Broke no contact after 4 months.

[RicBoy]

So you are pining away for a woman who is unforgiving? And whom you consider fat?

Women cannot handle the abuse you unloaded on her. She has shut you down in order to protect herself. Once that door is closed it can never, ever be opened again.

I’m sorry to see that you need to suffer even more in order to learn experientially what we’re trying to convey here.

Read my second paragraph again and a third time and a fourth until it sinks in. This one is broken beyond repair.

It takes two to tango. You both screwed up. So what? We have all screwed up relationships in our past. The way to get over it is to walk away and resolve to make yourself a better man. That includes forgiving yourself. A part of this is that you want to make it right in order to be able to forgive yourself. In cases like this, the ship has already sailed, and that’s impossible. You need to take your loss, and leverage it as a springboard to a better future.

All this pining away for the relationship and lack of self-forgiveness is eroding you. It’s eating you alive. You will be amazed at the exhilarating freedom you will soon feel if you write this relationship off and move forward.

Thank you a lot man.
I think you're right it isn't just "needy" or "weak" email I sent her... I did unload a lot on this woman. Shoved her, screamed, alle her fat bixt, and a hell of lots of stuff. That's why the cut me off completely and is not replying to my email after 4,5 months NC. She will come around soon for thr kids but she will do it for the kids, will keep her distance and most likely will test me trying to trigger me to see if I still react and lose it again calling her nasty stuff..

My birthday text and email maybe weak but are trying to portrait that I just wanna have things in good terms and that I'm "changed" now that some time went by

 

[Aniki1818]

Listen, it's hard to let it go and stay silent when you feel embarrassment and shame, but the more the reach out the more you're going to feel this way. Trust me I know where you are, youre gonna try and say things to get some respect and/or reasoning back. I know you long for a text back or an explanation but this is not going to happen. Women don't roll like that.

Remember, with women it's always intuition, emotion and then rationale/reasoning. It has been proven, In that order. Her intuition says No. Her emotion says No when you contact her. Her reasoning also says No. The best time to try and move on was 4 months ago, the second best time is right now.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Relax OP we all did make that or similar mistakes, see the positive sides of that.

You learned a valuable lesson that will help you in the future and also she know thinks "she won" therefore are less lileky to happen attempts of revenge or gossip from her side.

 

[RicBoy]

Thanks guys. I'm. Back in no contact. Feel bad i broke it after 4,5 months. The birthday text was OK. The email was cringy, asking to be in good terms. Let alone the fact I created a new email to text her and texted her friend to pass my birthday text. Her friend read it but didn't reply either. Women are cold. My ex knows what she is doing by ignoring me.
I'm not reaching out no more guys.

Don't wanna sound like a broken record. But whenever she reaches out which will be around August 15th when my son is here. I'll just reply to her strictly about pick up times and that's it. Handle the kid, Hi and bye. No more validation for this woman who wasn't even capable to say thanks to a birthday msg after 4,5 months NC.

 

[derby1]

she should not be even seeing your son, she has nothing to do with your son. its creepy and she is rinsing your time,.

women get great gratification of knowing the still are involved with a man, but he has no access to her Golden gates

 

[RicBoy]

Looking back, instead of texting her friend to pass a birthday msg , and send an email. I probably should have just called my ex straight and tell her happy birthday.
Now calling probbaky would be a terrible idea after those msgs?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Thank you a lot man.
I think you're right it isn't just "needy" or "weak" email I sent her... I did unload a lot on this woman. Shoved her, screamed, alle her fat bixt, and a hell of lots of stuff. That's why the cut me off completely and is not replying to my email after 4,5 months NC. She will come around soon for thr kids but she will do it for the kids, will keep her distance and most likely will test me trying to trigger me to see if I still react and lose it again calling her nasty stuff..

My birthday text and email maybe weak but are trying to portrait that I just wanna have things in good terms and that I'm "changed" now that some time went by

Physical and verbal abuse is criminal and against most country's laws. It is a big red flag no matter if she started it or you did.
I read that you expect midAugust to be a turning point in your healing and acceptance.
Looking at that, today is last day of June so mid August is about 6 weeks from now.
Can you go to your doctor/clinic/walk into emergency department of hospital and ask if they can get you someone you can talk to about the thinking you've been doing about your ex and this therapist can help you plan how to act like a respectable man in the middle of August when you predict you're going to see her again?

So #1 go to the doctor, clinic or hospital and ask for a referral for someone to talk to
#2 tell about all the bad stuff, red flags first
#3 tell about how you're looking for help to be a better, respectable man in time for the middle of August when you expect to see her in person again.

Alot of selfimprovement can happen in six weeks man!!!
Stay positive but it is important you get that therapist to talk to.

 

[Aniki1818]

You're going fatal dude. This is very painful to watch. Next step may be to seek professional help.

 

[Mike41090]

I sent her one last email 3 days after the birthday text and I'm 100% done now... It's up to her now. I sent from a other email account I have so I'm positive I'm not blocked.

Hello xxx,

I thought of you Thursday on your birthday. In fact, I have thought for a long time now if I should write you or not.

I know we aren't on speaking terms anymore, and I know I definitely played my part in leading things down that path. Looking back, I wish I had better control over my emotions during all of it, as a lot of things were said and done that neither of us deserved.

Even if we never talk again the one thing I never wanted to be was your enemy, and so I won't be.

What I'm trying to say is I would like to have things in good terms with you, especially due to the fact that our kids are so close. I have turned my life 180 degrees around and Roni will move here soon.

