I can't believe I'm 38 and haven't been on here in several years (Updates and suggestions needed)

[ThunderMaverick]

Hi everyone,

Years ago I used to post my stories, field reports, questions here. I don't want to go back and review everything in detail but:

When I left here I was in a 7 year relationship that I ended (it ended violently, with her throwing everything of mine out and her getting arrested, then a restraining order was falsely put on me, etc etc etc.).

Long story short I have my **** together for the most part. I'm in much better shape than I was since my breakup almost 4 years ago (I'm into calisthenics) , I have a decent 60-65k job with potential to make a lot more and I'm single, living in a 1 bedroom in a quiet neighborhood away from the city. I'm very happy with how far I've come and looking forward to going further.

In the last couple of years I've been working on myself and improving my shortcomings. I definitely can go further, but I'm itching to date and get laid on the regular. This might ultimately be a distraction, depending on where and how hard I look around.

I went on plenty of fish and I'm getting good looking girls (albeit my age...) to "meet with me" but no message responses. It's weird, like the site is 90% bots. I want to meet girls, but at my age I'm still trying to figure out where to go. I have a handful of friends and when they want to go out it's sporadic, they also have wives or girlfriends to keep them occupied so I'm the only single guy in my circle of guy friends. I want to meet up with folks in a similar mindset.

Any suggestions on places I should start?

 

[HyenaPrince]

Hi everyone,

Years ago I used to post my stories, field reports, questions here. I don't want to go back and review everything in detail but:

When I left here I was in a 7 year relationship that I ended (it ended violently, with her throwing everything of mine out and her getting arrested, then a restraining order was falsely put on me, etc etc etc.).

Long story short I have my **** together for the most part. I'm in much better shape than I was since my breakup almost 4 years ago (I'm into calisthenics) , I have a decent 60-65k job with potential to make a lot more and I'm single, living in a 1 bedroom in a quiet neighborhood away from the city. I'm very happy with how far I've come and looking forward to going further.

In the last couple of years I've been working on myself and improving my shortcomings. I definitely can go further, but I'm itching to date and get laid on the regular. This might ultimately be a distraction, depending on where and how hard I look around.

I went on plenty of fish and I'm getting good looking girls (albeit my age...) to "meet with me" but no message responses. It's weird, like the site is 90% bots. I want to meet girls, but at my age I'm still trying to figure out where to go. I have a handful of friends and when they want to go out it's sporadic, they also have wives or girlfriends to keep them occupied so I'm the only single guy in my circle of guy friends. I want to meet up with folks in a similar mindset.

Any suggestions on places I should start?

Which site are you on bro? Are we talking tinder?

 

[Kotaix]

Online dating apps are (almost) exclusively full of the kind of women you don't want to date. I just deleted all my OLD apps because they're a waste of time at best, and a scam at worst. They're also toxic to your mind if you start feeling inferior because of a lack of responses.

Stormrider has it right, meet women thru hobbies or activities where you can establish a personal connection.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Hey mate glad your job and finances are on point, I recall your name from the early 10s when I joined this board.

Anyway regarding online dating its usually crap and even more at our age.

I'm in my mid 30s too and in my opinion the company we could get in a criminal madhouse would surely be more pleasable than the one from dating apps, probably even safer.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Damn, I am surprised to hear that you guys are in your mind 30s and having so much trouble. These should be your peak SMV years. Isn't now the time that ya'll have more options (girls in their prime - around 23-24) than ever (provided you've been playing your cards right)?

 

[Black Widow Void]

Personally, I steered clear of the personals when nearly all the sites started leaning toward the "swipe" or "meet me" function. I mean ... seriously... would you actually want to meet a woman that could "swipe" or click "meet me" to 60 random guys in a matter of 60 seconds?

