Advice: What do I do with this girl

[Dam44]

Hello
So this girl has got me so confused. We are both 18(almost 19 tho). We are classmates in the same department in university. I had known her since first year but we got closer in our second year. We just started our 3rd year before the COVID19 outbreak

I'd say I'm quite above average in looks while she's very attractive.

We have started flirting and talking a lot in class and in the laboratory. Sometimes she does this thing, likes to rest a lot on my shoulder. Sometimes when we walk in public maybe to the faculty, she holds my hands. She has called me cute a few times( I'm not sure if this good). She laughs a lot when we talk, I don't think I'm that funny

So things got intense about 2 weeks before schools were closed. She asked me to hug her about twice in front of so many people. A lot of flirting and all. She even asked us to go eat together in a new restaurant the next day(we didn't eventually go because of exams)

So I thought I would tell her I liked her. We met a school program but she had to leave before the end so I wasn't able to tell her. That same afternoon the FG announced schools be closed and we couldn't meet again as we had to vacate the school the next day.

On getting home, I later confessed on the phone, she sounded surprised, I told she could take her time. Then I asked after some days on WhatsApp where she told me she's in a relationship. I then asked her if we would remain friends, she said yes(i think I ****ed up here)

Now I don't think that's true(only if she got into one minutes before I called). Agreed she's very attractive and a lot of guys at school were after her but no one in a relationship would act like we were.

I'm really confused, I like her a lot. Do you think she's playing hard to get? Nigerian girls do it a lot
Do I persist? Do I stop texting her? What do you think I should do

PS: We live in Nigeria( quite conservative in nature)

 

[backseatjuan]

You were her friend and it was cool. But then you caught feelings and she obviously never had feelings for you. There is nothing you can do, other than to learn this lesson and next time, with a different girl, push things towards sex right away, never confess your feelings, you fck and pull back and fck other girls, have several girls that you spin as fck buddies. Girl that sticks around and pursues you can be considered as your girlfriend or even future wife, others are for practise.

Read your girl's actions literally - 'I do not like you sexually and I don't want to fck you.'

Get over this situation in your life as a man, nothing really to get over with, be thankful you asked for advice here and not on femenist and white knight forums, they'd suggest you signing sirenadas and buy gifts and orbit her behind for years while she fcks other men.

Go ahead and read Book of Pook.

Healthy relationships between a man and a woman is when man fcks the woman, and the woman pursues the man because she knows he is the one.
Unhealthy is what you had, friendship, you like her, you confess, she says no we are friends, etc..

In your current situation, friendship is over, don't hang around a girl that befriended you. All her girlfriends would look at you as not a sexual, asexless material and a nice guy. Run!

 

[Visionist]

You messed up big time by saying you liked her. Any tension between you two deflated in that instant, just like any lady boner she had for you deflated, too.

She might have been attracted to you before, and you definitely should have invited her to be alone with you and put your hands on her and teased her with your words and actions. But never saying you liked her. That's her job.

The only thing you can do now is do a complete about-face and ignore her except to say hello. No texts, no messages. It isn't to get her back or anything; that ship has sailed, been torpedoed and sunk. It's simply to preserve your sanity and prepare you to meet other women who won't mess you about like this one has.

You're dealing with an attention whöre. Starve her.

 

[Dam44]

You were her friend and it was cool. But then you caught feelings and she obviously never had feelings for you. There is nothing you can do, other than to learn this lesson and next time, with a different girl, push things towards sex right away, never confess your feelings, you fck and pull back and fck other girls, have several girls that you spin as fck buddies. Girl that sticks around and pursues you can be considered as your girlfriend or even future wife, others are for practise.

Read your girl's actions literally - 'I do not like you sexually and I don't want to fck you.'

Get over this situation in your life as a man, nothing really to get over with, be thankful you asked for advice here and not on femenist and white knight forums, they'd suggest you signing sirenadas and buy gifts and orbit her behind for years while she fcks other men.

Go ahead and read Book of Pook.

Healthy relationships between a man and a woman is when man fcks the woman, and the woman pursues the man because she knows he is the one.
Unhealthy is what you had, friendship, you like her, you confess, she says no we are friends, etc..

In your current situation, friendship is over, don't hang around a girl that befriended you. All her girlfriends would look at you as not a sexual, asexless material and a nice guy. Run!

Thanks a lot
I see... My biggest mistake was confessing my feelings. I did that thinking it would take the whole thing to another level.

But is there like a plan or something to get her back just in case?

 

[Dam44]

You messed up big time by saying you liked her. Any tension between you two deflated in that instant, just like any lady boner she had for you deflated, too.

She might have been attracted to you before, and you definitely should have invited her to be alone with you and put your hands on her and teased her with your words and actions. But never saying you liked her. That's her job.

The only thing you can do now is do a complete about-face and ignore her except to say hello. No texts, no messages. It isn't to get her back or anything; that ship has sailed, been torpedoed and sunk. It's simply to preserve your sanity and prepare you to meet other women who won't mess you about like this one has.

You're dealing with an attention whöre. Starve her.

