Totally ****ed up with gf

[BeExcellent]

Interesting to see your take.

Sorry I’ve not yet expounded. Later this evening I promise. Headed to dinner

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent is there anyway to truly have a woman who dumped you come back and you end up with the upper hand? Just as a point of reference. Say it was a situation that was your fault in creating that she dumped you...say cheating or finding out you were with someone else, still married, etc and that was the reason for her leaving not the actual relationship with her itself?

Possible or not? And if so how?

Ok. Here are the conditions under which the answer is Yes.

1. She had to be in love with you but have enough self respect NOT to tolerate the man’s BS (cheating/lying/non-committal, etc.)

2. The man didn’t recognize her value in his life until after the fact...and she DID add value & contribute to his life.

3. She cannot easily find another man for whom she feels the same or greater love.

4. The man realizes after the fact he lost something great.

Quick aside gentlemen. This happens with the playboy archetypes. These are men who have so much abundance that they think all women are easily replaced. So when the quality woman dumps the playboy, at first the playboy thinks, “No problem. I’ll go get new kitty.” And that’s easy enough. Then the playboy comes to understand that it’s more than sex he’s missing, and that the rest of the package (if he lost a total package lady) not only cannot be easily replaced...but MANY men seek a total package woman so she finds herself bombarded by quality men who DO see her value. She has better quality options than he does even if he can get sex as a commodity.

That’s the trick fvck. It’s a b!tch for the playboy...and he ends up damaged and heartbroken in the end because sex for the sake of sex is meaningless after a while. It’s hollow. If the girl is great in bed but has an unbearable personality or low intellect? Boring sooner than later. Wash rinse repeat ad nauseum. Miserable existence long term.

So if the playboy goes back to the quality girl (assuming she’s not already on lock down in a new relationship), he has a shot IF he can show he’s reformed whatever bad behavior caused her to drop him. He’s got to start over, be patient and demonstrate by his actions that he’s now going to treat her with respect and understands her value.

I’ve seen it work, but it’s rare. Usually the quality girl has already moved on by the time the playboy is willing to come back.

That’s how it can work.

And if she’s gone? She becomes “the one who got away” and the playboy compares all his subsequent relationships to her...and almost no one measures up. He also comes to idealize the quality girl he lost over time...and realizes she was rare & valuable. So he never really gets over her...

Much like women who are alpha widowed.

 

[daproest1]

Ok. Here are the conditions under which the answer is Yes.

1. She had to be in love with you but have enough self respect NOT to tolerate the man’s BS (cheating/lying/non-committal, etc.)

2. The man didn’t recognize her value in his life until after the fact...and she DID add value & contribute to his life.

3. She cannot easily find another man for whom she feels the same or greater love.

4. The man realizes after the fact he lost something great.

Quick aside gentlemen. This happens with the playboy archetypes. These are men who have so much abundance that they think all women are easily replaced. So when the quality woman dumps the playboy, at first the playboy thinks, “No problem. I’ll go get new kitty.” And that’s easy enough. Then the playboy comes to understand that it’s more than sex he’s missing, and that the rest of the package (if he lost a total package lady) not only cannot be easily replaced...but MANY men seek a total package woman so she finds herself bombarded by quality men who DO see her value. She has better quality options than he does even if he can get sex as a commodity.

That’s the trick fvck. It’s a b!tch for the playboy...and he ends up damaged and heartbroken in the end because sex for the sake of sex is meaningless after a while. It’s hollow. If the girl is great in bed but has an unbearable personality or low intellect? Boring sooner than later. Wash rinse repeat ad nauseum. Miserable existence long term.

So if the playboy goes back to the quality girl (assuming she’s not already on lock down in a new relationship), he has a shot IF he can show he’s reformed whatever bad behavior caused her to drop him. He’s got to start over, be patient and demonstrate by his actions that he’s now going to treat her with respect and understands her value.

I’ve seen it work, but it’s rare. Usually the quality girl has already moved on by the time the playboy is willing to come back.

That’s how it can work.

And if she’s gone? She becomes “the one who got away” and the playboy compares all his subsequent relationships to her...and almost no one measures up. He also comes to idealize the quality girl he lost over time...and realizes she was rare & valuable. So he never really gets over her...

