do some approaching,

App swiping isn’t going to be any friendlier than approaching without looks and social skills. It might actually be worse.

This is why people with not spectacular social skills should focus on their physiques. It will reduce the threshold of social skills needed to get laid. This can work in bars and can often produce short term lays, often just one night. It would not help over an extended relationship. For extended relationships, social skills are going to be relevant.



I’m not convinced. The younger generation of women are generally worse at signaling. I do make strong eye contact and smile at women, and will often see who returns the eye contact and smile. It’s not a high percentage. Either the people are not interested in meeting someone new, they have poor social skills (becoming increasingly common), or I am not attractive.

women can use some training on how to give signals while maintaining a ladylike/feminine social presentation that's not interpreted as ho or low smv like.

Anti slut maintenance/defense is the ultimate importance.

There is no trad-con men willing to be automatic provider/protectors anymore(they fallback on the gynocentric feminism in society 'she can take care of herself', 'watch out, she's a golddigger')

Choices for women are maintain antislut status to keep working and to care of oneself or try to find trad-con provider/protectors.

Starts with the woman emphasising feminine attributes and hobbies.
These hiking acquaintances I'm about to meetup with are NOT going to be told that I work or what I do.
Instead, I start today calibrating my image to present a comforting, nurturing woman who has femininity. Wish me luck.

 

[MatureDJ]

Why is this toxic poison allowed here?

Uh, because the topic of the "poison" is based enough to have a thread that is (as of this writing) 5 pages long?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Personally I would just keep lifting and dieting until I got signs instead of accumulating thousands of rejections. You need a special type of entitlement to go through that many rejections and not have it affect you. A nerd + thousands of rejections = priesthood at an early age.

Have you actually ever seen a nerd learn game for the first time and trying to approach while having little smv? It’s like watching an animal get eaten alive. Anyone with a sense of compassion would tell him to lift for a couple of years and focus on his career and social circles and build that self esteem instead of ruining whatever little self esteem he has by accumulating thousands of rejections.

Not all of us were meant to be cold approachers. The Pua community had engineering nerds dropping out of college to live in someone’s closet just to learn how to get blown out thousands of times when bridges could have been built.

We need those nerds to build our automobiles and aircrafts, not overflooding the night clubs Performing magic tricks and getting looked at as weirdos.

Some of us can play the short game. But someone were meant to play the long game. And none of those nerds ever wanted to be a playboy anyway.

Most just wanted one woman. And if you get that nerd to focus on his fitness, lifestyle, career, and social circles, one woman who used to be a C0ck carousel riding slvt turned “good girl” is not out of the question. She is available for him. There is balance in the universe.

Not everyone was meant to be Lothario. Some people need to build stuff so that they could impress their princess.

The ugly guy who someone has game is not a nerd. He didn’t learn from the Pua community. He learned from getting laid at an early age and just grew up as a natural. I know these guys. They are all popular in their social circles as well. They didn’t just materialize out of thin air in the clubs. They have a lifetime of reference experience with women that nerds don’t have.

Not trying to overtalk you stormrider. It'll be easier for someone whose light in the game or a nerd to get a girlfriend that he has regular sex with. And he raises his game by conversating and hooking up outside of her. That way he has nothing to lose and can be truly entitled when he's chatting them up. He's not dependant on them for anything. Just having a good time.

 

[MatureDJ]

The topic doesn't need to come along with a disgusting incel link

Uh, I was quoting the source for the theme of the thread. Why do you hate incels so much? Are you a self-hater? The whole theme of this forum is trying to ascend.

 

[MatureDJ]

Imagine telling Bill Gates he needs to learn how to approach eventually. The biggest lie that came from Pua was that you needed social skills to get laid. Imagine if Bill Gates took this advice and spent his college years getting rejected left and right from college bars. We probably wouldnt even have Microsoft.

Yes, we'd have had a lot fewer BSsOD.

 

[SW15]

That's because it is easy to meet these cougars PERIOD.

Like this guy?

Locals Were Troubled by Roy Moore’s Interactions with Teen Girls at the Gadsden Mall

Rumors have swirled for years that, in the early eighties, Roy Moore was banned from a mall for bothering teen-age girls.

www.newyorker.com

A woman who is 35-54 isn't automatically a cougar unless she's actively pursuing much younger men. Most 35 or 40 year old women are going out with men close to their own age. I don't call that a cougar.

