The game of marriage chicken

[MatureDJ]

The perfect term for this!

Why women lose the dating game

Bettina Arndt listens to the other voices in this debate: the men.

www.smh.com.au

We hear endless complaints from women about the lack of good men.

Women astonished that men don't seem to be around when they decide it is time to settle down. Women telling men to ''man up'' and stop shying away from commitment.

Dalrock (dalrock.wordpress.com) is typical: ''Today's unmarried twentysomething women have given men an ultimatum: I'll marry when I'm ready, take it or leave it. This is, of course, their right. But ultimatums are a risky thing, because there is always a possibility the other side will decide to leave it. In the next decade we will witness the end result of this game of marriage chicken.''

The endgame Dalrock warns about is already in play for hordes of unmarried professional women - the well-coiffed lawyers, bankers and other success stories. Many thought they could put off marriage and families until their 30s, having devoted their 20s to education, establishing careers and playing the field. But was their decade of dating a strategic mistake?

During their 20s, women compete for the most highly desirable men, the Mr Bigs. Many will readily share a bed with the sporty, attractive, confident men, while ordinary men miss out. As Whiskey puts it at whiskeysplace.wordpress.com: ''Joe Average Beta Male is about as desirable to women as a cold bowl of oatmeal.''

'It's wall-to-wall arseholes out there,'' reports Penny, a 31-year-old lawyer. She is stunned by how hard it is to meet suitable men willing to commit. ''I'm horrified by the number of gorgeous, independent and successful women my age who can't meet a decent man.''

Penny acknowledges part of the problem is her own expectations - that her generation of women was brought up wanting too much. ''We were told we were special, we could do anything and the world was our oyster.'' And having spent her 20s dating alpha males, she expected them to be still around when she finally decided to get serious.

''I can't believe how many men my age are only interested in younger women,'' wails Gail, a 34-year-old advertising executive as she describes her first search through men's profiles on the RSVP internet dating site. She is shocked to find many mid-30s men have set up their profiles to refuse mail from women their own age.

American author Lori Gottlieb gives a painfully honest account of that process in her book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough.

''Maybe we need to get over ourselves,'' she writes. The 40-year-old single mother enlisted a team of advisers who helped her realise that while she was conducting her long search for the perfect man - Prince Charming or nobody - her market value had dropped through the floor.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The perfect term for this!

Why women lose the dating game

Bettina Arndt listens to the other voices in this debate: the men.

www.smh.com.au

I can't believe her advisers told her that. Most would waffle around that point or sweep it under the rug.

 

[Hal9000]

I never tire of reading that article.

 

[BeExcellent]

Part of the problem too is that men need to be needed. They need to feel masculine & manly and feel the woman needs them to be her hero in a way (sometimes in a literal sense).

Highly accomplished professional women don’t really NEED a man. This is a turn off for men. The tough thing many of these women have to learn is that too much independence is a turn off to the best guys out there. Learning to remain feminine while taking care of all of one’s needs can be a delicate balance. But if these women can manage to adjust their attitudes and be more feminine then they can compete in the compatibility department as well as bring solid traits such as intelligence, education and poise to the relationship. But to seek “equality” in a relationship is not going to work with the most sought after men. Good luck with that.

Men and women are supposed to be complimentary in relationships, not equal. The relationship realm is very different than the professional realm. Many women have a tough time digesting that.

 

[Visionist]

Apart from looks & fertility, as a red blooded male I'm attracted to vulnerability in women. Not the psycho crazy "vulnerability" either, but things she can't control, like her voice breaking when she yells during sex or her squeezing your hand when she's frightened.

These women need to embrace their attractive vulnerability.

 

[AttackFormation]

Apart from looks & fertility, as a red blooded male I'm attracted to vulnerability in women. Not the psycho crazy "vulnerability" either, but things she can't control, like her voice breaking when she yells during sex or her squeezing your hand when she's frightened.

These women need to embrace their attractive vulnerability.