Much like women who are alpha widowed.

Bulls*hit. Idk if you remember me but I was there. I Was not a player with mine. Never cheated. No abuse. No disrespect. Was with her 6 years. Did everything I could to salvage things. I demonstrated change and willingness to change. I never even got a second shot. I actually got laughed at the more I showed I cared. The only part where you’re right is that we don’t ever get over them. She wasn’t perfect in her behavior and neither was I. The difference is I took/take accountability, whereas women DO NOT TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY. Nobody makes them. Society is hard on men. Men are hard on themselves. Women are perfect no matter what they do in modern society. Only to wake up in their 50s still having failed relationship after failed relationship and have the audacity to blame it all on us. How can any of us take you creatures seriously taking all those factors into account? Modern relationships are a waste of time, energy, and resources for men. I still have them, but I limit my exposure as much as I can. The bad outweighs the good. Not worth it. At all. It was back in grandma and grandpas time. Not anymore.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Bulls*hit. Idk if you remember me but I was there. I Was not a player with mine. Never cheated. No abuse. No disrespect. Was with her 6 years. Did everything I could to salvage things. I demonstrated change and willingness to change. I never even got a second shot. I actually got laughed at the more I showed I cared. The only part where you’re right is that we don’t ever get over them. She wasn’t perfect in her behavior and neither was I. The difference is I took/take accountability, whereas women DO NOT TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY. Nobody makes them. Society is hard on men. Men are hard on themselves. Women are perfect no matter what they do in modern society. Only to wake up in their 50s still having failed relationship after failed relationship and have the audacity to blame it all on us. How can any of us take you creatures seriously taking all those factors into account? Modern relationships are a waste of time, energy, and resources for men. I still have them, but I limit my exposure as much as I can. The bad outweighs the good. Not worth it. At all. It was back in grandma and grandpas time. Not anymore.

Things aren't always going to go in your favor. What she posted wasn't a 100% guarantee that if you do this, this and this you will 100% get back together.

It was only "these are the ways it might be possible"

 

[MILLY1985]

Ok. Here are the conditions under which the answer is Yes.

1. She had to be in love with you but have enough self respect NOT to tolerate the man’s BS (cheating/lying/non-committal, etc.)

2. The man didn’t recognize her value in his life until after the fact...and she DID add value & contribute to his life.

3. She cannot easily find another man for whom she feels the same or greater love.

4. The man realizes after the fact he lost something great.

Quick aside gentlemen. This happens with the playboy archetypes. These are men who have so much abundance that they think all women are easily replaced. So when the quality woman dumps the playboy, at first the playboy thinks, “No problem. I’ll go get new kitty.” And that’s easy enough. Then the playboy comes to understand that it’s more than sex he’s missing, and that the rest of the package (if he lost a total package lady) not only cannot be easily replaced...but MANY men seek a total package woman so she finds herself bombarded by quality men who DO see her value. She has better quality options than he does even if he can get sex as a commodity.

That’s the trick fvck. It’s a b!tch for the playboy...and he ends up damaged and heartbroken in the end because sex for the sake of sex is meaningless after a while. It’s hollow. If the girl is great in bed but has an unbearable personality or low intellect? Boring sooner than later. Wash rinse repeat ad nauseum. Miserable existence long term.

So if the playboy goes back to the quality girl (assuming she’s not already on lock down in a new relationship), he has a shot IF he can show he’s reformed whatever bad behavior caused her to drop him. He’s got to start over, be patient and demonstrate by his actions that he’s now going to treat her with respect and understands her value.

I’ve seen it work, but it’s rare. Usually the quality girl has already moved on by the time the playboy is willing to come back.

That’s how it can work.

And if she’s gone? She becomes “the one who got away” and the playboy compares all his subsequent relationships to her...and almost no one measures up. He also comes to idealize the quality girl he lost over time...and realizes she was rare & valuable. So he never really gets over her...

Much like women who are alpha widowed.

excellent post this

 

[BeExcellent]

excellent post this

Thanks. I’ve been the “one who got away” a number of times. My recent ex BF is reeling because I’m 1000% out due to his behavior...and he is losing it in his life because he’s lost me. I loved him deeply and want the best for him...but I cannot be involved anymore.

