Ex sending mixed signals

[jnMissouri]

Been broken up four months. We were together 9 years. It was my fault, I got caught having an affair. First couple of months she would send me pictures of us, tell me I needed to face what I did (I did), that she lost me forever and whenever I reached out she would ask me what my intentions were, am I trying to get back together (which I wasn't at the time). She gave me her new address at one point and I went to drop some of her stuff off and she invited me in to watch a movie, was very happy. Wanted to have sex, I declined since she was on her period. Wouldn't let me leave, etc. Eventually left then the next day she texted me to tell me last nights offer was a mistake and would never happen again. NOTE THAT SHE HAS LEFT ALL HER STUFF HERE AND HAS NOT COME TO GET IT. SHE HAS RESCHEDULED SEVERAL TIMES AND HAS NOT BROUGHT UP COMING TO GET ANYTHING SINCE.

So yesterday I reached out to her, asked if we could talk in person, she sent a flurry of texts saying we are never getting back together, crying, emotional. Then she video calls me. We chat for an hour. She shows me a nighty she bought. So I end up inviting myself over to her place. She was kind of no at first. Then that turned to I have to be to work early. Long story short she said I had to leave my house soon if we were going to do it. So I went over and we had sex, she asked me if I missed her, if I missed her *****, if I was sorry, etc. I said yes. So this morning she calls me to tell me (like she did last time) that last night was just sex and we are never getting back together.

So why then keep inviting me over for sex then say it's never happening again each time, asking her if I miss her, if I was sorry, etc. if never getting back? Why leave all her stuff at my house and keep rescheduling coming to get it then stop bringing it up? We are talking 20+ large boxes of her stuff.

 

[bat soup]

After analysing your post very carefully, I've discovered the explanation for her behaviour: she's a woman. In case you're not satisfied with that answer, I'll explain what I mean - women are emotional and they act based on whatever they're feeling at that particular moment. So when you're with her and the situation makes her feel certain way, she acts based on that and (for example) has sex with you. When you're not with her and she's sitting there alone thinking about what happened, she feels another way.

Most likely you can get back with her if you want by repeating the situations that lead to sex and not taking her messages seriously. Just tell her if you like we can see each other tonight and talk and then go and have sex with her again. Eventually she'll just forget about what happened or decide not to think about it.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Bro what are you even doing? Stop messing with this girl's head. You cheated on her after NINE YEARS together and you're toying with her and "gaming" her, doing this push-pull **** and you're wondering why she is acting crazy. Be a man and move on to other women and let her fvcking recover instead of trying to turn her into a fvckbuddy. Trying to get into a fvckbuddy situation with a girl you dated for NINE YEARS is only going to bring you drama and craziness. Go stick your d!ck in someone else.

You cheat on her, toy with her emotions, fvck her, and then tell her afterwards that you miss her? Bro stop before you screw this girl's mind up further.

This situation would be COMPLETELY different if she had been the one caught in an affair, but that's not the case at all. Have some decency and abundance and go fvck some other girl that isn't going to bring a world of drama around your head.

 

[SW15]

This happened in March, just as the pandemic was starting. We don't know what has happened in the last 3 months. They have either gotten back together and resolved it, or gone their separate ways by now.

 

[gravityeyelids]

This happened in March, just as the pandemic was starting. We don't know what has happened in the last 3 months. They have either gotten back together and resolved it, or gone their separate ways by now.

Yeah well still wanted to speak my peace if only for the sake of other readers on here getting the impression that acting like that is in line with a DJ or what this community is about.

A lot of people read these threads for examples of what to do if in similar situations.

 

[SW15]

Yeah well still wanted to speak my peace if only for the sake of other readers on here getting the impression that acting like that is in line with a DJ or what this community is about.

A lot of people read these threads for examples of what to do if in similar situations.

That's a good explanation. There's a good probability a similar situation will happen to someone.

 

[GT40]

She’s female. Acts on pure emotion. They all do and it’s normal. Just move on man and leave her be

 

[Black Widow Void]

The advice that I'm giving is also something that I practiced with a gal I cheated on (this was more than 30 years ago).
If you truly care about her, then you need to remove yourself from the equation. Let her heal and move on.

This isn't to imply that you don't care or have feelings for her. It's to suggest that if you really do care for her, then you want the best for her. Let her find him.