Thanks
I realize my mistake now. I got that advice from some friends and guys in school actually and I'm regretting it now. Agreed she likes a bit of attention but I don't think she's an attention whöre

We still texted yday, she complimented my picture on WhatsApp.

Ignoring her will be difficult as we'll meet in school.

But can't anything be done to salvage the situation... I really like her tbh

 

[backseatjuan]

But is there like a plan or something to get her back just in case?

I gave you link to The Book of Pook. Let's read it from cover to cover before asking questions.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You never tell them you show them through your actions.

 

[AttackFormation]

This woman isnt an attention wh0re, Visionist is overreacting there.

Where you fvcked up is telling her you like her over the phone instead of in real life, which is probably the worst part, AND making a big deal of it instead of saying it casually with a playful grin. At that point you were already lying half-dead in the coffin, but then you put the final nail in it, rejecting/"killing" yourself by saying you hope you can remain "friends". Oh my fvcking god dude, if that makes even me cringe, imagine what she felt!

You could have told her you like her, but not in the way you did. Then youd just have escalated physically, which is what i was waiting for.

The best way to salvage this would be to do what Visionist did say. You have to erase the image of you that you just created. Dont be her platonic "friend", especially not electronically. Keep the attention you feed her to a minimum, and be really laidback both now and when she sees you again. Your goal is for her to feel like you dont even remember what you did and youre a different person. After she feels something like that, then you can be playful again and escalate physically like before.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

When I read **** like this I imagine a 12 year old. "She hugged me in public" "We text" "she calls me cute" "we hold hands". Bro, I was doing all these things and more with my female friends when I was 15. Be a man. You're 19 your post should be about ****ing and kissing and other adult ****. You've pedestalized her and won't get her until you treat her like a real man should. Go read all the guides.

 

[AttackFormation]

When I read **** like this I imagine a 12 year old. "She hugged me in public" "We text" "she calls me cute" "we hold hands". Bro, I was doing all these things and more with my female friends when I was 15. Be a man. You're 19 your post should be about ****ing and kissing and other adult ****. You've pedestalized her and won't get her until you treat her like a real man should. Go read all the guides.

Easy there He-man. He is really young and inexperienced, as is she (though likely more experienced than him, since shes a woman), and the things he listed are a catalogue of her physicality and playfulness with him. It's all a good prelude. Chicks dont do that stuff he listed if they dont like you (unless theyre a professional AW). He just fvcked up the ending stage of it, thats all.

 

[bcude]

We have started flirting and talking a lot in class and in the laboratory. Sometimes she does this thing, likes to rest a lot on my shoulder. Sometimes when we walk in public maybe to the faculty, she holds my hands. She has called me cute a few times( I'm not sure if this good). She laughs a lot when we talk, I don't think I'm that funny

This is all indicative of her feeling attraction towards you, however since you guys were classmates and knew each other for such a long time already where no action was present, i'd say you fell into the comfortable friendzone a long time ago. That's a product of spending alot of time together but not sexualize the conversation and never escalating. Comfort and familiarity is opposite to popular belief, the sexual attraction killer number one. That's why 'nice guys' think they have to be on their best behavior and show the girl what a good catch they are so the girl will finally see that and want to fvck them. Which never happens because she rather jumps into bed with the broke guitar player living across the street who doesn't seem to want to give her any validation and even treats her abit rude. In general girls love to flirt, they also love to feel desired and dangle the good ol' carrott in front of male friends to keep them on the hook since they know what all men ultimately desire.

She saw value in you, that is clear by this:

She asked me to hug her about twice in front of so many people. A lot of flirting and all. She even asked us to go eat together in a new restaurant the next day(we didn't eventually go because of exams)

Where she wants everyone to see
1) she's desired
2) desired by a man of value
= social proof.

Everything is about social proof in high school. You have the "popular group", the "nerds" and everything in between.
Attractive girls do things to boost their status within that environment. Since you described her as "very attractive" she's very wary of being seen with someone who could hurt her status in the hierarchy and wouldn't want to be seen with a lower value man, especially asking to be hugged in front of the djungle telegraph. This was to convey a message to the whole school.

There's no wonder she got surprised by your phone call, because that's exactly what women will be when suddenly their "friend" is expressing feelings for them. She got taken by surprise and couldn't answer on the spot and had to regroup and come up with a good excuse, where she dismisses your romantic advance yet keeps you around for the value you have been giving her, so she gets back with having a boyfriend a couple of days later. The common 'understandable' excuse that immediately stops all advances.

From our friend Pook:
When you see a woman you are interested in, go for her romantically. For a friend she sees, a friend you shall always be.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is all indicative of her feeling attraction towards you, however since you guys were classmates and knew each other for such a long time already where no action was present, i'd say you fell into the comfortable friendzone a long time ago. That's a product of spending alot of time together but not sexualize the conversation and never escalating. Comfort and familiarity is opposite to popular belief, the sexual attraction killer number one. That's why 'nice guys' think they have to be on their best behavior and show the girl what a good catch they are so the girl will finally see that and want to fvck them. Which never happens because she rather jumps into bed with the broke guitar player living across the street who doesn't seem to want to give her any validation and even treats her abit rude. In general girls love to flirt, they also love to feel desired and dangle the good ol' carrott in front of male friends to keep them on the hook since they know what all men ultimately desire.