The only internet avenue I'd suggest these days is "meetup." If strategically used, it has its benefits.
You'll want to steer away from groups like "singles" or "20, 30 etc... something another get togethers." If those type of groups are already established, you'll find that it's rather incestuous and that there are a lot of 'town-bikes' within.
Instead, look for groups that seem personally appealing. You'll have an 'in' with breaking the ice with women and it'll appear non-intrusive. After the meetup, send them a message (to *ahem* follow up on the conversation you two shared) and then arrange a time to meet outside the group.

 

[metalwater]

Hi everyone,

Years ago I used to post my stories, field reports, questions here. I don't want to go back and review everything in detail but:

When I left here I was in a 7 year relationship that I ended (it ended violently, with her throwing everything of mine out and her getting arrested, then a restraining order was falsely put on me, etc etc etc.).

Long story short I have my **** together for the most part. I'm in much better shape than I was since my breakup almost 4 years ago (I'm into calisthenics) , I have a decent 60-65k job with potential to make a lot more and I'm single, living in a 1 bedroom in a quiet neighborhood away from the city. I'm very happy with how far I've come and looking forward to going further.

In the last couple of years I've been working on myself and improving my shortcomings. I definitely can go further, but I'm itching to date and get laid on the regular. This might ultimately be a distraction, depending on where and how hard I look around.

I went on plenty of fish and I'm getting good looking girls (albeit my age...) to "meet with me" but no message responses. It's weird, like the site is 90% bots. I want to meet girls, but at my age I'm still trying to figure out where to go. I have a handful of friends and when they want to go out it's sporadic, they also have wives or girlfriends to keep them occupied so I'm the only single guy in my circle of guy friends. I want to meet up with folks in a similar mindset.

Any suggestions on places I should start?

Friends of friends. Let your friends know that you're available. The women they are with might know of others... Might not get a keeper, but maybe some fillers. Not begging, just mention it. Sometimes pride can keep us from telling our friends who might be happy to help.

 

[AttackFormation]

You aren't around them that often in your mid 30s

I met up with my mom a week ago, and one of the things she somewhat gloomily said while discussing the sexual marketplace was "you'll have to find a sensible girl in university". The implication was that's all I might do, and if I didn't, that's it.

 

[SW15]

You should be proud of your 7 year relationship. If you exited a 7 year relationship with no kids and no divorce, you did ok.

A lot of people overrate the mid to late 30s in terms of SMV. Most men in their mid to late 30s aren't encountering a lot of eligible women. Their lifestyles are not designed well for this. This is why a lot of men are on swipe apps. They just aren't meeting enough women through their regular life activities. You don't want to be just another surplus penis on a swipe app. Women on swipe apps have hordes of men pursuing them, often hundreds of matches. These are women who in real life are big nothings. A 34 year old "5-6" woman who is barely being acknowledged in real life has a queue of hundreds of virtual men behind a screen. It is absurd.

The first thing you should do if you haven't done this already is survey your friends wives and girlfriends and see if they know any single and unattached women. Since most people's social circles are getting weaker, this likely won't result in anything but it's a checkbox activity. Also, a lot of women in longer term relationships don't tend to associate much with single and unattached women. Attached women tend to pal around with other long term attached women.

In the pandemic era, female friendly environments are harder to come by, simply because a lot of groups are not meeting in person now. Some places are doing fitness classes. At fitness classes, you're going to have to pretend there is no pandemic and do approaches without social distancing. Some women might be reticent with all the social programming going on about the 'Rona and distancing, but if she's horny enough, she'll ignore that shiit.

There's some other approaching that can be done. There's always outdoor approaching on the street or a walking/hiking path. The grocery store is going to be a tough environment with the masks. I wouldn't recommend the grocery store right now unless you've exhausted other options.

