Do you think men should try to become "friends" with women as a first step into becoming lovers with them?

[harrison9876]

My question would be what is your definition of FRIEND? A girl you talk to like a guy friend...hang out with...let her call you and talk about her problems...you call her to see what is up...blah blah blah...? In short, you being her GIRLfriend?

OR

An acquaintance type friend?

I am friends with girls in class...I have their numbers...but I do not call them...and they do not call me. We chat and catch-up in class...but that is it. I have occasionally gone out as a group with those girls...but none of them I am attracted to. If their was one, I would just ask her out and take it from there. I have also been friends with girls who have serious boyfriends...and also when I was in a relationship. yet I NEVER hung out with them. I have made moves on girls who I knew for a while who had boyfriends and are now single...but that is far and few between.

Those I would say are platonic acquaintance type friends...where one does not fall into the "girlfriend" trap.

If you are not treating a girl you want as a "friend" (see my first paragraph) in order to get more...then you are doomed to fail. I have learned my lesson doing this, the hard way.

What is the point of befriending...?

That said...I saw something on VH-1 or E! or something...where the interviewer asked random girls on the street, "if you had a guy friend who really liked you more than a friend...what can he do or say to show you?" (or something along those lines)...

The response from most of the girls was "uuuuuhhh...make a move!".

Not sure if those girls are referring to guys in their life who are like "girlfriends"...or acquaintance type friends...I would assume the latter.

 

[bat soup]

Women can also be useful occasionally.

 

[Mike32ct]

Friends in the same sense as you're friends with a guy? No.

Friends meaning acquaintances for light hearted fun once in a while? Sure, but not as a strategy. Too many men around here and in general are strategizing when they can just go with the flow and not care.

Exactly. It's NOT a strategy at all. It's just having a social life. Some women are cool people.

 

[user252009]

would be interesting to have some genuine female perspective here, wonder what their take on this would be

 

[Robert28]

Friends in the same sense as you're friends with a guy? No.

Friends meaning acquaintances for light hearted fun once in a while? Sure, but not as a strategy. Too many men around here and in general are strategizing when they can just go with the flow and not care.

A lot of men have been burned badly by female friends in the past, I’ve been burned twice. It’s a job to keep them at a distance because they will try to treat the friendship like a relationship without sex. It’s also not fun being around someone that doesn’t find you sexually attractive. Now, if a woman is dating a friend or something along those lines, that’s completely different. She’s part of my social circle. BUT just making friends with a woman? Hell no.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No. Women are for sex. That should be every man’s #1 objective. Romance the woman into sex. If a man does this, she will make everything else in the relationship fall into place.

 

[Robert28]

Burned, how?

I've been wrong about a girl's interest, even sad because of it, but it wasn't her fault.

It really isn't such a big deal if you don't make it so. Men take women way too seriously.

If the women will stay at a great distance and not need your constant attention, then that can work. But the rub is if you’re enjoyable to talk to and be around, they’re going to want to feed off of that constantly.

 

[Robert28]

Yes

And

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

If you're trying to worm your way into some chick's heart, through the service entrance, be cause you're a pusssy and/or a loser, and you think she's otherwise out of your league, then....HELL NO!

If you're just keeping a constant stable of cute chicks on-deck, in YOUR friendzone, in case you ever an opening to fill, and might like to have applicants for the position on standby...or just because it's always a good idea to keep your sword sharp...then, definitely YES!

The whole “worming your way into a girls heart through friendship” isn’t what usually goes on. In fact, it’s the opposite. What happens is guy likes girl, guy asks out girl, she may say no or she may go on a few dates and THEN friendzone him. What happens next is the female likes the attention, pursues the guy to get more of said attention, guy still has crush on girl and girl uses that against him. Now, I’ll admit most guys should walk away but I’ve had women word it “hey, I like you, I enjoy being around you but I’m still hung up on my ex. But I want to continue hanging out” and they mean it! It’s a blowoff but it’s a blowoff to still keep you around. Then come the daily flirty texts, the calls, the “friend dates”, everything like a relationship but not a relationship. Guy thinks “damn I’m so close, just gotta try a little harder.” It’s easy to get sucked into this type of friendship because women have had years and years to perfect this skill. A guy might encounter a friendzone scenario 2-3 times in his life, a girl encounters it TENS if not HUNDREDS of times. She knows what she’s doing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

How it really happens, is a guy is attracted to the babe, and she makes him a "friend" because she is not seeing him like that or she has another man or more already between her legs. She asks "friend" to do all these things the guys hitting it should be doing, and if friend goes along with it ( he probably doesn't mind for some small things ), then he's kinda "cucking" himself energy wise.

