Marriage and being faithful...

[scarface701]

I mean takes care of herself physically. Looks good for him.

@op, not to get too up in your business,but was your wife adventurous in bed before and recently not so much? Is she withholding sex?

Not so much. She’d only been with one other guy before me so she’s less experienced in general but.... also just not interested in having fun or being spontaneous. Feels no need to be sexy whatsoever.

 

[scarface701]

Oh so like she just gets herself off and then she’s done? Lol dead starfish after 5 minutes lmao might as well get a sex doll.

I’m not trying to insult her but relationships are a little more than that, jeez...

Lol it’s not that bad... ha ha but yes sex has turned into .... “ok you jump on top and pound away and after I *** I’ll jump on top and go to town and we’ll be done”.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

She feels no emotional need to change so she doesn't, if she is to change that would still need to be communicated emotionally in some way. The evidence is that his logical problem solving hasn't worked with her for years. I don't know exactly what that solution would be.. maybe it's dread game, maybe it's something else, maybe it's cheating, guys with experience in these kinds of situations like @oldmanofthesea etcetra should know more.

Yeah she feels no emotional need to change because SHE is content with how their relationship is. A man subcommunicating emotionally like how you say to a woman like this will only turn her off if anything. Sure she might ‘change’ initially/in the moment, but she’ll evebtually revert back to who she was before, because if she doesn’t, she’ll just end up losing attraction towards her man.

Lol it’s not that bad... ha ha but yes sex has turned into .... “ok you jump on top and pound away and after I *** I’ll jump on top and go to town and we’ll be done”.

So more or less RIP

Have you sat down with her direct and said this is something that’s been bothering you a lot as of late? What’d she say all the other times you tried to amp things up?

Also, why’d you and her separate 4 years ago?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Lol it’s not that bad... ha ha but yes sex has turned into .... “ok you jump on top and pound away and after I *** I’ll jump on top and go to town and we’ll be done”.

Your better than many. Many aren't getting it.

 

[AttackFormation]

Your better than many. Many aren't getting it.

How can a person refuse to have sex and intimacy with their own fvcking spouse?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

How can a person refuse to have sex and intimacy with their own fvcking spouse?

Right. By being a selfish individual who only cares about themself. Hell some hate their spouse.

 

[metalwater]

situations sounds not that fun, an affair or quick hook up can be fun but can also break what you have that is is working..

some questions to think about.

does she ever initiate? or only you?
how old is she, 40ish or much younger? can be some special cases in the 40ish age.
sex is 5 min, 10 min or 15+? does she tell to make it longer or shorter... does she starfish ever?
married double digits.. 15 years is one of the classic problem times give or take a few years.

probably your not into it, because she is not into it unless you sure you are the first one that lost interest. its not too bad yet if your still able to do and enjoy it. some get to the point that the stuff doesn't work because of lack of interest.

as you ask the question instead of just going and doing it.. might be in the category of a bit of nice guy. it is not a crime.. but many lady will be more excited by a man that is more edgy. and this might not be the case for you at at all, it is just one of the things that happens to many. the idea is that if she was really excited for you, you might also get more excited. if there is any chance of this one being part of the issue the guys hear have lots of ideas.

girl needs:
- communication, talk about stuff.
- to feel safe

lots of busy couples end up loosing the talk about stuff(man paying attention to her even if stupid topics). the lady needs to talk to a man about stuff for some time every day or every week. if not every day it needs to be alot on the days it can happen. if both are working hard and only meeting for household business and sex, the sex will get stale. eventually some other guy will talk to the girl, not right away always but eventually. Again, might not be your situation, but is one of the common things that happens to result in what you tell.

You don't think she is cheating, if she was then green light or other actions. If you want to work it out with her, try some other stuff first. I mean, would you want her to try to fix it with this idea from her side.. no judgment, this stuff is not easy.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Don't cheat, the guilt will slowly eat you up unless your a psychopath who has no empathy

 

[scarface701]

Interesting. I've seen a lot of red pill advice for men in long term sexless situations/marriages that usually goes something like "focus on you and your hobbies, flirt with other women, give her a feeling of dread of losing you, and she'll feel ravenous for you again." It sounds like you did that and it didn't work.