I think what you describe overlaps with what you could simply call her being genuine in her emotions, and still having the ability to be that at all. I think when we say terms like "used up", that is at least half of what we mean - a woman who can still feel genuine emotions with you, not someone who is going through the motions with you as a prop.

 

[Visionist]

Good point. I prefer shorter girls than me, too. No girl is too short for me, hell I like my spinners.

And I'm only 5' 6.5" myself

 

[jaymbrs]

Looks like our offspring males will benefit from this seeing as how a lot of women are learning that it doesn't quite workout well being the way they are today.

 

[MatureDJ]

Looks like our offspring males will benefit from this seeing as how a lot of women are learning that it doesn't quite workout well being the way they are today.

Of course, the Y chromosomes that make it through this genetic filtering will be more Chaddish.

 

[Stoic]

Part of the problem too is that men need to be needed. They need to feel masculine & manly and feel the woman needs them to be her hero in a way (sometimes in a literal sense).

Highly accomplished professional women don’t really NEED a man. This is a turn off for men. The tough thing many of these women have to learn is that too much independence is a turn off to the best guys out there. Learning to remain feminine while taking care of all of one’s needs can be a delicate balance. But if these women can manage to adjust their attitudes and be more feminine then they can compete in the compatibility department as well as bring solid traits such as intelligence, education and poise to the relationship. But to seek “equality” in a relationship is not going to work with the most sought after men. Good luck with that.

Men and women are supposed to be complimentary in relationships, not equal. The relationship realm is very different than the professional realm. Many women have a tough time digesting that.

This nails it.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I start to believe than human females are not programmed any differently than other mammals, if they dont reproduce within a certain age they turn nevrotic.

Except that for the human females there is also the psychological component of bonding with the man.

Im in my mid30s and women my age are a hassle to be generous and a source of problems to be realist, they are also really really angry at the world.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I start to believe than human females are not programmed any differently than other mammals, if they dont reproduce within a certain age they turn nevrotic.

Except that for the human females there is also the psychological component of bonding with the man.

Im in my mid30s and women my age are a hassle to be generous and a source of problems to be realist, they are also really really angry at the world.

Has their "programming" changed within the last 10 years or so?

 

[Who Dares Win]

Has their "programming" changed within the last 10 years or so?

Nope it didnt, its just that other things that influenced their OS like social shaming or being abandoned no longer work.
Cut the welfare and quotas and women will go back to what they were 50 yrs ago.

A dog is a dog but if he knows that stealing the steak will get him punished he wont.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Nope it didnt, its just that other things that influenced their OS like social shaming or being abandoned no longer work.
Cut the welfare and quotas and women will go back to what they were 50 yrs ago.

A dog is a dog but if he knows that stealing the steak will get him punished he wont.

Shyt females are shaming other females for being too good to their men.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Shyt females are shaming other females for being too good to their men.

I dont believe that matches an entire group shaming them for being divorced or single moms as it was 30 years ago.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I dont believe that matches an entire group shaming them for being divorced or single moms as it was 30 years ago.

But it pressures them to be bad to their men, to cheat on their men.

 

[Who Dares Win]

But it pressures them to be bad to their men, to cheat on their men.

If a guy would push you toward a cliff, would you let him push or would you push him away?

If that same guy would be pushing you toward a candy shop, would you push him away?

Its all about a cost-benefit ratio, women may be less intelligent than men but surely are not that dumb.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If a guy would push you toward a cliff, would you let him push or would you push him away?

If that same guy would be pushing you toward a candy shop, would you push him away?

Its all about a cost-benefit ratio, women may be less intelligent than men but surely are not that dumb.

I wouldn't say they are "less" intelligent. They are however more likely going to go along with what the "group" wants.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I wouldn't say they are "less" intelligent. They are however more likely going to go along with what the "group" wants.

You're right, I meant less logical not less intelligent.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You're right, I meant less logical not less intelligent.

Right. They are more apt to use cunning and manipulation. Oh and group politics.