Keeping wealth : Hiring private investigators to do discoveries of potential serious mate: howto frame telling them and when to tell them you did this

[Lynx nkaf]

Not a sensitive subject for me. Personally, I wouldn't want to babysit someone else's kids, either....but, I have. I used to look after my nieces, before I had kids of my own, and I had to look after my kids' friends and cousins, when they were young. And, if I live long enough, I expect to have to look after some grandkids, too. My wife is looking forward to that more than I am, though.

I was just curious where the line was for you. Do you have nieces and/or nephews? If so, do you refuse to look after them? How deep does this "no kids" thing go? Obviously, it goes beyond just not having any of your own.

I didn't mean to be a jackasss, but sometimes childhood trauma can be responsible for a complete aversion to children. Frequently, people dislike children, because they think they're "little monsters," because of their on childhood experiences. I'm not trying to psychoanalyze you, and I'm certainly not trying to "cure" your aversion, if that's even what it is.

I was just trying to figure out if this was a personal choice, a psychological aversion to children, in general, or if a widower with grown children was completely out of the question because you didn't want competition for his assets.

If you just don't want to deal with extended family (which is understandable) you might have to find yourself an orphan without siblings, too. Just saying.

Again, not trying to be a diick. Just trying to figure out what you're really talking about.

this place looks good for this area...I don't necessarily have to hire a locally licensed P.I., I wonder about that

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Ok. I'll go back to this. Mr Wonderful passes your background check. He isn't hiding a family or any illegitimate children. He doesn't want any children of his own, because he wants to be free to travel, and doesn't want the responsibility.

However, he has nieces and nephews, and they come over frequently, and even spend the weekend, sometimes. In fact, he coaches his nephew's little league team, and hosts team parties. Is that a problem?

Are you looking for a guy who doesn't have and doesn't want kids of his own, or one who wants nothing to do with them, ever? If it's the latter, you might be limiting your options.

It's the difference between not wanting the responsibility of a dog, and your hubby is a professional dog trainer, but doesn't keep dogs in the house. That's okay. But, if you don't want a dog because you're allergic, even a dogless dog trainer will probably be a deal breaker.

Have you thought this through?

so, I notice I can get hyped, just like you.

I find revisiting the thread later helps me stay focused.

I know I deserve this derailment as punishment but I actually do and am trying harder to stick to the thread at hand(this one and more importantly others)
When I don't its because the deflection is attempted to help my fellow poster stay calm.
I don't know any other techniques except what someone taught me 2 weekends ago and that's to just stop replying.

This P.I. thing is so new. No one I've ever met in my life has hired one.
I don't know enough about them and that's why I posted this thread.
I'm thinking I'd like advice on how they bill you, do you pay for travel? What's included? etc.

 

[Atom Smasher]

If you have someone investigated, you will find something that you will consider to be a deal breaker. When you're looking for a target, you find one.

Bear in mind that my observation is that men can and do change for the better. Women cannot. Women are static beings who rationalize away and minimize their past misdeeds. Therefore they can't fathom how a man lives... striving to correct his faults and past misdeeds. Just some food for thought.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Canadian Private Investigators

Find a Canadian Private Investigator for Surveillance, Infidelity, Undercover, Fraud, Electronic Countermeasures, Background Check

www.cpirc.com

hey thanks, I appreciate your help.

Sorry, I don't debate personal decisions man....actually the only debate I enter with vigour is if men start putting themselves down. I'm horrified when men feel weak. I think in my codependent brain that I'm helping by cheerleading them to raise their vibration.
I know I owe lots of energy back to the world for what I've been taught(survival, mechanical trade schitt, rational thinking techniques etc.)
I would like to stop feeling like that.

 

[metalwater]

If you have someone you trust, a friend who's been itching to set you up, you might wanna give it a shot.

if/when you meet the setup pay attention for physical attraction on both sides. if it is; can be a jackpot. if not; just like any other way of meeting drop it and move on no matter what the arrangers tell you.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

If you have someone investigated, you will find something that you will consider to be a deal breaker. When you're looking for a target, you find one.

