Broke some kind of rule

[Mbuckets82]

Reconnected with this female who lives out of state. Previously made plans to see her so I told her I liked her. Just last week she mailed a great bday card calling me amazing and thankful I’m in her life. We talked so much the last 18 months and I dated other girls. I told her I didn’t want to stop talking to her again
But after on the phone it felt a little awkward then she said she got a call and had to go. Ain’t talked since which is weird
I mean the girl was sending me good morning messages and just been sweet.
I know one-itis and I guess she just wanted someone to talk to. I fell for it.

She won’t hear a peep from me. I know my role and shut my mouth.

i need a verbal bashing. Thanks.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Reconnected with this female who lives out of state. Previously made plans to see her so I told her I liked her. Just last week she mailed a great bday card calling me amazing and thankful I’m in her life. We talked so much the last 18 months and I dated other girls. I told her I didn’t want to stop talking to her again
But after on the phone it felt a little awkward then she said she got a call and had to go. Ain’t talked since which is weird
I mean the girl was sending me good morning messages and just been sweet.
I know one-itis and I guess she just wanted someone to talk to. I fell for it.

She won’t hear a peep from me. I know my role and shut my mouth.

i need a verbal bashing. Thanks.

What was your role? To entertain her while she dates other people? Were you planning on possibly taking her more seriously in the future? Were you "high scoring" her over the other ladies that you were dating, cheating them in the essense? How did this "out of state" babe look at you?

 

[Mbuckets82]

She wasn’t dating anyone. I’d know. We talked too much. I stopped talking to her a few times cuz I felt like I wasn’t giving a fair chance to other women but they weren’t anything special.
we’ve known each other since school days. Just after I got this card out the blue I thought the time was right to put it out there that I was coming to see her because I liked her, not to be a buddy.

 

[mikey2012]

Mistake #1 . Telling you liked her .
Mistake #2. Telling her you didn’t want to stop talking to her
Mistake #3. Not going to her place and banging the crap out of her.

You came off as needy, dependent, low value . You shouldn’t contact her again.

 

[Mbuckets82]

Mistake #1 . Telling you liked her .
Mistake #2. Telling her you didn’t want to stop talking to her
Mistake #3. Not going to her place and banging the crap out of her.

You came off as needy, dependent, low value . You shouldn’t contact her again.

Yup. I deserve that.

 

[Stoic]

Yup. I deserve that.

Dont beat yourself up over it. Just correct the mistakes with future women.

 

[Clamslammer]

Basically you threw up your feelings on her and she got scared and said she had another call.

Let her reach out amd change your attitude. No texting back and forth. If and when she reaches out tell her to come to your place for wine, food, and a movie...nothing else needs to be said. If she says no you do not ever reach out. If she comes over you romance her and if she does not want to get romanced send her on her way to find another guy to play.

 

[deadmasterx]

Calm down, gentleman. I know that it's hard for men to let our guard down and simply be true with our feelings and genuine not only with actions, but words as well. That's where it comes the main problem here.

It would truly be wonderful if we could let the guard down for a girl we fell in love with and get things alright. Sometimes these feelings are so strong that you can't keep inside anymore and you might drop out one "I like you", "I miss you", or "I don't want to stop taking with you" as you did. Bully for you, it takes some guts to say what's inside, but women aren't ready to deal with male feelings. That's it. You already know it, but you can't let your guard down, you can't declare your feelings to the whole world and be romantic as I believe that every men would love to be (as you gentlemen knows, we men are the romantic ones, not women) even though it feels ****ing amazing. Sadly, that's how things are.

We men are simple creatures, we want to pursue our goals, show that we can be strong, smart, successful in whatever thing we do. But we also want to have this special connection with someone, let our guards down, chill a bit.

You can do these things sometimes but definitely not all the time, so keep an eye on your behaviour to not look so needy or desperate. Sometimes it's okay, but don't fall for the same mistake over and over again.

I would recommend playing the cold for sometime to give her some mixed feelings about you and bring back the mystery to the game. Will be hard but it's the best you can do for now

 

[Kotaix]

You can't tell a woman you like her. She has to tell you first. Attraction is non-verbal. Feelings are verbal.

If you're just meeting a woman, show sexual interest in her from the very first moment you meet her.

If you have really good rapport with a woman, start sexualizing her with your eyes. Don't say a gooddamn peep about how she's cute, or you think she's so beautiful... Don't say anything different from what you would normally say. Just look at her as a sexual woman and not a friend. If she smiles back, then you know it's mutual and move onward. If she calls you on it, you shrug and smile. There is nothing wrong with being honest; and if she doesn't like it, next. Non-verbal communication is the ultimate get out of jail free card.

