Falling in love with the woman I've been seeing

[Henry Schweiss]

Wanting is the issue itself

I disagree. Desiring is sine qua non of human existence, from the physiological to the psychological level. It is the way of having contact with the Other. We must understand the roots of desire, whether it comes from a search for genuine pleasure or a need to fill a personal void (which will never be filled by Others, only by ourselves).

If we don't know what and why we want, we will always try to kill hunger by eating air. As a contextual example, take a look at "Don Juanism"

 

[Focal core]

Man, you've been here 10 years and ask beginner questions, with all due respect. It's a beautiful thing to feel this strongly for someone, but as others have said:
Your job is to have fun dates and have sex with her.
Her job is to suggest an exclusive relationship.
You don't want her to see other dudes? She will and there's nothing you can do to stop it, women are natural plate spinners. That's just how it works. Your job is to be her best option so she will voluntarily drop all other options to be with you. You don't remove women out of the sexual market, they remove themselves from the market because they want to be with you. Go against this and you'll eventually fail.
It sounds easy in theory but be her best option and you won't have to worry about that anymore.
This ultimatum thing is just weak and comes from neediness, this is not a good basis for a relationship and sets up for unhealthy codependence. You'll probably end up as the very jealous type.

In my past my ex wife lock me down ask for exclusivity way all down to marriage, then abruptly left.. Shes genuine bpd anyways.

 

[Focal core]

Hey, anyone can end up asking questions he knows the answers to. Once you start to really like/love a girl, you get crazy ideas. (But this is Sosuave, where nobody catches feelings...)

Anyway -

Enjoy the moment(s) with this girl and stop worrying about the future.

She wants it to be a movie, and it won't be much of a story if you spoil the ending.

Not only that, but she wants to think she's corralled you with her guile.

It's human nature to resent being patronized, which is usually how the other party feels when you start making plain your ideas about love and lust.

Agree with this, admire each other be playfully with her and gauges the reciprocity between you, if theres growth in intimacy there should be nothing to worried about much. Dont be needy ask for exclusivity.

 

[soulforge]

Bruv firstly you need to ignore the advice given to you by the vast majority on here!

This is now a matter of some urgency.. If you do not lock her down ASAP then there is a big chance she will bang someone else..

If the other guy bangs her better than you, then it's game over.. She will settle for the bigger D

Tell her you are not happy about her talking to other dudes, as it makes you feel insecure & jealous.. Tell her here on, you need to know exactly where she is going and who she is talking to.

I would also advise you to make random calls to her phone late at night, to make sure she is home alone.

If you make it clear to her, that you love her more than anything and could not bare her sleeping with another guy.. I promise she will fall madly in love with you.

Have you thought about making her wear something like this when she goes out?

I know it's not ideal.. But it will definitely reduce the chance of her seeing other guys.

Also write her some poetry man. Good luck

 

[Lynx nkaf]

(.....) I don't know if she's talking to anyone else, (....)

great thread for reminding me how fast I fall for the other person in dating.

Sosuave has helped me remain calm and rational in making emotional decisions.

.Paradox. , you don't have all the facts to make an emotional decision from a calm and rational standpoint.

How do you want to get all the facts?

Sosuave has helped me to decide to put down the money to hire a private investigator to get the facts one needs to make a calm and rational decision.

You don't know enough about her personally - see your partial quote above - and its not legally recommended to go following her around yourself(hire the P.I.)and it isn't Sosuave recommended to show weak frame by revealing your emotions when in this incomplete position lacking all the facts and options in the relationship.

 

[Korrupt]

Bruv firstly you need to ignore the advice given to you by the vast majority on here!

This is now a matter of some urgency.. If you do not lock her down ASAP then there is a big chance she will bang someone else..

If the other guy bangs her better than you, then it's game over.. She will settle for the bigger D

Tell her you are not happy about her talking to other dudes, as it makes you feel insecure & jealous.. Tell her here on, you need to know exactly where she is going and who she is talking to.

I would also advise you to make random calls to her phone late at night, to make sure she is home alone.