It’s sad. The connection was almost psychic. We would literally speak each other’s thoughts every day. I’d say what he was thinking and he’d say what I was thinking. From words to ideas. Mind blowing. I’d awake in the night and realize both our breathing and our heart beats were completely synced up. In the middle of the night when we were 100’s of miles apart he’d be on my mind and then suddenly he’d call. Connection you couldn’t imagine.

So I get it.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Thanks. I’ve been the “one who got away” a number of times. My recent ex BF is reeling because I’m 1000% out due to his behavior...and he is losing it in his life because he’s lost me. I loved him deeply and want the best for him...but I cannot be involved anymore.

It’s sad. The connection was almost psychic. We would literally speak each other’s thoughts every day. I’d say what he was thinking and he’d say what I was thinking. From words to ideas. Mind blowing. I’d awake in the night and realize both our breathing and our heart beats were completely synced up. In the middle of the night when we were 100’s of miles apart he’d be on my mind and then suddenly he’d call. Connection you couldn’t imagine.

So I get it.

I just had an unclenching of stomach muscles. A literal visceral reaction to reading you are 1000% out.

Thank ****.
I've been unusually worried and triggered since you posted about staying in contact with him.

I wish sincerely for you to stay 1000% out. I recognise what you had but its so important to move on.

Made my day reading this, you have a lot of value to offer and now this ex won't be getting any.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks. I’ve been the “one who got away” a number of times. My recent ex BF is reeling because I’m 1000% out due to his behavior...and he is losing it in his life because he’s lost me. I loved him deeply and want the best for him...but I cannot be involved anymore.

It’s sad. The connection was almost psychic. We would literally speak each other’s thoughts every day. I’d say what he was thinking and he’d say what I was thinking. From words to ideas. Mind blowing. I’d awake in the night and realize both our breathing and our heart beats were completely synced up. In the middle of the night when we were 100’s of miles apart he’d be on my mind and then suddenly he’d call. Connection you couldn’t imagine.

So I get it.

@BeExcellent

So what has caused you to be out if all of this is true? I imagine this cannot be easily replaced or found. In truth, out of ALL the things that go into making a relationship this is probably both the hardest thing to find and most valuable.

Why can you not figure out a way to work through the other issues if this is the case? What exactly are the other issues? Does it involve cheating or abuse?

So if both of you are perfect for each other then why can you not figure it out? If he is your "high score" so to speak and you don't think you are able to find someone else similar then why can't you both just talk through things and work on the relationship?

I mean what are you gaining from not being with someone that on many levels you clearly want to be with?

These are the questions I often wonder about...that if two people are perfect for each other what causes someone to leave versus just figuring things out?

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent

So what has caused you to be out if all of this is true? I imagine this cannot be easily replaced or found. In truth, out of ALL the things that go into making a relationship this is probably both the hardest thing to find and most valuable.

Why can you not figure out a way to work through the other issues if this is the case? What exactly are the other issues? Does it involve cheating or abuse?

So if both of you are perfect for each other then why can you not figure it out? If he is your "high score" so to speak and you don't think you are able to find someone else similar then why can't you both just talk through things and work on the relationship?

I mean what are you gaining from not being with someone that on many levels you clearly want to be with?

These are the questions I often wonder about...that if two people are perfect for each other what causes someone to leave versus just figuring things out?

The connection is unlike anything I’ve experienced however he became physically abusive because I would not allow him to control me. He is a big strong ex military man; combat trained, and has PTSD and other confounding mental health issues.

I was deeply involved in helping manage his medications and his treatment regimen. He drinks heavily as well and alcohol was involved in the behavior that resulted in me exiting the relationship. Criminal and civil proceedings remain active so I will not comment further.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The connection is unlike anything I’ve experienced however he became physically abusive because I would not allow him to control me. He is a big strong ex military man; combat trained, and has PTSD and other confounding mental health issues.

I was deeply involved in helping manage his medications and his treatment regimen. He drinks heavily as well and alcohol was involved in the behavior that resulted in me exiting the relationship. Criminal and civil proceedings remain active so I will not comment further.

OK yeah that is a non starter...I can fully understand that.