Because her body belongs to another guy (temporarily), he's wasting all this time submitting to her wishes, and getting a non-sexual type of energy.

If the guy obligues to one request, she may make another and another. Locking him into a position.

For the purposes of this forum, female friends are okay. It's just best not to spend that much time at all around them, unless you have a woman that your fvcking. And in my honest opinion a female friend WILL do favors for you and will come to you and help you. And don't let female friends ask you to do things that their "man" should be doing. Charge them $$$.

And of course guys not hanging around on this site, might be a "friend" to a female and show her "how she should be treated", because perhaps she tends to get shytty deals from guys she's with. In 2020 that's stupid due to female abundance.

Back in 1970, that may have been a somewhat workable strategy. But females will slot you in a category, and jumping out of a box she put you in is nearly impossible.

As a matter of fact, for anyone "dating" we should always be around females who find us sexually attractive, and exciting. And who want to have sex with us. A exception can be made for a lady who is so much of a great time, that energetically, that you do get something out of the interactions with her. But as a default, women come to get the mans energy...

For most of the guys here including myself it makes sense to spend most time around babes who are putting out, who see us as a top sexual choice. That will keep your swag at it's highest level.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The whole “worming your way into a girls heart through friendship” isn’t what usually goes on. In fact, it’s the opposite. What happens is guy likes girl, guy asks out girl, she may say no or she may go on a few dates and THEN friendzone him. What happens next is the female likes the attention, pursues the guy to get more of said attention

Dude, some of them NEED that attention from that certain guy(s), it's not just any attention. Each of us guys have different energies and attentions.

, guy still has crush on girl and girl uses that against him. Now, I’ll admit most guys should walk away but I’ve had women word it “hey, I like you, I enjoy being around you but I’m still hung up on my ex. But I want to continue hanging out” and they mean it! It’s a blowoff but it’s a blowoff to still keep you around. Then come the daily flirty texts, the calls, the “friend dates”, everything like a relationship but not a relationship. Guy thinks “damn I’m so close, just gotta try a little harder.” It’s easy to get sucked into this type of friendship because women have had years and years to perfect this skill. A guy might encounter a friendzone scenario 2-3 times in his life, a girl encounters it TENS if not HUNDREDS of times. She knows what she’s doing.

Safest for us to deal with females who have the strongest preference to us, that means were hitting it consistently. True female friends will happen, but those will want to do us favors and like to see us strong and happy, they won't ask for too much.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Dude, some of them NEED that attention from that certain guy(s), it's not just any attention. Each of us guys have different energies and attentions.


Safest for us to deal with females who have the strongest preference to us, that means were hitting it consistently. True female friends will happen, but those will want to do us favors and like to see us strong and happy, they won't ask for too much.

all true

 

[corrector]

No. Women are for sex. That should be every man’s #1 objective. Romance the woman into sex. If a man does this, she will make everything else in the relationship fall into place.

But sex produces babies. You have kids?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Sex produces babies. You have kids?

Naw. Condoms work.

 

[Robert28]

There's just so much there to unpack. If you're "holding out hope," you're instantly wrong. Hoping is longing, and longing is only a stone's throw from stalking....and stalking never leads anywhere good, for anyone. If you both think she's too good for you, you're probably both right. Find a girl your own speed, or just focus on yourself....as long as that doesn't mean hanging out in your mom's basement, playing video games. If you wouldn't be inspired by a movie about whatever it is you spend your time doing, maybe you shouldn't spend your time doing it.

I had a friend who had a crush on a chick he worked with, but he thought she was too good for him, and she knew it. He was like a puppy dog for her. Well, he was a good guy, with a lot going for him, but he wasn't exactly confident with women. He was probably a 7.5, but he seemed to end up with these chubby 4s with mental problems.

Anyway, one day this chick from work hears my buddy is looking for a roommate, and let's it be known that she's looking for a new place. My buddy sees this as his in, and offers her the spare room in his apartment.

I told him exactly what would happen, if he went through with it, but, pathetically, he actually looked forward to the fulfillment of my prognostication. I told him, he'd end up paying all the bills, for which she'd reward him with sex, and make him feel like she was doing him a favor, and that eventually -- sooner than he thought -- he'd get tired of having sex with her, and of paying her bills, and would want her to move out, but would end up moving out, himself. He was almost embarrassed to complain to me about the mess he'd gotten himself into.

You can put any spin on it you want, but if you're hoping your friendship with the "hot chick" will blossom into something more, be careful what you wish for. Making yourself a pathetic creature isn't going to make you happy. Just avoid the girl. Put her out of your mind. And, if she ends up stalking YOU...you probably won't like it as much as you think you will, anyway.