No. A lot of assumptions here. The relationship is good. She’s not cheating. She gets plenty of attention. We just had hot sweaty sex that by any standard would be considered “good” sex. I think it’s just me. I think it’s the routine of having sex with the same person for 10 + years.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don't cheat, the guilt will slowly eat you up unless your a psychopath who has no empathy

Some of the situations are literally "hell" where cheating is the good decision. It's up to you to stay in that type of situation.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No. A lot of assumptions here. The relationship is good. She’s not cheating. She gets plenty of attention. We just had hot sweaty sex that by any standard would be considered “good” sex. I think it’s just me. I think it’s the routine of having sex with the same person for 10 + years.

Very good

 

[oldmanofthesea]

She feels no emotional need to change so she doesn't, if she is to change that would still need to be communicated emotionally in some way. The evidence is that his logical problem solving hasn't worked with her for years. I don't know exactly what that solution would be.. maybe it's dread game, maybe it's something else, maybe it's cheating, guys with experience in these kinds of situations like @oldmanofthesea etcetra should know more.

I wish I could tell you the solution to this is one that can be applied to an already failing relationship but I'm afraid it usually can't... not in my experience and from what I have witnessed.

The solution is that you screen your partner during the early days of dating. You ensure they are what you want, and that you could be happy with them long-term. If you like Kama Sutra and all sorts of different positions, but your GF only likes missionary or being on top... well, you just aren't going to be a solid match for one-another. If you love BJs more than sex but your GF really doesn't like giving them.... again, not a solid match. Over time, you'll end up in a situation like OP.

The only thing you can do in this exact situation is have a very real, frank conversation with your partner in which you tell them exactly what you NEED to make you happy and they are either willing, or unwilling to do it. Chances are, they will either be unwilling, or they will do it but will hate it because it's not who they are and that will only lead to further diminishing of the energy between the two of you.

I would not suggest getting side-action unless you discuss that with your wife and get agreement from her. Too many risks associated and I don't feel it is morally right if you have made a promise and a commitment of exclusivity to someone. I don't judge others who do it, but it usually has negative consequences. Women are EXTREMELY clever at figuring things out. Best to simply have the conversation I mentioned above, ensure she understands this is a relationship-ending issue for you, and be willing to end the relationship if your needs aren't getting met.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I wish I could tell you the solution to this is one that can be applied to an already failing relationship but I'm afraid it usually can't... not in my experience and from what I have witnessed.

The solution is that you screen your partner during the early days of dating. You ensure they are what you want, and that you could be happy with them long-term. If you like Kama Sutra and all sorts of different positions, but your GF only likes missionary or being on top... well, you just aren't going to be a solid match for one-another. If you love BJs more than sex but your GF really doesn't like giving them.... again, not a solid match. Over time, you'll end up in a situation like OP.

The only thing you can do in this exact situation is have a very real, frank conversation with your partner in which you tell them exactly what you NEED to make you happy and they are either willing, or unwilling to do it. Chances are, they will either be unwilling, or they will do it but will hate it because it's not who they are and that will only lead to further diminishing of the energy between the two of you.

I would not suggest getting side-action unless you discuss that with your wife and get agreement from her. Too many risks associated and I don't feel it is morally right if you have made a promise and a commitment of exclusivity to someone. I don't judge others who do it, but it usually has negative consequences. Women are EXTREMELY clever at figuring things out. Best to simply have the conversation I mentioned above, ensure she understands this is a relationship-ending issue for you, and be willing to end the relationship if your needs aren't getting met.

Karma sutra great idea. He could take a class alone. And she might get nosey and get interested. He can also get very fit. He can take massage classes. Without asking her his actions can provide leadership sparking interest.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Karma sutra great idea. He could take a class alone. And she might get nosey and get interested. He can also get very fit. He can take massage classes. Without asking her his actions can provide leadership sparking interest.

hmmm, that would work. Women are nosy and curious that you're doing something fun without her. It is up to the leader to direct new ideas. She's just supposed to be the shoulders for the head in the relationship.

Enough genuine enthusiasm and she'll learn to like anything the man likes...just like kids copying their parents.