At the mall or grocery store in the 2010s, even in the late 2010s #MeToo era, no one really cared if you were to strike up a conversation with a woman. I did it many times. Every time I went to the grocery store to do approaches, I would at least buy some groceries. I'd artificially extend out the time it took to grocery shop in order to do approaches, but I'd at least be a paying customer. Employees of grocery stores didn't care about it as long as you were a paying customer and you did your approaches in a reasonable way. Most women would rate me in the 6-7 range, so I have my looks helping me out. If a 3-4 was doing what I did, it might be different. In the mall, I didn't necessarily buy, but I did stop women for conversations. I didn't like the mall as much as the grocery store.

Personally I would just keep lifting and dieting until I got signs instead of accumulating thousands of rejections.

Rejections take their toll. It's best to reduce them.

Not trying to overtalk you stormrider. It'll be easier for someone whose light in the game or a nerd to get a girlfriend that he has regular sex with. And he raises his game by conversating and hooking up outside of her. That way he has nothing to lose and can be truly entitled when he's chatting them up. He's not dependant on them for anything. Just having a good time.

Most guys who are approaching are looking for a girlfriend rather than a series of casual sex partners. Approaching is one way to do it. Still better than app swiping.
.

There's definitely a lot of truth to this, but they are going to need to learn approach eventually.

The man is usually the first to utter a word to a woman, so some amount of approach skill is needed.

 

[SW15]

From my observations, I don't think true cold approaching is all that common. It isn't that often I've ever seen other men approach women randomly at the grocery store or stop them when they are walking down the street. None of these things are creepy or inappropriate IF done right, but when I have seen this in public often times the other man does so in a rather poor manner.

I've done some (pseudo)cold approaching, several at the gym and a few in shopping type environments. At the gym it is a bit different because if you go there on any sort of regular basis you will see the same people, so it isn't like you are a total stranger and already have some sort of familiarity as well as having something in common.

When approaching in something random, say a grocery store, you indeed are a stranger and in an environment like this it can make it difficult. Also, a lot of women have their guard up when out in public or are just so awkward themselves that they wouldn't know what to do with a man in a situation like him approaching her in the cereal aisle for instance.

The place I've seen the most cold approaching is the bar or nightclub. Nonbar venue, sober cold approaches are rare. I happen to be one of the people who have done this sober nonbar style of cold approaching.

Women have their guard up at the bar, so the idea to approach them at the grocery store, the gym, etc. is to catch them with their biatch shields and guard down.

Yes, it can happen that a woman does not know how to process an approach in some aisle at a grocery store. I've seen it happen myself. Some women have poor social skills. Many women are self-absorbed and cannot imagine a reality of having to create mating opportunities for themselves, so they can't fathom the idea that guys have to go out and hustle and make it happen for themselves.

 

[SW15]

Imagine telling Bill Gates he needs to learn how to approach eventually. The biggest lie that came from Pua was that you needed social skills to get laid. Imagine if Bill Gates took this advice and spent his college years getting rejected left and right from college bars. We probably wouldnt even have Microsoft.

Bill Gates' approach and seduction of Melinda Gates was not all at that impressive. He met a career gal with an MBA at a work dinner.

If you are going to do night game, it’s always better in the middle of the week. I remember when I was in San Francisco, I had a 26 week pulling streak. But it was all Tuesday/Wednesday night. Weekends were reserved for my social circles.

I finally went out on a Friday night and experienced about 20 b1tch shields in a row. It completely destroyed my ego. I thought to myself “I’m never doing weekend night game ever again.”

I commend guys who can make it work. But personally I don’t see the point in showing up to environments where women have prebuilt shields up. They already decided to be defensive even before they left the house.

I agree completely on doing bar/nightclub approaching on nights other than Friday or Saturday. On Friday or Saturday night, every John Q. Paycheck goes out. Many of these guys have subpar game, and it irks women. Women become more defensive and put up their biatch shields, making it more difficult for every man.

The nightlife lifestyle is tough, especially for men who work jobs requiring that they show up and be productive in the morning hours. Nightlife is better suited for men who do not have to start their jobs until 12 PM or later. It's not easy to go out on Wednesday night and stay out until after midnight early Thursday morning. Thursday at 8-9 AM will not be pleasant.

 

[MatureDJ]

The nightlife lifestyle is tough, especially for men who work jobs requiring that they show up and be productive in the morning hours. Nightlife is better suited for men who do not have to start their jobs until 12 PM or later. It's not easy to go out on Wednesday night and stay out until after midnight early Thursday morning. Thursday at 8-9 AM will not be pleasant.

