What is frame? Simple IDGAF

[RickTheToad]

Countless threads here and video topics on AMS, Aaron Clarey, EIC, etc all asking about frame. Frame really is simple. You, as a man, have self respect and really DNGAF whether she stays, prays or strays. You have a purpose in life. Whether it's building a business or being the greatest basket weaver in the world. YOU are on your purpose. She steps out of line, you put her butt back in line and tell her next time, you will just walk away and never look back. Respect is everything in life.

One doesn't need an ego like Tim Duncan to command respect. Respect is earned, not given.

 

[Jack444]

Yes, I like this

 

[Glassguy]

Agree except the part of putting her back in line. I prefer to just use silence and distance and if the woman is too stupid to figure it out and correct her behavior, so be it. You never want to force someone to act a certain way because it wont last long. Instead make them choose to act a certain way so that they are investing, which will last much longer.

Without high standards of how we let people treat us, respect is a non issue. Any and all respect starts with self respect.

 

[RickTheToad]

Agree except the part of putting her back in line. I prefer to just use silence and distance and if the woman is too stupid to figure it out and correct her behavior, so be it. You never want to force someone to act a certain way because it wont last long. Instead make them choose to act a certain way so that they are investing, which will last much longer.

Without high standards of how we let people treat us, respect is a non issue. Any and all respect starts with self respect.

Depends on the infraction. A dude needs to start from the beginning and set up expectations from her. The GF said something other other day which I didn't appreciate. Not against me, but an overall statement. She corrected herself and apologized. Frame is set in the beginning.

 

[zekko]

I like the term Outcome Independence better. IDGAF conjures up too many negative images, at least for me.

 

[lamath]

Ngaf is king in most situation.

But I see this a bit differently, its more like not being influence and doing what bestt for us and what we want. Always thinking about yourself first.
Living by our own rules.

 

[Glassguy]

Ive never had to sit a woman down and have a "do's and dont's" conversation. Maybe its my frame, maybe its the fact that I can replace her time with another woman's time at the drop of a hat.........but I wouldnt do it. Nor would I waste my time doing it.

I prefer action over words. Anytime you have to tell someone how to act, they will only act that way around you and for only a short amount of time. If you train someone how to act, they will continue doing the behavior that you reward. Training comes from action. Training comes from repetition.

I have never been a fan of "changing" someone or their actions. Sooner or later they are going to be who they really are and thats when things dont work out anymore.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Depends on the infraction. A dude needs to start from the beginning and set up expectations from her. The GF said something other other day which I didn't appreciate. Not against me, but an overall statement. She corrected herself and apologized. Frame is set in the beginning.

Agreed that you should verbally communicate the infraction, how you feel about, and ramifications. This way, you're 100% crystal clear.

I had something happen about 3 years ago at a dog park where the girl I was seeing at the time flew off the handle and started yelling and making a scene because I casually glanced at another girl about 40 feet away.

I was laughing and trying to calm her down, because it was funny at first, but then when she kept on for another 5-10 minutes, I started getting really annoyed and turned to her and clearly said (paraphrase): "Laura, you're acting like an immature child and really being foolish. I don't like it and won't tolerate it. Stop it, now." She stood there with her mouth open (literally), and I turned around and started walking home alone. I got home, reheated some fish tacos, and 10 minutes later she comes walking through the door. She stomps upstairs and changes her clothes and comes back down. I say, "So I'm taking you home now?" She replies, "Oh, I can find a ride" and walks out the door into the dark of the night. I literally shrugged my shoulders and finished my tacos. When I was done and cleaned up, maybe 20 minutes later, I went outside and she was gone.

I never contacted or talked to her again.

Never accept or tolerate bad behavior---EVER.

 

[lamath]

Agreed that you should verbally communicate the infraction, how you feel about, and ramifications. This way, you're 100% crystal clear.

I had something happen about 3 years ago at a dog park where the girl I was seeing at the time flew off the handle and started yelling and making a scene because I casually glanced at another girl about 40 feet away.