Bear in mind that my observation is that men can and do change for the better. Women cannot. Women are static beings who rationalize away and minimize their past misdeeds. Therefore they can't fathom how a man lives... striving to correct his faults and past misdeeds. Just some food for thought.

I agree.
All humans can improve themselves.
The three biggest dealbreakers are the childfree by choice, sterile and sober.
I know there's a ton more negatives but those are my only three dealbreakers.

So only 18 year olds for me from here on out. What dealbreakers could have happened in only 18 years of life?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

if/when you meet the setup pay attention for physical attraction on both sides. if it is; can be a jackpot. if not; just like any other way of meeting drop it and move on no matter what the arrangers tell you.

yes, excellent point, can I tell you something?
I have forced myself to feel attraction.(read: faked it)
I won't do that again metalwater

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You shouldn't ask advise from anyone who doesn't have your best interest at heart, and who hasn't demonstrated personal success in the area in which you're looking for help. Family, family friends, childhood friends...

95% of people don't want you doing better than them, and 90% of people are happy you do have the problems you are having. So the "advise" they give you may be very well to keep you stuck.

No matter what anyone says about love being about trust, if you start getting feelings, and it starts getting serious, have him checked out for any deal breakers. Better that you get any bad news sooner than later.

As far as having kids, a PI can tell you if he's hiding any. As far as WANTING kids.... let's be honest, no man in his forties or fifties, marrying a woman in her forties, is planning to have kids. If he wants kids, he's looking for a woman in her early thirties, max. Still, if you get with a widower with grown, established kids, you don't need to work about any of that. You might end up babysitting some grandkids, though....
[/QUOTE]

good advice
the forgiving myself the hardest part-reading that brought the feels but I'm not about to cry in a tire shop waiting room ffs.
Good advice man. I haven't wrote out all the signs yet. Pretty painful and like a type of shame I feel(like I'm stupid)

Stupid for what?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

[/QUOTE]

Stupid for what?
[/QUOTE]
for falling for a liar

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Stupid for what?

for falling for a liar
[/QUOTE]
Good one!

 

[Lynx nkaf]

meh.
" those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" - quote by poet/philosopher George Santayana

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Good one!

meh.
[/QUOTE]
How did it effect your energy? When I connect with someone who might have a lot of "game" in their words, but they don't have as much power or competence in that space, I feel like it drags my energy down...

It's the same with being in a relationship with a "liar". They have a lot of game in their words. Game in their actions. They position themselves to benefit, don't care about you at at all or that much at all. Over time it's a "sucking" effect on my energy, drive, and clarity. It gets me depressed and frustrated. If I remove myself from them, those energies come back. Liars infect people in your environment to see the same as them, so they might mess up some of your former good connections.

Some of the guys have a few tests they run on a female to see if she is a "ho" ( too self serving ). They test for selfishness, and if she has the ability to prioritize him or his needs. It doesn't take too many tests. If they fail, then you let them go. Not a lot of time wasted, and a lot less pain than years down the tubes with someone who decreased your worth.

Think about that, that liar decreased your worth. Lied to your brain so many times. Possibly thrilled himself and pleasured himself with his lies at your expense. Building up "power" at the expense of the fvckery on you. Imagine that.

Energy is important.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

meh.

How did it effect your energy? When I connect with someone who might have a lot of "game" in their words, but they don't have as much power or competence in that space, I feel like it drags my energy down...

It's the same with being in a relationship with a "liar". They have a lot of game in their words. Game in their actions. They position themselves to benefit, don't care about you at at all or that much at all. Over time it's a "sucking" effect on my energy, drive, and clarity. It gets me depressed and frustrated. If I remove myself from them, those energies come back. Liars infect people in your environment to see the same as them, so they might mess up some of your former good connections.

Some of the guys have a few tests they run on a female to see if she is a "ho" ( too self serving ). They test for selfishness, and if she has the ability to prioritize him or his needs. It doesn't take too many tests. If they fail, then you let them go. Not a lot of time wasted, and a lot less pain than years down the tubes with someone who decreased your worth.