 

[Alvafe]

your age means little, its always on how much you do and want, putting effort goes so much you need to understand to put effort in the right way.

also note woman is NOT a measure of success, doing things you want to do is,

and as a guuys you should never look for marriage you should look for sex, if you find a woman who behave right and want you marriage will not even be considerated,

I met up with my mom a week ago, and one of the things she somewhat gloomily said while discussing the sexual marketplace was "you'll have to find a sensible girl in university". The implication was that's all I might do, and if I didn't, that's it.

that is also not a sure thing, I know both people, who dated during college days and are together, and people who are divorced already with the girl already sleeping around before that divorce, you know the main diference? the guy who is still together hold the marriage as long as he could, and still had fun teasing and annoying his wife, the other was wanting marriage after college, and of course the excuses the girl toss for her divorce was patetic, since I kewn her since then

 

[Lookatu]

A lot of great suggestions above.

As for OLD, it's not a bad thing necessarily to use it as a supplement, especially if you are photogenic or have above avg looks.
POF has been established as junk for the most part. I found Hinge to be the best in terms of finding people that are serious about a relationship. Here's one of the reason why it works better than others. Users are limited to only a low amount of swipes per day. This allows you to be seen and on the radars of others, unlike other apps where you might end up towards the bottom of the stack. Once again this lessens "The Paradox of Choice" theory and presents only limited selection to gals and guys to alleviate some of this.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I missed you guys. I'm starting to remember a lot of the really oldschool guys who were on here years ago. ST8UP, JoPhil (rip) LastManStanding BibleBelt (you still into crazy freaky ****?? lol). I'm sure Rollo is still around? Saw a video podcast with him in it several months ago. Guy is still a stud. I miss the sound advice and camaraderie here.

You should be proud of your 7 year relationship. If you exited a 7 year relationship with no kids and no divorce, you did ok.

I will admit it is hard for me to see it in this perspective. I always felt like I wasted time in that relationship - wasting time arguing and fighting every other day with a bi polar alcoholic. Although I can't say I passed my best years (I feel like I'm getting stronger in every aspect of my life, except socially) I do feel like so much of time could have been spent building better relationships and improving my situation. You are right, I should be proud I dodged a bullet, but I got beat with a bat for a few years lol


I should also clarify something - my previous relationship has left me so completely turned off from monogamy that I am actually looking for casual hookups/flings, but I want to meet like-minded people too. I enjoy physical activities, going out, kicking it with friends, but at the end of the day I do NOT want to come home to someone, at least for the next several years. I feel like I've improved more without someone in my life being a distraction for validation. I want to be single until i'm 45 lol Unfortunately not a lot of women my age want that. Living alone is great too and I never really had that opportunity until a couple of years ago honestly. I've been with roommates, relationships and before that, family, and it all sucked. It's also surprising how many people my age still have roommates. When bars reopened a couple of weeks ago I took a girl to my place to bang. All throughout the night she kept asking "You really live alone? No one lives with you??" She loved it. We banged in every room that night. Good times.

My problem is when I meet a girl and we start talking, she starts to like me for, well, me - which in turn gets her thinking long term relationship goals. I had a run in like this for a year before I literally got up from the table and walked out of the restaurant. I don't want to meet anyone who likes me for more than just a fling right now. I'm looking for just a fun causal thing.

Okay, so plenty of fish is out. I don't think i'll be trying tinder or going on hinge. I could do stuff like yoga or dance classes, but covid season rules that out. Maybe I should just wait a few more weeks before trying anything.

Edit: I found a girl who fit what I wanted (no relationship, just hanging out and ****ing) and she was PERFECT for my situation...except she ****ed a friend of mine so I was turned off after that lol

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hi everyone,

Years ago I used to post my stories, field reports, questions here. I don't want to go back and review everything in detail but:

When I left here I was in a 7 year relationship that I ended (it ended violently, with her throwing everything of mine out and her getting arrested, then a restraining order was falsely put on me, etc etc etc.).

Long story short I have my **** together for the most part. I'm in much better shape than I was since my breakup almost 4 years ago (I'm into calisthenics) , I have a decent 60-65k job with potential to make a lot more and I'm single, living in a 1 bedroom in a quiet neighborhood away from the city. I'm very happy with how far I've come and looking forward to going further.