If you make it clear to her, that you love her more than anything and could not bare her sleeping with another guy.. I promise she will fall madly in love with you.

Have you thought about making her wear something like this when she goes out? View attachment 4450

I know it's not ideal.. But it will definitely reduce the chance of her seeing other guys.

Also write her some poetry man. Good luck

Bruv you just took several minutes to write up a sarcastic troll post with a gd paragraph AND a pic. And on top of that you have an AVI of your 15" arm on a website with only dudes. Lmfao. This forum is pure comedy.

great thread for reminding me how fast I fall for the other person in dating.

Sosuave has helped me remain calm and rational in making emotional decisions.

.Paradox. , you don't have all the facts to make an emotional decision from a calm and rational standpoint.

How do you want to get all the facts?

Sosuave has helped me to decide to put down the money to hire a private investigator to get the facts one needs to make a calm and rational decision.

You don't know enough about her personally - see your partial quote above - and its not legally recommended to go following her around yourself(hire the P.I.)and it isn't Sosuave recommended to show weak frame by revealing your emotions when in this incomplete position lacking all the facts and options in the relationship.

LOL more comedy gold from more keyboard warriors. This dude has 1322 posts in 8 months GOT DAYUM

 

[Lynx nkaf]

LOL more comedy gold from more keyboard warriors. This dude has 1322 posts in 8 months GOT DAYUM

not a dude, Korrupt, thanks for watching my stats...I appreciate the feedback

 

[Clamslammer]

This guy gets it. A couple other posters were around the nail, but this guy hits it on the head. Perfect response.

Also, if after 3 months someone doesn't want to be exclusive with you, it's a massive red flag and they likely will never want to be exclusive with you. So to reiterate, why should OP waste his time?



Good example of not "getting it" and being a blackpiller. Speaking in absolutes. By this guy's logic, every guy who's ever confessed feelings to a woman has been rejected--100% of the time. That's just not true. Is confessing your feelings the answer? No, not necessarily. But don't speak in absolutes like this. It's fvcking ridiculous.

Ohh trust me I get it. When you are in the early stages of dating which he is in you do not want to throw up your feelings on her or she will get turned off and you will come off as feminine. You want to maintain some mystery with a girl and you throwing up your feelings this early loses that.

Once you are in a relationship then you can display some of your emotions but even then keep it limited as you want to be her rock and that is what is attractive to a girl.

 

[Mbuckets82]

Wouldn’t he want to test her, see where she is about him by going a bit by not contacting her, being busy with his bro’s little by little?
Hard to believe but she knows how he feels already through actions. It’s tough I bet. But OP supposed to be in his masculine and stay there while she comes to him to be exclusive.
Is it 80/20 contact by her? I see nothing wrong with your feelings towards what you see as a 10 but she has gotta come to you. Hope it works out.

 

[Henry Schweiss]

Even Buddha said it best. Root of all suffering is desire/wanting/needing.
Don't confuse what i said with personal growth and fulfillment.
Different mindsets. I'm not referring to renouncing all possessions and sitting on a mountain somewhere.

It basically don't put your personal value in the game we play.

You are seeing things ontological, me, epistemological.

But, using the hook: trying not to desire is already desire. We "control" our desires only after we put in our conscious the whys.

Sorry for my English.
Thank you for your time. Adieu.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What would long term married or blue pilled men think of your assessment? Would they think your exaggerating or being misogynistic?

Wouldn't long term married or blue pill men think we are "wrong" and exaggerating and come to defend the ladies honor?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Its not normal for women to spin plates although some do it but i dont think that number is very high.
I think they move quicker from LTR to LTR.

Some of us thought with Facebook and Instagram that the "ho" mindset flourished and multiplied.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It very well maybe especially the younger demographic I'm speaking of their intrinsic nature to pair bond with one guy. There are certainly exceptions and escorts so....

Alot of em want to pair bond but that guy isn't trying to be caught. So she gets repeatedly pump and dumped.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Alot of em want to pair bond but that guy isn't trying to be caught. So she gets repeatedly pump and dumped.

