What to do??

[mrgoodstuff]

Many have been in the position. And being naive and "too nice" with the ex. It prolongs your recovery. Its near impossible to build confidence in your seld being fed false hope. Ask a professional they'll say it's a very bad idea

 

[Headmaestro]

What, the kid doesn't want to see his grandma?

They don’t have a relationship. He barely knows who she is.

 

[Headmaestro]

You said you were saving for a house. Can you get an apartment in the mean time? I don't think its healthy for you to be spending "family" time with her right now, let alone for you to be sleeping in the same house as her. If you can get an affordable apartment you can have a place for your son to stay with you, and place to take other women.

It’s financially impossible for me right now. The child support eats up most of my finances

 

[Headmaestro]

Nothing. Only tell her when you're coming by to get him. Never ask her anything, talk in statements when you do this. Stop trying to weasel your way into responding under certain conditions. Be a man and have some self respect. Grow a spine and dismiss her because deep down you don't even think you deserve her. Fix that first. Forget her, focus on yourself, then OTHER women.

Thanks bro

 

[Headmaestro]

Why not?

Anyway, you have a choice, you don't have to stay at her place. In every situation you've outlined, you have a choice. You're just afraid of the consequence, which is her asking questions or getting upset. Those things don't need to be your problem.

You’re exactly right man. It’s tough

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

You’re exactly right man. It’s tough

When you see her in person dismiss her politely and effortlessly, she won't know what to think. She might try being sweet and tangling carrots and throwing breadcrumbs. Ignore all of it until you feel like a cold blooded killer mack daddy boss in your day to day life, which will probably take you at least 6 months of working on yourself hardcore.

 

[Headmaestro]

When you see her in person dismiss her politely and effortlessly, she won't know what to think. She might try being sweet and tangling carrots and throwing breadcrumbs. Ignore all of it until you feel like a cold blooded killer mack daddy boss in your day to day life, which will probably take you at least 6 months of working on yourself hardcore.

I understand. Thanks for the reply’s bro. But I can’t help to feel like I’ll be doing all this as a ploy to try to win her back. Deep in my mind I’ll be hoping that all this NC and acting cold will hopefully get her to be attracted to me again. It’s a twisted mind game I’m having with myself

 

[bcude]

In theory you need to get far away from this woman and break ALL contact, which is not possible because of your child, so keep it professional but atleast shift your focus where it should be 100% right now - getting your own place. It's time to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. This will keep you plenty of occupied, something you need right now to keep your thoughts away from her.

And stop sleeping at her place, it will set you back everytime. You can't get off a drug while taking it at the same time.

 

[Headmaestro]

In theory you need to get far away from this woman and break ALL contact, which is not possible because of your child, so keep it professional but atleast shift your focus where it should be 100% right now - getting your own place. It's time to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. This will keep you plenty of occupied, something you need right now to keep your thoughts away from her.

And stop sleeping at her place, it will set you back everytime. You can't get off a drug while taking it at the same time.

Thanks man. Deep down inside I know you’re right

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I understand. Thanks for the reply’s bro. But I can’t help to feel like I’ll be doing all this as a ploy to try to win her back. Deep in my mind I’ll be hoping that all this NC and acting cold will hopefully get her to be attracted to me again. It’s a twisted mind game I’m having with myself

Don't try to get her back. Your self respect should only be concerned about women who want you.

 

[Barrister]

This is a bit of a stickier situation than it would normally be because you have a child with her. Normally, the easy answer would be No Contact like some of have said. However, I assume you want to be a part of your son's life, so here is what I believe you should do:

1. Most importantly - STOP spending your visitation with your son at her house. This is a terrible idea and gives her complete control over the situation. Take your son to your mom's (for now) - but hopefully you have your own place soon so you have 1 on 1 with him.

2. Do a semi-NC; ONLY discuss your son and things that affect your son. Do not discuss the two of you, and stop letting her make you look like a fool by playing with your d1ck and telling you "maybe" you can get back together. That is unbelievably degrading.

3. Get serious about making yourself better - THEN seeing other women. This is a mindset that you need to adopt and it may not be easy with you having such a severe case of oneitis for your ex. Most guys go to the gym as this helps put focus back in their lives. You also need to move out of your mom's house (and maybe improve your job/prospects - I didn't see anything about this but only read the OP). If you do these two things, I can almost guarantee you finally lift this dark cloud that is your ex out of your life.

When she sees you turning it around, don't be shocked to see her put on the full court press to keep you grounded in her reality. She will want you to stay like you are for her own validation. Don't fall for it. Good luck.

 

[NSX-R]

LMFAO for real after reading the OP.
Sry bro but wtf . You saw this with your own eyes that she’s playing with other dudes and you still want her ? Slut has a son with you and acts like she’s 20 yo single .
For real go strict NO CONTACT and even if she texts you don’t you ever respond to her except if it has something to do with your kid . Ignore her completely even in person . She might pull some moves to put you back on her leash but don’t fall , go cold as ice on her .
If i were you i would buy that house and take custody of the kid. Unacceptable behavior from her . Next her as soon as possible!!!

 

[NSX-R]

I’ve done this in the past and she says I’m acting like an *******. This ****s hard when I have oneitis with this girl

I do remember this behavior back in my early dj days . There was this woman i was trying to bang even though we would make out often and we were dating together . Every time i was trying to escalate she would push me away and use these stupid arse excuses on me . I thought that i was bad at something but no . Woman was fcking with 2 other dudes .

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This should be your biggest clue my friend. Walk away

"Maybe","possibly","we will see","perhaps","ill think about it" are baits for a string along. The answer lies in self respect.

 

[Headmaestro]

This should be your biggest clue my friend. Walk away

What is the clue that I’m missing?

 

[Barrister]

What is the clue that I’m missing?

She's turned you into an orbiter. An orbiter that has a child with her and can't get away from her. Read the previous posts -- you can do this if you get the right mindset.

 

[Headmaestro]

She's turned you into an orbiter. An orbiter that has a child with her and can't get away from her. Read the previous posts -- you can do this if you get the right mindset.

What’s the right mindset? I hate to sound lime a broken record but I’m really struggling with this man

 

[Barrister]

What’s the right mindset? I hate to sound lime a broken record but I’m really struggling with this man

Again, look at my previous post. But generally speaking, you have to make a conscious decision to move on. Best way to do that is to start by focusing on yourself (getting your own place, working out, starting a hobby, etc.). Once you have improved yourself, start looking at other women and going on some dates. The problem will resolve itself. Having gone through a nasty divorce myself (with a kid involved) a few years back I understand your pain. We've all dealt with this. It works.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What’s the right mindset? I hate to sound lime a broken record but I’m really struggling with this man

Self respect. You should only be concerned with women who want you. Women who want you will be making sex happen. On this forum we aren't trying to convince any female to like us. We deal with women who chose us.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Again, look at my previous post. But generally speaking, you have to make a conscious decision to move on. Best way to do that is to start by focusing on yourself (getting your own place, working out, starting a hobby, etc.). Once you have improved yourself, start looking at other women and going on some dates. The problem will resolve itself. Having gone through a nasty divorce myself (with a kid involved) a few years back I understand your pain. We've all dealt with this. It works.

Get your residence. Get hobbies. Get a dog.