In the last couple of years I've been working on myself and improving my shortcomings. I definitely can go further, but I'm itching to date and get laid on the regular. This might ultimately be a distraction, depending on where and how hard I look around.

I went on plenty of fish and I'm getting good looking girls (albeit my age...) to "meet with me" but no message responses. It's weird, like the site is 90% bots. I want to meet girls, but at my age I'm still trying to figure out where to go. I have a handful of friends and when they want to go out it's sporadic, they also have wives or girlfriends to keep them occupied so I'm the only single guy in my circle of guy friends. I want to meet up with folks in a similar mindset.

Any suggestions on places I should start?

Actually irl cold approach. Getting women your age is not a good time. I rather fap. OLD is cucked. You can do better.

Do not commit. Smash or next.

Finally, chat up EVERYONE.

DUDE= NEW MATES/GYM PARTNER/WING

WOMEN = CRUSH

I am younger than you but its getting gay at outings. Everyone playing house and being domesticated. Worse the girls are always tail end of 20 ie epiphany phase. HOW ****IN CONVENIENT!

Years ago, a rsd free tour was rammed as was inner circle. Most were phaggots but many were zealous and into game. Abysmal at it but... Its gone. Free tour has been quiet since julien gate.

I cannot stress approach everyone. Just be cool.. A lot of guys are soy and low T. A lot of women are disgusting and aborted fetuses. You are sifting through the garbage.

Enjoy the decline. Pillage what you can. Welcome back playboy.

 

[SW15]

I will admit it is hard for me to see it in this perspective. I always felt like I wasted time in that relationship - wasting time arguing and fighting every other day with a bi polar alcoholic. Although I can't say I passed my best years (I feel like I'm getting stronger in every aspect of my life, except socially) I do feel like so much of time could have been spent building better relationships and improving my situation. You are right, I should be proud I dodged a bullet, but I got beat with a bat for a few years lol

I should also clarify something - my previous relationship has left me so completely turned off from monogamy that I am actually looking for casual hookups/flings, but I want to meet like-minded people too. I enjoy physical activities, going out, kicking it with friends, but at the end of the day I do NOT want to come home to someone, at least for the next several years.

When bars reopened a couple of weeks ago I took a girl to my place to bang. All throughout the night she kept asking "You really live alone? No one lives with you??" She loved it. We banged in every room that night. Good times.

My problem is when I meet a girl and we start talking, she starts to like me for, well, me - which in turn gets her thinking long term relationship goals. I had a run in like this for a year before I literally got up from the table and walked out of the restaurant. I don't want to meet anyone who likes me for more than just a fling right now. I'm looking for just a fun causal thing.

An LTR is not a waste of time for the period of the relationship where the sex is frequent. For me, the sex frequency threshold is at least 2 days per week. Being in a relationship and having sex less than 2 days per week is a waste of my time. If the 4 week moving average of days of sex in a week falls below 2 per week, I have to seriously consider exiting.

A lot of long term relationships and marriages become wastes of time after 2-5 years because the sex frequency diminishes.

You have gotten laid since March 1 with a new woman, which is better than many.

Casual hookups and flings might become more difficult to come by in the pandemic era. Until herd immunity or a vaccine happens, this is going to be the worst mating environment in multiple generations. The mating environment pre-pandemic had a lot of faults, but everything is likely to get worse until about 2022.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

everything is likely to get worse until about 2022.

Why do you say that?

 

[SW15]

Why do you say that?

Many reasons...