Repeatedly pump and dumped until that part of her is broken. Now she's toxic.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

great thread for reminding me how fast I fall for the other person in dating.

Sosuave has helped me remain calm and rational in making emotional decisions.

.Paradox. , you don't have all the facts to make an emotional decision from a calm and rational standpoint.

How do you want to get all the facts?

Sosuave has helped me to decide to put down the money to hire a private investigator to get the facts one needs to make a calm and rational decision.

You don't know enough about her personally - see your partial quote above - and its not legally recommended to go following her around yourself(hire the P.I.)and it isn't Sosuave recommended to show weak frame by revealing your emotions when in this incomplete position lacking all the facts and options in the relationship.

This must be a troll post. Honestly if I ever found out a woman hired a PI when we started dating I would dump her immediately. This comes off as psycho behavior.

I mean who the hell hires a PI to learn about someone instead of just spending some time getting to know the person??

 

[Lookatu]

This must be a troll post. Honestly if I ever found out a woman hired a PI when we started dating I would dump her immediately. This comes off as psycho behavior.

I mean who the hell hires a PI to learn about someone instead of just spending some time getting to know the person??

Women that's been duped before hire or do background checks on any serious date/bf potentials. I've had this done on me a few times and they told me about it afterwards. I was ok with it and understood it. They were mostly in high career positions with a lot of things to lose on their end. I guess hiring a PI to follow you is different though than just having them do a background check on you.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

This must be a troll post. Honestly if I ever found out a woman hired a PI when we started dating I would dump her immediately. This comes off as psycho behavior.

I mean who the hell hires a PI to learn about someone instead of just spending some time getting to know the person??

Back,
each and every one I tried trusting without verifying.
I have never done my own investigating.
Never touched a boyfriend's cell or mail or opened anything...even if alone.
Each one eventually revealed lies.

All that wasted time Back.... I'd rather just drop 5,000 and learn in the first month what would have taken years.

What's another idea?
How do I get better at judging?
I have looked directly and deeply into my mate's eyes and had them lie bluntly to me.

Just chalk it up to bad luck?
I'm not comfortable disrespecting by touching their phone or things.

P.I. is a legal and ethical method.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This must be a troll post. Honestly if I ever found out a woman hired a PI when we started dating I would dump her immediately. This comes off as psycho behavior.

I mean who the hell hires a PI to learn about someone instead of just spending some time getting to know the person??

Get know them on what they "tell" you? Get to know them on their "best efforts" during the first 90 days? How do you really get to "know" them?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Do you know what the problem is? Even after you manage to surpass the first hurdle, namely getting exclusive with her, she will be a constant hustle. She will be so heavily high-maintenance that you're going to wish you were single again.

By judging your attraction level towards her, it's easy to tell you're only going to be even more attached and needy later on. You want her for yourself. It sounds like you're yelling inside your head "If she could only love me!". She probably already smelled your desperation and knows she has the whip hand, if you're not an impeccable actor that is.

I would really advise you to see other women on the side. This will cool you down and knock her off the pedestal. Trust me, you need it. Badly!

Pro level advice. Have you seen situations where the man was able to remove the "whip" from her habd and have the dynamic shift to where she is pursuing him.

 

[metalwater]

Back,
each and every one I tried trusting without verifying.
I have never done my own investigating.
Never touched a boyfriend's cell or mail or opened anything...even if alone.
Each one eventually revealed lies.

All that wasted time Back.... I'd rather just drop 5,000 and learn in the first month what would have taken years.

What's another idea?
How do I get better at judging?
I have looked directly and deeply into my mate's eyes and had them lie bluntly to me.

Just chalk it up to bad luck?
I'm not comfortable disrespecting by touching their phone or things.

P.I. is a legal and ethical method.

Never had a girl do that with me. I would be fine with it. I imagine they would hire a second one to validate the unbelievable things they would learn. My mode has always been just telling the truth, I have had to learn to only tell smaller parts of it and leave some for later. She should tell me that she is doing it because the trails left from that activity could bother me if I don't know who or why. In that context, it is not exactly honest to do it in secret; IMO.