Think about that, that liar decreased your worth. Lied to your brain so many times. Possibly thrilled himself and pleasured himself with his lies at your expense. Building up "power" at the expense of the fvckery on you. Imagine that.

Energy is important.
[/QUOTE]
I know. Still miss his attention. Women are fvckked up that way.
I don't know why the quoted posts are doing this. These look strange.

He's sick a little bit. Bad experiences like what shell shock does to vets.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

How did it effect your energy? When I connect with someone who might have a lot of "game" in their words, but they don't have as much power or competence in that space, I feel like it drags my energy down...

It's the same with being in a relationship with a "liar". They have a lot of game in their words. Game in their actions. They position themselves to benefit, don't care about you at at all or that much at all. Over time it's a "sucking" effect on my energy, drive, and clarity. It gets me depressed and frustrated. If I remove myself from them, those energies come back. Liars infect people in your environment to see the same as them, so they might mess up some of your former good connections.

Some of the guys have a few tests they run on a female to see if she is a "ho" ( too self serving ). They test for selfishness, and if she has the ability to prioritize him or his needs. It doesn't take too many tests. If they fail, then you let them go. Not a lot of time wasted, and a lot less pain than years down the tubes with someone who decreased your worth.

Think about that, that liar decreased your worth. Lied to your brain so many times. Possibly thrilled himself and pleasured himself with his lies at your expense. Building up "power" at the expense of the fvckery on you. Imagine that.

Energy is important.

I know. Still miss his attention. Women are fvckked up that way.
I don't know why the quoted posts are doing this. These look strange.
[/QUOTE]
Dudes get fvcked up like that too. Its that stupid bonding with you captors effect... You need a new man. I think healing comes from the new but beneficial. interactions. Imagine if ypu can be as attracted with something good for you.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I know. Still miss his attention. Women are fvckked up that way.
I don't know why the quoted posts are doing this. These look strange.

Dudes get fvcked up like that too. Its that stupid bonding with you captors effect... You need a new man. I think healing comes from the new but beneficial. interactions. Imagine if ypu can be as attracted with something good for you.
[/QUOTE]
I have before but even then there's a saturation point. Dude always gets bored/distracted. Jealous of my confidence gains, even when I'm careful to give him praise and gratitude for helping me.
There's an expiry date like member SW15 here keeps saying 2-5 years

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There's no template for life, except for the universal dos and don'ts. Everything else is experience, observation, interpretation, and adaptation. I can't overlay your life experience onto my particular circumstances, and vice versa, without some degree of adaptation. That's why most advice, no matter how well meaning, is worthless, unless a person possesses the interpretive skills to determine what's applicable, and the adaptive skills to apply it.

Some people know the part of the "map" you are on and know how to get you to move in the desired directions if you will listen.

And I agree the information we have, the map we are on, the tools we have, the view point is all different.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

There's no template for life, except for the universal dos and don'ts. Everything else is experience, observation, interpretation, and adaptation. I can't overlay your life experience onto my particular circumstances, and vice versa, without some degree of adaptation. That's why most advice, no matter how well meaning, is worthless, unless a person possesses the interpretive skills to determine what's applicable, and the adaptive skills to apply it.

Gold post ShePays! This is valuable. I feel like quoting it.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Some people know the part of the "map" you are on and know how to get you to move in the desired directions if you will listen.

And I agree the information we have, the map we are on, the tools we have, the view point is all different.

I'm listening. Sorry I'm slow to apply.
Its my constitution. I am not pitta like someone like julien(I just subscribed to his email service and watched a high energy presentation of him leading men)
I'm kappha and slow. I need time to pass. I need careful thought and introspection.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

That's true, but this isn't a chess board, and you can't move another player's pieces.

Don't know how many times I'd like to make my sons' moves for them, but every player needs to make his own moves.

All we can do is advise...and maybe move to a different table, if our advice is ignored for too long.

maybe keep playing your own game superbly and lead by example

 

[Lynx nkaf]

That should always be every player's first priority.
https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/bo...pponents-simultaneously-hollywood-hotel-1964/

Oh wow!!
Low bow and a curtsy to Mr. Fischer, much respect.