I think the friendzone means different things to different people. I’ve been in it twice and it’s no fun at all. The funny thing is I got out of it both times by meeting another woman, first time was by accident and second time was on purpose. Not all guys that hang around in the friendzone with one particular girl are bad with women, they just somehow got stuck on that one particular girl and I laid out the ways it can happen. I’ve also learned that if any woman mentioned the word friend around me now, she gets ghosted. I barely even do aquaintences with women because the friendzone has left such a bad taste in my mouth. It may be an extreme reaction on my part but it keeps me from making that mistake again. I don’t mind if a woman thinks she’s better than me or above me, she can think that. It’s just one woman and there’s plenty more out there for me to meet.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sure, but that isn't someone you want to pursue a relationship with. That was my point.

That's what he said. Energetically wise even if she want to "use" you in a "relationship" it will cost you confidence and self worth. Think about the attention she's giving you? Think about how she would act around you. Think about how much she'd care.

 

[Robert28]

Sure, but that isn't someone you want to pursue a relationship with. That was my point.

Ironically, you as the man can flip that script. You have all the power even though it doesn’t seem like it. How? Go get an equal or better looking woman than the friendzoner. See, most guys wouldn’t even be in the friendzone if they didn’t make a huge misstep somewhere or even a slight mistep, then they keep digging and it makes it worse. Women claim it’s about lack of attraction but it’s a lie because the women started out liking me but I screwed up somewhere and killed the attraction so in the friendzone I went. A better looking woman gives you a clean slate to work from, and she sort of gives your friendzoner the middle finger. The friendzoner might seem like she’s not bothered by it, but she is trust me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ironically, you as the man can flip that script. You have all the power even though it doesn’t seem like it. How? Go get an equal or better looking woman than the friendzoner. See, most guys wouldn’t even be in the friendzone if they didn’t make a huge misstep somewhere or even a slight mistep, then they keep digging and it makes it worse. Women claim it’s about lack of attraction but it’s a lie because the women started out liking me but I screwed up somewhere and killed the attraction so in the friendzone I went. A better looking woman gives you a clean slate to work from, and she sort of gives your friendzoner the middle finger. The friendzoner might seem like she’s not bothered by it, but she is trust me.

Friendzoner will be down to fvck to keep your attention.

 

[Robert28]

Friendzoner will be down to fvck to keep your attention.

I’ve had them dangle that carrot but I didn’t take the bait. They’d have to be naked in my bed for me to believe they had a true change of heart. Most of the time they just pout and throw a tantrum and act passive aggressive towards me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I’ve had them dangle that carrot but I didn’t take the bait. They’d have to be naked in my bed for me to believe they had a true change of heart. Most of the time they just pout and throw a tantrum and act passive aggressive towards me.

Your right. It's usually a carrot. Friendzoner wishes to keep you in position. She
Feels superior to you and won't have anything changing it.

 

[In2theGame]

Do you think men should try to become "friends" with women as a first step into becoming lovers with them?

Absolutely - Fvcking - Not. IMO, A Man should never do this.

I'm not going to rehash my history but again, i've been with many Women and as good as i've been, I have had my fvck ups with them and lessons learned. If you were to go the route of "Friends First" you will most likely either stay in that friendship status or will be used for other purposes other than sex, Which is what you truly want. If you want sex from a Woman, you need to let her know that. Depending on your personality and boldness, you need to let it be known that you find her sexually attractive and desire sex with her. You may not have to tell her like this "Hey Lisa, I want to have sex with you" but you need to be smooth about it. Tell her something like "Hey Lisa, remember that black dress/skirt you were wearing the other day?" She'll say something like.... "Oh yeah, what about it?" You respond with "You were looking sexy as hell in that" She might hit you up with something like "lol omg oh really" and this is where you pull the trigger and tell her "Yes, I kept thinking about sliding it off of you" BOOM.... her response WILL let you know if she's truly down for you or just wasting your time.

This is a bit off topic but i'll share a quick story of an irish girl I met in midtown Manhattan one night 5 years ago. We made plans to meet up and get a drink... While I was at work, we texted briefly and told her the time and place for Saturday night. She then asked me "What are we going to do on Saturday night?" and at first i was hesitant to say anything too crazy but then i thought about it and figured fvck it and responded with "After we get a drink im going to bend you over and make you cvm". Now im not going to lie, my heart was racing as it took 5 min for her to respond and part of me was thinking oh well i fvcked up the date plans lol but i figured, theres millions of girls out there and atleast i was straight up about it. 5 min later she responded with "Nice " The rest is history but anyway, the point is always be straight up with them.