Fuxked it up with the 'one'

[Happy2020]

So I've been seeing this great girl for over a year but true to form have been texting and keeping in touch with others during the whole time. She caught me texting a few times, nothing too shady but still suspicious. After confronting me with it, and me lying and having alot of word exchange with her calling me out on my behaviour, she ended it a week ago. She has gone NC and blocked me but I really feel dumb since I wanted to be with her. Lost opportunity. I did email her today to talk and she responded very stand offish. On the premise that she is a catch, and I fucxked up, advice please

 

[HyenaPrince]

Can you elaborate your relationship to her a little further? Were you exclusive? And what did she see when she "caught" you texting?

 

[Bible_Belt]

It sounds like it is over. You might be able to grovel your way back to her, but even if that worked, it wouldn't be worth it, because it would not be the same relationship anymore.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Assuming she was your committed girlfriend, why were you getting caught talking to other girls?

 

[Happy2020]

Can you elaborate your relationship to her a little further? Were you exclusive? And what did she see when she "caught" you texting?

We were exclusive for the majority of the relationship. She saw me asking an ex what her plans were whilst we were in bed (I know) and another time saw general chat with another ex over my shoulder when I was waiting for her. I told her they were just friends but she figuredout that they were exes

 

[Happy2020]

Assuming she was your committed girlfriend, why were you getting caught talking to other girls?

I've asked that question myself, validation, ego?

 

[EyeBRollin]

We were exclusive for the majority of the relationship. She saw me asking an ex what her plans were whilst we were in bed (I know) and another time saw general chat with another ex over my shoulder when I was waiting for her. I told her they were just friends but she figuredout that they were exes

It’s over. She can never trust you again. You brought this on yourself guy. If you’re gonna step outside your relationship, you can’t get caught. You must also accept losing her trust. She will never forget the lies.

 

[Spaz]

Whenever a man is caught/accused of texting, looking at another girl, going out with another girl, etc, never deny it, whether it's true or not.

The moment you deny is the moment you lost - regardless of the truth, she will think u r lying through ur teeth and ur reaction places her as the prize.

Admit everything and smile, then elaborate, setting the frame , that u r the prize to be won over.

The frame of a man who always wins even when he seemingly loses - that's what makes women biologically attracted to men.

For now, with this girl, you're lost frame, on many occasions by ur constant denial, forget her and move on.

Next time admit, and just say "may the best woman win", then smile. I know it will be against ur nature to do this, but women will take it as a challenge and they can't help it.

 

[Happy2020]

It’s over. She can never trust you again. You brought this on yourself guy. If you’re gonna step outside your relationship, you can’t get caught. You must also accept losing her trust. She will never forget the lies.

I didn't actually want these others, just texting etc that's the bad part. She was everything I could have wished for, going to regret this for a long time

 

[Lookatu]

Man, you messed up. It's time to accept it and move on. Once a woman is scorned, it's nearly impossible to get her back. If she does come back, it will never be the same and you'll be her slave and most likely, it will end again.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard....

You can likely salvage this, but do you really want to?

Think about this for a day before asking how.

Think to yourself... are you wanting her back due to ego loss? Sometimes it's difficult for people to distinguish the difference between a bruised ego and bruised heart.

If you still want some tips, ask in 24 hours (posting now and waiting for a response 24 hours later isn't the same thing)

 

[HyenaPrince]

We were exclusive for the majority of the relationship. She saw me asking an ex what her plans were whilst we were in bed (I know) and another time saw general chat with another ex over my shoulder when I was waiting for her. I told her they were just friends but she figuredout that they were exes

You definitely should have told her the truth. Lying only makes you look weak in these situations.

It's also a confession to yourself. By engaging in a monogamous relationship with a woman and going after other women nonetheless, shows that you settled by picking the first one. With that behavior you're implying that you're not worthy of a good woman.

But what happened, happened. You can only get her back if you're 100% honest and unapologetic about it. Tell her briefly why you felt the need to get in contact with your exes. Just do it in a descriptive and neutral way. You then tell her, that you guys can meet to talk about it once. If she isn't down for it, which probably will be the case, you wish her all the best and go about your day. Forget her after that.

As @Lookatu already said, it won't be the same if you get her back. She will watch each and every one of your steps and always be cautious when dealing with you. Do you really want her to check your phone for messages when you take a sh*t while she's at your place, or call you every 45 minutes when you're not together?

 

[jaymbrs]

I don't think you did anything worth breaking up over. If she ended it over you casually texting other women, exes or not, the relationship was already doomed. Sounds like she had trust issues or she was too egotistical. She already said she believes she's a catch so I'm leaning towards the latter.

 

[Happy2020]

She was definitely not a case of settling. I've had alot of women/relationships before her, some short and sweet a couple longer. I was definitely into her from the beginning but also have some other great girls around too hence the difficulty.

After the first lie she was suspicious but kept her cool, didn't spy or act possessive, her approach was to step back and observe...gave her kudos for that. Now I hear via via that she has been chatting to other guys too in the last few weeks...revenge perhaps

 

[Happy2020]

I don't think you did anything worth breaking up over. If she ended it over you casually texting other women, exes or not, the relationship was already doomed. Sounds like she had trust issues or she was too egotistical. She already said she believes she's a catch so I'm leaning towards the latter.

I said she was a catch. She does know her worth though for sure

As for is it enough to break up over? According to her lying is trust so yes it is a case of each to their own boundaries no?

 

[Happy2020]

Whenever a man is caught/accused of texting, looking at another girl, going out with another girl, etc, never deny it, whether it's true or not.

The moment you deny is the moment you lost - regardless of the truth, she will think u r lying through ur teeth and ur reaction places her as the prize.

Admit everything and smile, then elaborate, setting the frame , that u r the prize to be won over.

The frame of a man who always wins even when he seemingly loses - that's what makes women biologically attracted to men.

For now, with this girl, you're lost frame, on many occasions by ur constant denial, forget her and move on.

Next time admit, and just say "may the best woman win", then smile. I know it will be against ur nature to do this, but women will take it as a challenge and they can't help it.

Great mindset. She normally only dates alphas, so I can see how I come across as weak now

 

[Lookatu]

As for is it enough to break up over? According to her lying is trust so yes it is a case of each to their own boundaries no?

Ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot, would you have done the same thing?

Often we don't take accountability ourselves because a lot of guys here have a skewed perception and think guys can't be wrong.

You did go out with her for a year so it's not like you guys were just casual and it was understood or anything like that.

You messed up. Just accept it and move on. Don't try to hamster it or dive too much into it.

 

[malz1]

Admit everything and smile, then elaborate, setting the frame , that u r the prize to be won over.

The frame of a man who always wins even when he seemingly loses - that's what makes women biologically attracted to men.

This is weird and assholish in real life. Reads like some frame fantasy an autist came up with from being too deep in the internet theories.

 

[derby1]

This is weird and assholish in real life.

seems it, but every bloke who i know applied this frame, or similar, the woman still goes on about him 3 years later. she doesnt talk about the guy who took her for a 100 pound meal on the first date. she rants about the guy who couldnt care less

I see it all the time.

 

[malz1]

seems it, but every bloke who i know applied this frame, or similar, the woman still goes on about him 3 years later. she doesnt talk about the guy who took her for a 100 pound meal on the first date. she rants about the guy who couldnt care less

I see it all the time.

You're telling me you've seen guys who not only both cheated and got caught but smiled and shrugged it off...and often? I hardly believe that. Most ppl don't even know more than 2-3 guys who were just cheating.