1. Masks: Wearing a mask at the grocery store and other day game venues makes approaching more difficult since you can't read body language. You can see gauge eye contact but sometimes an eye contact and smile combination tells you that you're being invited to approach. I could argue that Millennials have gotten worse at body language signaling in the last 10 years pre-pandemic, but having fewer body language cues in an era of weakened body language certainly doesn't help the cause.
2. Bullshiit societal programming regarding physical distancing: The nation's top epidemiologists are out of touch and full of shiit. Deborah Birx is a post menopausal hag who was last single in the 1970s. Anthony Fauci is 80 years old. They can't relate to the modern single person, especially the single person under 40. Both of them slept through Psychology 101, not realizing the importance of sex. They don't understand sociological trends with fewer people living with a sex partner. Physical distancing just doesn't work in an era with more single and unattached people and single and marginally attached people. Yet this whole physical distancing agenda is being pushed and women eat it up. Men do too, to an extent. A lot of in-person approaches are discouraged due to societal programming from the COVID boogeyman. Sex with someone who doesn't live in your household now is considered a higher COVID risk activity.
3. Bar closures. That affects night game and same night lays at the bars. Additionally, this would impact the swipe app environment since bars are a common first date from swipe apps. Bars are also a common first date location even if two people meet offline in a non-bar venue.
4. Decline in other public gatherings: Other offline female friendly environments are not meeting due to pandemic. Think dance studios and indoor dance classes. If you take salsa dance classes and then go out to salsa clubs to meet women, that's not happening now. Other groups aren't meeting, Co-ed sports leagues aren't being played.

There are probably more reasons that aren't coming to mind right now but are totally valid.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Many reasons...

1. Masks: Wearing a mask at the grocery store and other day game venues makes approaching more difficult since you can't read body language. You can see gauge eye contact but sometimes an eye contact and smile combination tells you that you're being invited to approach. I could argue that Millennials have gotten worse at body language signaling in the last 10 years pre-pandemic, but having fewer body language cues in an era of weakened body language certainly doesn't help the cause.
2. Bullshiit societal programming regarding physical distancing: The nation's top epidemiologists are out of touch and full of shiit. Deborah Birx is a post menopausal hag who was last single in the 1970s. Anthony Fauci is 80 years old. They can't relate to the modern single person, especially the single person under 40. Both of them slept through Psychology 101, not realizing the importance of sex. They don't understand sociological trends with fewer people living with a sex partner. Physical distancing just doesn't work in an era with more single and unattached people and single and marginally attached people. Yet this whole physical distancing agenda is being pushed and women eat it up. Men do too, to an extent. A lot of in-person approaches are discouraged due to societal programming from the COVID boogeyman. Sex with someone who doesn't live in your household now is considered a higher COVID risk activity.
3. Bar closures. That affects night game and same night lays at the bars. Additionally, this would impact the swipe app environment since bars are a common first date from swipe apps. Bars are also a common first date location even if two people meet offline in a non-bar venue.
4. Decline in other public gatherings: Other offline female friendly environments are not meeting due to pandemic. Think dance studios and indoor dance classes. If you take salsa dance classes and then go out to salsa clubs to meet women, that's not happening now. Other groups aren't meeting, Co-ed sports leagues aren't being played.

There are probably more reasons that aren't coming to mind right now but are totally valid.

By why 2022 specifically? I’d imagine things would go back to normal in about a month or 2, 3 max. I can’t see this thing lasting till the end of the year really, it’s just too bogus honestly.

 

[SW15]

By why 2022 specifically? I’d imagine things would go back to normal in about a month or 2, 3 max. I can’t see this thing lasting till the end of the year really, it’s just too bogus honestly.

That's probably when the vaccine arrives and the economy resembles something familiar. It's already been 4-5 months. Cases are currently out of control in the Sun Belt states.

Pre-pandemic, the mating environment was already leaving a lot to be desired, and the reasons I quoted above really compounded it.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

That's probably when the vaccine arrives and the economy resembles something familiar. It's already been 4-5 months. Cases are currently out of control in the Sun Belt states.

Pre-pandemic, the mating environment was already leaving a lot to be desired, and the reasons I quoted above really compounded it.

I doubt it’d take a year and a half for things to return back to normal.

 

[SW15]

I doubt it’d take a year and a half for things to return back to normal.

It took multiple years after the late 2000s/early 2010s recession for a lot of people to recover economically. COVID is an economic and social disaster.