I was laughing and trying to calm her down, because it was funny at first, but then when she kept on for another 5-10 minutes, I started getting really annoyed and turned to her and clearly said (paraphrase): "Laura, you're acting like an immature child and really being foolish. I don't like it and won't tolerate it. Stop it, now." She stood there with her mouth open (literally), and I turned around and started walking home alone. I got home, reheated some fish tacos, and 10 minutes later she comes walking through the door. She stomps upstairs and changes her clothes and comes back down. I say, "So I'm taking you home now?" She replies, "Oh, I can find a ride" and walks out the door into the dark of the night. I literally shrugged my shoulders and finished my tacos. When I was done and cleaned up, maybe 20 minutes later, I went outside and she was gone.

I never contacted or talked to her again.

Never accept or tolerate bad behavior---EVER.

You saved yourself lots of problem too

 

[RickTheToad]

Ive never had to sit a woman down and have a "do's and dont's" conversation. Maybe its my frame, maybe its the fact that I can replace her time with another woman's time at the drop of a hat.........but I wouldnt do it. Nor would I waste my time doing it.

I prefer action over words. Anytime you have to tell someone how to act, they will only act that way around you and for only a short amount of time. If you train someone how to act, they will continue doing the behavior that you reward. Training comes from action. Training comes from repetition.

I have never been a fan of "changing" someone or their actions. Sooner or later they are going to be who they really are and thats when things dont work out anymore.

Kudos for dating ladies who are mind readers. Ladies need direction and a dude with a strong self-worth/frame/etc or they will test. I don't do tests. I don't have time for that sh it. However, as long as your getting what you want out of her and she's following while you are leading, then you're aces in my book.

 

[Glassguy]

This isnt fvcking kindergarten and I dont have time to set all the rules in a sit down conversation.

Silence and distance is where it is at. I said nothing about mind readers. Start dating women with half a brain, use silence and distance along with pull back and you dont have anything to worry about.

 

[Glassguy]

Last year you were on here starting thread after thread about how women had you confused and what you should do. Glad you figured it all out in a year lol. Maybe you can take away their recess time if they act up lol.

 

[lamath]

This isnt fvcking kindergarten and I dont have time to set all the rules in a sit down conversation.

Silence and distance is where it is at. I said nothing about mind readers. Start dating women with half a brain, use silence and distance along with pull back and you dont have anything to worry about.

Sadly this is right and this is how some of us waste time and energy with crappy women.
Hoping they will change their ways
At what point enough is enough.... not always easy to judge, so we stay with their crap way too long, or even worst entangle our life with them even more, making braking up even harder.

In this situation right now, i think i waited too long.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Agreed that you should verbally communicate the infraction, how you feel about, and ramifications. This way, you're 100% crystal clear.

I had something happen about 3 years ago at a dog park where the girl I was seeing at the time flew off the handle and started yelling and making a scene because I casually glanced at another girl about 40 feet away.

I was laughing and trying to calm her down, because it was funny at first, but then when she kept on for another 5-10 minutes, I started getting really annoyed and turned to her and clearly said (paraphrase): "Laura, you're acting like an immature child and really being foolish. I don't like it and won't tolerate it. Stop it, now." She stood there with her mouth open (literally), and I turned around and started walking home alone. I got home, reheated some fish tacos, and 10 minutes later she comes walking through the door. She stomps upstairs and changes her clothes and comes back down. I say, "So I'm taking you home now?" She replies, "Oh, I can find a ride" and walks out the door into the dark of the night. I literally shrugged my shoulders and finished my tacos. When I was done and cleaned up, maybe 20 minutes later, I went outside and she was gone.

Wow.

I never contacted or talked to her again.

Never accept or tolerate bad behavior---EVER.

Sirach 25:25 ( https://www.bible.com/bible/431/SIR.25.25.GNBDK ) - Don't let a bad wife have her way, any more than you would allow water to leak from your cistern.

The bad behavior is made akin to a leak.

