Smart People Have Less Friends

[Mike32ct]

The death of this society is rewarding uncapable workers with great social skills while penalizing productive hard workers who just want to work and stay by themselves with no social networks or popularity contests involved.

When I started my previous job in early 2000s, this older lady gave this advice, "Keep a low profile during your probationary/initial review period." I didn't quite understand what she meant at that time, but it was good advice. That's my style anyway. Nobody will fire/sack the quiet guy who gets his work done.

However, getting to your point, in today's world, sadly, they probably aren't going to PROMOTE the quiet guy who gets his work done. They will question his "leadership/communications/social skills."

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's good to put your head down and do the work, but you also have to self-promote from time to time. Make sure you get the credit you deserve. But without sounding like an a$$.

Yes. If you don't make sure you get credit, someone else will surely take it for themselves.

 

[zekko]

When I started my previous job in early 2000s, this older lady gave this advice, "Keep a low profile during your probationary/initial review period." I didn't quite understand what she meant at that time, but it was good advice. That's my style anyway. Nobody will fire/sack the quiet guy who gets his work done.

The danger in being too boisterous early on is that with anybody's personality, they are likely to rub somebody the wrong way. They could be great people, but there might be some element in their personality that will raise some hackles of some higher up. This is less likely to be damaging if they get to know you better first.

 

[Mike32ct]

The danger in being too boisterous early on is that with anybody's personality, they are likely to rub somebody the wrong way. They could be great people, but there might be some element in their personality that will raise some hackles of some higher up. This is less likely to be damaging if they get to know you better first.

Precisely. We had a very outspoken know-it-all guy start last year. He didn’t last three months.

 

[3agle 3yes]

This may have already been said, but people who tend towards the introversion continuum, tend to be smarter (or rather more logical and intelligent) because we are predisposed to analytical and calculated thinking. Whilst speaking without thinking, lack of self criticism and lack of internal contemplation is associated with extroversion.

Those who tend towards the extroversion continuum are more emotional and perhaps have a better chance at obtaining emotional intelligence? And may be better at influencing people, with traits like charm and charisma.

And yes, I do believe introversion and extroversion are two sides of a continuum rather than binary traits.

 

[3agle 3yes]

Don't look at me, I didn't write this PUA stuff. They're the ones who are always saying being nice is such a terrible thing.
I've always thought you should treat others like you want to be treated, not to get them to like you, but just out of baseline respect. As fellow members of the human race.

I’ve never read or listened to most Pua material. But from my experience, attractive women are used to men treating them nicely because those men want something from them and they also have nothing else to offer. Because these men are so common, they would just assume you’re one of them until proven otherwise. Also, attractive women tend to have an ego and need a put down...of course the ego is just a social mask, they’re just as insecure as anyone else, if not more.

The put downs are done in a humorous vibe which means you aren’t serious, however you’re communicating to her in a deeper unconscious level that you don’t care what she thinks and won’t put up with her sh!t just because she’s pretty. Notice we’re not necessarily “nice” with our friends (well I’m not anyway), I’m comfortable enough with them to play pranks that can be deemed offensive and will tell them the truth even if it’s painful, that’s what friends of these types of women do too.

Attraction works in a different realm to the relationship you would have with a friend. We don’t perform sexual acts with our friends. Women aren’t looking for “nice apologists” when they get down and dirty.

As I’m sure you already know, there is a difference between being respective and going out of your way to be nice.

 

[eli77]

its all about emotional intelligence

 

[Mike32ct]

I don't have a good handle on what "emotional intelligence" is. Will have to read about that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't have a good handle on what "emotional intelligence" is. Will have to read about that.

Its good l reading. Especially for self help and growth junkies.

 

[speed dawg]

It's not about who is smart and who is dumb. Those people you list just happen to be introverted, smart people. That's it. Introverted people have less friends, but often stronger friendships. I read lately that 25% of the world is introverted, so fair to say we live in an extroverted world.

Remember, most people are sheep, regardless of where they pull their energy (which is the definition of extro or intro verted). I'd say it's probably easier for extroverts to engage in sheepish behavior, but many times introverts suffer from poor self esteem. So we've all got problems to overcome.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I don't have a good handle on what "emotional intelligence" is. Will have to read about that.

Think of that set of skills and abilities to understand everything related to people wheter its a social interaction with a single person or a group as much as understanding the dynamics within a group of people.

Its about their feelings, their ego and the capacity to imagine their inner situations beside what is apparent its a nearby field to social skills.
Just like you need a good IQ to be an engineer, you need a high EQ to have great social skills.

A high IQ allows you to understand and manipulate facts, data, tools and technical knowledge while a high EQ allows you to see how people fit in an environment and different situations, yourself included and read inside them.

In my opinion just like IQ there is a part that depends on your dna and upbringing while a further part depends on your efforts to improve it or at least make a better use of what you have.

 

[Seductions_Mad_Scientist]

I saw this video, I thought it was interesting. To briefly summarize, it says that dumb people tend to be happier around other people, and that smart people tend to be happier when they are alone. It talks about how geniuses like Newton and Tesla tend to have few friends.

It does make sense when you think of it. Smart people might be more focused on their mission and their interests than spending time with other people. They also might have less in common with most folk, because there are more dumb people than smart.

This entirely misses the point.

some people certainly are so analysis dominant that they genuinely struggle with social skills. But just cuz a person is bad at a skillset now doesnt mean they cant be great later with practice.

So this false dichotomy of smart+bad socially vs. dumb +good socially is just frankly ****king dumb.

you can be smart + socially intelligent and frankly should be. hyperspecializing on logic at the behest of society in such a way that you fail in other areas is like painting in only black and white when you have dozens of other colours and tools to paint with.

Now I get that some people for various reasons may CHOOSE to be 99% logical skills : 1% social skills. Maybe thats a good stratgy for a pure mathematician or logician or physicist. But are you one of those types of people?

I used to focus way more on logic and still to some extent do but Im by no means 99%logic:1%social. Im probably 60/40 logic/social skills and Im way more fulfilled now than then.

Cheers

 

[zekko]

So this false dichotomy of smart+bad socially vs. dumb +good socially is just frankly ****king dumb.

I don't believe in that kind of black and white thinking either. A lot of smart people are great networkers.
But I don't think the point of the video was that smart people had no social skills, I think it was more along the lines that they were more likely to be interested in other things, like pursuing their mission. There's an old saying about dump people being interested in other people, while smart people are more interested in ideas. Or something like that.

 

[Stoic]

I believe it's not a smart or dumb thing, but a difference between extraversion and introversion.

 

[zekko]

I believe it's not a smart or dumb thing, but a difference between extraversion and introversion.

I think introversion lends itself to a certain type of smart. Like Newton locking himself away working on his theories, or Tesla grinding away at his inventions.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think introversion lends itself to a certain type of smart. Like Newton locking himself away working on his theories, or Tesla grinding away at his inventions.

Prevents corruption and dilution of your thoughts. Talking to too many is taking on too much information.