What does that say about women in that they are more approachable on evenings when the responsible men should be getting a good night's rest for their career? I can remember in my 20s doing some "midweek" game, but I just got fed up with the idea of being groggy the next at work. It's a Clown World that rewards the indolent.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I agree that the best thing for a nerdy guy to do is work out and develop a physique that will attract women.

No one in the real world would use the phrase “hobbymaxing”. Participating in hobby groups would be a real world, normal expression. That would be social calibration.

I agree that a single guy should be meeting women everywhere.

One of the problems is that a lot of hobbies aren’t entirely female friendly.

As an in-shape guy, I enjoy a lot of fitness activities. I’ve been playing tennis since before puberty. Tennis is a supposedly female friendly sport. For a variety of reasons, tennis isn’t a great way to meet women under 40. It might be a little bit better for meeting 40-55 year old divorced females receiving nice alimony payments if you’re at a private club.

In terms of fitness/athletics, the best way to meet women is usually through some group fitness class. Most of the group fitness classes are majority female. There are numerous styles of fitness classes so it is best to pick one that will be enjoyable for you. Fitness classes avoid the earbud on the general gym floor problem too. You also have to realize that there’s a narrow window for approaching. You’re looking at the 5 mins before class and the 5 mins after class for approaching. Maybe 1-2 approaches per session. You’re doing a 45-60 minute class for that 10 minute window. You’re at least getting a good workout out of it if nothing happens.

Even though fitness classes are majority female, it’s no guarantee of success. Some gyms/fitness studios are not particularly social. Even in the more sociable ones, almost no other guys do approaches there and even women interacting with each other on a friendly basis isn’t a given.



Fair assessment. Next quote will illustrate this more.



If you do cold approaching, you have to devote a lot of time to it in order to get it done. There are more efficient and less emotionally distressing to do things. You’re dealing with a lot of unqualified prospects, since you don’t know if anyone you’re approaching is receptive to it. Granted, you can do a little bit of strong eye contact and smiling qualifying for prospects to see if the women are going to be receptive to an interaction, but even that isn’t ideal. A lot of Millennial women are not good at body language signaling. Many of them are playing with their phones a lot.

In the sales/business development world, cold calling has been discredited as a method for business development since at least the 1990s.

I’ve done approaching in malls and never been close to being kicked out. You would have to have really poor social skills to get kicked out for doing approaches.



I’ve been in my current city for 9 years now. When I first got to the city, I knew no one. I did meet some male friends but none of us hooked each other up. All of us were recent transplants to the city. A lot of times, if we did perceive an opportunity within a social tribe (which was a weak tribe), we would all be competing for the same girl. One guy in this social circle moved here with a girlfriend and later married her. There’s no guarantee that this will happen. One guy in the social circle met a woman through the social circle because she was a distant co-worker of his at a large company. All of us guys made plays for this woman, and she wasn’t even that spectacular. While she was and still remains today cute and thin, she had a prudish reputation and she’s boring with not a great personality.

In the 9 years here, I’ve dated and mated outside of my main social circle simply because my social circles have not been viable. Part of this might be because I am a transplant in a transplant heavy region and it’s a large metropolitan area with generally weak tribes.



I’m better than average looking and have some social skills, so I can make pickup work. I got an extended relationship out of a grocery store approach and an extended relationship out of playing pickup volleyball. You’re right that a nerdy person without social skills isn’t going to be able to make it work in cold approaching. You did need some threshold of looks and social skills to do some approaching,

App swiping isn’t going to be any friendlier than approaching without looks and social skills. It might actually be worse.

This is why people with not spectacular social skills should focus on their physiques. It will reduce the threshold of social skills needed to get laid. This can work in bars and can often produce short term lays, often just one night. It would not help over an extended relationship. For extended relationships, social skills are going to be relevant.



I’m not convinced. The younger generation of women are generally worse at signaling. I do make strong eye contact and smile at women, and will often see who returns the eye contact and smile. It’s not a high percentage. Either the people are not interested in meeting someone new, they have poor social skills (becoming increasingly common), or I am not attractive.

I like the way that you describe the fitness aspect, in that "it reduces the social skills threshold to get laid." I think that's really true.

Big muscles and a rock hard six pack also force women to put you in that "sexual threat" box if you're a nerd. It gets you more respect from guys as well.