 

[Glassguy]

@lamath

Of all the women I have dated, I can only imagine if I sat any one of them down and had a conversation about their behavior:

Me: What you did missy is totally disrespectful! I expect better out of you next time!
Me: I am so disappointed in how you acted. It was disrespectful!

WTF?

How about just bounce. No words. No explanation. Just leave the situation.

@RickTheToad Do you honestly think a woman doesnt know when she is out of line or is being disrespectful? Seriously? You think you have to call her out on it for her to understand?

It comes across as butthurt and no other options. I dont care how you have that conversation.

Its always silence and distance. Always.

The chick I was engaged with after I divorced and I were on our way to dinner several years ago. During the 45 minute drive to where we were going, she did nothing but bytch about how bad her day was, how bad her week was, blah blah blah. About 20 minutes into this drive I couldnt take it anymore. I turned my truck around, took her back to her place, dropped her off and left. The only thing I said when she asked "What are you doing??" was : "Im done with this. Its not how I will spend a Saturday night".

Within an hour she was calling me up. Blowing my phone up with calls and texts. I ignored her. I ended up meeting some other friends of mine out for beers.

She didnt pull that shyte ever again.

See that is what RICK doesnt get. You cannot control someone else's actions. Only your own.

 

[RickTheToad]

This isnt fvcking kindergarten and I dont have time to set all the rules in a sit down conversation.

Silence and distance is where it is at. I said nothing about mind readers. Start dating women with half a brain, use silence and distance along with pull back and you dont have anything to worry about.

Not sure how silence leads, but whatever works for you.

Last year you were on here starting thread after thread about how women had you confused and what you should do. Glad you figured it all out in a year lol. Maybe you can take away their recess time if they act up lol.

It can be hard juggling more than a few ladies. I can admit it was a bit of a strain. Don't hate on me because I'm popular.

 

[Glassguy]

Not sure how silence leads, but whatever works for you.

I'm sure you dont. But you should learn.

 

[RickTheToad]

@lamath

Of all the women I have dated, I can only imagine if I sat any one of them down and had a conversation about their behavior:

Me: What you did missy is totally disrespectful! I expect better out of you next time!
Me: I am so disappointed in how you acted. It was disrespectful!

WTF?

How about just bounce. No words. No explanation. Just leave the situation.

@RickTheToad Do you honestly think a woman doesnt know when she is out of line or is being disrespectful? Seriously? You think you have to call her out on it for her to understand?

It comes across as butthurt and no other options. I dont care how you have that conversation.

Its always silence and distance. Always.

The chick I was engaged with after I divorced and I were on our way to dinner several years ago. During the 45 minute drive to where we were going, she did nothing but bytch about how bad her day was, how bad her week was, blah blah blah. About 20 minutes into this drive I couldnt take it anymore. I turned my truck around, took her back to her place, dropped her off and left. The only thing I said when she asked "What are you doing??" was : "Im done with this. Its not how I will spend a Saturday night".

Within an hour she was calling me up. Blowing my phone up with calls and texts. I ignored her. I ended up meeting some other friends of mine out for beers.

She didnt pull that shyte ever again.

I think ladies, in the beginning, like to test and see what they can and can't do. Thus, if you setup the situation on leading, frame and how she should behave/act in the beginning, then a dude would be golden. I've tried the silent thing in the past, doesn't always work, and they are often confused. Remember, most ladies act before thinking, not think before acting.

 

[RickTheToad]

I'm sure you dont. But you should learn.

Don't need too, as this works fine. Not hating on the way you do things. I am just giving the community another way to look at things. As long as the end goal is the same, it shouldn't be an issue.

 

[Glassguy]

I think ladies, in the beginning, like to test and see what they can and can't do. Thus, if you setup the situation on leading, frame and how she should behave/act in the beginning, then a dude would be golden. I've tried the silent thing in the past, doesn't always work, and they are often confused. Remember, most ladies act before thinking, not think before acting.

Thanks for the advice but I am good.

S&D works every time. If you can implement it the right way.

It should never be about "punishing" the woman and all about doing whats best for you.