Caveat: When I say sexualize her with your eyes, you have to learn to do it in an non-creepy fashion, which means do it as genuinely as possible. If you try and fake this or have "i want to **** you" in your head, it's creepy. You have to show genuine appreciation for her as a person, and also find her sexy, which should be easy if you know them well.

If you leave the sexual element out of the persona you project to the world, then people won't think of having sex with you.

Also, people don't react well to having their mindset jarred like you did when you blurted out your feelings. This is why social media arguements never go anywhere. It's a limitation of the human mind. The automatic reaction to jarring seems to be to shut out the source of the jarring. . It takes sublte suggestion over time to change someone's mindset, and it takes subtle looks of a sexual nature over a long period of time to bring a woman around to the idea that you and her might make good sexual partners

 

[Mbuckets82]

All truth. I guess when failure comes I’ll learn. I’m gonna go meet this girl and try and hook up with her. I didn’t want it getting twisted on why I was coming out there. It’s either gonna be a lot of fun or super awkward cuz I’m friend zoned. Either way I’ll know what’s up.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

You can't tell a woman you like her. She has to tell you first. Attraction is non-verbal. Feelings are verbal.

If you're just meeting a woman, show sexual interest in her from the very first moment you meet her.

If you have really good rapport with a woman, start sexualizing her with your eyes. Don't say a gooddamn peep about how she's cute, or you think she's so beautiful... Don't say anything different from what you would normally say. Just look at her as a sexual woman and not a friend. If she smiles back, then you know it's mutual and move onward. If she calls you on it, you shrug and smile. There is nothing wrong with being honest; and if she doesn't like it, next. Non-verbal communication is the ultimate get out of jail free card.

Caveat: When I say sexualize her with your eyes, you have to learn to do it in an non-creepy fashion, which means do it as genuinely as possible. If you try and fake this or have "i want to **** you" in your head, it's creepy. You have to show genuine appreciation for her as a person, and also find her sexy, which should be easy if you know them well.

If you leave the sexual element out of the persona you project to the world, then people won't think of having sex with you.

Also, people don't react well to having their mindset jarred like you did when you blurted out your feelings. This is why social media arguements never go anywhere. It's a limitation of the human mind. The automatic reaction to jarring seems to be to shut out the source of the jarring. . It takes sublte suggestion over time to change someone's mindset, and it takes subtle looks of a sexual nature over a long period of time to bring a woman around to the idea that you and her might make good sexual partners

excellent observations and advice.
I've been leaving the sexual persona out of the person I project onto the world and it was admittedly always jarring to my mindset to have someone else's sexuality thrust upon me suddenly, so-to-speak. It almost feels violent or whatever the lesser dramatic synonym word for violent is. Agressive? Humiliating? Brutal? Neanderthal?



You're absolutely right Kotaix, sexual interest has to be shown with nonverbal communication from the first second of meeting, with that special caveat you wrote about in your post I quoted.

If you're a person that believes one can't manufacture desire in the woman; that it must be naturally felt by her, not developed.

 

[Kotaix]

I've been leaving the sexual persona out of the person I project onto the world and it was admittedly always jarring to my mindset to have someone else's sexuality thrust upon me suddenly, so-to-speak.

I know what you mean.

 

[Mbuckets82]

Update: heading out there in a couple weeks. Just gonna have fun. If I find out no dice then nothing I can do about it. I already said what I said. I always waif for her to contact me. I think it’s gonna be a great time. I’m gonna try and set up some things for us to get close and see where it goes.

 

[rart]

She said she had to get this other call and didn't call you right back? If so, she has zero interest or respect for you.

 

[Mbuckets82]

Nah. It was kinda weird I felt. We talked after and she has contacted me since. I’d say 5 out of 7 in a week. She asked about the plans I had for when I see her.
It’s just a matter of physical chemistry now.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

We talked too much.

Next time you get the urge to keep talking, remember to tell yourself this is essentially the same thing that happens when fat chicks keep shoveling food in their mouths.

Always leave some on your plate.

Or pre-define the intention of ending the conversation with her wanting to keep talking but you needing to go.

 

[Mbuckets82]

On it. Thanks!

 

[bat soup]

Here what you're doing wrong is wasting time chatting with a girl and not getting to the point. Meet up with her, get her alone and make a move and if she doesn't want to do that then she's not worth talking to. Also, never TELL her a girl your feelings by text or phone. Instead, SHOW her how you feeling by getting her alone and making a move on her.

 

[Mbuckets82]

I completely agree.