You don't have to worry, no, I won't be starting texting, calling you or anything. I respect you, your daughter, your home and all the boundaries that were set for me.
I'm only writing you because I valued what we had and I value you as a person, so this my only and last attempt to let you know that I'm here for you if you wanna talk, clear the air, etc.
Take your time to think, I'm in no hurry.

Have a great summer,
Ricardo

Your a lost cause. I stated earlier the birthday text was a “nail in the coffin” move. This email is literally on another level terrible move. Why are you even on this forum if your not even heeding anyone’s advice? It seems as if you are just here to tell your story and have someone to talk to or something. You do know when it comes to emails she’s going to have that forever and most likely show all of her friends that email and have a nice laugh about it. At this point you’ve LITERALLY raised the white flag and pled mercy to this girl. I’m actually curious to see what your next move is lol. Just when I thought you couldn’t do any more damage to your chances in this relationship, you come up with something to top it. I’m defnitely going to keep following this thread because it seems entertaining at the rate your going.

 

[Glassguy]

This is like a car crash that ends in fire and blood. Yet we all want to watch it happen, knowing what we are going to see.

OP- My ex sent me a "Happy Birthday....hope all is well" text 2 weeks ago. Want to know what I responded with?

"Thanks. Doing great....never been better".

Oh and her bday was several months ago. Want to know what Glassguy texted her? Nothing.

 

[RicBoy]

I'm not doing too well if I'm honest guys. Maybe I need seek professional help. It'd not about being weak or strong anymore. I'm really in physical pain. I can't move on left go. I have the need to call her which I haven't yet. Very day is painful. I know I'm gonna see her in few weeks and is gonna be a hell, me trying to get her back and her probably cold...

I always put myself in these positions, that's why all my exes treat me like dirt.

 

[Glassguy]

I always put myself in these positions, that's why all my exes treat me like dirt.

Yep.

You teach people how you want them to treat you by allowing them to continue either positive or negative actions towards you.

You should probably exit the dating scene and work on yourself for a while.

How long did you date this chick?

 

[RicBoy]

Yep.

You teach people how you want them to treat you by allowing them to continue either positive or negative actions towards you.

You should probably exit the dating scene and work on yourself for a while.

How long did you date this chick?

7 months but we worked together, well I worked for her and we were together 6 days a weeks.

 

[Robert28]

flowers. Have you tried flowers? LOTS of flowers. And a singing delivery boy.

try that. It’ll work.

 

[Glassguy]

7 months but we worked together, well I worked for her and we were together 6 days a weeks.

7 months? And it ended 4 months ago?

Seriously man. Ive had FWBs that lasted longer.

I understand that you built an attachment to this chick, but what good will come from mourning this break up? I mean in 4 months she has been banging other guys (if she is attractive at all).

Why arent you just moving on? Often you will find someone totally better but that will never happen if you stay in the same place you are currently in.

Its over. You need to accept it and move on.

 

[Glassguy]

flowers. Have you tried flowers? LOTS of flowers. And a singing delivery boy.

try that. It’ll work.

Dont forget a big box of chocolates, a hand written poem and an enormous stuffed teddy bear that breaks the bank.

OP- this was total sarcasm. Do not do any of this. You are being a creeper at this point. Delete her number and move on. Nobody here can help you if you want to sit in your own shyte and not heed advice.

 

[peeps]

For reference my stripey in under the thread "current situation".

Yesterday I sent my ex gf a birthday msg to her phone.

You are still in love with her. Let her be and get on with your life

 

[Zontyy]

I know I'm gonna see her in few weeks and is gonna be a hell

Why even see her? Why even allow your son to be around a woman that detests you. Just cut ties and give up any hope focus on improving yourself. Your so wrapped up with this woman that your happiness is dependent on her approval. You need to find yourself.

Your a like a dog, a dog will always love you run to your side and be happy to see you. However I go to work, go out and meet women and enjoy life at the end the day my dog is still runs up to me and happy to see me loves me. This is why most women treat you like dirt because your a dog. Be a MAN dammit.

 

[RicBoy]

The orobl

7 months? And it ended 4 months ago?

Seriously man. Ive had FWBs that lasted longer.

I understand that you built an attachment to this chick, but what good will come from mourning this break up? I mean in 4 months she has been banging other guys (if she is attractive at all).

Why arent you just moving on? Often you will find someone totally better but that will never happen if you stay in the same place you are currently in.

Its over. You need to accept it and move on.

the problem is not let go.

I can do that, no contact and time will do the thing.

But our kids are friends, and he is moving here in 6 weeks. She will come to pick him up at least 2 to 3 times a month, night overs at her place. Possibly her daughter coming to mind too. The kids talk Daily like 5 hours,, online games, video chat etc.

I'm gonna have to see her several times a month, it's going to be painful. It's going to be very hard to hold frame especially in the mental state I am now.

 

[Zontyy]

But our kids are friends, and he is moving here in 6 weeks. She will come to pick him up at least 2 to 3 times a month, night overs at her place. Possibly her daughter coming to mind too. The kids talk Daily like 5 hours,, online games, video chat etc.

This is just an excuse to stay in contact with her and your holding out hope. The bible says the "heart is treacherous" your only deceiving yourself.

They can still be friends and do online games and video chats. You don't have to allow your son to go on sleep overs with this woman and her kids. Ask yourself what is better for your son, a few sleep overs or your mental state as his father.