She saw value in you, that is clear by this:

Where she wants everyone to see
1) she's desired
2) desired by a man of value
= social proof.

Everything is about social proof in high school. You have the "popular group", the "nerds" and everything in between.
Attractive girls do things to boost their status within that environment. Since you described her as "very attractive" she's very wary of being seen with someone who could hurt her status in the hierarchy and wouldn't want to be seen with a lower value man, especially asking to be hugged in front of the djungle telegraph. This was to convey a message to the whole school.

There's no wonder she got surprised by your phone call, because that's exactly what women will be when suddenly their "friend" is expressing feelings for them. She got taken by surprise and couldn't answer on the spot and had to regroup and come up with a good excuse, where she dismisses your romantic advance yet keeps you around for the value you have been giving her, so she gets back with having a boyfriend a couple of days later. The common 'understandable' excuse that immediately stops all advances.

From our friend Pook:
When you see a woman you are interested in, go for her romantically. For a friend she sees, a friend you shall always be.

"High school"? Many us are0 and up?

 

[Visionist]

Maybe she isn't an attention whöre, but to tell you she has a boyfriend after acting touchy feely with you means she's either a lier (and a poor one) or she was gonna cheat on him with you. Both red flags.

If you must tell a girl you like her, do it in person and, pointing to yourself and her, say "we really got something going on, us two. Our vibe fills this room". I wouldn't myself. Words are meaningless.

 

[AttackFormation]

Maybe she isn't an attention whöre, but to tell you she has a boyfriend after acting touchy feely with you means she's either a lier (and a poor one) or she was gonna cheat on him with you. Both red flags.

Agreed on this point. But the reason she said so may not be because of being a chronic liar, but simply because of how uncomfortable she felt.

say "we really got something going on, us two. Our vibe fills this room". I wouldn't myself. Words are meaningless.

What the fvck? lol. All you have to do is say something like "haha, I like you " and grin a little, maybe adding on a knock on her arm, timing it after you two tease each other or something. No need to come up with a serenading Shakespeare solo, if you do then there's no wonder you don't like words.

 

[AttackFormation]

That's why 'nice guys' think they have to be on their best behavior and show the girl what a good catch they are so the girl will finally see that and want to fvck them. Which never happens because she rather jumps into bed with the broke guitar player living across the street who doesn't seem to want to give her any validation and even treats her abit rude.

I would add that the reason why she rather jumps into bed with Dave the unemployed garage band guitar player who may or may not be on the run from the law in the next state over, is that Dave understands what "nice guy" doesn't: sexual arousal isn't caused by platonic behavior. Dave doesn't necessarily need to be that different as a person, it's just that on some level he gets that fact while "nice guy" has been taught to think the opposite.

 

[Visionist]

All you have to do is say something like "haha, I like you " and grin a little, maybe adding on a knock on her arm, timing it after you two tease each other or something. No need to come up with a serenading Shakespeare solo, if you do then there's no wonder you don't like words.

Nope. Can't do it. The most she'll ever get from me is a "damn, you're dangerous. I gotta watch myself around you."

Telling her I like her? I'd have to get paid to do that.

 

[AttackFormation]

Telling her I like her? I'd have to get paid to do that.

You just make it playful, teasing and a little ambiguous... like @Amante Silvestre tends to say when this kind of discussion comes up, it's more about the context and the style of what you do than what you do. Not trying to say what you do or don't do is wrong, just want to be informative and add nuance for other guys reading.

 

[Dam44]

This woman isnt an attention wh0re, Visionist is overreacting there.

Where you fvcked up is telling her you like her over the phone instead of in real life, which is probably the worst part, AND making a big deal of it instead of saying it casually with a playful grin. At that point you were already lying half-dead in the coffin, but then you put the final nail in it, rejecting/"killing" yourself by saying you hope you can remain "friends". Oh my fvcking god dude, if that makes even me cringe, imagine what she felt!

You could have told her you like her, but not in the way you did. Then youd just have escalated physically, which is what i was waiting for.

The best way to salvage this would be to do what Visionist did say. You have to erase the image of you that you just created. Dont be her platonic "friend", especially not electronically. Keep the attention you feed her to a minimum, and be really laidback both now and when she sees you again. Your goal is for her to feel like you dont even remember what you did and youre a different person. After she feels something like that, then you can be playful again and escalate physically like before.

Thanks, really helpful

 

[Dam44]

She had interest in you sexually, but you scotched it by confessing your feelings to her. That is the kiss of death. I don't think you were totally in the friend zone (yet). Her behavior indicated some interest.

What you ought to have done, and you should aim to do in the future, is be alone with her and make a move. Simple as that.

For now, just back away and refocus. Talk to other girls. If she asks why she hasn't seen you in a while, be cheerful (not mopey) and just say you've been busy but hope to see her soon. But take your time and like I said, talk to other girls.

Thank you, I'll try this

 

[Dam44]

Too available young man and thinking way too much. Way too young to get oneitis.

Lol, seems like a bit of a oneitis but I'm not too available