Women default to copycatting. Don't tease her for copycatting though. She still needs her self-pride protected/cared for.
I swear you guys KNOW what to do. Sometimes it just takes writing it out and exchanging ideas.

OP scarface701 , you'll find an answer here that will work to relieve your ennui.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

hmmm, that would work. Women are nosy and curious that you're doing something fun without her. It is up to the leader to direct new ideas. She's just supposed to be the shoulders for the head in the relationship.

Enough genuine enthusiasm and she'll learn to like anything the man likes...just like kids copying their parents.

Women default to copycatting. Don't tease her for copycatting though. She still needs her self-pride protected/cared for.
I swear you guys KNOW what to do. Sometimes it just takes writing it out and exchanging ideas.

OP scarface701 , you'll find an answer here that will work to relieve your ennui.

Because you obviously aren't going to "make" her to change or "convince" her to. She might just see what your doing and get interested. Don't talk about it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

hmmm, that would work. Women are nosy and curious that you're doing something fun without her. It is up to the leader to direct new ideas. She's just supposed to be the shoulders for the head in the relationship.

Enough genuine enthusiasm and she'll learn to like anything the man likes...just like kids copying their parents.

Women default to copycatting. Don't tease her for copycatting though. She still needs her self-pride protected/cared for.
I swear you guys KNOW what to do. Sometimes it just takes writing it out and exchanging ideas.

OP scarface701 , you'll find an answer here that will work to relieve your ennui.

She's not a kid and he's not her parent and he knows it. She's made a conscious decision to stone wall any adjustments in the intimacy area. It's not a discussionable item. She doesn't see any problem with what they already do.

 

[AttackFormation]

No. A lot of assumptions here. The relationship is good. She’s not cheating. She gets plenty of attention. We just had hot sweaty sex that by any standard would be considered “good” sex. I think it’s just me. I think it’s the routine of having sex with the same person for 10 + years.

Why don't you just tell her this?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Don't cheat, the guilt will slowly eat you up unless your a psychopath who has no empathy

why would cheating make one feel guilty?

My two cents:
30+ years of one woman is simply unnatural. It is Western society that has this all wrong. Variety is both healthy and necessary for a man. The only choice to throw around here is should or should you not disclose possibility of having Extramarital physical rendezvous to your wife.

should you go down the path of “cheating,” make sure it is physical only (no emotional connection) and no traceable elements are involved (cash during courting, burner phone, etc). Should you not go down the path, continue to enjoy your boring Unnatural existence with the same one woman.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

situations sounds not that fun, an affair or quick hook up can be fun but can also break what you have that is is working..

some questions to think about.

does she ever initiate? or only you?
how old is she, 40ish or much younger? can be some special cases in the 40ish age.
sex is 5 min, 10 min or 15+? does she tell to make it longer or shorter... does she starfish ever?
married double digits.. 15 years is one of the classic problem times give or take a few years.

probably your not into it, because she is not into it unless you sure you are the first one that lost interest. its not too bad yet if your still able to do and enjoy it. some get to the point that the stuff doesn't work because of lack of interest.

as you ask the question instead of just going and doing it.. might be in the category of a bit of nice guy. it is not a crime.. but many lady will be more excited by a man that is more edgy. and this might not be the case for you at at all, it is just one of the things that happens to many. the idea is that if she was really excited for you, you might also get more excited. if there is any chance of this one being part of the issue the guys hear have lots of ideas.

girl needs:
- communication, talk about stuff.
- to feel safe

lots of busy couples end up loosing the talk about stuff(man paying attention to her even if stupid topics). the lady needs to talk to a man about stuff for some time every day or every week. if not every day it needs to be alot on the days it can happen. if both are working hard and only meeting for household business and sex, the sex will get stale. eventually some other guy will talk to the girl, not right away always but eventually. Again, might not be your situation, but is one of the common things that happens to result in what you tell.

You don't think she is cheating, if she was then green light or other actions. If you want to work it out with her, try some other stuff first. I mean, would you want her to try to fix it with this idea from her side.. no judgment, this stuff is not easy.

Being starved out of the puzzy means its NOT working.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Why don't you just tell her this?

These type of conversations are normally had for years.